Sunlight streamed across the room and slowly woke me up from a deep sleep. Every slight twist of a muscle brought pretty intense pain to most of my body. My eyes slowly focused to the unfamiliar room, and I suddenly recalled last night. With a groan from both pain and embarrassment, I slowly slid up into a sitting position. My body made very noticeable protests for every subtle movement I made, and it was clear I had to dip out on training for today.
I took a little time to myself and soaked in a long bath to soothe my aching body. The steam from the hot water helped relax my body enough so I could freely move around. Once I was finished, I toweled dried my hair and slipped into my usual attire. Being in Jushiro's house was something completely new. Hell, I couldn't have thought in a thousand years that I would even be anywhere near his house. Leaving the bathroom, I began to pull my hair up in to a messy ponytail. I decided I would spend my whole day reading, then help Jushiro with anything he needed. There were a lot of books to choose from in Jushiro's small library but I finally decided on one and grabbed a nearby blanket from a small couch. I curled up in an armchair and read about half the book before the words started running together and lulled me into sleep.
When I was finally awoken, it was unclear how many hours had passed.
"Did you have a nice day?"
Jushiro's voice startled me out of my half asleep stupor. "I didn't do much. Having a day off was pretty weird, actually."
The white haired man gave me a warm smile. "Reading is the same way I would spend my days off, especially when I'm not feeling too well. If you'd like anything, I'm about to start making some dinner."
I set the book down on the table and rotated my shoulders. "Sure, I'm never the kind of person to pass up food."
Per Jushiro's request, I sat by the counter while he cooked so I didn't hurt myself any further. For dinner he had decided to just prepare some noodles in a white Alfredo sauce. It had actually been my idea, I liked to eat light to avoid gaining any weight, plus it was one of my favorite meals that I thought Jushiro would like.
"I'll try my hardest to push myself to get better so I won't keep being a burden."
"I've told you quite a few times, Miss Hamasaki; you aren't a burden to me. It's been quite a long time since I've had company."
"I know," My fingers ran through my hair. "It just makes me feel terrible, I'm not used to having to rely on anyone.
The white haired man turned and smiled at me in response. As he continued cooking dinner, I sat cross-legged on the counter and kept reading the book I had chosen earlier. Minutes after minutes passed and I eventually felt eyes lingering on me. I looked up without moving my head to see that dinner had been finished and Jushiro had most likely been waiting for me to finish what I was doing. I blushed in embarrassment and mumbled "Sorry." under my breath. Once I set the book down, I slid down the counter and landed on my tip-toes. A plate was thrust in my hand and I soon started piling noodles on top.
"I think I may go out and train by myself tomorrow. I don't want to lose my groove." I twirled noodles around with a chopstick before bringing it to my mouth.
Curious green eyes looked up at me. "Already? It doesn't seem like your body's completely healed."
"If I get a little drunk before, I won't really feel the pain." Glancing up, I cracked a smile.
"It seems like you and Shunsui would have something to do in your free time. I swear, that man is never sober."
"You two seem really close though." My smile wavered and I took another bite of food to cover it.
Small locks of Jushiro's hair fell in his face as he turned to fully face me. "We've been friends since we graduated from the academy. That was quite a while ago though. Now that I think about it, it feels like forever ago."
"Was it hard to rise up to be a captain?" I was actually getting curious thinking about Jushiro's past.
"It definitely took a lot out of me, even before I started having all these health problems. Remember when we first met? I told you running meaningless errands would be something you miss. It's a lot easier walking around the soul society than giving orders for your division to go off and die in battles. That's the worst part of being a captain."
"My captain thinks I have the potential to become a captain. Don't get me wrong, it'd be an honor, but I just feel like I'd never be strong, or ready enough to take on that role. Shit, a hollow put me in to the medical division. I'm almost positive I only became lieutenant because my successor died in battle." I sighed.
Jushiro stood up from the table and went to clean off his plate. "Every captain has different strengths and weaknesses. Build off your weakness. That's what helped me get to where I am today, even if I'm not much now."
Noodles disappeared off my plate much faster after we stopped talking. Once Jushiro had excused himself to go bathe, I cleaned his kitchen and grabbed my sword. The backyard was filled with towering trees with vibrant green leaves, carefully tended to bonsai trees, and a beautiful coy pond. One tree showed clear signs of sword abrasions and various other training sessions. To begin my warm-up, I alternated between punching and kicking the trunk in different formations. Soon after I began doing some simple sword techniques to get my body a little more used to moving, and then released my Shikai.
Once I started moving more and attempting to flash step, my body tightened in protest around my wounds. Instead of stopping, I looked around and released my Bankai. The thin sword in my hand began getting tinier and sharper, while splitting in to two. If I had been fighting against another person and I managed to mix our blood on the sword, I could essentially combine our pain and draw out all the water in their body within a close area to my original wound. The spiritual pressure that came with my Bankai felt really far off from that of a captain's, which was another reason I doubted I would ever get anywhere. Being in my strongest state took a lot of pressure off my aching body, and helped my flash step much quicker. My blades hit the tree over and over as I came at it from different angles.
Training felt like it took hours, but when I stopped, the sun was just now setting. Time caught up to me a moment later when I looked down and noticed crimson red soaking through my white shirt. Upon releasing my Bankai, the spiritual pressure lightened and I could feel pain reverberate throughout my abdomen. I slid my sword back into its sheath and turned to see Jushiro standing on the back patio. His hand extended outwards to offer me help. This simple gesture made my face break out in a smile. Having somebody show kindness to me was something I hadn't had in a long while.
I followed Jushiro to the bathroom, where I first saw the deep red swirling into the pure white shirt. My fingers trembled as I inched up the shirt over my hips to under my breasts. The gauze that I had changed earlier was now completely soaked through.
"Maybe I overdid it."
Jushiro entered the door next to me with bandages in hand. "Just a bit."
"I have to train. If I don't get stronger, I'm just going to keep getting beat down." My eyes were cast downward.
"I noticed you can release your Bankai." The statement was casual.
Nervously, I bit my lower lip. "My Bankai makes no difference. I still feel like I can't compete with anyone."
Large hands unwrapped the bandages covering my tummy. "Why would you feel that way?"
I dragged my eyes up to the mirror and stared at our reflection. "It's just a feeling I've had most of my life, but now, I want to change everything. Being around people who are happy or just show some god damn emotion other than anger have made me rethink the way I live."
My face turned beat read when I finished. The man behind me just smiled and continued working on fixing my broken body. "Positive changes are always good. No matter what happens, you're always welcome in my home, Miss Hamasaki. Hopefully as time goes on, we can become closer."
"Maybe if you can deal with me for the next month, I can make you some of my bad ass hot chocolate for the winter." Our eyes met in the mirror and I couldn't contain a grin.
"I'll hold you to that deal." The white haired captain's voice was warm.
With the soiled bandages finally removed, Jushiro carefully washed away leftover blood with a damp cloth. A long arm reached under mine and the towel is tossed in the sink. Watching our reflections was almost like watching a movie. A large hand carefully rested on one of my hips. It was barely noticeable, but the heat made it spread warmth across the muscles of my stomach. While I stared, some of the small easily missed details seemed to be in clear view.
The very top of my head came to about Jushiro's chin. It was the first time I realized he towered over me. Even though he spent most of his time trimming bonsai trees or relaxing at home, Jushiro's body had the perfect amount of muscle. It complemented my lithe frame nice. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be with Jushiro. Deep green eyes met mine and the man behind me hastily began preparing new bandages for me. My mind began to wander and was suddenly filled with many "what if?" scenarios.
What if I had been married to someone like Jushiro, instead of a man like Itsuki? Would I still be this desolate and afraid to live my life like a normal being would? Maybe I would have had friends, or someone who was willing to help me through hard times, instead of making them a million times worse. I probably would have had a bed to share with my husband, not a couch in an office. Just maybe, I wouldn't be ashamed of telling people who I was bound to "Til' death do us part." My body jolted forward in surprise when Jushiro shook my shoulder.
"You stared off for a really long time. I was starting to get concerned."
I wanted to die of embarrassment right now. "I'm so sorry. Sometimes I just zone out like that, don't worry about it."
In response, I got yet another genuine smile. "It's no bother. I only thought it was something I had done."
"Oh!" My eyes went wide in surprise. "No, no. I just stopped paying attention to reality for a bit. There was no intention to make you feel like you did something wrong."
Great, now I felt terrible.
The rest of that night was spent in a comfortable silence. Most of the time, I was curled up in the armchair across from Jushiro reading the book I had started the other day. In my mind I had made a decision I knew he wouldn't approve of. I was going to go back to get the rest of my things from Itsuki's house. The thumping in my chest got painful at the thought of being around that monster for another second. Itsuki was the darkness that held me down, and I needed to make a plan on how to get rid of him.
Later that night, all I could do was toss and turn. No matter what I did, it seemed impossible to get comfortable. It was beyond stupid of me to ignore the feeling in my gut that was telling me not to go back there, to run as far away from Itsuki as possible. The little amount of sleep I did get only lasted in 20 minute intervals. Finally I just gave up. I sat up and put my head in my hands. It couldn't have been later than 2 a.m.
Careful to be silent, I got up to get dressed and slipped out of Jushiro's house without waking him. The week was over, so I knew Itsuki would be out getting drunk until at least 4, which gave me some time to break in and get my few belongings. Silence surrounded me as I trekked across the Seireitei. Occasionally I would hear myself exhale, or the sole of my shoe scrape along the ground, but other than that, it was like wandering through a ghost town.
Much too soon I reached the accursed house I had spent the last few years of my life. No light was shining through the windows, but that was to be expected. I softly padded up to the front door and turned the knob. As usual, it was unlocked, so I quietly slid inside. Once I got inside, I leaned against the wall and listened closely for sounds of breathing, or any signs of life. Minutes passed with nothing happening, so I figured it was safe to move about the house.
The closet thing I could find to a backpack was an over the shoulder bag I had used at the academy. I made quick work of stuffing all my clothes and a few other odds and ends I had stashed around in to the backpack. I flicked off the light switch and let out a quiet sigh. Then, I felt my heart stop and my blood run cold. Out in the front room I could hear the door being shut and feet shuffling around. My only two logical options were to hide in the closet until I heard Itsuki go to bed, or go face him. Sighing, I decided to face my fears.
When I came in to view, I heard a surprisingly sober Itsuki ask: "Why are you here?"
As he spoke, he was the calmest I'd heard in probably years; Much like the calm before the storm. "I came to get the little things I have here."
"Why?" It was just a single word, but it made me worry.
"I'm leaving. I'll be moving in to a hotel or staying with a friend."
The storm broke, leaving all traces of the calm in its wake. Before I could react, I was pressed against the wall behind me. One strong hand was wrapped around my neck, and the other was holding my wrist above my head in a bone crushing grip. I helplessly grasped at the air, praying anything would help me, save me.
"You mean you're going to live with that captain you're fucking. Believe me; your little fling is completely fucking over my reputation."
Itsuki roughly pushed me aside, causing me to collide with the floor on my already injured side. My lungs inhaled air like it was the most precious thing in the world. "I've known Jushiro for a short time. Even if something was going on between us, it wouldn't concern you. This so-called marriage is nothing but a lie, a front."
By the time I was back on my feet, Itsuki was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. "I don't know what I'm doing."
"You're hurting me." My voice was barely a whisper. "You've practically ruined my life. I haven't seen Hachiuma and Zoki in what feels like an eternity."
"This is all I know!" Itsuki was suddenly on his feet and screaming. "You're supposed to love me!"
This admission completely shocked me. Despite being a complete mess on the inside, I was able to still speak relatively steady. "Itsuki, you can't love someone when you're scared to be near them. Love isn't beating me and sleeping with everything that has legs."
"Fix me." Something inside him had changed. Somebody must have got in to his head and made him realize what he had been doing for years.
Thoughts of being around Jushiro and Shunsui flashed through my mind. I took comfort in memories of times when I had felt safe, and like a normal person. Mostly, I thought about where I had been a mere few hours ago; standing in front of the mirror, staring at mine and Jushiro's reflections, thinking about a better life. Now that I had the possibility to have a normal life, I found my courage.
"You're beyond repair. Find somebody else to treat like shit, because I can't take it anymore. I don't love you. Don't try and make amends, because after years of hell, it's not worth it." My whole body was trembling in fear from what I had just done.
Itsuki was in front of me in what seemed like an instant. Natural reflexes kicked in, and my whole body tensed up, ready to take a hit. Instead of a fist hitting my body, I felt lips connect with mine. A muscular body pressed mine in to the wall to keep me from escaping. This wasn't the first time Itsuki had done something like this to "make up for having to correct me". Although, this was the first time the kiss was something other than forceful. It was filled with raw passion. No matter what he did, I couldn't keep myself from being terrified of this man.
"I don't know what I'm doing." Itsuki shut his eyes as he breathed against my lips. "Sometimes I don't know my own strength."
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the wrist he had held tight was already starting to blossom a purple bruise. "I can't do this.. I just can't." I felt like I had no control of my body anymore. Tears had started slowly dripping from my eyes and landing on the story.
"I'll hit something else; the wall, anything."
As he inched closer, I involuntarily flinched away from him. "We both know that's a lie. Please, just let me leave."
The second my palms touched Itsuki's chest, I saw anger flash through his eyes, and he yelled: "Don't fucking touch me!"
The ear piercing sound made me flinch back in fear. With my back pressed to the wall, I slid down and grabbed my bag. I had also successfully gotten around Itsuki and started for the door, not bothering to look back at him. The last words I heard from him made my heart sink as I shut the door. "If you're leaving me, I will not hesitate to kill what's most precious to you."
My heart was beating wildly in my chest. It felt like it was about to burst right through. To calm my nerves, I stopped and got a quick shot of alcohol that warmed my body from the inside out. Since I had nothing to do before the meeting I had completely forgotten about, I made use of the small bathroom in the bar. Upon my first look in the mirror, I noticed along the sides of my neck and around to the back was thin bruises that were noticeable if I leaned certain ways. I decided I had to do something to draw any attention away from the marks. In my bag, I had a small pair of travel scissors that I used to cut layers in my hair that fell close to my neck. My blonde hair still fell to my rib cage in most places, and I decided to cut and mess with my bangs until they swooped across my forehead perfectly and framed my face.
The change in my hair framed my face rather well. To top it all off, I decided to actually put on makeup for my first meeting as the third division's lieutenant. The black liner was thin across the top of my eyelid and came out to a wing. The makeup would definitely be the first thing people noticed. When I finally studied myself in the mirror, I made a mental note to wear makeup more often. A thought crossed through my mind and I began to ruffle through my bag. I found the tiny square-framed reading glasses I used to keep myself awake. The brought out my eyes and helped frame my face, especially with my newly cut hair. The only reason I had the reading glasses was so I could focus while I was reading whilst incredibly tired. Otherwise I had pretty good eyesight. With one final sigh, and a last look in the mirror, I tied my lieutenant's badge on the upper part of my arm and went on my way to the gathering.
When I finally entered, I noticed I had arrived before Jushiro had. My captain seemed surprised when I took my place beside him.
"I thought I had given you orders to rest?"
"Trust me; I've gotten more than enough rest. I'm almost good as new!" I gave him a lopsided smile.
That smile wavered when I noticed his expression go stoic. "Your neck."
The short response made me grimace. "It's nothing." Jesus, my excuses were pathetic. "You couldn't have just noticed I changed my face or something?"
I got no response from the man before me, then felt his warm hand move my hair back to inspect the wound. "This is recent. In fact, it looks really recent."
"I left Itsuki."
"Is that why he's sending you those glares?"
My body wheeled around in surprise. We had been so engrossed in our conversation that I had forgotten Itsuki was also a captain, so he would be coming. A smile tugged its way to my face again when I saw Jushiro looking at me. The older captain seemed to be a little confused, and I knew it was because I hadn't been there in the morning. Upon seeing my smile, his expression changed and nodded towards me. Before I had a chance to answer my captain, the commander of the Gotei 13 began speaking.
Throughout the meeting, almost everything was about hollows that were causing major problems in The World of the Living. Hell, if the Hollows were anything like the one I had fought, they could prove to be a nuisance. The whole meeting wasn't all too interesting. Then again, not much ever happened in the Soul Society. The meeting was both over too quick, but also seemed to drag on forever.
I had begun making my way towards the door when I felt a tiny hand grab my wrist. The surprise of it made me turn around to see a very beautiful woman with orange hair and more than enough cleavage.
"Uh.. Hello?" Truthfully, I was at a loss for words.
"I've never seen you around before!" The redhead before me exclaimed as a man with short black hair joined her.
"Well, I've just been promoted. I'm Noa Hamasaki, the new lieutenant of the third division." I added an awkward smile to my already awkward introduction.
Both the strangers before me grinned, and then the male spoke. "I knew you weren't the same girl! You're much more beautiful!"
The man's compliment made my face burst out in a bright red, and I covered my face with my hands. "Thank you, but I'm definitely not."
The busty red-head smacked the male in his chest. "Captain, you made the poor girl turn into a tomato."
"I'm terribly sorry, mi 'lady." This guy seemed like a total dork. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name's Isshin Shiba, captain of the 10th division. This here is my lieutenant, Rangiku Matsumoto. We would love to take you out tonight as both a celebration of your new title, and who doesn't love getting drunk with people they just met?"
My fingers involuntarily gripped the bag hanging off my shoulder and I let out a small laugh. "Since you caught my interest, Isshin, I think I'll take you up on that offer."
Rangiku squealed and grabbed my hand, telling me we were going to stop for dinner first because she hated drinking on an empty stomach. As we emerged from the meeting hall, I noticed neither Itsuki nor Jushiro were anywhere in sight. In the back of my mind, I vaguely remembered Jushiro mentioning something about spending some time with Shunsui tonight.
"Are you looking to meet someone before we go?" Rangiku questioned, pouting out her lips.
"Actually, I was just looking to see if my roommate was here still." For some reason, I didn't want to mention my recent staying with Jushiro.
"You have a roommate?" Isshin's voice piped up from my other side. "I thought you were married to the 11th division's captain?"
Finally being able to say: "No, not anymore." filled my whole chest with butterflies of happiness. It must have shown on my face because I received a toothy grin from the captain next to me. "He's held me back for too long. Tonight, I just want to drink and start making good memories and friends."
My two new acquaintances pulled me in to a small restaurant, and I smiled when I heard Rangiku say: "Let's make some memories!" and Isshin agree.
Maybe this whole friend thing wouldn't be so bad.