Chapter 4
AN: Sup fools. In this chapter we is gonna get a lot of shit crammed in to you're brains today. dildo has come back from kickin a bunch of ambushers right to the fuckin moon and now he's found that Uncle Modo might be dead! is he? Well were about to find out bitches1!
Dildo ran thru the front door. Bagg-end was totaly wrecked and all his cool ass stuff was broken in to damn peices. but what was worse was when he found uncle Modo lieing on the floor with blood all around him.
"Uncle!" he cried.
quickly he pulled away all the broken furniture and pulled uncle modo away. dildo could see how serously fucked up he was. he had cuts all over his body and his feet had been broken so hard that they looked like tube socks. grabbing a bottle of malt licor he found somewhere else he splashed it over him until modo started to cough loudly.
"What the fuck are you doin boy!" he whispered taking th bottle away fromhim. "That shits expensive!"
"Uncle what happened?" Said dildo as Modo drained the bottle.
"What do you think happened. That son of a bitch beat the livin shit out of me.
HOw?
"theres no time." Said modo weakly. "Dildo, i don't have much time. i'm dying.
"You can't die uncle! you cant!"
"SILENCE!" Modo roared.
"Dildo you must listen. there is much to tell you and i dont know how long i have. So get the wax out of you're fuckin ears.
Dildo listened. Sadly.
"Long ago the bagginses and the tooks lived in peace beacuse they were family. They worked as one to perfect the very kung fu you and me use to fight with. However. In time the tooks became jealous that the bagginses were always the masters of the dojo under the hill."
"Well duh. were fuckin awesome." Said Dildo.
"Yes... we are." Said Modo. Any way then when you grand father Frodo went to destroy Sowron, he was joined by a took cousin who then went to the city of gongdor and fought with the king instead. When Sowron was defeated the took stayed in the city of men and formed his own dojo to protect the king and it was the most fuckin awesome dojo not in the shire. and the tooks no longer needed to fight over Bagg-end.
"And what has this got to do with who attacked you."
Modo coughed loudly up some blood. "The hobbit who did this to me is one of those tooks."
"a Took!?"
" yes and his name is Paraffin. he wants to get bagg-end once and for all for his clan and will useall in his power to have it."
"What do you mean uncle?"
"the tooks of Gongdor have always been the kings regent, passed down from genertion to genertion. Paraffin was also a regent too before he made the royal family disapear so he coulld then be rule by default"
silence fell in the ruined house. Dildo knew that the royal family had disapeared several years ago. but it was said that they had died in a boating accident.
"DIdn't they die in a boating accident?" he said all confused.
of corse they didn't die in a fuckin accident you dooch! That was just what he said so no one would opose him! Since then he has been perfecting his own style of kung fu while he built up his forces and power. Now he controls the Gongdor and all its armies, and he will us e them all to get bagg-end and control the shire. And with the shire under his tearanny he will be the most invincible master in the middle earth."
"NO HE WON"T I WONT LET HIM!" Shouted dildo. "I WILL DEFEAT HIM AND HIS SUCKY KUNG FU!"
Uncle Modo laughted weakly. "You wont hav a chance bitch. My kung fu is way fuckin better then you'res and he kicked my ass. If you fight him now my efforts to protect bagg-end will be wasted. only if you live will bagg-end stay out of his hands."
But if I dont do anything then he'll send more men to kill me. I defeated some on the way here but I cant defeat an army."
Modo nodded wisely.
"That is true." He said gravely.
Modo gave him a serous look. Then he bent over and threw up blood. he grabbed dildo's shirt and pulled him close to his face.
"you're only hope is to do what your supposed to be doin now dildo... You must go out in to middleearth and learn from other masters. You... you must make a new stlye of hobbit kung fu, one that not even that dick wesel paraffin can defeat. You must... you...must..."
and then he went limp in the young hobbit's arm. Dildo rised his head. tears were runnin down his face and he screamed so loud that all the windows in a five mile area exploded.
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Then he broke down and man sobbed.
Later...
Dildo looked back at bagg-end for the last time before he threw a lit torch in to the pool of oil he left inside the house. He felt it was the right thing to do.
He was about to start a quest he may never return from and until then it could fall in the hands of Paraffin. And there was an other reason. he had left his uncle's body in there too. Now he would have a warrior's funeral.
as the flames climbed higher Dildo take out his most prized possesion he had left behind earlyier and looked at it in the fire light. It was a small carved box of wood. His uncle had gave it to him when he was little and said it was a magic box he should always keep. rememberin that he holded it even tighter before he put it back in his pocket.
Wipin away his last tear he turned from the burnin house and walked away.
He was gonna be the greatest kung fu master in middle earth. He would find the greatest masters he could find and train until he could go to Gongdor and make Paraffin eat his own feet.
AN: Now Dildo is settin out on a jorney that will shake Middle Earth to its core! Come back next week for some shit awesome fighting!
RATE THIS CHAPTER OR I'LL SCREAM SO LOUD ITLL SMASH YOUR WINDOWS!