Chapter Four: The Jack of Spades
Okay. :3 If you haven't read the others, do it, or you will be confused beyond the universe. Or… something… o-o;
Anyway, if you remember, Ken is the Jack of Spades, so therefore this chapter is about him (and his fortune with Kari). X3
A large, veined hand slapped down a paper on a desk. It belonged, fittingly, to a large, veined woman, with blonde hair pulled back so tightly it looked like her circulation was being cut off. Her lips, injected to a full thickness of an inch each, were pursed in agitation, and her wrinkle-less eyes were narrowed into tiny slits. She was young enough, but her whole body positively reeked of plastic surgery.
Next to her was another woman, this one older, whose hair shot out in huge curled tendrils. Her hairsprayed monstrosity almost made her look like a modern Medusa – if it wasn't covered with tiny little bunny clips that were more suited for someone about twenty decades younger (or so it seemed). Her clothes were also too trendy and revealing for someone who could easily have passed for a dinosaur's grandmother.
Obviously, the sight of both women (but mostly the blonde) was frightening the poor young intern who cowered in front of the desk.
"Leia, I will not allow any more of this nonsense!" the blonde woman shouted.
"Uh, what nonsense?" came the squeak of the starving college student who had been offered an internship at Beautiful Children. It seemed like the perfect job at the time: it wasn't like it paid anything (it was only an internship, after all), but Leia had always wanted to be in television. Now she wasn't so sure. Blonde Arukenimon had seen it happen millions of times, but blamed it on the 'weak-willed lightweights' who collapsed under the pressure of working for her.
"This!" Blonde Arukenimon pounded her plastic nails on the magazine she'd thrown down. Leia ventured closer tentatively.
" 'Miranda's new boyfriend'," Leia read, confused.
"Do you see anything on the cover about Cody, Carrie, or codename TK?" Blonde Arukenimon shrieked. Rivers of spit flew out of her mouth, surprising Leia. She hadn't thought her boss had anything like saliva still in her. Hadn't she gotten it removed?
"Uh, no."
"The Carrie issue is being ignored! And when this is ignored, our ratings go down!"
"I'm sorry…"
"Not yet! You will be! The whole thing is cooling down because nothing new has happened!"
"Maybe you could… uh…"
"Shut up, I'm talking! Now…" Blonde Arukenimon looked at Trish. "Do you have any ideas?"
Trashy Trish thought for a moment. "We need something big… no, something huge! We can't let Carrie get out from under the radar!"
"How can we do that?" Blonde Arukenimon asked. "She's been playing it cool for awhile now."
"We could always intervene," Leia suggested.
Blonde Arukenimon turned to glare at her. But Trish paused. "I think I have an idea."
-x-
"How much longer until the Beautiful Children people leave our school?" Kari groaned, collapsing back onto the couch she sat on. The other Digidestined sat next to her, except Yolei, who paced around TK's living room.
"I think it was only supposed to be a week," Ken answered.
"They're still here and it's been almost a month," complained TK. "I have to keep hiding whenever I see cameras and big hair coming."
"At least you don't have the fangirls and you're only a mysterious lurking codename," Cody sighed.
"I'd rather have the fangirls," TK pointed out.
"Who wouldn't?" Davis interjected. "Anyway, they'll probably leave soon. They haven't had a show with anything new for a long time."
"Please let them leave soon," Kari prayed.
Cody nodded. "It's not like they'll make any money sticking around somewhere there's no news at."
Ken frowned at him. "You shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition."
"You just did!" Davis exclaimed.
"No, I didn't. 'Preposition' is a noun."
"But it's still a preposition. Because the word preposition means preposition. You ended a sentence with a preposition because you ended the sentence with the word preposition!" Davis seemed very proud of himself.
"Arrgh, shut up!" Yolei finally screamed. "We have more important things to do!"
"'Do' is a preposition," Cody said.
"No it's not, it's a verb! Don't they teach you anything in preschool?" Davis almost threw a rock at him before Ken restrained him.
"Violence is not the answer," came his sage-like reply.
"And we know you have all the answers, Mr. Digimon Emperor!"
Yolei shoved Davis off the couch, then threw the couch at him, occupied as it was.
"Yolei's as strong as Blonde Arukenimon," TK observed.
"And as scary too," Kari added.
"SILENCE!" Yolei ordered. "Now, doesn't anyone remember my fortune-telling?"
Davis groaned, though it could have been from the weight of the couch on him.
"Quiet, you!"
"How could we forget?" TK sighed. "You just brought it up an hour ago."
"Well, it's an important problem! Everything I predicted has come true so far!"
"I haven't married Ken yet or had kids with TK," Kari pointed out.
"Well, you're pregnant with codename TK's love child," Ken said.
"Not in front of Cody!" Yolei commanded. "Uh… please, Ken?"
"What part of that doesn't Cody know?" Davis muttered. "It's on TV every day."
"Anyway! The rest might happen soon, which is a scary thing to all of us," Yolei said spookily.
"Yolei, they're just cards," Kari reasoned.
"And I guess it was all a coincidence that Cody became named the Cutest Infant in the World or whatever and that you eye-kissed him!" Yolei crossed her arms. "Just like the fortune said!"
"It was actually Cutest Boy of the Year, in all countries," Cody supplied proudly.
"Okay, that was kind of strange," Kari agreed with Yolei, to Cody's dismay. "But a deck of ordinary playing cards can't predict the future. It just doesn't make sense."
"A lot of things in our lives haven't made sense," TK said. "Take our Digimon, for example. Monsters from a parallel world who are made up of computer data and who can change shape and form to fight?"
"Well, it makes more sense than Pokemon. They can't even talk," Ken said. Everyone stared at him blankly, until Davis threw an author-sent rock at him.
"Anyway, stranger things have happened," TK finished.
"I just don't believe that something like that could happen," Kari admitted, shaking her head.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. There were sounds of high-pitched giggling outside. Davis looked happy. "Oh, it's TK's girlfriends! I knew it! Kari, I can help you fix your broken heart."
"I thought Kari never liked TK?" Ken smirked at Davis.
"Uh, she didn't!"
Kari felt her traitorous face flush again. "Well, someone get the door," she said.
Yolei went and answered it. "Hello…"
"WHERE'S CODY? WE WANT CODY! WHERE'S CODY? WE WANT CODY!" chanted the girls who stood on the other side of the door.
"Sorry, wrong place. This is TK's house."
TK fell over. "Noo! YOLEI!"
"TK! This is codename TK's house?"
Yolei was suddenly attacked by fangirls, scratching and biting to get in.
"Lemme at him! He stole Carrie from Cody!"
"Poor Cody! Let's get revenge!"
"Maybe Carrie's here! We can kill her too!"
"Go away!" Yolei ordered, trying to shove them out the door again.
Ken suddenly appeared by her side. "Ladies, please. This is not the best time. Codename TK is not here."
They instantly calmed down. "WHERE IS HE THEN?"
"He fled the country," Yolei said, nodding.
"Hey! You're Ken Ichijouji, aren't you?" one fangirl squealed.
"Uh, yeah." Ken looked a little scared.
"Ohmigod! I can't believe I'm seeing you in person!"
"Ahh! Ken Ichijouji!"
"It's him, it's really him!"
"I was your biggest fan before Cody became famous!"
"I'm still your biggest fan!"
"Will you go out with me?"
"Uh… please… what would Cody think?" Ken asked.
"Oh, that's right."
"Darn!"
"Poor Cody! We can't break his heart too!"
"Sorry, Ken… we can't go out with you!"
"Yeah… we already have a boyfriend."
"We're sorry to break your heart!"
"Can we still be friends?"
"NO!" Yolei suddenly got a burst of strength and shoved the fangirls out the door, slamming it behind them.
"What were you saying about the Cody thing being over?" Kari glared at Davis. "This thing is still huge! It's not going to be over for a long time."
Davis shrugged as best he could while being crushed by the couch. "I guess I'm just ahead with the trends."
-x-
The next day at school, Kari, TK, Davis, and Ken were all sitting in their class when a strange man came in, an excited look on his face.
"Hi everyone! Your normal teacher was surfing in Kentucky this weekend and broke his cheekbones! I'll be your substitute for a few weeks!"
"Our normal teacher surfed?" Davis wondered out loud. "Cool."
"Doesn't he have a name?" Ken wondered about their usual teacher.
Davis, of course, threw a rock at him. When Ken glared at him, rubbing his head, all the maroon-haired boy said was, "You know too much."
"Doesn't he have a name?" TK asked about their sub.
"I do!" the man said, hearing him. "I'm Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana!"
Everyone stared at him.
"It's Antarctican," he informed them, proudly.
"Can we call you like… something else?" a girl asked.
"No! I am Antarctican! I am very proud of being Antarctican! Call me Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana!"
"Well, there goes our chances of having a normal teacher for once," Kari muttered.
"You! Detention!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said, pointing at her.
"UNDER WHAT CHARGES?" Davis cried, leaping up.
"Slander! You have detention too!"
"UNDER WHAT CHARGES?" Davis asked again.
"Disrupting the class!"
Kari sighed. "I didn't mean to be rude – "
"You were!"
TK frowned. "Look, she didn't mean anything by it."
"Detention!"
"Me?" TK asked.
"Yes!"
"I have basketball!"
"No, you have detention!"
"Hey, I have soccer!" Davis realized.
"You had soccer! Not anymore!"
Davis fell back into his chair, shocked. "I've never missed soccer before." He then looked at Ken. "Best friend! Do you magic!"
Ken sighed and stood up. "Excuse me, sir… my friends here didn't mean to be disrespectful. They're only a bit tactless, and blurt things out sometimes. I can vouch for them… they really mean no harm."
"Detention!"
Ken stared at him. "Wh-what?"
"Detention!"
"Me? Detention?"
"I don't think you know who you're talking to, Mr.," Davis said. "This is Ken. Ken Ichijouji. He doesn't get detention."
"That is true! He doesn't get detention, he has detention!"
Ken shook his head. "You can't do this! I can't get a detention! What about my perfect attendance and behavior record?"
"Say goodbye to your future!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana declared.
-x-
"Hello, Detention students," Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said.
Sitting in his room were Kari, TK, Davis, Ken, and Cody. Yolei sulked outside.
"I will be going to get my coffee, and then I will be back shortly. And then, I will tell you what we will be doing for our Detention project." He jumped out of the room.
"This is terrible," Ken sighed, collapsing on his desk.
"Cody, how'd you get Detention?" Davis asked after patting Ken on the shoulder.
"I was passing his room and I accidentally walked too loudly," Cody said sadly.
"This guy is way too Detention-happy," TK muttered.
"And what's this 'Detention project'?" Kari asked. "Aren't we just supposed to sit around and think about what we've done?"
"You know he's gonna make us clean his car with toothbrushes or something." Davis sighed.
"I would have thought he's more of the type to make us write a fifty thousand word essay on Antarctica," Ken mumbled.
"He's coming back," warned TK.
Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana walked in, sipping a cup of coffee and glaring at them all. "Now, as for our Detention project… when I give Detention, it is for a week, not just a day as you're used to."
"What?" Davis gasped. "That's not fair!"
"Would you like me to make it two weeks?"
"As much as I'd like to get all Breakfast Club on you, no."
"All right. I will let that go since I have never heard of whatever it is you're talking about before. Our Detention project will be… doing a play!" He jumped in the air, spilling his coffee on the ground a little.
"A play?" Cody repeated. "I can't act!"
"This play," Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana went on, "will not be performed in front of anyone but me. It will be on our stage, however, or wherever you want to have it take place. If you perform this well, I will erase the Detentions from your permanent record. If you do not perform well, I will not only keep them there, I will give you another week of Detention."
Everyone stared at him in horror.
"Now, the play we will be doing is one I wrote myself. It is called The Heart. In it, a young girl falls in love with a man. However, her brother and parents hate the man she falls in love with. They learn to respect him after a long time."
Davis fell over. "That's it?"
"No, not quite. You see, I grew up in Antarctica." He stared fondly off into the distance. "And so all my writings are set there."
"So we have to pretend we're in Antarctica?" Kari asked.
"No! You will be in Antarctica. Make me believe you truly are!"
"Uh, okay…"
"Oh, and there is another surprise for you. You will find it in the script. Now, I will leave, but shall be returning every so often just to make sure you're working. Here are the scripts."
Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana threw down a pile of scripts and they each took one.
"Oh! One more thing. The casting!"
"We don't get to pick?" Cody asked, worried.
"No, of course not! Let me see." He stared at their nametags. "Penny, the young girl, will be played by… Kari. Her father Penicillin will be played by TK. Penny's brother Tuxedo Sam will be played by… Cody? And the mysterious stranger, Sonny, will be played by… Ken."
Davis raised his hand. "What about me?"
"Oh, that's right! Davis, you will play Pennsylvania, Penny's mother."
"WHAT? I'm a guy!"
"Oh, I know. But you and TK will look nice together."
They both fell over. "WHAT?"
"Isn't 'Tuxedo Sam' like… copyrighted?" Cody wondered.
"Cody watches Sailor Moon!" Davis mocked.
"Davis is married to TK!" Cody shot back.
"SILENCE! Now, work on your play. I will be checking back in on you." Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana had a sip of coffee and then slid out of the room.
"Well, this sucks," TK sighed.
"We have to do this really good," Cody said.
"We have to do this really well," Ken corrected.
"It doesn't matter!"
"It actually does when you start school," TK said, patting him on the head. "You'll learn how to say the alphabet!"
"It's not called the alphabet in Japanese!" Ken said.
Davis threw a rock at him and Ken threw one back.
"Look, we have to do this!" Kari said, annoyed. "Does anyone else want to have detention for another week?"
Nobody said anything, then Davis said, "Cody does."
"Okay, let's run through this!" Ken said. "I'll narrate, I guess."
They all opened their scripts and began reading the first scene.
"'The scene opens to show the family. Penny is reading, Penicillin is paying bills, Pennsylvania is knitting, and Tuxedo Sam is playing the piano,'" read Ken.
"Penny, whatever are you reading?" Penicillin/TK asked.
"I am reading a book about romance," Penny/Kari read.
"And how is it?"
"It is good."
"I remember when I was your age. I always wanted to be in love," Pennsylvania/Davis read, sadly.
"Until you met me! Then you were in love!" Penicillin/TK said.
They all laughed heartily as instructed in the script.
"Ugh, this is terrible," Ken complained.
"That's not in the script!" Cody frowned.
"Davis, it's your turn," Kari prompted.
"Penny, do you want to be in love?" asked Pennsylvania/Davis.
"Yes. I would like that. But I fear I could not love any of the boys around here," Penny/Kari said, boredly.
"Why, whyever not?"
"For you see… None of them have stolen my heart."
"You do not love any of them?" Penicillin/TK asked.
"No, Papa."
"And you will never?"
"No, Papa."
"Then who will you marry?"
"Perhaps someone who does not live in our village."
Penicillin/TK stood up. "I will not have you marrying outside our village! You are a Penguin, Penny, and you will not marry anything else!"
They suddenly all froze.
"A… penguin?" Davis gasped.
"Oh dear," Kari sighed.
-x-
They had been working on the play for four hours every day that week, and finally it was time to present it to Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana. It had turned out even worse than they'd thought: Sonny was a seal, and at the end, Penny and Sonny got married with the blessings of the penguins. They were running through Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana's favorite scene, what he called 'the romantic heart of the play'. He had assured them that if they didn't have that scene perfect, he'd hate their play.
"Sonny! I ran all the way here to see you!" Penny/Kari said.
"Penny! What is it?" Sonny/Ken replied.
"Sonny, I realized that I am in love with you!"
"What? You, in love with me?"
"I know it is horrible and that you do not love me like I love you. But I cannot help my feelings!"
"Penny, I also love you!"
They hugged.
"I am so happy, Sonny!"
"As am I! But what of your family, Penny?"
"I do not care what they think anymore! I love you!"
"I love you too!"
"Oh no! I must go, Sonny. My father must be wondering where I am!"
"Wait, Penny!"
"Yes?"
"Penny, will you marry me?"
"Oh, Sonny, yes! Yes I will my love!"
"Now go! Hurry back to your village! But meet me back here tomorrow night and we shall have our wedding!"
"I will, Sonny!"
"Be safe, Penny! Be safe…"
They both left the stage and Tuxedo Sam/Cody came out. "They do not think that I overheard them! I must tell my parents!" He ran after Penny/Kari.
"Okay, good job," TK said. "I think this is the best we can do with these lines."
"Ready to go to the auditorium and do it on stage?" Davis asked.
"Ready!" they chorused.
"Everyone have their costumes?"
"Uh, we're wearing them," said three penguins and one seal.
"Good! Let's go! Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana is waiting for us."
They left the classroom and began walking towards the auditorium. Suddenly, Yolei emerged from the shadows.
"Hello, everyone," she said coolly.
"Uh, hi, Yolei. You want to see our play?" Kari asked.
"No, I do not. I have just come to mock you in your costumes!"
"Well, here we are," TK shrugged.
"MUAHAHAA!" Yolei shrieked.
They hurried past her and reached the Auditorium.
"She's been acting strange like that ever since we got Detention," Cody said.
"She's jealous, I think," Davis said, opening the door.
Kari laughed. "Of what? The fact we get to act in this… wonderful play?" She smiled innocently at Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana, who was standing near the door.
"Well, you all look very nice! Are you ready?"
"Ready as we'll ever be," Davis muttered.
Nobody noticed the small, nervous woman in the back of the room with the video camera.
-x-
After they had done the play, they all went to Yolei's house to celebrate and also to try and make her less jealous. She was still acting frostily but less so since Ken had hugged her and told her he'd missed her.
"I'm so glad that's over!" Davis smiled.
"Then why are you still wearing your penguin costume and your Pennsylvania pearls?" Kari giggled.
"Uh… why don't we see what's on TV!" Davis said quickly, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV.
Familiar music played and they all groaned.
"Not Beautiful Children," TK sighed. "Yolei, have you been watching this again?"
"Maybe!"
"Change it, quick!" Kari tried to get the remote from Davis. It slipped away and went sailing across the room.
Trashy Trish's face popped up. "Hello, and welcome to Beautiful Children! Breaking news! Carrie has now gotten married!"
The remote fell with a crash, as everyone stared at the screen, shocked.
"That's right! I bet you're wondering who she married!"
"I sure am," Kari growled.
"Cody, her former love, whose heart was broken?" The ever-famous picture of the eye kiss was shown.
"Codename TK, an enigmatic mystery who got her pregnant?" Another picture was shown, this one with simply a question mark.
"The answer is… neither! Carrie has now sunk her vicious claws into genius and prodigy Ken Ichijouji!"
"WHAAAAAAT?" Yolei screamed. "HOW COULD YOU?"
"What are they talking about?" Kari gasped.
"Here's footage from their secret wedding! It was so secret, in fact, that they dressed as animals and used fake names! Watch carefully, because you'll see three characters who tried to stop the wedding! They are also wearing animal disguises because they tried to blend in and stop the two from getting married!"
A video of the horrible play was shown on TV. It was during the wedding scene and Kari and Ken were holding flipper/hand things.
"Penny, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"
"Sonny, I also love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you!"
"Stop the wedding!" TK came running on stage, Cody and Davis following him. All were dressed as penguins.
"Oh no! What are you doing here?" Kari asked.
"You cannot marry him! I love you too much to let you!" Cody declared.
"And I do as well!" TK agreed.
"I tried to stop them, but I could not!" Davis cried.
"You can't stop me! I love him!" Kari exclaimed.
"And I love her!" Ken added.
"Once we kiss we will be married forever!" they both said at the same time. Then they leaned forward and made their costumes kiss awkwardly. The top of Kari's penguin beak, which was above her head, touched the top of Ken's seal mouth, also above his head.
"NOOO!" TK and Cody yelled at the same time.
The clip ended and Trashy Trish's face reappeared. "Wasn't that horrible! Now Carrie has broken two hearts! We believe that the taller penguin was in fact codename TK! Keep watching, we'll have more soon!"
Kari retrieved the remote and turned off the TV. Nobody spoke for a moment.
"Well then," TK said.
"She's ruining my life!" Kari groaned.
"Mine too!" Cody mumbled. "I got out of the shower and someone had written 'MARRY ME CODY' in blood on my mirror!"
"You were in the shower?" Yolei gasped. "You know you might slip and hurt yourself. You should have your mommy wash you in the sink."
Cody fell over. "YolEEEEIIII!"
The blonde boy nodded. "Now everyone thinks I'm some secret agent or something that goes around ruining people's relationships! Every time I say my name, people ask me if I'm codename TK."
"Now everyone thinks I ruined all these relationships too," complained Ken.
"And people think he's married to Kari!" Yolei added.
"You all have it easy," Davis hissed. They all looked to see him curled up in the fetal position on the couch. "I was on National Television in a PENGUIN COSTUME and PEARLS, talking in a horrible high pitched voice!"
"You're still wearing the costume and pearls," Kari told him for the second time.
"And it's not like your voice is normally all manly and tough," Cody informed him.
"YES IT IS!"
Yolei screamed. "Wait wait wait! It happened again! Kari, you married Ken! The cards! The cards the cards the cards! They're RIGHT!"
"Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana made us get married," Kari groaned. "It's just a coincidence!"
"And nobody would have known about it if Trashy Trish wasn't lurking in the auditorium shadows or whatever," Davis agreed.
"That's it! Cody, Beautiful Children made you famous. They were the ones who put the eye-kiss on TV. And they showed Kari and Ken's play wedding on it too! Nobody would have thought any of this stuff if Beautiful Children wasn't putting it on their show!" Yolei said.
"That doesn't make it any less of a coincidence," said Cody.
"No, but it does mean one thing," Kari said.
"What?" asked TK.
"It means war," she growled.
Everyone stared at her. "Kari, you're scary when you're vengeful," Ken said.
"Not as scary as Yolei!" said Davis.
"Hey! Oh, I guess that was sort of a compliment." Yolei smiled. "Thanks!"
Kari sighed. "You guys, this was supposed to end after I said that, so it would be all dramatic."
"Oops, sorry. Go again?"
"Okay. This does mean one thing," Kari said.
"What?" TK asked again.
"War," Kari growled.
"Uh, I think you did it wrong," Ken said.
Davis threw a rock at him. "DUDE, SHUT UP!"
"You're supposed to say 'it means war', not just 'war'."
Kari fell over. "Ack! Fine! This does mean one thing!"
"What?" TK repeated.
"IT MEANS WAR," Kari shouted, glaring at Ken. He smiled back and gave her a thumbs up.
That's it for this chapter! Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, you make me want to write more. The last chapter should be up soon… Please review and I will have it up soon…ER. xD