So, there's a two-week hiatus. Even though one could say I'm on medical leave, I thought it was a bihypocritical to be annoyed when I have updated any of my stories. So without further ado.

It's Complicated

Richard Castle has been trying to sleep for the last hour, but he can't get the conversation with Martha out of his head. Instead he lies in bed, tucked under his fluffy down comforter, soft cotton sheets, and stares at the his stucco ceiling. Complicated. That's what he'd told her about him and Kate. He's not sure if the word covers the depth of what he means.

Complicated: Difficult to understand or analyze.

He loves Kate, and he's pretty sure she knows it - and is lying about knowing. It's upsetting and infuriating. He's damn clear about that. No difficulties there at all.

Complicated: Containing intricately combined or involved parts.

Kate is lying, but, as upsetting as that is, it's obviously not because she doesn't have romantic feelings towards him as well. She just can't deal with the ramifications. The trauma of the shooting, the weight of her mother's still unsolved murder...she's in no shape to start a relationship.

She had told him that was how she felt, in so many words, when they'd been sitting on the swings. On those same swings she'd also told him that she saw what she'd been doing and wanted to open up more. It had surprised him. Not the words, because he's known about those walls of hers. No, it was her acknowledging those walls , to him no less, that had made him think that perhaps they really did still have a chance.

Adding to the mix of combined parts is the fact that she has been making good on trying to open up more. There have been more smiles and less pretending she finds his actions annoying when she's actually amused. She's complimented him, indulged him, and surprised him with some less...rigid ideas and insights.

Still, he isn't dating Kate and although he's certainly had more sex than many men, it's been awhile. Serena is attractive, interesting, and God knows, available. Kate hasn't said she loves him, hasn't said the relationship she wants to have is with him, hasn't said anything directly. Just because her eyes seemed to say it's him she wants doesn't count.

On top of all of this is looms his own secret-keeping. Even if she did say something directly and they took things further, if she EVER found out he'd been looking into her mother's murder without her, that he'd deliberately steered her away...he'd lose her as sure as if they shot her dead.

So, okay, yes: the second definition seems to apply. There are a hell of alot of parts to this situation with Kate.

For Martha it was a simple thing. Technically, he wasn't dating Kate. He was free to flirt with, hell, sleep with, any woman he wanted. Serena was attractive, available and his mother, the queen of must be seen and heard, hated seeing him moping about. He should go out with the woman, make a move, have a good time. He'd always had a sneaking suspicion that his page six shenangans gave his mother a certain vicarious thrill. It had never been totally his style though. Rather, it was one he'd learned to wear. He is a writer, prone to preferring quiet nights of solitude and fanciful thoughts. Martha is an actress, and a party girl at heart. A smart woman, yes, but also a party girl. He'd taken on the role of playboy because between his mother, his looks, and his money, it was one easy to step into. Easy to do and easy to sell.

Except yesterday he realized he'd sold it too well. He'd gotten a glimpse of something that he hadn't realized was still in Kate's image of him: Richard Castle, Playboy. She'd seen him kissing Serena and her walls went back up even higher than before. While a part of him had gloated (after all, he'd had to watch her with Josh) he'd known it wasn't quite the same. He'd been unavailable when she met Josh. Nor had there been declarations of love given, or conversations about relationships to be had once her mother's murder was solved. In this case, those things had happened, and even though he'd been trying to distract Serena as ordered, it didn't mean (as Eposito had pointed out) he had to slip Serena the tougue.

He never again wanted to see the look on Kate's face that he'd seen yesterday. More than just the general hurt in her eyes, what got him was the understanding of why she hurt. Kate expected him to hook up with Serena, despite his declaration of love to her. Sure, Kate didn't know that he knew, but he knew that she knew and...fuck it. He'd met Kate while signing women's chest for god's sake. She'd seen him kiss Kira, bed an ex he didn't even like, be taken in by an actress looking for a role... By the time he'd caught on to the idea that Kate meant more to him than a hook-up she'd been with Demmings. So he'd gone off and tried again with Gina. By the time he'd realized he couldn't keep faking it with her, Kate had started trying to fake it with Josh.

God, it had killed him to see the man touching her, but he couldn't blame her. He hadn't needed her to tell him she'd only "liked" Josh. He'd seen it. Kate liked pretty boys the way he liked blondes, but love was a different story. He'd been where she was, desperately trying to make something work when the heart really wasn't there. He'd hidden in glitterazzi marriages and meaningless sex for a long time. Since after Kira, really. The emptiness had really started to bother him when he'd met Kate.

It's funny how of all the reasons he'd thought of to explain why she's lying about what she remembers, the idea that she still thought he was a playboy was the one that hadn't occurred to him. Looking at it now, it seems obvious. Sighing, Castle rolls onto his side and hugs his pillow. Things were complicated enough without Kate doubting that despite his previous marriages, she was his FINAL one and done. Tomorrow he is going to have to make that clear...well as clear as he could without bringing up the fact that he loved her.