Last of us: Bonding

by SMM040502

Jake hasn't had it easy since his parents died five years, when he meets Ellie the wounds of his past begin reopening during their journey across the country. Ellie sees this and tries to help Jake over come the pain of his past. Set between the winter of left behind and winter of the last of us, part of Another one of us series.

4. Chapter 4

Author's note: song used is In a spell by Pink feathers, also I couldn't find the lyrics online so I wrote what I heard so it may not be a hundred percent accurate.

A week had passed since Ellie and Jake's attempted pep talk and Jake was still distant from Ellie and everything else it seems. Ellie couldn't help but feel sympathy everytime she looked at the broken teen and into his eyes. The eyes that have seen so much pain, eyes that made so many suffer, eyes that killed so many faces. His eyed radiated with warmth when he rarely smiled and gave of a contagious cold when he was saddened. You could look into those eyes an see an endless abyss of pain and trauma. Jake then shifted in the bed he was sharing with Ellie and looked out the window.

"6:45 or so," the broken boy deduced and then looked to see Ellie's arm around and then to her face. "She looks so at ease, though imagine in it isn't like that in her head, at least she's good at keeping a brave face on and she hides her wounds well," Jake thought as he looked at her "None of us in this world are innocent and if they are they won't stay that way. Is what I thought. Yet when I look at you I see innocence, because you kill out of necessity not pleasure. Does that make someone innocent?" Jake mentally questioned "In any case you're more innocent than I am. I wonder will a day come when you have seen what I've seen, experienced what I have and will the day come when you posses the same eyes as me," Jake pondered while still gazing at the auburn haired girl. Jake then slowly removed her arm and quietly got out of bed so that she doesn't wake her, unlike Jake Ellie wasn't quite used to a lack of sleep and needed more of it keep her energy throughout the day so Jake let her rest. After a certain incident a year or so ago Jake had become somewhat of an insomniac, his nights were either plagued by thoughts of his failures and the times he did get his limited sleep were filled with recollection of loss. Jake walked from the room he slept in to the room Joel lay dormant. "Hey there old timer," Jake said as he walked up to and crouched in front of Joel. Joel let out a puff of frosty air in response as if that were his way of communication. "Looking pretty hungry there, I guess how's as good a time as any hunting," Jake said as he got up and got his gear to together "And I'm talking to myself again, wonderful," Jake said.

Jake had returned from his hunting trip and was now cooking the meat of a few rabbit be hunted in the garage. "As silent as ever old man, although I guess I can't really talk, Jess always complained about my anti socialness," Jake remarked with a fake smile on his face.

"Ell...ie," a voice struggled to huff out "Jake... Sar...ah," Joel said once more and this left Jake confused as he pondered the significance of Joel saying this three names. Jake then heard the soft footsteps of Ellie coming down the hallway into the garage "Breakfast is on the table, well actually that's a lie it's really on the floor," Jake said and Ellie the sat down next to Jake where she then took a cut piece of the rabbit from where it was being heated above a fire.

"When did you go out and get this?" Ellie asked.

"About an hour or so ago."

"Why do you wake up so early?"

"Habit," Jake replied simply and then took a bite out of a piece of rabbit then began chewing. Once it had been chewed enough he then spat the meat into Joel mouth but he still struggled to swallow it.

"Were you always like this?"

You mean a psychopathic murder who scares the shit out of ninety percent of people."

"Yeah."

"Well obviously when I was a naïve brat I hadn't murdered anyone and I was fairly normal until about a year or so ago, an anti social freak but normal."

"What changed?"

"I saw the world for what it was?"

"What do you mean?"

"This world is one of constant strife, where you live with the fact that bonds are made meaningless because high death rates. Anyone who is special is taken away. In this world you either die or live long enough to see yourself become insane. Everyone will inevitably end up like me and see the world as worthless."

"Then why haven't pulled the trigger yet?"

"Because I'm too damn afraid," Jake chuckled "It doesn't end when you die it ends when you lose hope, something I lost long ago," Jake said his expression one unchanging and completely blank.

"What caused you to see the world like this?"

"Love," Jake replied which confused Ellie "When someone learns to love they must also bear the risk of loss,pain,suffering and hatred."

"But having friends and loved ones are the thing that keeps you going in this world," Ellie argued.

"That maybe true but when they are constantly snatched from you one by one and the strife caused by this eats away at you until you have no hope and can no longer love or trust."

"But those who cared and loved you won't want to see you like this but happy."

"Happiness doesn't exist in this world because the sadness far out weighs it. Those who cared would want you to survive, to survive in this world you must love only yourself and fight only for yourself."

"But what is the point in surviving like that?"

"I survive like that so I can respect and honor those who have fallen longer and continue their wish of me living on, as well as seeing the future for them no matter how dark it maybe."

"So does that mean no one ever meant anything to you, that I've never meant something?"

"As I said that is how to survive but I had failed in that regard. I always told myself to not get attached as it leads to a darker path, but I show to much weakness and allow myself to be attached. Inevitably I will die and therefore have failed to survive. Joel is another example of this,he became attached and look where he is now."

"Don't say that!" Ellie snapped at Jake "I don't want to imagine losing him."

"Yeah, as much as I hate to admit."

"So am I weak because I become attached and chose to care."

"In this world it is either use or be used there is no time to care. What is that saying I've no time for waxing sentimental. Jude's law number four: Caring equal vulnerability, never show either."

"You're wrong Jake, caring doesn't make you weak. It's true in this world that losing friends can hurt but not caring for those friends is even worse."

"I wonder, you say these words now," Jake said and then looked away "Will there be a time where you share my views. Will there be a time where you will come to know hatred," Jake said and Ellie said nothing "I wish that it would never come to pass but there is an inevitability of this where all experience hate at least once.

"At least once?"

"Well I suppose there is away to climb out of that hole that exists, but in my time I've never met anyone who has done it, it might be impossible."

"It's not impossible, they and you have just stopped trying. You said it yourself it doesn't end when you die but when you lose hope," Ellie argued using Jake own point against him which caused him to smile.

"So Naïve."

"Why do you always say that I'm not a child that you can dote on you know," Ellie complained.

"You've experience less of the real world and have less of on understanding of it. Plus I'm fifteen now so I'm pretty sure I'm older than you."

"Why didn't you say your birthday had passed?"

"What point is there in celebrating something so trivial?"

"There is a point Jake," Ellie said "Anyway I'm not some kid I understand this stuff as well, and you're like this because you stopped trying."

"Just look," Jake said as he began to roll up his sleeve and Ellie saw a forearm littered with the slashes of the knife. Ellie had seen many gruesome things in her time traveling with Joel and Jake alone so his arm didn't bother her as much but the mutilated skin this looked rather gruesome "This world turns love into hate, happiness into sadness, sanity into insanity. It forces barely grown children to pick up a gun and fend for themselves. It makes people raise a blade against themselves as a form of escape. This world, no rather this hell, is what turned me into who I am."

"How long have you been doing this?"

"About a year or so," Jake replied and Ellie then caressed the arm and Jake flinched slightly from her touch, something that had becoming increasingly common. It's not that Jake disliked Ellie or her touch, but there was a strange care in her touch that felt so foreign and unhuman, almost like no strife had come her way.

"Please stop," Ellie said almost begging and Jake shuddered at the words "If it ever hurts come to me instead of knife, even though you carry them around everywhere. Please," Ellie persisted and Jake silently nodded even though he would likely break that promise just like he broke the trust of his friends when he let them die. He then remembered one of the "nicknames" he was branded with during his time as a smuggler. Jinxed Jake, because someone would always die when one a job with him. "Promise me you'll try to get better."

"I'll..try," Jake said hesitantly even though that was another promise he'd likely be breaking.

"Well now that all the sad talk is out of the way. Let's lighten the mood a bit," Ellie suggested and scooted a little closer to Jake "Hey can you sing please?" Ellie asked.

"What?" Jake asked in confusion.

"Oh come on please," Ellie practically begged like the way a child would to their parents. Joel then let out a puff of air that was visible from the cold "See even Joel wants you to sing," Ellie said and Joel let out another.

"God damn it Joel," Jake thought to himself and then looked at this teenage companion who was giving him doe eyes to try and persuade him "This is what I've come to," Jake thought then pulled out his mother's knife "Watch me mum, see if I've gotten any better," Jake spoke in Bengali "Alright you win," Jake conceded like he did last time and Ellie's face bubbled up with a smile which caused Jake to smile in response.

The tide is coming in and I feel like I'm tethered to sun

The doors are closing at the strike of twelve and I'm still not in

I've given up

I've given up

So what's the point in trying

I've given all I am and all I am is nothing to give

Noooo

Nooo Nooo

The time is now the there's only now to turn the course of our lives

To fight the notion that we take in time on earth all in strides

I want much more

I really do

So what's to stop me from this

A chance to turn the tide, to change your mind on what makes a liife

Woaaaah

Noooo-ooo

Noooo

I'm not quite ready to give, so don't mistake me for your old dear

Your old dear

I maybe foolish oh yes

I'd rather be a fool than stay here and wait heeeeere

In a spell

In a spell

I've drowned the thoughts I'd had of all the things that never could be

It's far to easy just to resolve to living someone else's dream

I've had enough

I really have

So what's to stop me from this

It seems so simple just to turn away on one's own beliefs

Woaaaaah

Nooooo-ooo

Nooooo

I'm not quite ready to give, so don't mistake me for your old dear

Your old dear

I maybe foolish oh yes

I'd rather be a fool than stay here and wait heeeeere

In a speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell

In a speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell

It seems a little bit crazy, to walk away without envy

I thought has a reasoning for this

Nooooooooooo

I tried living your story

And the end I gave everything

So keep my faithful and let me

Goooooooooo

I'm not quite ready to give, so don't mistake me for your old dear

Your old dear

I maybe foolish oh yes

I'd rather be a fool than stay here and wait heeeeere

In a spell

In a spell

"Fucking Awesome," Ellie said and Jake smiled.