The Love Affair of Nagato Yuki

by rick777

Nagato Yuki experiences horrible nightmares which nearly crash her system. She asks Kyon for help. Will love flourish between them? Also featured: Haruhi gets snail mail from John Smith... from the future! How much of the truth will be revealed to her?

4. The guilt trip of Suzumiya Haruhi

Chapter 4. The guilt trip of Suzumiya Haruhi.

"So the discussion was about Nagato-san, eh? Well, thanks to your little brawl, several closed spaces have been appearing since lunch", he said, not smiling at all. "And they're not ordinary closed spaces. The organization is very confused about it. Wanna look?"

As soon as I entered the closed space with Koizumi, I realized the magnitude of my actions.

Remember the closed spaces I entered when I was with Koizumi? The sky was a completely grey vault. And everything was dark. In today's closed space, however, there was actually a sky. And it wasn't a normal sky. It was filled with storm clouds. The stormclouds formed a spiral that resembled a hurricane seen from a satellite picture. There was lightning, hitting the buildings and random parts of the ground every 30 seconds. And there was rain, and wind, too. I had to cover myself, so I hid behind a building's wall.

But that wasn't all. The buildings flashed every time they got hit by the lightning, and got covered by some kind of dark blue force field.

"Holy shit. What have I done?"
"Impressive, don't you think?"
"So where's the celestial?"
"They should appear in a couple of minutes."
"They? What do you mean they?"
"You'll see."

When all of the buildings and constructions had turned dark blue, The wind and rain stopped, and the water began accumulating at a spot, becoming brighter and brighter until it formed a celestial. And then, the celestial split in two. One looked humanoid, with two arms and two legs, while the other only had two legs, as if its arms had been cut off.

"The battle is about to begin. Cover your ears."
"What?"

SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!!

I had heard the celestials roar earlier. But i never heard them scream with such force. I'll name the two celestials so you don't get confused about them. I'll call the armless one "Screamer", and the other "Basher".

Screamer's shout turned into a sonic wave which hurt Basher, throwing it down to the ground and making it bleed its glowing cyan plasma. And as if they were playing some turn-based RPG, Screamer waited for Basher's turn. Basher threw a blow towards Screamer's face, making it impact against one of the buildings.

"They're... fighting each other?"
"Exactly. This is the first time we witnessed something like this. Can you see now why the Organization is so confused about -"
Both of us anticipated the next screech and covered our ears as hard as we could.

It was a cycle that both terrified me and shocked my entire being. The buildings did not get damaged at all, but their protective fields got cracked.

The battle was brief. It lasted less than a minute. Finally, Screamer made a final attack and made Basher explode.

"So, the guilt won this battle", said Koizumi. "Hold this", he said, giving me his umbrella. His body got covered with his esper giant red sphere, and proceeded to fly to destroy 'Screamer'. All that was needed to defeat him was to cut off his head, which contained the mouth. After that, the body turned into common water.

When 'Screamer', or should I say 'Guilt', disappeared, Koizumi flew back towards me.
"Look up", said Koizumi smiling.
I looked up, and the storm was gone... and there were just white clouds... and a blue sky?

We felt a gentle breeze blowing upon us. It was so refreshing it was hard to believe. Truly, this was no ordinary closed space.
"Sit down, we still have time", said Koizumi.
I sat down, noticing that the building had no water on it. That was good, because I didn't want to get my butt soaked and become the joke of the day to nearby people.
"Another reason why the Organization is confused, is that the closed space did not expand with time. Some believe the reason is that Suzumiya-san's current conflict is not with the world, but with herself. A third reason to get confused is the time."
"The time?"
"Didn't you notice something different about the Closed Space right now?"
"Other than the sky? I don't understand."
"The closed space is taking longer to disappear."
"Oh, you're right... wait! What if it doesn't disappear? Is this the End of the World?" I asked, worried.
"Don't worry, it's not. Without Celestials, all closed spaces will disappear eventually - no exception. This is a knowledge that was also infused to us by Suzumiya-san, it's part of the rules. The question is how long it takes for the closed spaces to vanish. Today's closed spaces take from 3 to 10 minutes to go away."

"Well, what do you think?" asked Koizumi.
I was speechless, but at the same time, it didn't surprise me.
"Frankly... I don't know what to say".

"The knowledge we just acquired is that those two celestials represent the inner conflict of Suzumiya Haruhi. It's a battle between guilt and anger. Normally, guilt and anger are a necessary part of the human psyche, but when they get out of control, bad things happen."
"So", I asked, "Guilt was represented with the screaming Celestial?"
"Yes, but this is the first time that we've had to deal with Suzumiya-san's guilt in person. And as usual, we represent her common sense."
"I see...", I said. This time I felt guilty too. I began to think that those screeches that nearly turned me into a deaf man, were the cries of pain inside Haruhi's mind. I began to feel sorry for her.
"The Organization's confusion is that they don't know whether this change in the closed spaces is for better or for worse. Personally, I believe it's for the better."
"Why?"
"The barriers around the buildings can mean that Suzumiya-san has realized that her actions and attitudes have real consequences in the world. This time there was nobody to blame but her. Because we have never seen the screaming celestial, the logical conclusion is that today was the first time Suzumiya-san has experienced true guilt. And, as it being the first time, it really became a shocking experience for her."

With those words, the one in conflict now was me. I had to tell Haruhi about how her stupid jealousy hurt Nagato, but at the same time, I wished there was some other way to teach her.

"So the buildings are protected not once, with the closed space, but twice with the light barriers. Also, the sky above us began looking more normal - meaning that Suzumiya-san's desire for the supernatural has disminished... for now. However, she can't be guilty for every single problem in the world, and that's what we needed to tell her this time."
I nodded while Koizumi continued talking.
"After watching today's closed spaces, I formulated another theory about your encounters with Suzumiya Haruhi. But perhaps we should do this in the restaurant. After all, we can't be talking idly sitting under the rain."
"What rain?"
Koizumi pointed up. Red cracks began to appear on the sky vault. Instinctively, I stood up.
"Umbrella, please?"
I gave the umbrella to Koizumi. He opened it just before the rain in the normal world began falling on our heads.

"Let's get to eat", said Koizumi. "Your treat?"
"My treat."

We ordered our food, and began eating in intervals. As if we were both of the Celestials taking turns to fight, we took turns to eat and talk.
"So... what's your theory?" I asked. As you should know by now, Koizumi isn't the type of person that gets straight to the point. He uses the most unusual metaphors to explain his ideas.
"Have you ever watched superhero cartoons or TV shows?"
"When I was a little boy, yes, some."
"In many of those cartoons, there is ALWAYS one episode where, thanks to a magic device used by the villains, or for some supernatural reason, the most powerful member of the team gets turned into a small child but without losing his superpowers, and the whole team has to prevent the child from destroying the heroes' headquarters, the city, or the whole world. Or maybe they needed to take care of a giant baby. This is what I call the 'superbaby situation'."

Somebody kill me now. Koizumi, I've heard plenty of weird comparisons from you, using literature, movies, ancient folklore, but this time you take the cake for using the most possibly obscure comparison of the year. Congratulations.

"Did you have to use such an obscure comparison? And thank you for remind me of the most annoying episodes in superheroes TV shows, I hated them."

Koizumi showed again his toothpaste commercial smile, and shrugged. "Well, at least you know what I'm talking about. My theory is that Suzumiya Haruhi wants to achieve happiness, but is currently unable to do so for some unknown reason. So, she unconsciously summoned us to teach her the lessons of life. In this case, she is the 'superbaby', and we're the superheroes who were summoned to take care of her and train her in 'the ways of the human world'. Without our superpowers, she would continue to be a spoiled brat until she dies, or until the world gets destroyed - whatever happens first."

I nodded as I continued eating my food, letting Koizumi keep talking.

"All of our adventures have taught Suzumiya-san a lesson. The mystery mansion taught her the value of human life. Our encounter with the dog-infecting life forms taught her to care for animals and nature. And today, you and Nagato-san have taught her how guilt is necessary to care for others."

Koizumi finished his explanation. "And perhaps that's the reason why she chose you in the first place. Because she needs your down-to-earth philosophy to neutralize her magical thinking. That's your 'superpower', after all. But you can't do it alone, this is why we were summoned to help her, too."

"So you mean the reason she chose me was not that she liked me, but because she needed my reasoning?"
"It's very probable."
I sighed. "I like that idea much better. I really hope I'm just a mentor for her because I have absolutely no intentions of marrying her."
"Adam and Eve, huh?"
"Don't even remind me that", I said, before finishing my meal. "One kiss was more than enough for me."
"Look..." said Koizumi. "It has stopped raining. Perhaps Suzumiya-san stopped crying and is exhausted right now. Maybe you should cheer her up with a visit."
"You're right. I'll call her right away."

I paid for the meal, and proceeded to call Haruhi. But as soon as I grabbed my cellphone, it began ringing. It was Nagato's number.

"Hello? Nagato?"
"Kyon-kun!" It was Asahina-san's voice. Her voice sounded calm, but sad at the same time.
"Asahina-san, how's Nagato?"
"She's feeling better..."
Thank God.
"... but she hasn't recovered yet. She asked me to stay at her appartment tonight, so I'm going for my clothes."
"Okay."
"Oh - she wants to talk to you on the phone. Don't hang up, I have an important message for you."
"Okay. Put her on the phone."

"Hello."

One word. What does a word mean to you? To ordinary people, it would just be a tiny sequence of letters. But for me, it acquired a new meaning. It was the first time that Nagato spoke on her own by the phone. Normally, when she called or I called she would just keep in silence to wait for my answer. But she said "hello", on her own. It took me completely by surprise.
"Nagato? How are you feeling? Are you OK?"
"Better... Asahina Mikuru has given me information with a great potential to stabilize my system."
Information? What kind of information? Was it perhaps some data from the future Nagato? Whatever the reason, I felt glad.
"Nagato, that's great news!"
"Yes. However, more information is needed."
"Oh, I'm so glad for you, Nagato!" I wiped my eyes as they got wet. Nagato, hearing you talk normally like you always do is like music to my ears.
"Also... I want to apologize for worrying you. I feel... so sorry."
"No need to feel sorry, Nagato. I understand. Just knowing that you're feeling better is my comfort."

"..."

Nagato paused for a moment. Was she trying to tell me something else?

"Kyon."
"Yes?"
"I..."
"Yes?"

I heard Asahina-san whisper to Nagato. "Come on... you can say it."
"I... I love you."

I heard Asahina-san talk again, this time louder. "Nagato-san... you said it!"

Nagato repeated the phrase with even more volume.
"... I LOVE YOU."

"..." This time, I was the speechless one. I just didn't know how to answer to that. I tried to say something, but I just couldn't. And while I was still trying to decide what to say, Nagato spoke again. Hey, was it just me or it sounded like her voice was a tiny bit stressed?

"Please don't let her know. I'm still scared."
"Don't worry, Nagato. I'm working on it. And I think I made a huge progress with that."

"..."

"Um, Nagato... I'm sorry, perhaps I shouldn't have, but... I said some things to Haruhi about you - DON'T WORRY, I DID NOT TELL HER about your feelings for me. I..."
Boy, now I was nervous. I was more nervous about saying something wrong to Nagato than to Haruhi. Has the world turned upside down?
"I just told her that you had a nervous breakdown, and that her dream was a guilt buildup about taking over the Literature Club. Don't worry, the world hasn't ended yet. So I'm going to talk to her and calm things down."

"..."

"Nagato?"
"You scared me."
"I'm... sorry."
"It's ok... I LOVE YOU... PLEASE BE CAREFUL."
"I will, Nagato. Don't worry."

"..."

Asahina-san spoke again.
"Hello? Kyon-kun?"
"Yes, Asahina-san?"
"I got an important message from my superior. Please take Suzumiya-san to the appointment this afternoon. Tell her that Nagato-san is feeling better, and that her therapist needs to talk to both of you, at the usual place."
"OK, I will. Wait, what therapist?"
"Classified information."
Ah, ha. That would be Asahina-san (big), which we'll call Asahina-sensei for now.
"Okay. Thank you for the message."
"Wait! I'm not finished, Kyon-kun!"
"Yes?"
"This is very important. You must NOT allow Suzumiya-san to tell you or anyone else about what happened four years ago. You must not allow her to!"
Haruhi was going to tell me about John Smith? That's right! Of course she must not tell me! If she tells me, how am I supposed to tell her that I'm John Smith! She wouldn't believe me because I wouldn't have any more secrets to convince her of that. It's as if I had published the password for my e-mail address. Anyone could break in and pretend it was me. How would I prove that I was the real one?

Why didn't I think of this earlier?

"You're so right, Asahina-san! Thanks for the advice. Anything else?"
"No, that's it. Take care, Kyon-kun."
"See ya."

I sighed. Koizumi and I got out of the restaurant and sat down on a bench outside it. You know? I felt that I needed to smoke a cigarette. This has been the most exhausting day of my life. I just want to go home and get this over with.

"Well, how did it go?"
"Nagato's feeling much better..."
Should I tell him what she told me? No, it was too intimate, and I still needed to be careful. Koizumi has been a great help and has already vowed to help us if the organization is against us, but I still felt that I shouldn't tell him. Don't ask me why, I don't have to justify my decisions.
"but I still need to talk to Haruhi. Thanks for the talk, Koizumi."
"See you tomorrow."

I looked at my watch. I had plenty of time to pick up my bike at the bike parking zone, change my clothes, phone Haruhi and walk to the park. Even if I was slow I would still arrive on time to the designated place. But I don't want to take any chances. I better phone Haruhi first.

Her answering machine picked up. "This is Suzumiya Haruhi's phone. If you're an Esper, Alien, Time Traveler, Slider, or have an important message to leave, speak. If not, SHUT UP AND GET THE HELL OUT! Beeep."
"Haruhi... it's Kyon. I'm sorry for today... and... it's not all your fault, you didn't know. Anyway, Nagato is feeling better now. Her therapist called me and told me she needed to talk to both of us. She will be waiting for us in the park, near East junior high."
I heard a click.
"Kyon?"
"Haruhi?"
"Is Yuki fine? Are you sure?"
"Well, she's not entirely fine... but she's feeling better."
"I'm so glad..."
Haruhi, is your voice breaking up? I heard a sniff. Oh, Haruhi, I understand how you feel and I'm so sorry, but now's not the time to cry, we have a mission to accomplish right now!
"Anyway, Haruhi, we have an appointment with Nagato's therapist, today at 6PM. In the Sakura park, near your junior high school."
"Near my old junior high. Got it. "

After I took a quick shower and changed my clothes, I realized that I was about to witness a historical event. Haruhi would meet the adult Asahina-san which came from the future! Asahina-san, are you out of your mind? She will recognize you! Oh well, maybe you'll come up with something, after all, you're Asahina-sensei. But... Nagato's therapist? I began to wonder what sort of elaborate lie would Asahina-sensei tell Haruhi. Indeed, I got really curious about what she was up to.

I finished getting dressed when my cellphone rang.
"KYON! IT'S GETTING LATE! meet me at East Junior High right now!"
"Alright, I'm coming!"

As I climbed the long street to East Junior High, I arrived to the top of the hill. I remembered my time travelling adventures with Asahina-san (both small and big versions)... what I had told Haruhi, the mysterious signs that Haruhi commanded me to draw on the soccer field with the chalk machine... my second encounter with Asahina-san (big) after Nagato changed the world... could Tanabata 4 years ago have some kind of cosmic significance?

There she was, waiting for me.
"YOU'RE LATE! YOU'LL PAY FOR TOMORROW'S MEAL!"
"I get it, I get it! And why did we have to meet up at this place, anyway?"
"Just because. Any objections?"

Ah, Haruhi... seeing you as energetic as always made me feel so comfortable. I felt that the world was slowly getting stabilized again. Or maybe it wasn't "the" world that was becoming stable, but "my" world? Maybe I didn't care that much about the fate of the universe and what I really wanted was that Haruhi could be happy like a normal person. Whatever the answer to that question is, I'm glad you're better now, Haruhi, but I really wish it hadn't been like this.

"What are you looking at?"
"Nothing, nothing!"
"Kyon... you look suspicious today..."
"Suspicious? What do you mean?"
"Nothing."

Sigh. As we were slowly walking down the path, I really wondered if Haruhi was truly responsible for Nagato's crisis. It's not her fault that she possesses god-like powers, is it? Koizumi was right... she was, after all, a super-baby. But how to raise her? How to make her grow up and realize that even if the world revolves around her, it SHOULDN'T? As I was asking all those questions to myself, Haruhi stopped when she saw the soccer field on that junior high school.

She rested her hands on the fence, and contemplated the people playing on the field that had witnessed her intergalactic message to Altair and Vega. She really looked like when I first had met her. Looking at the window, complaining about her misery with sighs and a bored look... Haruhi... what is that you're missing? Are you still expecting aliens, espers, sliders, and time travelers? Are you missing Mr. John Smith? Was that the reason why you chose me and Asahina-san to join the SOS brigade? Because we remind you of John Smith and his little "narcoleptic sister"? Do you miss them so much that you wanted a replacement John Smith and sister to make you company?

Do you feel lonely, Haruhi? Is that it?

Haruhi sighed as if she gave a positive answer to my mental question. "Ahh... this brings back memories..."
"Uh huh."
"Hey - don't tell me you studied here, how else would you be having memories about here?"
"Sorry, I just felt I should support you with your sighs."
"Idiot". Normally, when Haruhi tells me that, she just turns around and remembers doing what she was doing. Walking, running, searching for mysteries, but this time she didn't move. She just kept looking at that soccer field. She took a deep breath, and without turning around, she began speaking.
"Kyon... there's something important that I want to tell you... it's the reason why I chose you to be the first member of the SOS brigade."
Wait, I remembered I had to do something right now. What was it?
John Smith. Oh crap. If Haruhi mentions that name, the trump card to save the universe will vanish. I need to stop her from saying anything else.

"Kyon... four years ago, this was the school where I drew a message to the stars."
"Yes, I know. Taniguchi told me about it. You don't need to mention it."
Haruhi turned around aggressively. "Will you just shut up and listen to what I have to say? If you don't have time to listen to others, you'll never get yourself a girlfriend! Now listen. Four years ago, in Tanabata, I was here when I met a man -"

I covered her mouth with my hand. "NO, HARUHI. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW."
She began getting angry and sad, and upset at the same time. Before anything else, I began speaking.
"Haruhi... listen to me. I know you're feeling guilty for Nagato, but that doesn't mean you have to tell me about the MOST IMPORTANT SECRET OF YOUR LIFE. There are some things that you need to keep to yourself, and yourself only. Do you understand?"

"But... I really want to share this with you!"
"Then let's share it, but as a treasured secret. If you reveal the secret, there will be no treasure to keep, and it'll just become an empty memory. Do you want that to happen, Haruhi?"

Haruhi slowly looked down. "You're right... it's just that... today I realized that I really didn't know much about you, and I thought that, perhaps, if I shared my most important memory with you..."
"I understand, Haruhi. But... you said you met a man there, right? Well, have you thought how this very important man in your life would feel if you shared his secret? Anyway, don't you remember why we met today in the first place? Nagato needs our help."

Haruhi sighed, and her expression changed flavor from melancholy to determination. She looked at me in the eyes, and said:

"You're right. Let's help Yuki."
We continued our path towards the park, and Haruhi asked me.
"Kyon... does Yuki hate me?"
"No, she doesn't", I said, resting my hand on her shoulder for a moment. "She wants to trust you and be your friend, there's just some issues that you both need to resolve. Some on your own, and some together."
"I tried to get some sleep after school, but I couldn't stop remembering that nightmare. I wondered if Yuki had the same nightmare that I had... or if she's had worse nightmares. What is going on insider her? And why is it that you know her much better than I do? I feel... I feel like I've failed at being a good commander."

I knew that wasn't true. Haruhi, you may be the most annoying person on Earth, but you have never failed us as the SOS brigade commander.
"No, Haruhi. You did not fail."
"But you said it, Yuki had a crisis because of me... and if she ever... if she ever..."
Her voice began to break down again. Oh, Haruhi, don't tell me that you're going to cry again.
"Haruhi, Nagato's still alive, and well. Maybe you two just need to open up yourselves to each other. I don't know..."

Somehow, I felt like if I was fighting an uphill battle. Nothing I said to her would make her understand.
"But..."

As I looked at her melancholic face, I remembered the celestial battle between Anger and Guilt. But enough was enough.
"Haruhi. Please forgive me for what I'm about to do." I really hope this doesn't make her feel worse. I smacked her as fast as I could, but I moderated my strength.
"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, WILL YA? DID YOU COME HERE TO HELP NAGATO OR JUST TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW EVIL AND WRETCHED YOU ARE? I've had enough of your complaints for today. Let's go meet Asahina-san."

I grabbed her by her hand, and began running towards the meeting place.
"Kyon, wait - you didn't tell me Mikuru-chan would be here!"

Oh... shit. I was thinking of Asahina-san (big), but I ended up talking about the young Asahina-san! Quick, Kyon, make something up!
"Well... I don't know if she will show up, but she was the one who passed me the message. I just assummed that she would."
Haruhi caught up with me and now it was her who was dragging me in the race, and we finally arrived.

"We're here", I said. "And we still have 10 minutes left."
"Is this were we're supposed... gasp... to meet?"
"gasp... Yes... gasp..."

"Kyon", said Haruhi, after recovering her breath. "Thank you for making me come to my senses." And smiling with a thousand watt smile, she patted me on the shoulder. "If you keep supporting the brigade members like this, you'll earn a promotion!"
I chuckled.
"What are you laughing at? Do you know how hard a promotion is?"
"Nothing, nothing." I paused for two seconds. "Haruhi..."
"Yes?"
"Welcome back."
Haruhi smiled again. Oh, how I loved that smile.

After a minute, we heard a voice coming from behind.

"Haruhi-chan? Kyon-kun?"
We turned around. It was her, alright! And she was wearing the perfect disguise. A briefcase, formal work pants, a ponytail, glasses (small glasses, not big), and she was wearing a white robe like the ones doctors use. It was then that I understood why she had signed with the name "A. Sensei." The sensei suffix is used to designate not only teachers, but doctors, too! Asahina-sensei, you're a genius.

Haruhi looked at Asahina-sensei like if she had seen a ghost.
"M... Mikuru chan?" she said in a low voice.
Asahina sensei smiled. "Wrong. It's Miyuki. Asahina Miyuki-sensei. Nice to meet you."

(End of chapter 4)