Chapter Four

Claudia felt her throat close up at the sight of the results. Her head started spinning and her knees felt weak. Her breathing became rapid and uneven, and she couldn't tear her eyes away from the test. Johnny watched his sister's face turn the color of paper, and, before she could pass out, grabbed her by the elbow and led her to the bed so she could sit down.

"Johnny," was all Claudia could say, looking up at him with tears in her eyes, beginning to hyperventilate. "Johnny—what…"

Johnny himself looked like he was trying not to panic. That made Claudia feel a little better. One of them had to be levelheaded throughout this situation. "It's gonna be okay," he said, sounding like he was reassuring himself more than her. He pulled her close to him, letting her rest her head on his shoulder, her one hand still clutching the pregnancy test, the other wrapped around her stomach. "Maybe it's wrong. I'll go to the store and get you another one, or we'll take you to a doctor."

Claudia shook her head, tears falling from her eyes. "There's no such thing as a false positive. The test looks for a certain hormone in pregnant women. The hormone can go undetected, but it can't be falsely detected." Just saying the words out loud made it seem all the more real. Claudia was pregnant, plain and simple. Actually, it wasn't very simple. The father of her child was a man who she had only met once in her life, and whose name she didn't even know. She was starting to work her way up in the organization, but she couldn't do such a dangerous job with a baby on the way. And what would Trevor say? Or her father, if he ever found out?

Both of them sat in silence for awhile, Johnny rubbing Claudia's arm while she cried into his shoulder. What was she going to do? She could have an abortion. Hell, Johnny could take her right now. Everything would be solved and she would never have to think of that night again. She could just erase this section of her life from her brain and move forward, like it was a recurring bad dream that she had finally gotten rid of. But this wasn't just a dream. It was a living nightmare. The baby inside of her was real. It was growing bigger every second. The one thing in her life that she had never wanted was now attached to her, never to disappear except by her will or some random act of God.

Claudia considered. She didn't want an abortion. How many times had her father threatened to drown her, or choke the living daylights out of her? He'd hated her, but he'd never followed up on any of his promises. She didn't hate this baby. She didn't love it, but it wasn't its fault that it existed. It was hers, and she had to deal with the consequences. Claudia might be ruthless, but she only went after those who deserved it. This baby didn't deserve to die before it was born.

So, what other options did she have? There was adoption. That might work out. The baby could be put into a loving home with parents who wanted it, who needed it. The baby would definitely have a better life with someone else than with Claudia. Here, it would be surrounded by never-ending violence. Claudia would find a safe home for it, somewhere far from Port Charles, where the Zacchara name couldn't touch it. She would be happy, and the baby would be happy. Everyone would win.

But Zaccharas didn't give up their children. Even Claudia, who had been hated since the day she was born, hadn't been dropped off on someone else's doorstep until she was sixteen. Despite the loathing and hatred that her father had had for, he had still kept her. Once again, Claudia didn't hate her baby. So if Anthony Zacchara could hold onto a child he despised, why couldn't Claudia hold onto one that she didn't?

Besides, wasn't that a little cowardly, pushing her mistake onto someone else? Granted, whoever adopted her baby would want it and would understand the responsibilities that came with it, but wasn't it up to Claudia, who had had unprotected, anonymous sex in the first place, to own up to her behavior and raise the child herself? Yes, it would be difficult, with everything she had going on now, but she'd make sacrifices. She could protect the baby, and she could care for it. She'd do everything. She'd eat healthy. She'd read all the parenting books. She'd make sure the child had everything it could ever want or need. It would go to the best schools, pursue any passion it wanted to. She would love it, and Johnny would love it, too.

Of course, Claudia had her doubts. She wasn't exactly mother material. She had spent her entire adult life in organized crime. She carried a concealed firearm with her wherever she went. But wasn't being a mother instinctual? Wasn't there, somewhere deep in the back of the female brain, a genetic coding that enabled women to care for their children under any circumstances? Maternal instinct, that was what it was called. Claudia listened to it now. It was telling her to keep and raise the baby to best of her ability, because she would seriously regret losing it in one way or another.

"Johnny, I need to ask you something," Claudia sniffled. Though her mind was made up, she still wanted her brother's input.

"Sure, anything," said Johnny as she lifted his head from her shoulder to look him directly in the eye.

"What would you say if I wanted to keep the baby?" Claudia asked nervously. "I mean, raise it, here, in this house. Would you help me?"

Johnny considered what she was asking for a second, and Claudia's stomach turned as she watched his face become thoughtful. "Do you think raising a baby in this environment is such a good idea?"

No, thought Claudia. "We were both raised in this environment, and we—well, you at least…you turned out okay."

Johnny looked at her skeptically. "Really?"

"Well, you've got a little damage, but I don't think that has to do with the violence," said Claudia, shrugging her shoulders. "I think it was because of Daddy. You know, he was crazy, and with your mom and everything…"

"But all of that was related to the business," Johnny pointed out. "Dad went crazy because of the power. The greed and superiority drove him nuts."

Claudia placed the pregnancy test down on her bedside table and wrapped both of her amrs around her stomach, cradling the little life inside of her. "I made a promise to myself when I was little, after Daddy left my mom, that I would never turn out like him. I would try so hard not to let something consume me like the business consumed him. I told myself I would know if I ever became like him, and get help. And I intend to keep that promise, especially now."

"But it's not that simple," Johnny insisted. "When your mind changes like that, you don't recognize it. You don't recognize yourself."

"I have something that Daddy didn't have," said Claudia looking back up at him. "I have you."

Johnny snorted. "Dad did have me, remember? I made everything worse."

Claudia shook her head. "No, that's not what I mean. I remember my mother trying to tell Daddy he was sick, and he didn't listen. He didn't listen to anybody, except Trevor, who wanted him to be sick. The sicker he was, the more powerful he'd get, and the more successful Trevor would be. And even your mom didn't tell him something was wrong, and I'm sure she regrets that now." Claudia gave a single laugh as she remembered her dead stepmother, and how she had torn the family apart. "There is only one person in the world who I'd ever listen to, and that's you, John." Johnny smiled. "And I know you'd tell me if I was starting to get sick."

Johnny nodded. "I would." He looked down at her stomach, where her arms were still tightly wrapped. "Do you really want to keep it?"

"Yes," said Claudia through her tears. "I want it to have the childhood that I never had. I want it to be loved, and to want for nothing. I don't want it to go through what I went through, and I'm the only one who can make sure that doesn't happen."

"Okay," said Johnny, nodding. He didn't seem to like Claudia's plan, but he wasn't fighting her on it, which Claudia appreciated. She didn't need someone to fight her. She just needed someone to support her, whether they agreed with her or not, because she wasn't changing her mind. "But I have a question."

Well, at least it wasn't a complaint. "What is it?"

"If you're going to keep this baby," Johnny started, seeming hesitant, "don't you think you should at least find out who the father is? Maybe let them know they have a kid on the way?"

Claudia couldn't believe she hadn't thought of that after making her decision. She had just decided that she would raise the baby here. She hadn't given much thought to the father, mostly because it made her feel sick. She didn't really know him, except in the biblical sense, and she couldn't think about him without thinking of that night. She couldn't even imagine him being a part of the baby's life. Besides, it wasn't like she was ever going to see him again. Why tell him he had a kid, mess up his life, when Claudia didn't really want him involved anyway?

"What's the point?" she asked Johnny. "I can raise the baby by myself—well, with your help of course." She smiled. Johnny didn't. "I don't need the guy's money, I don't need somewhere to live…why make it complicated by bringing him into it? What we had wasn't supposed to be a long-term thing. It was one and done. Why make it something more?"

Johnny just stared at her. "Wouldn't you want to know if you a kid walking around this planet? And don't you think your kid is gonna want to know its father, at least what his name is?"

And that was why she needed him. He thought more clearly than she did, and he was smarter. He also had the male perspective, which Claudia respected. But there was still one problem. "How do you propose I find him?"

Johnny was already a step ahead of her. "I know how."