AN: Holy hell, sorry for not updating. But now my finals are over, and I can safely type all I want! Here you go ;)
It was a cloudy evening.
Two long months had passed, and a soul left our household.
Byakuya, I signed, entering his quarters. It's time to go.
He looked up at me. There were bags under his eyes; his skin was paler than usual, veins shining through in the places it was truly paper-thin. He was tired and saddened, showing more feeling than ever.
He gave a short nod and stood up, leaving his chair. I half-consciously noticed an ink stain on the table next to it, and a small bottle, which had been knocked over. Instinctively, I reached to clean it with my apron, but Byakuya held my hands back.
"Please, Mizuka, come with me.", he sighed, and I followed obediently.
Oh, it was seriously a bad day. After Hana passed away, Kiri threw my things out of our room, and locked herself inside. I attempted to hide that from Byakuya, scared he'd force her to leave, but he found out soon. And didn't do anything.
It's unfair to say that guy's cold. I mean, inside, he's just normal. It's not his fault that some people don't see that.
Souls vanished after they died. We had no body to burn or to mourn over; funerals in the Seireitei, if they were ever held, usually centred themselves around fire and prayer. Hana – flower; that's why thirty servants spent the whole day decorating the place of Hana's funeral with white rose petals.
In secret, I wondered whether Byakuya would choose to somehow make use of his bankai. It too consisted of petals, after all; wouldn't it make the ceremony all that much more beautiful?
At least, that's what I thought. I didn't ask him though.
I'd already pulled my limits with dropping his honorific. That was simply because it was faster to sign when dropping all polite forms; he seemed to understand that. He sometimes even replied using that language, when he didn't have the strength to talk, or when he was worried about somebody overhearing. I appreciated it. The moment he saw I couldn't write, he took it upon himself to find a different way to talk to me… and he did. If that wasn't amazing, then…
"Mizuka.", he sighed, noticing I'd drifted off. "Help Hisana come down here."
My eyes widened.
Yes.
I trotted upstairs, where I had to help Hisana change, and later change my own clothes. In the back of my head I noted to clean Byakuya's table later on.
I'd changed. Quite a lot. I paid attention to detail now, I took better care of others, I'd lost some of the pride I'd gained. I lost some of the respect I had for elite. Come to think of it, I lost more than I gained. Oh, damn that.
Bow. Hisana-sama weakly smiled at me and raised her arms above her head, letting me take her nightgown off. I quickly replaced it with a pitch-black kimono. It only highlighted the sick, greenish colour of her face.
"I will miss Hana-san.", she spoke quietly, as I tied the pillow and folded a bow. "She was a wise woman. Mizuka surely thinks so also?"
She glanced over her shoulder. I nodded.
"Mizuka is wise as well.", she added with a smile. "When I'm gone, please watch over my Byakuya-sama for me."
I locked my eyes in the floor, having finished her kimono. Hisana-sama patted my head and left slowly. I hovered behind her like a ghost, careful not to let her fall over or faint. This was really a terrible day.
I changed next. Black fitted me; or so I supposed, looking in the mirror. At the same time, I wondered if Kiri had changed as well. Probably yes. She might have broken down before, but I knew she'd pull herself together. Some people had that kind of strength.
I headed downstairs and outside to join with the rest of the gathered. It was a small group; about five servants, the small boy that was always running around, Kiri, Byakuya and Hisana-sama – separately stood a man of religion to guide our prayers. Or something.
"Mizuka", Kiri glanced at me. "I…"
I shook my head quickly and stood next to her. We walked.
Watching Kiri cry really wasn't something I'd wanted to do. Ever. But it was almost interesting to watch as Byakuya's turn came to speak; as master of the house, he was surely going to. And as I've mentioned, his bankai interested m…
"Mizuka", he said quietly, calling me to his side.
It was so sudden that I almost tripped, scurrying over. Byakuya slowly pulled Senbonzakura from his belt and handed it to me. I silently (duh.) took it and pressed it to my chest like I was clutching a baby. All self-confidence aside, I was now terrified of dropping that precious chunk of metal. Damn it. Damn it.
Byakuya, having left his weapon, took a step forwards.
"Hana, I now stand before you not as a Shinigami, and not as head of the Kuchiki family. I stand before you as a long-time friend and companion. I…"
Mi-zu-ka.
I almost screamed.
The voice was inside of my head. I slowly, wearily looked down at the sword in my arms.
Take care of the ninnyhammer, won't you?
My hands were shaking. Do not drop Senbonzakura. Do not drop Senbonzakura, for heaven's sake.
You're a nice little dumpling. When Hisana's brown bread, best you stick with him, eh? Oh, shit, incoming.
I glanced up to see Byakuya expectantly holding his hand out. Damn it, was he done already? I quickly returned the sword, still shaken after it had spoken to me. Not it. He.
I felt terrible for letting my mind wander on such a sorrowful occasion, I really did. I was going to mourn Hana-san for many months, that was sure. I loved her dearly. I mean…
Byakuya was looking at me like he knew. His eyes were slightly wider than usual.
"Love.", Hisana quietly caught his attention, at the same time making me flinch. Byakuya turned around and joined her, as the religious fellow dipped his fingers in a flat bowl of water and gently put out the biggest candle. A think wisp of smoke danced up into the sky, pulling our gazes with it.
Kiri was crying. I was crying. Hisana was crying.
But I wouldn't be surprised if somebody told me Senbonzakura was solving crossword puzzles.
Kiri left.
She vanished from the household along with all her things; I just woke up, and found her gone. It was like she'd never been there in the first place. She'd done the dishes and mopped the kitchen floor until it gleamed; she'd washed and ironed my dusty pink kimono and put fresh flowerheads in a bowl of water on the kitchen table.
The sun shone beautifully, making me feel unfittingly warm. And it somehow took away my sadness.
I went about my usual duties.
"Mizuka-san… hey…"
The little boy was tugging at my clothes. I raised my eyebrows.
He had very large, dark eyes and strawberry red cheeks.
"Are you leavin' too?", he asked. "Kiri-san gone."
I shook my head with a smile. "Please stay bold and cheerful as you are. You're the only one left."
No, he wasn't right. He was a little blind when it came to seeing happiness, wasn't he? It was a bright day. A bright, beautiful day, with rays of sunlight lighting up this tiny kid's brown hair and eyelashes.
I ruffled those pretty, shiny locks.
"Mizuka-san, I don't really have a name.", he rumbled quietly, "but I'd like to, uh. I'd like to be something pretty like Hana."
I gave a small shrug, then re-focusing on mixing the rice in my bowl. It appeared I was the only one, apart from the boy, that had woken up. Too bad Kiri took her clock – I didn't know the time anymore.
Tears ran down my cheeks, but I quickly wiped that. Troublesome.
"Can I be Suisen?"
Daffodil. That was a pretty name.
I smiled brightly and nodded, stopping my work to answer the boy. Suisen.
"Mizuka-san…"
This time, I rolled my eyes. Was he ever going to let me finish making breakfast? Byakuya and Hisana both needed to be served…
"Mizuka-san, it's four in the morning."
I stopped, staring at the rice. Oh, God. No. I covered my face. And here I'd thought that… Here I thought that maybe I could somehow function with both Hana and Kiri gone. Ah, dumb. Shouldn't have even considered that.
My butt hit the floor and I put my arms around myself. Suisen grabbed onto my leg and pursed his lips, quite obviously trying to be unhappy… Hah, he was probably quite glad Kiri was gone, the little brat. After all, she'd mostly just yelled at him.
"Go to sleep.", he muttered. I wanted to ask him what he was doing up so early, but there was no way of doing that. He probably had no good reason anyway.
Still feeling more than down, I pulled myself to my room and tried to fall asleep, but quickly found out it was impossible. After about ten minutes of this, I went out – into the gardens, and prayed for a bit like a gullible little girl. It was such a pretty morning after all, and warm too, which was uncommon for such an early hour – I could use the fresh air.
First Kiri, then Hisana; they both dropped the cutesy honorific. I hadn't given it much thought, but my transformation from Mizuka-chan to Mizuka-san somehow happened in the (now) three years I'd spent in the Kuchiki residence. Was it possible that my personality had started seeping through? Come to think of it, the other servants – not just Suisen – had started calling me Mizuka-san. Even Nika, the shopper girl, who was my age (at least visually). That was… almost curious.
To my shock, I suddenly noticed somebody in the garden with me. At first I thought it was Byakuya – cough, hoped – but the person was way too short and feminine-looking. I quickly recognized Hisana-sama; I scurried up to her, fearful.
She must've noticed my agitation.
"Mizuka, calm down", she pleaded with a smile, "I couldn't help but go out for a walk."
I bit down on my lip.
"Mizuka's so kind to me. Just like Byakuya-sama, Mizuka…", she closed her eyes for a moment. I felt a little guilty, after all, how many times had I gotten pointlessly angry at this woman before? How many times had I blamed her, when it clearly wasn't her fault? And kami, how many times had I accused her of not loving Byakuya?
Oh, damn it. I'd done so much wrong. I'd had so many thoughts that were wrong.
Thankfully, she didn't seem to notice any of my emotions at the time; she was staring somewhere into a faraway point, deep in her own self.
"Could I tell Mizuka something?", she asked quietly.
I nodded at once.
"I've done some terrible things."
The hell was that supposed to mean? I waited anxiously, brow furrowed.
"Mizuka protects others and looks after them. I even asked… even asked that she protect my Byakuya-sama", she looked at me for a second, then lost focus again, "I cannot do such a thing."
She knew I had no way of comforting her. I could only hug people and hold hands, but I wouldn't do that with her, surely, come on. She wasn't like Kiri. She was elite, high-born, and wealthy, and I was nothing more than a servant. A very stuck-up servant, but still, I knew my place!
Well… I'd never really paid attention to that when I touched or talked to Byakuya though…
Eh, focus on Hisana-sama's monologue. Sh.
"I was born in the Rukongai."
I winced. What? What? What?
She smiled politely, closing her eyes.
"It's true. That's where Byakuya-sama found me, I thought Mizuka should know…", she continued, fully turning to face me. "I was on the verge of death when he appeared, like an angel. He was a little rough around the edges at the time… a little different than the Byakuya-sama of today"
Byakuya? Rough around the edges?
I literally wanted to kneel and listen to her forever, as long as she told me more about "rough around the edges" Byakuya.
"It quickly changed, of course. Perhaps, if he'd stayed that way, I might've returned his love somehow."
She looked at me uncertainly, like she was feeling guilty, at the same time relieved that she'd said something she'd been wanting to say for a long time. And I knew what her words meant. I'd been right.
Does Byakuya know?!, I signed without even knowing it, to which Hisana didn't reply. How could she? The only person that could ever understand my words was Byakuya himself.
"I don't deserve the love of a man like that.", she added after a moment. "Does Mizuka think I'm a bad person?"
I couldn't find a reply in my mind, so I did nothing. Hisana smiled.
"Maybe if I told Mizuka…"
In that moment Hisana attempted to take a step towards me; she suddenly collapsed, devoid of all feeling. She'd fainted in less than a second, no warning – I immediately jumped up to her and lifted her up in both arms. She was light as a feather.
Though her words still bugged me, I didn't think about them anymore that day. I just carried her to her bedroom and put her back in bed; then, as it was around six, I just went back to what I'd started two hours earlier.
I realised Hisana was yet to find out Kiri was gone. I wondered what her reaction would be. I wondered what Byakuya would do. All that.
"Good morning"
Byakuya discreetly yawned as I put a tray next to his bed. There were two cups of tea there, as usual. One was vanilla, and the other – wisteria-scented black.
Byakuya half-consciously reached for the second up, and put it to his lips. Not that it came as a surprise, he didn't really drink the vanilla tea I gave him, as I've mentioned – but…
Still…
"These scents don't match very well, Mizuka", he scolded.
Well no shit.
Sorry, I signed, cocking an eyebrow. But the tea is good?
"You have done better", he sighed and put the tea back, rising from his mattress. I longingly stared at the comfy mix of cushions and covers that his bed had recently been equipped with; it must feel good to wake in something like that. "Are you alright? You look slightly pale."
I'm perfectly fine, I replied with a smile, watching him pick up the cup again and take a sip. But Kiri left.
Byakuya chocked.
He looked at me, shocked, and put the cup down immediately.
"She left? Where is she?"
I don't know. She didn't leave a note, I replied sadly, but I did alright without her help on the breakfast, and I also managed to make something sweet for Hisana-sama.
"Kiri left?", Byakuya seemingly ignored my efforts of changing the topic.
My eyes narrowed a little.
Leave her be, Byakuya, I signed and looked away to hide my own grief. I can manage with everything. You don't have to worry.
"Mizuka, you aren't yourself.", he spoke coldly, taking a step towards me. Then, he put a hand on my shoulder. "You can't take care of all the work, you know that. I will promptly employ a new steward and head to replace Hana-san and Kiri."
I don't want anybody else.
"What did you say?"
I don't want anybody else, I repeated stubbornly.
"Your behaviour is immature."
I can cook and clean and shop and tend to Hisana-sama and…
I counted angrily, listing a crazy amount of tasks, and it was obvious I couldn't carry them all out, come on. Truly, physically impossible. But I wanted to do so, and-
Byakuya grabbed hold of both my dancing hands.
"Sh."
I faced down, closing my eyes. Pride? What is that even? I'd lost it all.
"Are you afraid?", he asked quietly.
I nodded.
"You aren't alone, Mizuka. Neither of us is, though I see we share the tendency to think so."
I remembered my own thoughts. Nobody actually likes me. It's just Mizuka, the mute girl. The mute girl…
I'm so stuck up. No wonder people stay away from me. I'm so proud and annoying. Why would anybody want to talk?
Aristocracy is so amazing. This manor, so beautiful. So much higher than me…
I looked at Byakuya.
Mizuka-chan to Mizuka-san. Why?
When I created distance between myself and the others, they started viewing me as somebody high and mighty. As somebody… elite…
I stared at Byakuya, slowly realising it had been the same for him.
He suddenly cleared his throat and let my hands go.
"How's Hisana?"
She fainted today, I answered shamefully. I was feeling guilty again. This man… this man. She's resting now, I think. I'll bring her that sweet I mentioned earlier.
"And I'll… send Nika to search for new servants.", he nodded. "Hopefully, they will be of use to you, Mizuka. I'd also like to inform you…"
Even in his night robe, he looked royal, like he was announcing who had won a competition.
"…That she won't be searching for somebody to take Hana-san's place.", Byakuya lightly lowered his head. "That is your position from now on. Please ask Tario for a chance of attire."
I gasped.
AN: Dear God, I cannot believe I just spent three hours on this crap.
I'm sorry it's choppy and weird, I think my bunny has been brutally murdered. Or maybe I'm just tired? Anyway, please do review, and let me know what you liked and/or disliked. I want to improve!
*pokemon theme song plays in the background*