Arthur POV: 1st Person
I see Morgana walk out of the hut. She is actually smiling. She goes off in the other direction. Thank the gods, now I only have to get in and out, with Merlin, Arthur thinks.
Mordred and I go near the barrier. "Can you get me through?"
"You will have to hurry through. Merlin could probably get you out, but, getting you in is hard." I nod. This is going to be hard. I have the letter in my pocket, Merlin, please don't be difficult. "On, three, Arthur. One, two, three!" Mordred says something quickly and I run through the barrier. Lancelot is still angry, but at least he is starting to cool off. Gwaine explained to him that He might help Merlin cope. Lancelot was happy that we were going to try to help Merlin.
I open the door and close it. I hear someone rummaging upstairs and then a door close, quietly. I hear low whimpering, some whispering about how everything is going to be alright. It has to be Merlin, and with the smirk that was on Morgana's face, I don't want to know what Merlin has been going through.
I creep up the stairs, trying my best not to frighten Merlin. My heart pounds with each step I take. I open a door and it is a tidy room, other than the bed being unmade and a book on the floor. I hear the whimpering get a little louder, and then a trap door opens. A fireball whizzes past me, but luckily misses.
Merlin slowly comes out, but then all you hear are his screams, "No! Arthur! Please! Don't kill me. I don't want to die." Merlin scrambles onto the bed. Good thing I left my sword outside. He starts sobbing, again. I try to take a step forward, but then he starts pleading with me, "Arthur, please. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to lie. I didn't want to put you in the position between Camelot and me. I'm not worth it. Keep me in the dungeons. I don't care. I don't want you to suffer. I want to be your friend."
"What are you talking about, Merlin?"
"You didn't come! I know why, too! I am a monster. A demon and a freak. I don't deserve mercy. I was left with the traders for a month! I don't deserve mercy! I am a monster! Please, Arthur, if you are going to kill me at least do it quick! No fire! I just want you to be happy! Please, Arthur! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Arthur! Just let me die knowing you forgive me. I want you to know that I was trying to protect you." He presses his back against the wall behind the headboard of him bed. Sad, fearful eyes look up at me, and I never wanted Merlin to look at me that way.
"Merlin, please calm down. I am not going to hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you again."
Merlin looks around frantically, "They're here. On the ceiling and climbing the windows. Everywhere."
I realize that Merlin is only half here, and half in a panic attack. I need to get him out of it, "Merlin, who is here? Come on, you can tell me."
"Traders. Knights, setting up fire. Roaches and spiders in cell, rotten food. Have to get out. Can't leave. Wait for Arthur. Arthur's coming." Then Merlin looks straight up at me with gray eyes that are in so much pain, "Is Arthur coming? He is going to kill me. He hates magic. But, I don't care. I'll be out of here, and Arthur can do whatever he wants, I will die. Not the pyre. I can't die by fire." But, then he seems to snap out of the illusion.
"Merlin, hush. You are safe now."
"Arthur. No," he whispers, "Not yet. I can't die. Please don't kill me, Arthur. Gana! Gana! Help!" Sobs rack his too thin body. "Please, Arthur! Gana! Help!"
"Merlin, I am not going to hurt you. I just want to talk. Please." Merlin looks at me, but he can't stop the small, frightened whimpers that escape his lips. His lip quivers and his body trembles with clenched hands. "Please." I crouch down in front of the bed. Merlin nods in consent. "Do you trust me?" He nods. "Will you just answer a few questions?"
At first, Merlin looks at me suspiciously, "Yes."
"Hear me out. Please." Merlin nods, "You are my friend. You should know that I would never hurt you. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was scared. I didn't want to risk losing you or putting you in a position between Camelot and me."
"Merlin, I wouldn't hurt you purposely. Why are you scared of me?"
"It's not you, exactly. It's the visions. You executing me, banishing me, and they get worse. Sometimes I just freak out and it's not fair to you or anyone else around me."
"Will you come back to Camelot?"
"I don't know." You have to be kidding.
"Why the hell not? It would have to be better than staying with Morgana!" Merlin's eyes widen slightly and he begins sobbing.
"You could never understand."
"Let me try. Scream at me. I don't care. I want to understand."
"I have sacrificed everything for you. My friend. My family. Even the love of my life! Not that you would know, or even care! You were the cause of their deaths! I threw my pride out the window for you! And what did I get? Goblets thrown at my head and insults flying at me ever since I met you! And why? Because I was five minutes late to wake you up. Or I was so exhausted from running around doing your chores that I would fall asleep while mucking out the stables and could barely hold a sword because I was ready to collapse! Then, to top it all off, when I thought I could finally sleep, I would have to save your arse. Or be poisoned. Or go on another hunting trip." I stare at him wide-eyed. He is furious. "While all of this is going on, I have to help Gaius, try to make sure my mother isn't kidnapped, and keep my sanity! Well, I guess I failed at that last one, because I am a complete nut-job! I am a monster! No one can change that! Any other questions, Sire?"
"Only one. Who is Emrys?"
"Who told you?" Merlin looks at me, a mix of emotions on his pale face.
"That doesn't matter."
"It is what the Druids call me. A prophecy was made. That Emrys and the Once and Future King would unite Albion. I always believed in you, was always loyal. But, now, I don't know. I would definitely do anything for you. I don't want to hurt you. But, if I am to die, I am sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry that I wasn't a good friend. And most of all, I am sorry that I was such a clumsy nuisance that lied to you time and time again.
"You said that going back to Camelot would be better than staying with Morgana. Arthur, we have both been alone for a long time. She rescued me when I was at my lowest. Arthur, I love her. She is different." But then, something flickers in Merlin's eyes. He suddenly curls up into a ball, whimpering. I walk toward him, but am soon thrown backwards by some unknown force.
"Get away from him," Morgana screeches as she runs to Merlin, who is whispering something to himself. She sits on the bed and cradles Merlin close to her. At first, he flinches and Morgana starts trying to console him, "Hush, Merlin. You are safe. It's Gana. It's Morgana." She rocks Merlin back and forth, "You are safe," she coos. Merlin eventually stops his whimpering and whispering, but not the shaking. "Why are you here?"
"I thought you were going to hurt him." I stare in disbelief. Morgana looks at Merlin with such love and kindness.
"Well, I won't. I've changed. I don't want your death, nor the crown. What I do want is for you to control your knights. They all almost killed me. Luckily, I made it to the shield. But, that didn't stop young Mordred. I told him to stay outside the door of this room. Mordred is loyal to you, don't mess it up like you did with Merlin."
"I would never hurt him."
"Yes. Anyone can see that with the way he begs for you not to kill him in his sleep," Morgana says sarcastically.
"He seriously thinks I am going to kill him?"
"Yes, Arthur! I am surprised I didn't hear him shrieking when you came up here. I honestly thought he would have jumped out the window. He wanted to come back to Camelot, but was terrified at what you or the knights would do to him." Merlin is now sleeping in Morgana's lap, luckily, it doesn't seem that any nightmares are haunting him. Morgana talks more quietly, "Let's go downstairs, I don't want to startle him. It has been forever since he has had a peaceful sleep." Morgana plants a kiss on Merlin's forehead and gently lays his scrawny body on the bed.
"How do I know you aren't going to kill me or something?"
"I wouldn't do that to you or Merlin. I've changed Arthur, and I want to help. I want to be able to return to Camelot. Can we please talk about this downstairs?"
"Fine, but this is for Merlin." As we walk out of Merlin's chambers, I pass Mordred.
"I can't leave him alone. Which of them does Merlin trust most?"
"I think Lancelot. But, have Mordred go, too, in case Merlin needs the help of magic."
"I thought I told Lancelot to kill himself."
"Somehow, Merlin managed to heal him."
Morgana sighs, "Go get him. Don't let anyone else in, unless you know they won't cause a problem."
"Just let them in. They'll each take a turn watching him." I want Merlin protected just as much as the next person.
"If they harm him-"
"Believe me, I'll let you deal with it." Morgana smirks. I walk over to the door. "Come in, but quiet." My tone comes out as threatening, not how I would normally want to sound. "Okay, Merlin is asleep. Gwaine, you were right. He freaks out a lot. Mordred stays in there the whole time. Only two of you are in there with Merlin and Mordred. Lance and Gwaine, you are first. One of you have to do a double shift. Because Merlin you guys are always there for him, I need you guys to be careful. He sometimes doesn't know what he's doing. Come and get Morgana and me if he starts panicking or anything. Even if he only wakes up, just tell us," I turn to Morgana, "Anything else to add?"
"Don't crowd around him. If anyone is going to try any calm him, be careful," for the first time since the men came in, Morgana looks at them, "Merlin doesn't know what he is doing. Anything can trigger something. I will open the door and close it too loudly, and Merlin will panic. Sometimes, if you go to put a hand on his shoulder, hug him, or just even offer your hand, he panics. He expects a hit. Believe me when I say this, I care about Merlin, and there are only a few people he trusts. I don't deserve it, but he trusts me. I don't want to lose that." Morgana's voice cracks, and tears stream down her face. "Please, if you were ever my friend, don't make him hate me. He made me a better person, and I am trying to be good. I care about him, and about you. Some of you, I may not have met, but I know you have to be a good person for Arthur to knight you. Now, go check on Merlin. Please, I don't like leaving him alone for long."
The knights turn to go, but before Lance dashes up the stairs, he looks at me, "I'm sorry about before."
"I deserved it. Now, go check on Merlin, I know you've been dying to see him." I turn my attention to Morgana, "Now, let's talk everything out right now."
"I mean, I guess there isn't much for me to say. I love Merlin. I am sorry for everything I have done, I regret it, truly. I don't want the crown, I don't want your blood, I want to go home and to be with Merlin."
I would completely believe her, but I feel like I need Merlin to back me up, "Why the sudden change of heart? Since when did Merlin and you love each other?"
"I hated the empty feeling inside of me. It used to be just rage, but then it subsided into nothing. It was only pain. But, then Merlin came, and I was overwhelmed with emotions. At first, it was pride, I had always wished for Merlin to learn his lesson; to stop meddling with other people plans. Soon, I was devastated because he was the only person that would ever be able to forgive me. He was so scared of me. It took me hours to convince him that it was safe. I never wanted to make anyone suffer again. Then, one day, only about two days ago, Merlin told me he loved me. I was overjoyed. I guess that's it." It was completely real.
"What happened to Hunith?"
"What are you talking about? She was here two days ago, Merlin brought her back to Ealdor the same night." Worry is written all over Morgana's face. There is no way she could have done this.
"I went to her yesterday, to ask if she had seen Merlin. Hunith isn't in Ealdor."
"Merlin can't find out. He will think it is all of his fault. Please, Arthur." An ear-piercing scream erupts from upstairs. Leon comes down the steps so quickly he almost falls.
"Merlin is panicking. No one can calm him down. He has Mordred pinned up against a wall. I haven't seen him like this. Come quickly, Percy can't even get Merlin to let go." Morgana darts after Leon and I am right behind her.
"Where is my mother?" Merlin yells in Mordred's face, "What did you do to her?"
Mordred seems to let out a sigh of relief as Morgana and I enter the room. "Merlin, come on, let Mordred go, honey." Morgana's voice is like silk. It is smooth, calm, and tries to be comforting. "Merlin, it is okay. Mordred hasn't hurt your mother. Hunith is on a trip," Morgana glares at me and I nod in silence. "Please, Merlin, it's Morgana. Let go of Mordred. I promise, he hasn't hurt your mother. He never wants to hurt your mother. Let him go," Morgana walks over to Merlin and gently rests a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Please, Merlin. Just let go of Mordred. Everything will be okay. Take this, Merlin," Morgana pulls out a vial of clear liquid. "Take this, you need it, Merlin. Please, do it for me." Morgana puts the vial to Merlin's lips, making sure he swallowed. Merlin's eyes close and he falls back, into Morgana.
"What did you do to him?" Mordred asks Morgana, with a note of fear in his voice.
"This is the first time I have ever drugged him. I swear. I had to. I couldn't let him hurt you. Let me stay with him. I will explain everything to him later. Mordred, I need your help. I need you to help me conjure a house for you and the knights to stay in. Well, I do have two extra rooms. Maybe we could conjure three beds. One in each room, plus one in Merlin's. One of us should stay with him."
"Anything to help," Mordred says curtly.
"Mordred, I am so sorry,"
"It's fine, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't even Merlin's. I was nearest. He must've been having a delusion. It could've been any one of us. I'm honestly happy it was me. I didn't want him to hurt anyone."
The two of them create the furniture, then I walk up to Morgana and whisper, "How did he know?"
"I need you all to come here!" The men line up in front of Morgana, "Listen, Merlin's mother is missing. I think he might know about it. If he wakes up and starts freaking out, just tell him that his mother is on a trip. That's it, don't mention any places or when she will be back. Merlin will blame himself if he knows." Morgana begins walking to the room, "I heard him. Sometimes he will say things in his mind. Mordred knows. And Mordred, I figured out Merlin's secret. You know the one. I couldn't care less and I promise that I won't hurt him." With that, Morgana goes up the stairs to take care of Merlin, and I trust that she won't hurt him ever again.
Okay, I realize that this was really, really long. So, I guess it was worth the wait. Sorry, I had a plot bunny attack me and I had to write a oneshot to satisfy the rabid rodent. Well, please review! They really make my day, and I am pretty sure that if you had enough time to read my fanfiction, you can take the extra two minutes to review. I hope... But if you don't, I will send a dark!Merlin, Kilgharrah, or a wyvern after you. Thanks! But seriously, please review!
Now for the quote, "It's lonely, to be more powerful than any man you know and have to live like a shadow... to be special... and have to live like a fool." -Merlin. I'll see you next chapter!
XOXO,
~Lunatris262~