Disclaimer: It really is still J.K. Rowling's, that is, except for my ideas.

That Potter Boy

If anyone thought that their weekend was positively disastrous, and that absolutely no one had a worst experience than themselves, Ella Richards could easily prove them wrong with two words: James Potter.

Oh no, he hadn't decided to direct his outrageous affections towards Ella instead of Lily, and no, he didn't appoint Ella to the position of mentoring him on how to be a respectable human being instead of a self-absorbed prat in order to gain Lily's affections, either.

No, no, no, no!

Really now, this was James Potter here. He was not your average teenage boy who could be molded into 'perfect boyfriend' material with proper motivation, nor could he realize that pining relentlessly after a female equally as stubborn as himself was just a heartbreaking tragedy waiting to happen. (Ella decided he also had yet to learn that sending rather suggestive letters to his object of affection was not an adequate technique. It had, over the years, been proven many times.)

But these certain…qualities of that Potter boy were not what caused Ella's weekend to be a horrifying experience.

You see, it was just his inability to cast an effective spell of the romantic variety. That was it, just that little fact about that insufferable male that ruined Ella's weekend to the upmost point.

If she only hadn't stepped in front of Lily during that fateful Care of Magical Creatures class on Friday, if she had just given up preventing Lily from doing anything rash to James Potter, then that sorry excuse of a love spell would have hit Lily instead of her. Lily would have been the one to spend the weekend in the hospital wing in the bloody quarantined section while Madam Mullins raced to find a cure.

But no, she had to be the good little Ella that she always is and sacrifice herself and a whole weekend of perfect weather. And to sit in a bed listening to Madam Mullins mutter about how far lovesick teenagers will go these days, no less.

It was not fair at all.

She stomped her way down the hallway—she'd been released that morning—towards the fantastic History of Magic classroom that she couldn't just wait to enter after two and a half days of absolutely nothing. Oh yes, she was positively ecstatic!

The rain pounded harder on the windows.

Approaching from the opposite end of the hallway was the familiar figure of her darling friend Issy. Ella, having been deprived of social contact for so long, could simply not help herself from flailing with joy.

However, her happiness was not reciprocated. In fact, Issy simply gave her a cold stare and then ignored her all together.

Ella sighed. So something big had happened this weekend, something that she, of course, had missed.

Oh, that bloody James Potter.

: : :

Monday, History of Magic, 1 month, 8 days until O.W.L.s

Oh Lily, what is up with Issy?

Haven't you heard?

Oh yes, I hear all the gossip in the quarantined section of the hospital wing.

Right, sorry about that.

You should be.

I didn't put you in the hospital wing. Potter did.

Yeah, because his 'love spell' missed you and hit me! You just had to drag me along.

If I remember correctly, you were following me!

I was trying to stop you from making a rash decision to decapitate Potter!

You should have let me.

Yes, so you could spend the rest of your life rotting in Azkaban.

At least I wouldn't have been falling in love with every person I came in contact with like someone I know.

Don't make fun of me Lily Evans!

I was simply stating a fact.

Sure you were.

I was. Anyway, Issy caught Ryan Bond cheating with some seventh year Slytherin named Bambi.

That's…it? She looked practically murderous.

She is murderous.

But they only dated for like…two weeks! If that was even classified as dating, that is.

Which it isn't, since he was only—

Marking his territory, I know. He'll be done with that woodland creature in no time.

That's what I said. He's not worth all this angst she has acquired.

Well, I guess it was a Slytherin. That had to have hurt a bit.

Yeah, I guess. She didn't want to do anything this weekend, obviously.

So what did you do then?

I did all of this week's homework. And I hung around in the library.

Sounds like you had almost as fun as I did.

It was actually fun.

Seriously?

No.

Well then. How are we going to cheer Issy up?

I don't know. Throw paper balls at her?

That would make her mad. Like you said, she's murderous.

I was kidding.

You can throw paper balls at me.

Whatever, Sirius.

Just making a suggestion to aid your boredom.

We aren't bored.

Then why did you want to throw paper balls at her?

So Issy'd cheer up.

I'll cheer her up! I'm good at this, since I'm such a charming fellow!

NO!

I'm hiding this time. No more quarantined sections for this girl.

AHH!

: : :

Monday, Potions, 1 month, 8 days until O.W.L.s

I never thought I'd say this, but I feel sorry for Sirius.

I don't. He's not in the quarantined section is he?

Yeah, but she practically killed him!

She did not practically kill him.

Whatever, it sounds better.

I think Sirius is rubbing off on you.

Um?

Where's Issy, by the way?

I took her to the hospital wing to calm down.

Shudder

What?

The hospital wing has bad, bad memories.

Please Ella, you were there for two and a half days.

In the quarantined section!

I get the point Ella.

I don't think you do.

You know what? I am going to start my potion now.

Good idea.

I know I have good ideas.

No really, I think Sirius has lent you part of his ego-maniac quality.

Er, Ella? What are you talking about?

Anything and everything.

Are you ok?

Gah give me a break here, I haven't had sufficient social contact in quite a while.

Obviously.

: : :

Tuesday, Divination, 1 month, 7 days until O.W.L.s

Sorry about Issy yesterday.

Yeah, really. My face will never ever be the same.

It looks like it always does.

Maybe to a girl like you. But to me, oh, it's ruined my dream of becoming a male model and frequent magazine cover model.

You want to be a male model?

No.

Then why'd you say your injury ruined your dream of becoming a male model?

Because it sounded more dramatic! Dammit Lily!

What?

You made me sound like a phony liar!

You were the one that—

Don't try to come up with some lame excuse and blame it on me. We all know it's your fault.

But--

Just don't.

Look, I'm--

Whatever, Lily. I don't want to hear it.

Er I--

Dammit Lily! You're making me sound like a heartless jackass and now I feel bad about myself.

Maybe that was my intention?

But I thought your intention was to reveal my streak as a phony liar, not to expose my history as a heartless jackass.

So you are admitting that they are, indeed, true statements?

In reality, yes. I am both a phony liar and a heartless jackass. But you need not to worry, Lily. I would never be a phony liar or a heartless jackass to you my Queen. Never to you.

Are you flirting with me..?

No, my silly, silly Lily Ba-dilly! I was simply contradicting my two previous statements by being honest and thoughtful.

But you just said--

No matter what I just said, dearest Flower. What is important is that you understand that I do not exist in the world where things are black and white, but in the world where things are gray and undefined.

Has anyone ever told you that you make no sense whatsoever?

Quite frequently, come to think of it.

Well, it's true.

According to you.

According to everyone but you.

Well, anyway, where is that monstrous female that got us on this subject in the first place.

Issy?

Who else would I be talking about. Professor McGonagall?

Oh. Issy is still in the hospital wing.

Why?

The nurse said she was under stress and needed a break.

Good.

Er?

I don't want her to ruin my chances of male modeling even more.

Oh. Back to this again, are we?

If you want. I'm up for it.

You are a strange one Sirius.

Hey! How come you can talk to Sirius but not to me?

Because he was nearly slaughtered by my best friend.

She means that I am more hot, sexy, and handsome. Right Lily?

Uh..no.

Hey now!!

See! Not all the female population is in love with your 'smashingly' good looks.

Lily? It's not that funny.

You are so ugly she is laughing about it!

Pain! Being rejected by thy Queen is pain!

Sorry.

Merlin. Did Lily Evans actually say sorry to me?

I was talking to Sirius.

Oh. Damn.

I can't believe I'm talking to you! AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ELLA!

What'd I do?

Not you, Sirius. POTTER! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? WRITE THAT NOTE AND HEX MY POOR FRIEND!

I am sorry about that.

OUT!

Me too?

OUT!

Even me, your most humble servant?

I said I was sorry!

OUT!

I'M GOING! DON'T TAKE OUT YOUR WAND! I'M LEAVING!

Can I stay?

I don't know why you would want to.

Because, Lily, you are an entertaining person! And you put up with my genuinely confusing conversations.

No, I mean, class is over.

Oh, well. Finally!

: : :

Tuesday, Defense Against the Dark Arts, 1 month, 7 days until O.W.L.s

Did you actually talk to Black and Potter without attacking them?

I was bored. And anyway, I almost hexed Potter.

Good. That boy deserves every (almost) hex he gets.

He really does.

Just don't let Issy find out.

Merlin, no! In the state she's in she'd kill me.

Exactly.

: : :

Wednesday, Arithmancy, 1 month, 6 days until O.W.L.s

You look stressed.

Issy about murdered me when she found out that I had talked to Sirius and Potter without causing bodily harm.

You actually talked to them? I thought they just made that up. They do that sometimes.

Well, I was apologizing to Sirius, and Potter just had to barge in like he always does.

Oh.

So now Issy isn't talking to me, even though she wasn't beforehand, but that's not the point.

Perfect reason to be stressed.

Yep. What's she got against Sirius anyway?

You're asking me? I thought she was your friend.

She is! Well, right now, not exactly. But she never told me anything. I thought Sirius might have told you.

Well, he didn't.

Puh.

: : :

Wednesday, Herbology, 1 month, 6 days until O.W.L.s

Sorry I was so evil. I would have talked to them too.

It's okay.

I'm just so stressed.

Why?

I just feel the O.W.L.s coming on, and that I don't know anything.

You know lots of stuff. We'll help you study. That's what friends are for.

I know. Sorry again. And I know you are right about that Bond boy.

Yay!

So we are all friends again?

Yes.

Good, because we are going to need it.

Why?

Snapping Pansies.

Great.

: : :

Thursday, Transfiguration, 1 month, 5 days until O.W.L.s

I'm so tired.

I know. I never knew they could yell so loud.

I think even the Slytherins in their cozy dungeon heard them fighting.

What was it about, anyway? The fact that he put me in the hospital wing last weekend?

You are such a wishful thinker, Ellalala. That'd old news. It was probably because he got within 10 feet of her, or something.

Uh, Lily?

Oh Merlin! What'd he do to your hair?

As a result of our fight last night, he decided to give me purple hair, of all things.

We can see that.

He is such an immature prat!!

Take my wand before I do something stupid to that Potter boy

Gotcha.

And leave me alone because I might start yelling profanities, and I doubt McGonagall would find that acceptable.

Gotcha.

: : :

Friday, Charms, 1 month, 4 days until O.W.L.s

Did you see how tall Potter is? Its miraculous!

He's like 10 feet tall!

It's bloody fantastic!

If I do say so myself, it is quite amazing.

That is what he gets for messing with us!

Yeah! Never mess with Lily, Issy, or Ella!

We will get you back so bad that you will never be rad…again.

I hate to interrupt your commercial, but we should pay attention.

Oh yeah, okay.

Grr.

: : :

Friday, Care of Magical Creatures, 1 month, 4 days until O.W.L.s

Potter looks so funny. I just can't stop laughing!

We can see that.

Shut up. Let me have my moment.

Look at those cute little creatures!

What are they?

Nifflers!

And nifflers are—oh, nevermind. Kettleburn already explained.

They are so cuddly and adorable and I want one!

Why am I always late on figuring out what we are supposed to do?

Don't ask me.

Why? I hate it! I'm such a failure face.

You are not a failure face!

And if you were like us, then you wouldn't be our Issy!

And that would be tragic, I suppose.

Very much so, dearest Issy.

A/N: Read. Enjoy. Review! Hope you liked it!

-nirvanabee.