*EPOV*

I did not know how to answer her. So I began working on the packet or questions. Maybe through that I could give her the answer she deserved.

I began to answer the questions with the need to both get it done and to help Bella understand what I was talking about. Maybe to even help myself understand what I was talking about. I knew my father was right, and I had to look at things as if she was healthy. My mood lightened more and I settled down to work out the answers in an email to her.

Authentic Self Questions

1. If I knew failure was impossible, what would I want? I would want two things, to be a doctor who makes a difference in finding the cure for many diseases and I would also like to marry the girl of my dreams and spend the rest of eternity with her. But that's if failure was impossible…life isn't always so kind.
2. If I knew success was guaranteed, what would I do? I would make it so no child got life threatening illnesses. They deserve to be children and live life before they have to face their mortality.
3. For me to authentically live my life what would be the first change I would make? Face my fears in life and walk boldly through them and just do what feels right to me.
4. Is what I am thinking true? Very. I have held on to certain fears for years even though they are quite stupid. And I have hurt people by doing that.
5. Is what I am thinking about this situation aligned with my core beliefs? I think it is. I hope it is. I just don't know how to explain it.

Personal Questions

1. How do you define honesty? I define it as the ability to tell someone, anyone the truth in any situation. Even if it might not be what they want to hear. It is better to hear the truth than live with an assumed truth which can hurt more.

2. What is your biggest fear or worry? Losing those close to me without them knowing how much I truly care about them. I have made a mess of one important relationship; I hope to never do that again.

3. What is the main thing that makes you unique? My sister Mary Alice would tell me it was my twin, because she is just that. But I think it is my protective nature for those I love. Though sometimes it doesn't help me at all.

4. If you had to evacuate your house immediately, what is the one thing you would grab on the way out? Well that depended, if I was living alone or not. If I was alone, I have a photo album that I take everywhere with me. My mother gave it to me when I before leaving for school four years ago, it holds all my memories growing up. If I lived with my family, they are what I would get out. I would find a way to get my whole family out. Material items can be replaced, for the most part.

5. What facial expression or movement do you do when you are lying? Um, I don't know that I want to reveal this one…I tend to scrunch my forehead without thinking about it. Alice calls it the pain face, because I apparently look like I am in pain. But that is when I am telling a huge lie that people should know better than to believe. Other than that I've got a pretty good poker face.

6. What is the oldest item you own? A blue care bear, my mother gave my sister, myself and our best friend these when we were very young as a birthday gift. Much like my photo album it goes everywhere with me when I travel.

7. If someone was to give you one gift, money is no object, what would you want to receive? The gift I want doesn't have a price value on it. It is the heart of the one person I don't deserve to have.

8. What does it mean to have courage? I think of the cowardly lion, courage is getting past the things you fear and realizing they weren't quite so scary at all.

9. Do you like your name? Why wouldn't I? I might not have chosen it but it is part of who I am.

10. Do you have a nickname? What is it? NO! People have tried to give me one, but I hate it so I refuse to be called by it.

11. If you could have any special magic, what would it be? That old black magic…truly I would want the power to heal, by whatever means.

12. If you had three wishes, what would you wish? 1-To make you see. 2-To make you understand. 3-To make you believe.

13. What is your greatest strength? My love for all those important to my life.

14. What is your worst weakness? The one person I haven't allowed in my life.

15. If you could predict the future, what would you do with that knowledge? I would make sure that every day was spent in happiness and love, I might try to change the outcome, but if I couldn't I would make sure every day was lived to its fullest.

16. Is your favorite time the past, present or the future? The present, it is my one chance to get things right.

17. Where do you see yourself in 20 years? Practicing my specialty in a hospital, making a difference in my patients lives and living the life I have dreamed of with my family.

18. Who is the one person that helped to make you who you are today? If I said it was you, would you believe me?

19. If you were punished for a crime, what type of punishment would you choose? It depended on the crime. Was it something stupid, or was it something done to protect my loved ones? Jail me if I need to be, but if someone hurt a person I loved, then you better kill me to make sure I don't kill them.

20. Describe a time you got into trouble. Oh boy, well I never managed to get caught by the local sheriff for my antics but I did manage to get in trouble with my parents many times. There was one time when I called someone the B word out of anger and my mother was so furious with me that she literally washed my mouth out. Stuck a bar of soap in my mouth when I wasn't expecting it. My father had a field day with me when he heard about what happened so I wish the soap had been the end of it.

21. What do you do when you first wake up in the morning? I picture I smile at…oh man I am so lame.

22. What makes you a good person? I don't always think I am a good person. I have hurt people in the past that didn't deserve it; I plan to make up for it for the rest of my life.

23. What would your obituary say? Aren't you supposed to write it? I just hope it says he was a loving son, brother, friend (and one day husband and father).

24. What is your greatest regret? Not taking the time to understand a situation first and then acting upon my hurt for so many years.

25. How would you describe standing on a beach looking at the ocean? It reminds me of how small I truly am. It is like looking at the stars sometimes too.

26. What is your favorite outfit to wear? Alice would kill me if she knew this. My favorite pair of jeans and a graphic t-shirt. I just want to relax when I am not in scrubs at the hospital. But Alice would prefer that the whole family be in style.

27. What do you do when you are driving alone in a car? I turn up the music and drive fast!

Love and Friendship Questions

28. If a friend is being bullied or harassed by someone, what do you do? The person who hurt them would be toast. I know it isn't any better, but I refuse to sit back while a loved one was being hurt like that.

29. Reflect on the characteristics of your best friend. What makes him or her so special? Both are smart, funny and know me better than I know myself sometimes. They call me out on my bullshit too.

30. Has anyone close to you passed away? No, that is why my father is pressing that I do this, because one day I will loss someone I love.

31. Describe a time you fell in love. Oh man. I saw her and went right over the cliff and never came back. I still love her. I will love her until my last breath.

32. Can you keep secrets? Describe a time you didn't. I have kept many secrets. I'm letting some out right now…can you tell?

33. How do you show your love for others? I try to protect them with the best of my abilities, sometimes I can't and they get hurt anyways.

34. What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? I knew a girl once, who even when I didn't deserve it defended me against a rumor that was being spread about me. She put an end to it, and never told me that it was her who made it happen. I never got the chance to say Thank You.

35. If you could become anyone's friend that you want, who would you choose? Hi want to be friends?

36. Are you the type of person with lots of friends or just a few close ones? I believe in quality over quantity.

37. What is one quality you admire most in others? A kind heart.

38. Do you prefer to be with those who are younger or older than you are? My circle of friends varies though with the exception of one most are older than I am.

39. If you could ask me one question, and I had to answer you truthfully, what would you want to know? Okay…please don't get mad at me for this. Why didn't you tell me about being sick? Why did everyone else know, having heard it from you, but you never wanted me to know?

40. What is the meanest thing you have ever done to someone? I stopped talking to my best friend.

41. Who is one friend from your past you want to reconnect with? You…if you will forgive me.

42. When did you kiss for the first time and what was it like? I was twelve and hopelessly in love with the girl next door. My sister and I had a sleep over with several friends and she insisted we play spin the bottle. I pretended to be angry about it, but it was the best kiss I have ever had to this very day.

43. Describe an activity that you think is truly romantic. Hmm…I think I would consider spending the day in the presence of the person I loved pretty nice. I do realize that romance often means showing love in a way that no one else would. I would probably play the composition I wrote for her.

44. If you were to write a love note to your sweetheart, what would it say? I am sorry I wasted so much time; I can only hope that you can give me a chance that I don't deserve.

45. When you are in trouble, whom do you call for help? I call Alice or Emmett. They usually give it to me straight so that I find a way to get my head out of my ass.

46. Who are the people you love the most? My parents, my sister and brother. My friends Jasper and his sister Rosalie (she is engaged to Emmett) and Isabella Swan.

Worldly Questions

47. If you could speak any language, what would it be and why? French, so that I could impress you with my romantic skills.

48. If you had to pick one place in your town to bring a tourist, where would you go? I have two places that are special, but to bring a tourist…First Beach down at LaPush

49. What is the one cause that you feel most passionate about? Research for childhood cancer.

50. If you lived in the pioneer days, would you have traveled west or stayed put in the east? I have now lived on both coasts; they are the same so it wouldn't have mattered.

51. Which is your favorite non-profit organization? What do you do to help them? Camp Good Days…I'm a volunteer at the summer camp.

52. If you could travel to space, would you go? Pluto…I don't really have a reason.

53. If you could move anywhere, where would you go and why? I would go where ever you are. I already have.

54. Would you want to travel the world on a boat in the sea? Only if you were with me.

55. When you travel away from home, do you miss it? Yes, it is where my family is.

56. What is the greatest crisis we face as a world? Ignorance

57. Describe your favorite vacation. Two weeks at the cabin every summer.

58. If you could write your own bill of rights, what would you include? The right to be a jackass and be forgiven.

59. What is going on today in the world that affects you the most? The increase of diseases that we don't have cures for yet.

Health Questions

60. What bad habit would you be willing to give up if it guaranteed you would live to be 100? My insomnia

61. What is your favorite thing to eat? Mushroom Ravioli

62. What is one food that you will not eat? I eat whatever is in front of me, if I don't Emmett will.

63. What is your favorite way to exercise? I run along the canal every day.

64. If you had to choose to be blind or deaf, which one would you pick? Blind, I would be lost without the sound of laughter. I could visualize things in my mind but I wouldn't be able to hear them the same way.

65. Have you ever been to a hospital? Why? Yes because my father works there, and you made so many trips there over the years. Now I plan to work in one.

66. If you could have someone else's face, whom would you choose? The guy from those Twilight movies, every girl I have met loves him.

67. Describe a vivid dream you have had. Umm…maybe another time.

68. What physical feature do you least like about yourself? My hair…as girly as this sounds I can never do anything with it.

69. Would you want to know the exact day of your death? No, this way I am forced to live each day to the fullest…I like the quote "You exist, but do you live?"

Work and Career Questions

70. If you had to pick one hero, who would it be? My father, he is loyal and very courageous if you ask me.

71. If you could pick one thing to change about your school or job, what would it be? That there would be no need for it.

72. What are most proud of? Making it this far.

73. Are you the kind of person who wants to be the big fish in a little pond or the little fish in the big pond? I want to make a difference to someone; I don't see a need to be a big or little fish.

74. Describe a time when you wanted to quit, but didn't. Uh, there are too many to count. Your face after a round with treatment usually flashed in my head and forced me to keep going. If you could be strong while facing that, then so can I.

75. Mention one goal. When you hope to accomplish it? To finish med school, I have a few more years left. But I am on my way!

76. Is competition good for you? Yeah, without a doubt. Every bone in my body is competitive.

77. If you could study anything you wanted in school, what would you want to learn more about? This is going to sound silly, but Jasper got me into the Civil War, I want to know more about it, maybe go to some of those places.

78. What is something you learned in school that you think is useless to you today? Home Ec. My mother insisted I would need to learn it because I would use it. I never have.

79. When someone fails at something, what should he or she do? Keep trying.

80. If you could pick any career, what would you want to be? Pediatric Oncologist

81. Do you want to be famous? No, I just want to be loved.

Entertainment Questions

82. If you could become a character in a TV show or movie, who would you chose to be? I want to be Dr. Cox from Scrubs!

83. What is your favorite outside activity? Hiking woods and parks near home.

84. What is your favorite holiday and how do you celebrate it? Fourth of July, we do a big picnic it gets a little crazy some times.

85. What is your favorite sport? Do you play or just watch? Baseball…I play and watch.

86. Have you been on a roller coaster? What did it feel like? Yes, it was a rush.

87. If you had to spend a day not using any technology, what would you do? I need my technology, but if I had to go without. I read or play piano until it was dark, and then I would do it by candle light.

88. Describe the perfect party. You are there with me.

89. What is your favorite type of art? Paintings

90. What sport do you think you are the best at? Didn't we cover that already?

91. Do you play an instrument? The piano, preferably the grand piano in my parents' home

92. Which is your favorite song? You want me to choose from over 3,000 songs for one?

93. If you could be a cartoon character, who would you want to be? I want to be a super hero…Wolverine is always kicking someone's ass. Too bad there isn't a character that lives forever like a vampire; that would be cool.

94. Do you know any jokes? If so, tell me one. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it! Sorry lame, one of the kids told me that this past summer.

95. What is the one thing that makes you laugh the hardest? Emmett trying to be witty!

Family Questions

96. What makes your family unique from others? How ridiculously close we are to each other. My father could probably tell you all of my answers without ever seeing this. My mother can tell by the time of day I call if something is wrong. My sister knows all the answers to my problems and what is going to happen before I do. And my brother, he is unlike anyone I have ever met. Emmett looks like a grizzly but is more like a plush Pooh bear, unless you wrong someone he cares about.

97. When you think back to your childhood, what was the hardest part about being a kid? Not knowing then what I know now.

98. What are some of your family's traditions? Well there is all the usual holiday stuff, but we always make time to be together.

99. Do you know how you got your name? I don't really know. I wasn't there when they choose it. I think my mom said it had something to do with a patient of my father's during his first year of residency.

100. Are you like your parents or different? How? My mother would tell you I am the best of both of them. I do think I am like them especially my father, I think the fact that I want to be a doctor is proof of that. And I love like my mother; she is true in her heart and has always taught me to be the same way. I just have been late on admitting to my heart that it deserves the shot at what it wants.

I finished the email by asking her if she was busy the following evening, and wanted to know if she wanted to grab coffee or something at the Starbucks that was between the two campuses. I hoped she would consider, since I wouldn't see her until Wednesday. After sending the email I looked through the photo album I had of our childhood. It pained me to see the pictures of her when we were ten and eleven. She had been going through treatments. She tried to hide out most of that summer, not wanting us to see her as her hair thinned and then fell out. Charlie with the help of my mom bought her a wig that looked very real. I remember climbing up the tree just outside her window, hoping to get her to come out and play with us. What I saw was her reacting to her treatment and my mother trying to help her as she got sick. The window was open and I heard Bella crying.

"He hates me Esme. He hates me because I'm a freak now. I wish I had never gotten sick. No I wish I would just die so that he would stop hating me!" Her sobs were so intense. My mother's eyes sparkled with tears. I had caused this in her. But I didn't understand why it mattered to her; she had chosen to end our friendship instead of telling me what was going on. She didn't want my pity so I never gave it to her.

As I continued to flip through the book I saw various pictures of us. There were always those that gave away our true feelings. Ones of Bella looking at me when I didn't know, and me watching her. I thought of all the "flower sale days" that I sent anonymous bunches of carnations and roses to her. I was on the committee that ran it, so all I had to do was make sure the order was there with her name on it and the money was in the till. The worst part of those days was listening to the speculation of who they were from, and even having random guys who were interested in her take the credit. All I wanted to do was walk up to her, wrap her in my arms and tell her that I had loved her for so long.

I looked at the pictures from our prom. She had gone with a guy named Jacob that she knew from La Push. All I knew was that I hated him for getting to hold her while they danced. I also remembered when he tried to push her too far that night. And I heard her crying in her room. Alice comforted her after it happened; I sat outside her window while she cried herself to sleep. Once she was asleep I climbed in and sat in her old rocking chair humming all her favorite songs until Charlie came home. Once I heard him unlock the front door, I slipped back out the window and to my own home. It was that night of watching over her and fighting to kill that mutt, which was the night that made me decide to go to UR for Med School.

I sat and started at my computer the rest of the night. Waiting for a yes or a no, anything. After what felt like hours I gave up. She wasn't going to respond tonight. I closed up my laptop and flopped on the bed. I managed to dose off for a little while only to find when I got up around 2 am that I had a text from her.

I sent you my responses. I have an appointment at 4pm, does 6pm work for you?

Next chapter...Bella's repsonses, and her reaction to his responses. And their actual meeting. Please review...thank you teambellaedward! You get to be a part of the story now...anyone else interested? It's my bribe for a review...press that green button down there and get a walk on role in the store,