DISCLAIMER: Pokémon belongs to Nintendo
CHAPTER 4
Charlie moaned the whole way through Mt Moon, which was why Kozak and Burnsy were very glad to get out the other side. Once there they were in sight of Cerulean City, and Burnsy's eyes were immediately drawn to the Gym. There were these little children playing in front...
Burnsy tried to shake out of his head the thoughts that three years of therapy had never been quite able to get rid of. He walked towards the Gym confidently, conveniently ignoring the fact that the only Pokémon he had were his Charmander and a Magikarp some very nice man had sold him in Mt Moon, neither of which would be of much use in Cerulean's water Gym. Even Magikarp, which looked like a fish but was really just a big, red shit.
Burnsy burst into the Gym and his confidence was suddenly blown to bits when he realised that the Gym was full of girls in skimpy swimsuits. Charlie and Kozak thought they'd died and gone to heaven, but to Burnsy the sight was terrifying...
"I'm here to challenge the Gym Leader!" Burnsy shouted, realising that the time honoured way of picturing them in their underwear to get rid of nerves wasn't going to work as they were already in their underwear.
"That would be me!"
A young boy emerged from a door to the right. He had a big afro and all he was wearing was a very small Speedo. Somewhere off to the right a boy named Matty died of happiness.
"Did you call my mum fat?" Charlie demanded.
"I am Beatty," the boy said, causing every one of the scantily clad women in the room to suddenly orgasm. They made quite a bit of noise whilst doing it, and even Beatty seemed rather scared.
"We will each use three Pokémon," Beatty said. Burnsy hastily agreed. After all, he had the mighty water type known as Magikarp.
Just as Pewter City Gym's battle field had been a pile of stones, Cerulean City's Gym had a swimming pool for such a purpose. Burnsy and Beatty stood at either side. Burnsy called out his Magikarp. Beatty used a Starmie. If Magikarp had an arse then Starmie would have been considered to be pounding it.
Burnsy was somewhat shocked that his master plan had failed. So he called out Charmander, which took one look at the water and then looked at Burnsy as if he was mad. Charmander, being a fire type, had the desire to get as far away from the water as possible. So it ran towards one of the scantily clad women and buried itself in her chest.
Charmander was considered to have forfeited after that (although in the minds of many being buried in the chest of a scantily clad woman can never be called the coward's way out). Burnsy found himself, once again, out of Pokémon. So this time he filched Kozak's faithful Pokémon, the electric sheep, Mareep.
Burnsy wasn't sure exactly what Kozak had done with his Mareep, but he sure as hell hadn't trained it. It didn't even know any electric attacks, so if just floated there in the middle of the pool while Burnsy shouted abuse at it. Beatty seemed rather amused at the other side of the pool. In frustration Burnsy grabbed poor Mareep by the tail and proceeded to swing it around his head, before launching the poor creature at Beatty's Starmie. By some freak of chance it worked, and Starmie was knocked flying.
No one seemed more surprised than Mareep.
Beatty called out his next Pokémon, the very useless Goldeen. Burnsy was promptly defeated.
Now, Burnsy was most upset by this new development, and so he proceeded to shout abuse at Charlie, who was, at least in his opinion, clearly the one to blame for his loss.
"Actually, there is another way to win the badge," Beatty said. Everyone's heads snapped up, and somehow a microphone seemed to have appeared in Beatty's hand.
"Karaoke contest!" the girls all shouting, then started giggling like, well, girls.
Beatty and Burnsy were ready, and Beatty then proceeded to give one of the most horrifying renditions of Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls that you will hear, though it was only interrupted once towards the end when every girl in the room simultaneously experienced thirty-seven consecutive orgasms.
Burnsy knew that would be tough to beat, so he had to choose one of the greatest songs ever in the world. One he had been known to sing many a Saturday night, only in that case it was in a very special variety of club...
"Young man
There's no need to feel down
I said young man
Get yourself off the ground..."
Those may or may not be the lyrics, but Burnsy sang them anyway, complete with pelvic thrusts and Charlie dressed as a cowboy, for whatever reason.
None of the girls orgasmed this time, but Beatty had a strange fluid leaking from his Speedos and he was doing a fair bit of crying.
"That was the best song I've ever heard," Beatty said once he had changed his Speedos. "Here, you have earned this badge." He gave Burnsy the badge, and they were all so distracted they did not notice that another young boy had arrived and grabbed the microphone, and proceeded to perform his own special version of I Touch Myself.
"I don't want to be with anybody else.
When I think about you
I
Touch
MYSELF!"
Beatty started crying again pretty soon. He was going through a lot of pairs of Speedos that day.