Chapter Three Summary:

An emotional visit to Isabel's room causes Levi to retreat further into his own head, and he slides back into some destructive habits. Levi still hasn't made a final decision on staying with the Survey Corps.

Erwin has some more housekeeping to do, and he and Levi have a comfortable conversation over paperwork, but Levi's good mood doesn't last through dinner.

Chapter Four

Erwin steeled himself for a potentially awkward conversation just as he lifted his hand to knock. He tapped lightly on the door, twice. Nothing. He knocked again, a little harder this time. "Levi?"

Nothing.

He slowly twisted the doorknob, to ensure he wouldn't startle Levi awake if he was indeed still there, and opened the door, taking a single step inside.

The room was immaculate, with everything carefully put away. The beds were both neatly made. There were some clothes in a box on the desk that had been carefully folded and Levi's uniform jacket was hanging on the wall peg, but it looked otherwise empty. There were no shoes near the door, no books or toiletries on the desk, or anything that one might expect to see in a place someone was living in. It looked like an abandoned room.

Erwin stepped around the door so he could see the other set of pegs on the wall, just to confirm his suspicions. Levi's 3DMG wasn't there either.

Erwin simply stood there for a moment, a hand on the doorknob still, and absorbed the facts before him. Nothing was confirmed yet, but he wasn't going to rifle through the drawers and closet to check their contents, or ask everyone on the base if they had seen a short, grumpy looking man going anywhere. Erwin did not see much point in denying the obvious. He was honestly not surprised, but he still allowed himself some disappointment. This was not how he had wanted all of this to end.

His injured right hand suddenly protested its place on the doorknob with a sharp twinge, and he jerked it up reflexively, only to have the door shut on him, and cut off all the light from the hallway. He gave a frustrated groan as he began moving his hand up and down, searching for the doorknob.

Moments later, Erwin was making his way towards his office when he saw Gerhardt leaning against a wall, looking as though he was waiting for Erwin to show. The man's eyes flickered down to Erwin's bandaged hand, which Erwin was still clutching protectively with the other. "You okay?"

"Yes, it's fine." Erwin dropped his hand and let it hang at his side in what he hoped looked like a casual pose. As Erwin made his way down the hallway, Gerhardt pushed himself off the wall and followed.

"Did you check up on that guy?"

It was tempting to give Gerhardt a repeat of the other day and remind him of Levi's name, but Erwin didn't want to needle his friend more than he had to. "He wasn't there."

"He's not gone, is he?"

Erwin had reached his office by now, and he turned to Gerhardt as he opened the door. "Could you try not to say anything about this to Shadis just yet?" Then he stepped inside, without waiting for a response.

A stiff breeze blew some of Levi's hair into his eyes. He hadn't noticed before, but it seemed it was getting a bit long. Levi ran his hand along the back of his head. He always used the short hair there to gauge when it needed a trim, and he confirmed that it did. That meant it had been longer since they'd arrived up here than it felt, quite a bit longer.

He was currently on a tree branch, very high up. When he looked down, where his legs dangled comfortably, he could see a straight drop to the ground, no branches directly beneath him to break his fall.

He had gotten up here with ease using his 3DMG, which he was currently wearing without any swords, since the soldiers were not allowed to take those with them back to their rooms. It felt a lot lighter without the weapons hanging off his hips, and he preferred it this way, preferred manoeuvring his arms with only the bladeless trigger handles than with those long swords sticking out. This was how he was used to using the gear. He had never been able to afford the cost of constantly replacing expensive, easily dulled blades with a penchant for breaking.

He wasn't unarmed, of course. He had a couple of daggers on his person, which was generally all he needed.

Constantly, his mind had been drifting back to last night. He could still remember the feeling of the nausea, and his skin crawled at the memory of his vomit down his own front, across the table and dinner plates, on Erwin's shirt. He could already feel an unsettling clench in his abdomen, and so he forced his thoughts away.

The pretty view was a nice distraction, with trees and rolling hills and, to his left, a sunrise just on its way out. Levi's understanding of the geography around here was mostly superficial, but he did know that they were stationed along the southern half of human territory, where the titans congregated more thickly along the outermost Wall. He could see one of the Walls in the distance, stretching across the entire horizon, but he didn't know which – was he facing north or south? A more knowledgeable person should have been able to figure it out based on the sun, but never having needed the knowledge, Levi couldn't remember if the sun rose in the east or the west.

He knew he was wasting time, trying to avoid the inevitable. Levi stood and sunk a hook into the tree trunk, then slowly lowered himself back down to the ground. It wasn't very far to the base, but Levi kept a leisurely pace.

When he got back to the front gate of the base's barracks, it was getting on in the day, almost noon. As he approached, he was intercepted by the guard, who had looked extremely bored until she'd perked up at the sight of him approaching.

"Can I ask your name and business?" At least she was friendly enough.

"I'm Levi. I live here."

"Your full name?"

"That is my full name."

She paused for a noticeable few seconds. "You're in the Survey Corps?"

"Yeah."

"OK. Do you have any ID?"

"Uh…." He had to think for a moment about what would count as ID. "I have this." He fished within his shirt and pulled out his dog tags.

"OK. Do you have any other ID?"

"No?" He was confused. Did they do this every time someone came to the gate?

"Alright, I'll just write you in." It didn't seem to matter what he did or didn't have, as her response was to simply flip open a notebook and skim over the first page. "Ah, Levi." There was something in there about him? "Squad Leader Erwin Smith is looking for you. He left a message requesting you find him either at the front of the training grounds, or in his office. It says you're to see him immediately."

"Sure. So I'm good to go in?"

"Yeah, you're fine."

He didn't head straight to see Erwin, since he didn't feel up to it, going instead to his room. He rid himself of his gear, grabbed his bag of toiletries from the drawer, and headed to the bathroom. After brushing his teeth last night, he had gone to his room for a bit and then headed straight out, needing some alone time, and he still had his full morning routine to go through.

The bathroom was empty. Good. He was usually up before everyone else, and therefore didn't have to share the space, and he preferred it that way. No one to make rude comments about his being here, no one trying to strike up awkward conversation while he was brushing his teeth. It did feel a little odd knowing everyone was outside and doing work already. Being in here before everyone felt right. Being here after everyone else felt lazy.

He brushed his teeth again, because thinking about yesterday's dinner all morning had given him the unshakable feeling that his mouth was unclean and that there was still an aftertaste from his vomit. Then he lathered up his face and started shaving. He was taking his time about it, since he hadn't been, the last few days, and he was starting to look scruffy.

The door to the bathroom opened and someone stepped in. Levi paused and looked through the mirror, half his face and throat still lathered in soap, to see who it was.

It was Erwin. Levi almost hadn't recognised him, with his blond hair hanging in his face and his expression so distracted. Erwin was holding his hands out awkwardly, one under the other, cupped as though he was trying to hold water in his hands.

Levi's first instinct was to avoid eye contact and keep his head turned, so Erwin would not notice him, but that was stupid. Between his hair and his height, there was no way Erwin wouldn't recognise him.

It turned out not to matter because Erwin was not paying attention to anything else at the moment. He rushed straight to the row of sinks and as soon as he parted his hands, blood that had pooled in the lower one dripped into one of the sinks. Erwin began gingerly peeling off the bandages from his right hand, which were soaked in blood along his palm.

Now every instinct Levi had was insisting he turn away and head into the showers, and hope Erwin was gone by the time he finished. He didn't like social interactions that were not on his terms, but he also felt cowardly for avoiding Erwin so much. Erwin had at least been pleasant, and Levi would prefer to keep it that way. Resolved to be pleasant himself and stay on Erwin's good side, Levi more closely examined the man's bloody hands.

"What did you do to yourself?"

Erwin turned his head at the question rather quickly, like he had just noticed Levi was there. Levi casually went back to shaving.

"Must have reopened it when I leaned on it too hard. I probably should be cutting back on training for a while. I'm not doing a good job of going easy on it."

The bandages were off and Erwin was now rinsing his hand under the tap. The water pooled pink around the drain. Levi could see the stitches across Erwin's palm, wrapping around the base of his thumb. Most of it appeared to be healing well. The area above his thumb, between the thumb and index finger, was where the bleeding seemed to be coming from. It was a sensitive place to have a cut, let alone stitches, and Levi felt an unpleasant tingle down his spine at the sight.

As he continued with the careful scrapes of the razor along his cheek, Levi also watched as Erwin finished rinsing his hand, patted it dry on a towel, and raked his hair out of his face into a semblance of its usual style, then started fumbling awkwardly with a bag he was trying to open with only his left hand.

It was incredibly frustrating to watch someone try so hard, and fail so miserably, at something relatively simple. "Do you need help, or what?"

Erwin turned to look at him again, right hand still held out as one drop of blood made its way down his wrist, but he seemed at a loss for words. Levi didn't wait for a yes.

"Here, hold on." With two more scrapes of the razor along his upper lip, Levi was done shaving anyway. He rinsed his face and washed his hands, dried them on a towel, and grabbed Erwin's bag. He undid the buckle and opened it to see various medical supplies inside, including needles and thread, bandages, rubbing alcohol and pill bottles.

"Do you need new stitches?" As he asked, Levi's eyes drifted over to assess the bleeding, and it didn't seem that bad.

"I don't think so." Erwin was giving him a strange look. "I'll probably just wrap it up again."

"Kay. I can do that." Levi took from the bag what he felt he needed and gestured for Erwin to bring over his right hand.

Erwin did so, slowly. "I can do it."

"It's a lot easier to do with two hands." Levi had recognised a common mild antiseptic gel in the bag that seemed good for this purpose, so he dabbed some on before he placed a soft piece of cloth over the cut, applying a bit of pressure to the open part above the thumb. Then he took a long strip of bandage and began to wrap it tightly around Erwin's hand.

It was weird to be treating an injury he'd inflicted himself. He tried not to think too hard on it.

Levi pressed Erwin's thumb a little closer to his hand, to continue wrapping the bandage around the base of the hand and wrist, and Erwin cringed. "That's a bit tight."

"Gotta stop the bleeding," Levi said, finishing up with brusque efficiency. "You don't want it to fall off." He used two small metal hooks to hold the bandaging closed, and it was done.

"It'll be hard to write like this." It seemed like Erwin was speaking more to himself. He moved his thumb a bit, as though testing his range. There wasn't much; Levi had wrapped it tight, to keep the pressure and stop any more bleeding.

"Well you shouldn't be writing with it anyway, dumbass." Levi had already turned to gather his things, and realised what he'd said. "Sorry. I didn't –"

"It's fine. You're right, of course." Erwin had tossed the roll of bandage back into the bag and closed the flap, though he didn't bother with the buckle. "I don't try to be a difficult patient, but I suppose I am, sometimes."

Levi had put most of his things away as well, and they both paused, unsure what came next. Levi just hoped they wouldn't talk about last night's dinner.

Erwin spoke first. "Where were you this morning?"

"Emil found me last night, said I could sleep in if I wanted. I didn't think anyone would miss me."

"That's fine. I sent Emil to tell you to take it easy this morning. But you're usually up early, so when I didn't see you around 10, I looked for you. To be honest, I didn't think you'd actually sleep in."

"You were right. I went for a walk instead." Remembering his return to the base, Levi added, "You did think to leave a message for me at the gate."

"I did. But not because I thought you would come back." Levi's confusion must have shown on his face, because Erwin continued, "I thought you left."

"You mean, forever?"

"Yes."

This was the second time Erwin had brought up the subject of whether Levi was staying in the Survey Corps or not. "Now why would I do that?" Levi asked, as though it was a preposterous idea.

Erwin smiled. "Oh, I don't know."

"Why bother to leave a message then?"

"In case you came back, of course."

"But you thought I wasn't going to."

"But you might have."

"Can you really afford to spend as much time thinking about me as you do?" It was something that had been bothering Levi for a while. Erwin seemed like a busy man, and yet he had all this time: time to go to the Underground, to find and arrest Levi and his friends, to check in on them as much as he had even when they weren't in his squad. Erwin had taken his own squad, and left the main troop, to check on the site where Levi had been, though Levi was sure that they would have only seen steam from a bunch of dead titans before they arrived, so why? Because he thought it was their squad, perhaps? Why had Erwin taken that risk to check, even though the lack of signal flares should have told him that no one was waiting for him there?

Why? Why was he doing any of it?

"I don't spend any more time thinking about anything than I can afford to." That was probably a lie. If anything, he seemed the sort of person to worry too much about everything. "And this isn't just about you. I already told you I want you to join the Survey Corps, Levi, and I told you why. What you did out there, killing that many titans, not many people could do that. I've never seen anyone do that. So, I want you to stay, and I will do what I can to get you to stay. That's all."

Levi felt uncomfortable, so he gave a sort of annoyed huff and turned to the showers.

"Levi. You did get my message." Erwin's voice trailed off, like there was more.

What was he on about? Levi had already said he knew about it. "Yeah?"

"So why didn't you come see me straight away? How long have you been back?"

"I was going to see you straight after my shower."

"That's not straight away. That's after your shower."

Levi turned around again. Erwin didn't look angry, but he usually put on a pleasant face. He had to remember that Erwin was an authority figure, not just any acquaintance. Levi didn't much like authority.

"Sorry." He had resolved to be pleasant.

"Please don't do that again."

"...Yeah."

"Alright, have your shower. Commander Shadis wants to speak to you. I'll tell him you're going to see him at lunch. Please do."

"Yes, sir."

Erwin held up his right hand. "Thanks for the help." Then he left.

After Levi had finished his shower and dressed, he found himself frozen at his door, one hand on the knob. Now what? Was it lunch time yet? He forced himself to step outside, and saw the hallway was still empty. It was probably just before lunch, then. Levi went downstairs and found two soldiers talking in the main room. He asked them where the commander's office was, and if he would be in there at this hour. Apparently, Shadis probably would be at his office around now, and it was nearby. Wanting to get this over with, Levi headed down the hallway they had pointed to.

He had been told it was the last door, but there were two doors on the end, one on either side. He took a guess and knocked on the one to the right.

The tired, squarish man Levi had seen with Erwin and Shadis the other day opened the door. "Yes?" He frowned when he took a good look at who had knocked. "You're... Levi."

"Yeah. I came to see Commander Shadis. Must be the wrong office."

"You know, our names on the doors," the man said, pointing to the brass plaque on his.

Levi couldn't read it. "Sorry, I didn't think to check."

"That's Shadis's office over there. But what do you need him for? Maybe I can help you. The name's Gerhardt Reiss. I'm basically the working second-in-command right now."

"I don't know what it's about, actually. I just know he asked to see me."

"Alright." Gerhardt crossed the hall and knocked. "Keith? Someone to see you."

"Send them in."

"Here," Gerhardt said, opening the door for Levi.

"Thanks." Levi closed the door himself, feeling awkward. He had gotten the impression that Gerhardt had been trying hard to be friendly. It felt a little insincere.

"Oh, it's you," Shadis said, looking up from what he'd been reading. He pushed his paper to the side. "Please have a seat, Levi."

"You asked to see me?" Levi asked when he was seated. "Sir." Now Levi was the one being insincere. He didn't really have the proper manners for addressing a superior, and he didn't like calling people 'Sir,' but he felt it was expected.

"Yes. I wanted to express my condolences, to start."

Levi simply nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

Shadis didn't seem to expect any more. "I saw what happened at dinner. Are you feeling alright?"

His jaw was tight. "I'm fine."

"That's good, then. The main reason I asked to see you is because I wished to inform you of your new placement. You're not going to be staying in Smith's squad."

"He had said something about that."

"You'll be in Anika Meyer's squad, starting tomorrow. Squad Leader Smith will be introducing you to them." Shadis paused. "Anika is nice. I think you'll like her."

"...Sounds good." This still seemed weird. Erwin could have told Levi this without the visit. But what stood out the most was the general impression that Shadis was trying very hard to be amicable, like he was trying not to frighten a jittery, inexperienced recruit. Anika was nice? Okay, great. Why did Levi need to know that? Would Shadis have told him if she was actually a huge bitch? "Thank you, sir."

"Also, I don't know if you're aware of this, but the Survey Corps has a resident counsellor named Georgina. She has an office behind this building, just past the infirmary. It's easy to overlook, if you don't know it's there."

"Okay." Where was Shadis going with this?

"Any of our soldiers can make an appointment with her any time, or they can do so through their squad leader, or me, if they prefer. It's common procedure, when someone has gone through something that might be… traumatic, that we ask if they'd like to talk to her. Would you be interested?"

"Not really. Who determines if something is traumatic enough?" The whole job seemed pretty fucking traumatic.

"A lot of people choose to go themselves. Otherwise it's usually that person's squad leader."

"My squad leader is dead."

"Smith made the recommendation."

He would. "Well, I'm good. I'm not crazy, or anything."

"Why would you assume I think you're crazy?"

"'Counsellor.' What is she really? A psy...chiatrist, or psychologist, or whatever the fuck, I don't even know the difference."

Shadis frowned at the word 'fuck,' but didn't comment on it. "Psychiatrists prescribe medication, I believe. Psychologist is probably more accurate. Really, she does… talk therapy."

"So she's even more pointless."

"It would honestly make me feel a lot better if you went. It's not like a proper appointment. You just go there, meet her, have a coffee. Talk."

"Sounds like an appointment." When that didn't get him a response, Levi asked, "Do I have the right to say no?"

Shadis didn't reply right away, though he maintained eye contact, and Levi understood the answer to be, 'no, not really.'

"Fine, I'll go," Levi relented, before Shadis could order him to do it.

"I know she's free on Thursday, in the evening. After supper time."

"Sure."

"Alright. Don't stress over it. She's not nosey or anything, she's just a safe person to talk to for anyone who doesn't want to talk to their coworkers about something."

"Uh huh." Levi couldn't muster any enthusiasm at the prospect of going. Shadis probably thought he was being rude.

Shadis sat back in his chair and gave Levi an appraising look. "Thank you for agreeing to go, Levi. That'll be all. Maybe I'll see you downstairs at lunch."

Levi hoped he didn't look too eager as he pushed himself out of his chair. "Sir."

He made his way back downstairs and down the hallway that connected the men's and women's barracks with the mess hall. He paused in the doorway when he entered, looking over the tables until he found where Erwin's squad was sitting. Sophie noticed him right away and waved. Tomorrow he wasn't going to be with these people. He could start over with a whole new squad. He couldn't wait for the day to be over.

Levi felt warm, in a way that he only felt when he was just leaving the comforting cocoon of sleep, still half-conscious, eyes bleary. He blinked once, taking in the worn, brown comforter, before closing his eyes again and turning so his face was pushed back into the pillow. He rarely woke feeling this good, this secure. He wanted it to last.

A strong hand rubbed up and down his side, touching the bare skin at his waist where his shirt had ridden up in his sleep. The fingers skirted under the hem of his shirt, working their way back up to his ribs, pressing into the indents between them. It tickled.

Levi shifted a bit, to squirm from the touch. "What are you doing?" he mumbled into the pillow.

"Waking you up." There was laughter in that warm voice.

Now Levi felt breath against his ear, as a soft kiss was pressed to the corner of his jaw. A body settled against his side, and Levi turned into it, pressing his back into that solid warmth. The sleepiness was starting to wear away, and he could practically feel the gears in his head start to turn.

"Why aren't you letting me sleep? You always complain I don't do it enough."

"We don't usually have the place to ourselves." Another kiss, this time on Levi's cheek. "Izzy's out."

Now Levi felt his interest piqued. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"That's something." Levi turned a little more, and he was looking up at Furlan's face, bright with a mischievous grin.

"It is, isn't it?" Furlan swooped in for a kiss, and Levi leaned up into it, relaxing as Furlan wrapped an arm around him. The kiss deepened, and normally Levi would have pulled back by now, but this time he didn't. He grabbed a fistful of Furlan's shirt and rolled them over, then stopped kissing his mouth just so he could move down Furlan's throat instead.

Furlan's hands were still under Levi's shirt, on his waist, then moving into his pyjama bottoms. Levi dropped his forehead onto Furlan's chest and stilled, wanting to feel it, but finding himself too tired to help.

"Are you falling asleep on me again?"

Levi's eyelids felt heavy, and he let them fall closed. "Mmm."

He breathed in deeply, once. Twice.

When he turned his head to the side, to free his nose so he could breathe more easily, the surface he was leaning on suddenly felt too hard.

Once again, he opened his eyes, and this time found himself staring at varnished wood. Levi peeled his face off the desk and sat up, his back protesting the movement. He was acutely aware of both his erection and his paper dry mouth. He ran his tongue over his gums to moisten them. Gross.

He was reaching for his dick before his brain caught up with him, and he froze. Had he actually been considering touching himself to thoughts of Furlan, only a few days after he'd died? He pushed himself out of his chair angrily and strode to the other side of the room, as though he had something to do there, but really, he just wanted away from… just away.

Cursing his own mind for conjuring that fantasy at such an inappropriate time – and now he had to wonder if there would ever be an appropriate time to think like that about Furlan again – Levi shuffled out of his room with his toiletries and down the hall, hoping he wouldn't run into anyone on the off chance his hard on was still obvious through his pants.

Levi reached the bathroom without incident, which brought him approximately a second of relief before he once again became aware of his dry mouth. He rinsed out his mouth in the sink, although he thought the tap water here tasted a bit odd. Then he simply leaned over the counter to take a few breaths and clear his mind.

There was no use focusing on the negative, so he tried to ignore how ashamed he felt. He busied himself with getting ready for the morning. This would be the last morning with Erwin's squad. Today he was meeting his new squad. He wondered how they would react to him, if they would act like Erwin's team, or if perhaps they were among those who had never wanted him here in the first place, him or his thug friends.

Then he realised they may recognise him from dinner the other day. He had caught a lot of people's attention.

Levi closed his eyes and breathed deeply again. No sense worrying about that. He went back to brushing his teeth.

Erwin was up early, as usual. He liked having some free time in the morning to think, when it was still relatively quiet. As he made his way to the mess hall to get himself some coffee, he found he was not the only one awake.

Levi was wiping down one of the tables in the lounge room. Erwin stopped to consider what it would be best to do. Maybe Levi would want to be left alone. But Erwin had wanted to speak to him anyway.

"Good morning."

Levi glanced over his shoulder and finished drying the table top before turning around, giving Erwin the impression that he had known Erwin was there all along.

"You know we have people to do that, right?" Erwin jerked his chin to the table.

"I hope you don't pay them for it."

Erwin wasn't sure what to say in response, so he moved on. "Since you're here, I thought I'd ask you to wear your training clothes to breakfast today. Or just bring a change, if you want. Anika's squad goes straight to the training yard in the morning."

"They don't train in their uniforms?"

"Not for boxing." Levi didn't seem to have anything else to say, so Erwin said, "Okay, I'll see you later," and continued towards the mess hall and kitchen.

Erwin wasn't sure if he was glad to see Levi go, or if he would rather have kept him on his team. Maybe it was a bit of both. He had seen what Levi could do when he saw him take down his first titan. Plus, when it came to all those dead titans Levi had been found with, Erwin had guessed that Levi had done that by himself. He hadn't been able to ask. Levi had not seemed ready to give too much thought to those events at the time, and Erwin didn't want to bring it back up, though Levi hadn't denied it when Erwin did mention it. But it didn't matter if he couldn't confirm it. He knew Levi was capable.

On the other hand, Levi could prove difficult to work with. And having him around caused other problems. When Erwin had first informed his own squad that he was taking charge of Flagon's squad, and keeping Levi with them, possibly indefinitely, they had been… less than thrilled.

"I've already told you my thoughts. It seems you mean to ignore them," Mike had said. "I'm not going to stand here and argue with you. I'm done." Mike had gone back to where Levi, along with his and Erwin's horses, had stood waiting while Erwin took a moment to speak to his team.

Emil had stared at Erwin, apparently too dumbfounded to speak, but Sophie had spoken up. "I understand that we have to bring him back with us until we join up with the others, but this is only for the expedition, right? Not longer?"

"This is for the expedition, yes. Levi is not officially a part of our squad. But that could change."

Emil had finally found his voice. "But… isn't he gonna go back home? He's not staying in the Survey Corps, is he?"

Erwin had turned to Emil, trying to school his face into a calm expression, though he felt anxious. He was muddy, and uncomfortable in his soaked clothes, and he just wanted this conversation to be over so they could get back to the others. "I don't know what he's going to do, but I think he could very well stay. Look, I just wanted to get you guys up to speed on the situation, and ask you to keep an eye on him. We don't have time to stand around and talk for long. There are titans here, and we don't have anyone to back us up."

Once he'd started speaking, Emil had not backed down. "Yeah, because you brought us here, away from the main formation. And what did we get for all that risk?" Emil's arm had waved towards Levi. "Just one guy."

Erwin had tried not to be too defensive, but it was hard, especially when he had to look up at the two of them, mounted on horseback as they were, when he was used to looking down. "I had no way of knowing Levi would be the only one alive."

"You had no way of knowing Levi would be alive. There were no signal flares. Sophie agrees that it wasn't worth the risk."

Sophie shot Emil a hard look, perhaps not liking being implicated in complaining behind Erwin's back, but she didn't argue. When she'd spoken, it was barely above a whisper, like she was embarrassed. "It just didn't seem… strategically wise."

Emil had been more straightforward. "We shouldn't have come."

"Are you questioning my decisions?"

"Yes."

Mike had ridden over, pulling up next to Emil. "It's Erwin's job to make decisions. It's our job to follow orders."

Erwin still remembered the look Emil had given him. Searching, worried, like he didn't quite understand Erwin but wanted very badly to trust him.

Despite Mike's words, they were always free to question his decisions, so long as there was time. There hadn't really been time, so the conversation had been cut short, with a promise to continue when they got back to the checkpoint.

Continue it had, mostly with Emil. "He's a criminal. I don't know that I want this guy lying next to me when I sleep. I don't want him watching my back when we're facing titans. I don't trust him."

"Of course he's a criminal. He's from the Underground," Erwin had reasoned. "There are no real jobs there. What is he supposed to do?"

"It's not about what he's supposed to do. I'm not saying that he was dealt a fair hand, because he wasn't. It's not his fault, but it's not mine either, and I don't think we should take a risk on this guy just to prove some point, that we're not bigoted against poor people, or something. The fact is, he isa criminal; that's his lifestyle, those are the people he hangs out with. It doesn't matter how he came to be this way."

"I happen to think it matters a great deal, how things come to be as they are." Erwin had laced his fingers together and leaned his chin on his hands, trying not to show how tired he was. Shadis had been sitting nearby, fiddling with an oil lamp, and it was impossible to tell how much he could hear. "I don't want to just accept things the way they are, even when I don't like them. I want to change things. I want to understand why things happen, because I have never been of the mindset that the present is the only thing that matters and not how we got here. So, it matters a great deal to me, the motives someone like Levi might have."

Sophie had been sitting curled up on the floor in a corner behind the table, like she did not want to be seen. She had been fiddling with what looked like a wood carving, but Erwin guessed that was a pretense to listen without speaking. She only made one contribution to the conversation. "Erwin, have you considered that we're not worried for ourselves as much as we are about you? He hurt you."

Erwin had let that sink in before he continued. He knew how best to appeal to them, knowing their pride in the Survey Corps and the reputation it had for being so close-knit, but he had wanted to really consider their view before simply arguing his own. He had given his team free rein to question him for the very important reason that he trusted their judgement, and he owed it to them to think about what they said when they did so.

"Listen, I'm not asking whether you like his being here in the Corps. That decision has already been made, and I don't need your approval for that. I hate to put it like that, but it's true. But there is something else I want to ask of you. Not as an order, because I can't order you to. Just… be good to him."

"What?" Emil's face had shown total bewilderment.

"We are not like the Garrison or the MPs. The Survey Corps is more than just a military branch. We take care of our own. We're family. You don't always get to choose your family. Whether you like it or not, whether he likes it or not, no matter what he decides in the future, as of this very moment, Levi is in the Survey Corps. That means he is one of us.

"I just want you to do for him what you would do for anybody else here. Try to keep in mind what just happened to him. Those people were his family, and they're gone now. You asked if he was going to go back, but back to what? You saw him, you know he needs a friend to watch out for him now more than ever, and he hasn't got one. The Survey Corps is all he has right now. If it seems everyone here hates him and he feels like he has to leave, then he won't have anything. Do you get what I'm saying?"

Emil had sighed, but he'd nodded too, looking resolved. "Yeah."

"Just do right by him. When we get back home, then we can discuss how you feel about him, and I'll listen. I promise."

Coffee in hand, Erwin passed the lounge room. Levi was still there, wiping away at another table. He hadn't been quite so particular about the cleaning before. Since they'd come back from the expedition, he seemed downright obsessive.

There wasn't anything he could do about that right now. Erwin continued to his office.

When he sat down at his desk, he grabbed the stack of papers lying in front of him, shuffling through them to see if there was anything new.

Reassignment Notice

To: Commander Keith Shadis, Survey Corps.

This is to acknowledge the reassignment of the following personnel:

Levi X .

. .

. .

From: Squad 12, Sq. L. Flagon Turret

To: Squad 3, Sec. Comm. Anika Meyer

For the reasons of: Termination of Squad 12

So, it was his turn to sign off on all the tedious paperwork. Erwin signed the bottom of the page, then the next few, identical but for the names. Immediately underneath those were pages regarding the changes being made to many of their squads. Erwin searched for Flagon's name, frowning at it. He had known Flagon well, and had barely thought about him since getting back. He was becoming jaded.

Squad 12

Flagon Turret, Squad Leader. dec

Sairam Mar, Second. dec

Levi X.

Furlan Church. dec

Isabel Magnolia. dec

Changes Made: Squad has been terminated for lack of personnel.

"Lack of personnel" was a rather nice way to put what essentially meant "too many dead people." He would never have said so, but Erwin hated every second of this, flipping through pages filled with dec, dec, dec, one written in clear red ink next to every deceased person's name. There were so many.

Some of the squads were getting new members, but many were simply being terminated, because they didn't have the people. Perhaps it wouldn't matter if their budget was cut. There were so many less people to house and feed, they might not notice the difference.

Erwin's morbid sense of humour was getting away from him again. He took note of the changes and saw nothing amiss, so he signed off on those.

There were some letters from the capitol. He left those for Shadis. There were also a few papers regarding maintenance of their gear, which he left for Gerhardt, because that was his area of expertise.

One of the letters was in Hange's recognisable handwriting, and he fished that one out from the others to see what it was about. It was on official stationary, but it was obvious that was just a ploy to get it in his mail.

[I hate to use ugly formatting like (s) (/s) (strikethrough) in the body of a story like you see below, not to mention notes like this, but this site doesn't seem to support strikethrough or even the angle brackets used for HTML, and I want to make sure all readers understand that that text is supposed to be crossed out]

Erwin,

It's easier to get your attention with a letter than it is to try to find you in person. That's silly. You don't spend all day in your office, do you?

Anyway, it's been a couple days since the expedition, and Mike and I were talking and we thought we should get together, maybe have a few drinks. Just the three of us. Maybe someone else, if you want to bring anybody. Let me know what day would be good for you. By the way, you're not getting out of this, so don't ignore me! (s)Mike and(/s) I will come to your office if we don't hear from you. And we'll bring drinks, and you'll have no choice but to entertain us. Never mind, Mike says he won't do that, but I will.

(s)Oh yeah, where would you want to go? Remember we were going to check out that pl(/s)

Never mind that too. Mike just reminded me that we were supposed to go to that Field Day bar for his friend's birthday, so we're gonna do that, OK?

Hange

Erwin read over the letter again. Hange's writing tended to have a certain stream-of-consciousness quality to it that made it hard to follow, but this one was actually pretty concise for them. The poor handwriting provided a second hurdle. So, were they going to hang out as "just the three of them," or would Mike's friend, and all his friends, be there? Erwin didn't mind going out with just his own friends, but the idea of going to a birthday party at a bar sounded exhausting, and not like how he wanted to spend his day off.

He flipped over the letter.

Erwin,

Sorry, man. Hange and I were talking, and we were just going to ask you to hang out with the two of us, but then I mentioned I had that birthday to go to and Hange decided we should just go to that at the same time. My bad, I should've kept my mouth shut.

Anyway, you totally don't have to come, OK? I know you won't want to. I relieve you of that obligation. I'll find something to tell Hange. Don't tell Hange I wrote this, though, alright?

Mike

Erwin chuckled before ripping up the letter and throwing it out. He would have to figure out a day to spend some real quality time with them. Maybe tonight, even.

The rest of the papers were all for him personally, which meant he was mostly done. He quickly got to the stack he had left behind for himself.

The top one had been sitting there for a few days.

Request for Citizenship for Underground Residents

He hated to admit it to himself that he'd been procrastinating dealing with this, but he had. He wasn't sure what would happen when this was done with, and had wanted more time to try to figure out what Levi wanted. But he realised that was unfair. It needed to be done.

Skimming over the paragraphs of legalese, the actual form was simple to fill out.

One. The request of citizenship is being made on behalf of (if there are multiple people, please start with the oldest adult, followed by spouse, dependants, and children, and then the next oldest adult left; please specify all relations):

Levi X

Isabel Magnolia (minor, under the custody of Levi X)

Furlan Church (business partner of Levi X)

Two. The request is being made for the purposes of (include all that apply):

There was a check mark next to Employment.

Three. I, Erwin Smith, hereby agree to sponsor the above-mentioned individuals during their probationary periods (which is to last from now until the time said individuals are granted citizenship). I understand that I can be held legally responsible for criminal actions and damages incurred by said individuals during their probationary periods.

There was more, but he didn't care to reread the rest. He wasn't worried about Levi breaking the law and getting Erwin in trouble in the next few months, especially when that would, at best, land Levi himself back in the Underground. But Erwin did give a good, long look at the one word he'd written a check mark next to himself.

Employment.

It wasn't wrong. He was making the request so that Levi could remain in the city and remain employed by the Survey Corps. Levi couldn't just stay on the base forever. He needed to be allowed to come and go freely. But he realised something suddenly, that he hadn't even considered before. There was another part of the form to consider, hidden among all that hated "legalese," as he had taken to calling it after Hange used the term.

This request is subject to the conditions listed under "Two," decided upon by the sponsor. In the event the purposes listed therein are no longer met, or no longer valid, this request will be terminated at that time.

It wasn't unheard of for people to be brought up from the Underground to work. They were usually treated poorly, but when they complained or their employers no longer wanted them around, then back to the Underground they went. That was because the employer was almost always the sponsor. It was a terrible system that left Underground residents open to all kinds of abuse, but it benefited anyone who had the power to change it, so of course it never changed.

It would be a low tactic, but that same system Erwin had criticised before could be used to his benefit. The realisation was in fact so sudden that he almost ignored it, rather than think through the implications. It's not like he had done it on purpose.

He could make Levi stay in the Survey Corps. That was exactly what Erwin wanted. So long as Levi's status as a resident of the main cities was contingent on his employment with the Corps, he would never be able to leave without risk of being sent back. Erwin was sure that once he was used to being up here, Levi would not want to go back.

Erwin's mind always went to the darkest places first, when he was trying to keep all his options open. It would be a way to control Levi, who was otherwise an unpredictable, volatile man with no ties to the Corps. It was the exact leverage Erwin would normally want.

It would also be like owning him.

Yes, Erwin's mind entertained nasty thoughts, but he was a good person. He considered it for only a second, out of habit.

He could do that. But did he want to be that kind of person?

He skimmed over the other options until he found the one he was looking for and added his second check mark.

Permanent Relocation.

After breakfast, Erwin asked Mike and the others to meet him in the stables and brought Levi out with him to the field. There were a few squads outside already, some people doing stretches and warm ups, but not many. At the far end of the field, five people were hanging out near the fence, looking like they were waiting for something. They were dressed in sleeveless shirts, sports bras, sweatpants, and shorts. So, that was them.

As Erwin and Levi approached, a woman stepped forward and she and Erwin exchanged a smile and hello that made them look like good friends. Erwin spoke.

"Alright, allow me to introduce everyone. This is Levi." Erwin placed a hand on Levi's shoulder. Normally, Levi shied away from physical contact, but he did not want to make an ass of himself in front of the people he was going to be working with. Plus, Erwin at least had clean hands.

"Levi, this is Anika. She's going to be your squad leader." The woman who seemed to be friends with Erwin looked to be maybe 40 or so, very skinny, with a pointed chin and black hair in a bob. She put forth one arm, as though to shake hands, and Levi noticed some fierce scarring on her arm.

He'd seen her before, while out with Sophie.

"Oh, great." She had finally taken a good look at him. She mostly sounded amused, but there was a worried edge to her voice.

"Is there a problem?" Erwin asked.

Levi subtly turned himself so Erwin's hand dropped away from his shoulder. He had had enough of that.

"We've met," Anika said. Erwin looked down at Levi with an odd expression, but she quickly continued, "No, he was fine. It was me that was being an idiot."

"What else is new?" said one of the men behind her. He was leaning nonchalantly on the fence, as though he did not care at all about any of this, and had a bored expression. Instantly, Levi knew he wouldn't like him. Levi knew his type.

"No harm done, I'm sure," Erwin said. "It won't be an issue, will it?" It took Levi a moment to realise Erwin was talking to him.

"It's fine."

Anika put her hand out again, and Levi steeled himself to shake it. Once again, he reminded himself he was going to be working with these people for a while, so it was in his best interests to get along.

"That's Anika's second in command, Moritz," Erwin said, gesturing to the jerk leaning against the fence. Unsurprisingly, Moritz didn't move, so at least Levi got out of another handshake. Erwin continued moving down the row of people, giving their names as Linus, Karsten and Ellie. Levi was sure he wasn't going to remember any of them.

"You're in good hands with them, trust me. They're a great team," Erwin said. To the others, he said, "Likewise; I can vouch for Levi's skill."

"He is still a rookie, though, right?" Moritz asked.

"Levi killed approximately seven titans in the last expedition," Erwin said as way of an answer, then gave Levi an appraising look, like he wanted to see his reaction. Moritz looked somewhat disappointed to hear that. "He's not going to hold you back. But he is fairly new, so you should be prepared to show him the ropes, if need be."

Anika clapped her hands authoritatively. "Ok, guys, I want you to continue from yesterday." The four other squad members moved further into the training yard and paired off with each other. It looked like they were getting ready to spar with one another. Anika looked at Erwin and Levi for a second, but left them alone without saying anything, heading over to her squad.

"Anika is a good friend of mine, and our squads often train together, so you'll still see me and the others regularly," Erwin said. "I believe you'll get along well with her."

It wasn't really her he was most worried about, but Levi didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. A man with dark hair tied back in a very short ponytail and a beard walked over to them at that moment, holding a clipboard. "Erwin?"

Erwin nodded at him, then turned back to Levi. "Alright, I'll leave you to it. Don't train too hard. After dinner the other day –"

"I thought it was pretty obvious I wanted you to forget about that."

"I can't help but be concerned when one of my squad members is sick. Especially when he seems the sort to never admit he's unwell."

"I'm not in your squad anymore."

Erwin's lips pressed together in a hard line. Rather than respond, he turned to the man waiting for him, and the two walked off together.

Levi turned around and saw Anika standing with her hands on her hips. Her body was turned towards the rest of her squad, but she was looking over her shoulder at Levi. Well, it was time to go over there and see how much better or worse his situation had become.

Levi walked over and stood beside his squad leader, as she watched over the others' training. He didn't know where to start.

"I'm sorry our first meeting went the way it did. I'm not usually so unprofessional."

Levi didn't understand why she was so embarrassed about it. "It's fine."

"They didn't tell me a lot about you, but they told me enough. I look forward to working with you," Anika said, and seemed to really mean it. "We can just pretend that never happened. Start over?"

As far as Levi was concerned, nothing did happen. But then, people up here were so careful with their professionalism. "So we're just going to pretend that you don't secretly think I'm cute?"

"Okay, now listen here," she said, sounding both defensive and amused at the same time. "I meant you were cute in a… 'from Sophie's perspective' kind of way. I wasn't trying to hit on you. Promise. No offense, but you're not really my type. I prefer my men to be tall, strong-jawed, broad-shouldered. You get the drift."

Levi almost didn't say it. He wasn't sure what possessed him to say it.

"Yeah, me too."

He had never actually admitted out loud that he liked men that way, always getting the impression that it would be a dangerous thing to admit. But he wasn't in the Underground anymore, and he wasn't afraid of these people's judgement, like he had been of being judged in the Underground. That, and not having a history of pretending to be straight to these people to make the admission more embarrassing, made him decide that this should also be part of his "fresh start:" no more pretending.

Anika paused, as though digesting the information, or perhaps trying to figure out what he meant. In that second, though he tried to deny it to himself, he felt a small burst of panic in his throat.

Memories of men in bars making jokes about queers came to the forefront of his mind. He could still remember sitting on a ratty old couch, while some of Kenny's friends sat nearby, drinking and trying to out-gross each other as part of some game. He remembered the feeling of shame building in his stomach when, after such brilliant stories as that of a girl having one too many beers and puking in some guy's mouth while making out with him, there had come a story of one of their friends getting fucked up on some drugs and doing another guy. There had been a lot of yelling and jeers, especially when they had been given all the "nasty details" of what guy-on-guy sex supposedly consisted of.

"You're gay, then?"

"Uh –"

"Great. We can gossip about guys. Ellie's too shy for it, just so you know."

"I'm not much of a gossiping person." He felt only mildly relieved.

"I've converted many others before you. What else is there to talk about, if not each other? Can't fantasize about saving humanity from the titans all day, every day."

"I guess."

The slight smile slipped from Anika's face and without it she looked rather grim. Levi couldn't help it when his own frown deepened in response. She must have been reacting to his lack of enthusiasm. He had a tendency to put people in a bad mood. This was one of those times when he hadn't meant it.

"Well, we can't stand around watching these chumps work out all morning," she said with what sounded like forced cheeriness, jerking a thumb at their other squad mates. She turned back to him and eyed his workout clothes. "I see you're dressed for it."

"Yeah."

"Then I guess we should get started."