Chapter 4

My head was fuzzy when I woke up.

Shit.

That could only mean they'd given me drugs. Ugh. They always made me fuzzy in the head, exactly why I usually refused any drugs when I was in the hospital. Tank knew this. Why hadn't he stopped them?

I got back more of my bearings – and grew aware of an unusual weight on my chest. With a bit of a struggle, I managed to open my eyes. Brown, curly hair was all I could see at first but it was enough. Babe. Some part of me relaxed instantly as I grew more and more aware of her body snuggled into mine, her deep breathing indicating her to be fast asleep.

With difficulties, I managed to free my right arm from under her and the covers and slipped it around her waist to hold her closer to me as I let my head fall back to try to remember what exactly had happened.

Business trip to Boston, meetings with clients, attack on my way back from the last meeting I had scheduled before going home to Trenton – hmm, I'd need to check out if that had been a trap or a coincidence – the fight, me being shot with tranquilizer darts and waking up in some cellar with Wang and his goonies ready to 'question' me. Preparing to die, then them bringing in my Babe, hurting her. My arm around her tightened. How the hell did they get to her? If we'd been in Trenton, okay, I perhaps would have understood it, but in Boston? I couldn't believe they went to such trouble to find her only to get me talking. That just didn't fit with those guys. No, she must have been here in the city already when they got to her, but why had she been here at all?

I frowned down at her. Then of course there was this strange thing about them believing her to be my wife.

Why on Earth would they think that? I wasn't fit for marriage, my life just wasn't cut out to let me be fully committed to someone as this most recent happening had shown only too well. Besides, I've tried marriage before, for about fifteen seconds only perhaps but I could very well do without a repeat of that nonsense. I was happy as a single man with an occasional fuck here or there and I never regretted to not be able to offer a relationship to a woman.

That was, until my Babe walked into my life, first becoming a desirable woman for a nice round in the sack, then becoming an interesting comrade and colleague to quickly develop into a dependable friend I wouldn't want to do without anymore and then…

Yeah well, there was where the problem began. For one incredible night she had become my lover and if I had to put a label on her, then lover was probably what was fitting her the most but really, she meant so much more to me nowadays.

Truth was, for her, I'd wish I had a life that allowed relationships without automatically endangering the ones I was attached to. And to be honest, lately I've spent a great deal of time thinking about how I could maybe change that despite everything.

So I could offer her more than stolen moments here or there, more than an occasional night spent together.

Because if I wanted to be honest with myself, and that was something I always tried to be, it just wasn't enough anymore. Not for me and I had a feeling not for my Babe either. I felt that something needed to change, either us breaking off any contact whatsoever, what would be the sensible thing to do for sure – but also the one thing I didn't want, even after my worst nightmares. Not to mention that I wasn't sure it was an option at all anymore because I really wasn't convinced that I could still live without my Babe.

Or we tried the complete opposite: a relationship.

There were a lot obstacles with that option as well though. For one, there was Morelli. He had a claim on her and I knew she loved him, even if you ask me, he didn't deserve that love. Too often already had he hurt her and most importantly, he tried to change her. Tried to stop her from seeing me. To be fair, I couldn't blame him on that last one. In his place I sure as hell wouldn't allow another guy poaching her the way I did. And he wasn't a bad guy either, I knew that. But he was just wrong for my Babe and he didn't do her right. And change her? I admit, I'd be glad too if she knew a little more about self defense and ropes of professional bounty hunting, but I still would never want her to change. After all I fell in love with how she was right now, not the way she might be one day. Why she went back to him and let him do that time and time again to her was a mystery to me.

Then again, that may be my own fucking fault. After all I had sent her back to the cop after our night together in the first place. Back then, I only had the best for her in mind, really. Morelli loved her, wanted to marry her and give her children, not things I could offer her. Or so I thought. I tried to stay away, tried to give them space and time to hook up for good.

But they never did and boy, was I glad for it. As it turned out I couldn't stay away and also, Stephanie wouldn't let me stay away either, always drawing me back to her. I knew she was hurt by what had happened after our night together and by some really stupid things I said to her since then but she still kept coming back to me and let me touch her, kiss her – tell her how I loved her. Thank Heaven for that.

And I did. I truly loved her. I didn't want to believe it at first, to accept it, but at one point I just couldn't deny it anymore. I wasn't sure if it had been the time she moved in with me because she didn't feel safe anyplace else anymore, or the time she did everything in her power to help me save my daughter and that without me having to ask her first for help or her ever having met Julie at all for that matter. I honestly didn't know, but I loved her and since I had admitted that to myself I had to find a way to live with it.

Mostly that meant I protected her with all means I had. GPS, trackers, panic buttons, a constant bodyguard detail she only knew about when there was an open threat on her life and I had an excuse to do it openly. In truth, for almost a year now, I always had a team on her, 24/7. And it helped: it had been a while since she's been in mortal danger. For her standards. For any other person the situations she managed to get herself into it definitely would be considered mortal danger but for her it wasn't too bad.

Thank God.

Until now of course. The Chinese would have killed her for sure if Tank hadn't gotten to us first. And not just killed. They would have tortured her and most likely, they would have raped her, and all that because of me, so I would give them the information they wanted.

And madre de dios, I would have given them anything they wanted, even if I knew it wouldn't save either of us. If it would only spare her one blow less or the horror of being brutally violated, I would have talked.

That was exactly the reason why a man like me shouldn't get attached. It only brought harm: to the woman I loved and her family and friends, to my country and to myself.

The sunlight fell into my room and I caught a golden sparkle. Gritting my teeth, I struggled to lift her hand from my chest and stared at the golden band on her ring finger.

Then of course, it was already too late not to get attached to her. Official or not, she was the woman I loved and would sacrifice everything I could for and it wasn't especially hard to figure this out. She was my weakness but at the same time, she was also my strength. And lately it occurred to me that I already had her as protected as I could and it couldn't get worse if I made her my girlfriend.

Or my wife.

As it is, my will was long ago changed so she'd be the main benefit. I die and she will never again have to worry about money. My men knew that she was top priority, that her life goes before anything else, including mine or their own.

And boy, heads were going to roll for them having allowed the Chinese to kidnap her. That was inexcusable.

So yeah, I admit it, lately I even thought about maybe giving her that ring I always told her she could never have from me.

The ring she was wearing now, claiming her as mine and mine alone.

I couldn't remember hitching it up with her for good, I held no memories of me asking her to be mine forever and I sure as hell couldn't remember a weeding night or a honeymoon. If she really was my wife, how could I have forgotten all such vital moments in my life? Our life?

But she had called me Carlos and not Ranger and she never had done that before.

Also, I've spent several weeks being tortured. They shocked me and they gave me various drugs and serums. In training, we learned to blend out, forget even, so we couldn't tell anything. Was it possible that I'd made myself forget marrying my Babe? It almost seemed impossible to me but then again, why not? From what I understood, this was a rather recent development and Heaven knew she was the most important thing in my life, the most precious thing I had to protect at all costs. Still…

It could also explain why she was in Boston in the first place though. Surely, if our marriage really was only this recent, I would have taken her with me. I couldn't imagine wanting to already be apart of her. As it was with the status quo I remembered, it had become harder and harder to leave Trenton, even if it was only for a few days. Many times I had secretly wished to be in a position to simply ask her to come with me. I just didn't like to be too far away from my Babe. Not to mention that it seemed as each time I left town, something bad happened to her. A gang would put a contract on her head, a scorned woman believing to be my wife tries to kill her while my impersonator fixates on her and not to forget the crazy funeral home owner who kidnaps her and gives me the shock of my live. Oh no, I finally make her mine, I wouldn't let her leave my side if not absolutely necessary.

Then there was the ring.

I stroked over the ring, tenderly. Abuelo had given it to me on his death bed, telling me to give it the woman who would bring me down to my knees and beg her to take me, once I've come to my senses. Just like Abuela had done so to him. I hadn't thought I would ever give this ring to someone but it meant a lot to me and if I did, it would be this ring only and it wouldn't be to anyone else than Stephanie.

If I hadn't married my Babe, then why would she wear this ring, my ring, instead of it being in the safe in my home where I've kept it and its twin since Abuelo's death?

There was no other reason, simple as that. The only way she could wear this ring was that I had slid it on her finger and I wouldn't have done that if it hadn't been for real. Besides, it felt right to see my ring on her finger, it felt right when she called me Carlos and it felt even better to think of her as my wife.

My Babe. My wife. Mine.

"Babe," I murmured softly, stroking over her hair, down her spine.

She stirred but didn't wake. That was all right. Sure, I had many questions, but right now I was content to just treasure the moment. I was alive, my Babe was alive and in my arms and she wore my ring on her finger.

For now, that was enough.

Kissing the top of her head, I entwined my fingers with her, enjoying the feeling of the cool metal against my skin. One last thought came to me though before sleep whisked me away.

Where the heck was my ring?

Next time I woke up it was to someone entering the dark room. My hold on Stephanie tightened and my free hand automatically reached for the non existing gun.

Damn it.

Another reason to hate hospitals, they took your gun away, leaving me feeling naked and unable to properly defend myself if the need arose. Never a felling I liked much but now it was even worse. Now there was that much more I had to protect.

"Relax, man. It's me."

Some of the tension left me but only once Tank flipped on the light and came close enough that I could be sure it was really him and him alone did I actually relax. It was about time he showed up. There was a lot I wanted to know from my second in command, but first things first. I held out my hand. "Weapon."

Tank made a face but wordlessly reached back and handed me a small 22. Not my usual choice of weapon, then again it was small enough to hide easily. Always a good thing when dealing with hospital stuff as we knew only too well. I led it disappear under the covers and immediately felt better.

"How long?" was my next question.

He answered without a blink. "Three weeks since they took you, three days since we brought you in."

Three days? I've been out of it for three whole days? "Drugs," I spat with contempt. What if there had been another attack? I would have been fucking helpless!

"Yeah, they kept you under to give you time to heal. Said it would be more easy on you this way," Tank confirmed.

"You let them?" I wanted to know, sharply. He knew better than that.

But he held up his hands. "Wasn't me, Ranger." He looked meaningful at my Babe.

Oh. "You should have told her otherwise," I told him.

He shrugged. "I did. She didn't care." His lips twisted into a smile. "Said you can still play hero enough later."

Yeah, that sounded like my Babe, I thought with a mental sigh, looking down at her. I guess I should be annoyed but I really was rather touched. It was nice that someone cared this much to want to spare me pain. For years I've kept anyone at distance who might want that, including my Babe. She wouldn't stay at arm's length though, not lately. Not since Scroge. Oh well, now it wasn't important anymore anyway. Let her fuss a little, I guess as my wife she had a right to. Anybody else trying to do this though I would hand his ass to him.

As it was, I would need to have a talk with her and leave her instructions about my wishes for the next time. Because a next time was bound to come, someday. My life may be calming down a little, compared to my twenties, but there were still many enemies lurking in the shadows, not to mention the one's I haven't met yet.

No matter how much I loved my Babe and was happy about our marriage, I wasn't going to settle down and stay off the streets. Not in the immediate future. Maybe never. I needed the adrenaline, the rush, the excitement. I liked my work. But of course that wasn't an issue anyway. Stephanie would never ask me to quit my job, just like I wasn't going to ever demand a change of her profession from her.

Now wasn't the time to dwell on such things. Damn drugs. It was nearly impossible to stay focused with drugs in my system.

I focused back on Tank. "Report."

Instead of following my order though, his eyes slid to my Babe, still deeply asleep as it seemed, unfazed by Tank's visit. "What did she tell you so far?"

"Nothing," I said with a frown, wondering why he stalled like this. Tank didn't stall. "She hasn't woken up yet," I added and my frown deepened as my focus made a sharp u-turn once again.

Sure, my Babe was a heavy sleeper but even for her this kind of deep sleep was unusual. Judging from the darkness outside, it must have been hours since the last time I've woken up but it didn't look as if she had stirred since then.

The cut.

It had been a nasty cut and heaven knew what bacteria had all been on the knife. Wasn't she a little warm? What if an infection had set in?

"Calm down, she's fine." Tank's even, reassuring voice cut through my sudden panic. "The knife wound was deep, twenty-three stitches. I had the best plastic surgeon in town do it and he doesn't think it will leave a scar."

That was a relief to know. I didn't think neither her nor me could need the constant reminder of that terrible moment when the blade slid through her perfect skin whenever she lost the shirt. Because of me. I wasn't to forget it ever, but still, I didn't need to be reminded each time I made love to my wife.

That reminded me… I glared at Tank. "How could you let her be taken? What have you morons been doing? Sleeping?"

He cringed and looked nervous. Good, he had every reason to. He was my best friend but that wasn't going to save him. Not with my Babe's life at risk.

His eyes flickering anywhere but me, he shifted uncomfortably before he ate the bullet and met my narrowed gaze. "I'll explain, Ranger, but maybe it's better to wait until the sleeping pills are wearing off and Bombshell can add her side to the story."

My mind came to a screeching halt. "Sleeping pills?"

Tank looked as if he wanted to eat his words but he sighed, looking once again at Stephanie before concentrating back on me. "She needed it, Carlos. She hardly slept at all in the three weeks you were missing. Or ate for that matter. Shit, I had to slip her a sleeping powder several times so she caught some sleep at all. She was exhausted to the point of collapse and the doctor treating her for the cut agreed and ordered her sleep."

It was my turn to look away, my arm holding her closer. He was right, she was slimmer than usual and there were dark rings under her face. I hated to be responsible for that. I hated that she worried so much, even to a point to neglect herself like that. Another of those big reasons why I didn't do relationships. My life asks a lot of the woman who loves me, would subject her to a lot of pain, a lot of worry, I always knew that. But Steph's strong, stronger than anyone would give my Babe, even those who should know her best. If anyone can put up with what my life delivers to my woman, it's her.

We would need to have a serious talk about that as well though. Or did we have one already? I just wished I could finally remember the me being married to her part. And I promised her silently here and then that I was going to do my best to avoid any repeats of this latest episode. I couldn't promise it was never going to happen again, but that at least I could give her. And there was something else I could do, something I had wanted to do for a while now anyway. Or had I already?

"Do you know if I already talked with the General?" I asked Tank. He would probably know if I had, because as my SIC he'd need to know about such a decision and also because he was my closest friend.

His eyebrow rose and he looked at me, confused. "About what?"

"My retirement from the army. It's time." My thumb stroked circles on Steph's hip. "I can't do it anymore."

Tank looked at me as if he wondered about the amount of blows to my head and what damage they did. "You haven't mentioned anything. You really sure that's what you want?" He didn't sound as if he believed me.

I stroked over Steph's wedding ring and nodded once. "Yeah." I had no doubt whatsoever about this. "I have to anyway," I added, clenching my jaw. "I would have talked, Tank."

His eyes widened a little but he said nothing. We both knew what that meant. You found a reason to talk and break the oath that usually kept you alive and hanging on, that up until then had been the most important thing in your life, you needed to quit before your weakness was going to harm the very country and people you tried to protect.

My oath was still important to me, would be always. But it would never again be my first priority. That was Stephanie now.

My wife.

Which reminded me… "Do me a favor: Bring me my ring. It must be in my apartment, either in my night table or the safe."

I figured I had taken it off for the meeting. They had been mostly new clients and I didn't trust them yet. I hardly trusted anyone but my men and my family. And my Babe of course, but then she was family now. Wearing a ring was like wearing a big bright neon sign announcing that I was vulnerable. Something I avoided to do. That or the Chinese had taken my ring, but I didn't think so. Admitted, some parts were blurred, but I think I would have remembered at least that.

"Your ring?"

Growing impatient, I nodded, my fingers still playing with my wife's ring. "My wedding ring. I want to have it with me. I miss it," I admitted with a smile.

Dios, I was such a softy nowadays. But even if I didn't remember sliding my own ring on in the first place, I missed feeling it on my finger. It just didn't feel right. Of course, if it had been anyone else than Tank I would have rather wore rainbow colored clothes for the rest of my life than admit this out loud.

As it was, the look he gave me told me that this time, he definitely was worrying about the blows my head had suffered at the hand of the Chinese. "Uh, Carlos, I think you've got something conf…"

He was interrupted by someone pushing open the door and our focus immediately shifted to the newcomer as our hands moved to our weapons.

It was a middle-aged man who obviously liked his food and wine very much. He wore a doctor's coat. "Mr Manoso! Glad to see you finally joined us!"

I glanced at Tank and he gave a small nod to confirm that this was a real doctor. "Dr Stevens."

The doctor came closer and took my chart from the end of my bed, flipping through it. "Very well. You recovered remarkably fast." He put the chart back and started to take vitals. "Though you still need a lot of rest." His gaze slid to Stephanie with obvious disapproval and I had a hunch what he was going to stay next.

I narrowed my eyes in warming. "She stays."

Letting out a deep sigh, he shook his head. "I know, believe me. I already lost that fight with your wife. She even refused to let us at least move a bed in here for her."

That was my girl! I nodded. "We only need one bed." I needed her close after everything that had happened. Remembering Tank's recount about her state of health, I fixed the doctor with my best demanding gaze that usually made normal people give me all the information I wanted. "My wife's condition's fine though, right? No infection?"

It wasn't that I didn't believe Tank. I just wanted to hear it from a doctor.

"She's not my patient, Mr Manoso, but from what I gathered from Dr Braun, there is no need to worry." Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I made a mental note to talk to this Dr Braun at the first opportunity.

In the meantime, Dr Stevens had turned to Tank. "And you should really not be here anymore. It's way past visitor's time and my patient needs rest."

Tank said nothing, just looked at me. I gave a small nod. He still had to give me his report, but I was beginning to see that it was indeed better to wait until my head wasn't so jumpy anymore. Also it would be nice if I could already rip some heads off when he told me who was responsible for losing my wife and let her be harmed. Until then I was just content to know my Babe was safe and going to be fine.

Besides, he had to get me my ring.

TBC!

(Author's Note: And? Anyone having expected that one? evil grin Hope you liked the little twist here. And the explanation for the ring, as so many of you asked about it. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and I'll try to have another chapter out before I leave for my holidays on Monday. As usual, here my heartfelt thanks to anyone taking the time to review.)