Sorry it took so long to update. I've had a lot going on irl.
In case I hadn't mentioned it before, the main pairing in this fic is Starscream/Megatron, but it takes a while to get to that point. I'm a firm believer in Transformers being genderless (especially after reading that IDW bit where Arcee revealed that the femmes where originally mechs that Shockwave did experiments on 'cause he was interested in organics), but if you ever want to flame me for slash, be my guest.
Also, I've recently become obsessed with Red vs Blue. ZOMG I love it. I will be writing fanfiction for it soon. My rl friend David (his username is DCO on this site; check him out) got me into it. All credit for the phenomenon that is me writing non-TF fanfiction goes to him.
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Silence stretched for an almost painful amount of time.
Once the three had made it back to the air commander's quarters, Starscream had started talking, convinced that the sooner he confessed, the less damage would be done. The moment he started to speak, the words came naturally. Despite this, his mind was numb… too numb to analyze precisely what he was saying, and thereby edit the content. Skywarp and Thundercracker got the truth… the complete truth.
The most noticeable reaction from the pair had come when he reached the subject of the voice. Starscream couldn't help but wish, after seeing their expressions, that he could take it all back or write it off as a joke.
No.
He wouldn't deny it. Not now. Skywarp was right… they had the right to know. Their lives were in jeopardy. Starscream forced himself to look away from the spot on the wall on which his optics had been latched and face his wingmates. He had done his part. Now it was their turn. Primus, don't let this have been a mistake…
Everything about Skywarp looked dazed except for his optics, which were calculating. Thundercracker had simply listened patiently without changing his facial expression. The latter shook his head as if to clear his mind and then said, "You should have told us sooner Starscream. This isn't something meant to be kept inside. We… maybe we could have stopped it from progressing this far."
"I wasn't sure about your reactions." Starscream eyed Skywarp warily. He had expected the teleport to be the first to speak, expected an outburst or at least something. His guarded silence was unnerving.
If Thundercracker noticed the other two's unease, he didn't show it. "How long have you been visiting the… you called it the void right?"
"Yes," Starscream confirmed without looking away from Skywarp. "I've been entering the void since two centuries after I joined the Decepticons."
Skywarp's head shot up. "You've been keeping it from us for that long? That's billions of years!"
Starscream looked defensive. "You don't understand. It only happened when I was in recharge back then. Think about it. Did I ever have these blackouts? I always just assumed they were dream episodes."
Thundercracker shook his head again. "Or they could have been mental byproducts from the war. A lot of mechs have psychotic breakdowns for a while after they sign up. Admittedly two centuries is a long grace period but not totally out of the question. Give him a break Skywarp. He couldn't have known it would turn into this."
The teleport gestured wildly at nothing. "I know! I know, okay? I just don't like knowing we keep this kind of thing a secret. And now that I do know what's happening, there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it." Skywarp looked at Starscream a little grudgingly. "I've been a bastard about this situation, and I know it…"
The air commander shrugged. "Forget about it."
Thundercracker looked between the two and grinned slowly. "Aw… you're having a moment…"
Skywarp tackled him. Starscream didn't try to stop it.
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"This is all of it?" Asylink shuffled through the numerous datapads. The files ranged back over eleven centuries and came from facilities in at least seven different galaxies that stretched the corners of the Decepticon Empire to its limits. All in all, Asylink found it rather belittling. He'd seen large case files before, but Starscream's was a little extensive. He supposed that made sense, when one considered the seeker's nature.
Soundwave gave an affirmative. "That is everything that wasn't erased. I believe that you will find gaps in some of the larger documents… it appears that he kept some of the finer points in his history covered."
"Can you blame him?" the psychologist asked with a dry laugh. "As quickly as he rose through the ranks… not to mention how close he got to the almighty tyrant… Starscream probably didn't need things circulating in the media. I mean, there must be almost as many assassination attempts on him as there are on Megatron." Asylink shrugged his shoulders and stared fixedly down at the datapads.
Soundwave answered smoothly. "Seeing as to how he caused most of Megatron's assassination attempts, I doubt it."
"Yeah, well… I suppose you want me to get a move on." Asylink looked around his feet. "Where's Crow?"
"Yes, please take him!" Frenzy stormed into the room, looking annoyed. He jabbed an accusing finger back towards the hall. "The guy's crazy! I mean yeah it was funny when I got him to slip that tablet into Hook's drink, but not when he ran off right afterwards and I got the blame! Painful blame too…" The cassette glared around the office as though searching for something to break or shoot. "I'm starting to think he really did know what he was doing. Spiteful little…"
The mech in question walked docilely into the room and took his place behind Asylink, looking the very picture of indifference. Asylink bent down to him. "Crow… did you get Frenzy in trouble?" Crow's optics lightened as he relayed his response via a complex sequence of hand signs. Asylink nodded and looked mildly amused. "It would seem, Frenzy, that you were trying to get Crow into trouble in the first place, so I think everything worked out satisfactorily." Frenzy crossed his arms, fuming, but was silent. "And now Crow and I have some work to do… I'll see you after the session is completed Soundwave."
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Starscream grumbled as he made his way towards the medical wing. In truth, he had no idea why he had been called to the area. He had been expecting a summons to Megatron's office, an accusation of treason, not a health trip. Besides… hadn't the Constructicons already told him that they could find no malfunctions? No irregular readings, no injuries, nothing at all abnormal…
And yet… Starscream knew that there had to be something wrong, somewhere. They were looking in the wrong place, the problem isn't in my body, it's in my mind… He bit his tongue and the pain cut off his thoughts. The last thing he needed was to doubt himself. His only hope to get through this was to solve the problem on his own. He knew, beyond all bounds of certainty, that it all came down to him.
He stopped and raised his hand to type in an entrance code. It was unneeded. The door slid open to reveal a minute black mech, who stared up at him coldly. "Um… Who the slag are you?" Starscream asked evenly, without any real interest.
"His name's Crow. Now come in before he decides to lock you out. He can get quite moody." A blue and white mech appeared in the doorway and pushed Crow aside with his foot.
"And who the slag are you?" Starscream was beginning to feel set up, and his mind set and body had already answered in kind. He tensed, optics narrowed.
"Name's Asylink. Wait…" Asylink tilted his head slightly. "No one told you I was coming? How awkward…um… well, you see… Soundwave thought that an evaluation might be in order, so he called me in." The mech looked wary, having heard enough stories about Starscream's tantrums to know that he didn't want to be caught in one.
Starscream took a measured step toward Asylink, voice steady. "What kind of evaluation?"
"A… err…" Asylink looked around uncomfortably. He felt a little too cornered.
"Excuse me?" Starscream asked sweetly, straightening. "I didn't catch that."
"A mental evaluation." Asylink looked at the seeker squarely and was careful to enunciate.
"Ah. I see." To Asylink's surprise, Starscream merely nodded. "So when did they decide I finally needed to be committed?" His voice was casual and conversational, but Asylink's sensors picked up the traces of anger hidden beneath the surface.
Asylink smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner, but probably betrayed his apprehension instead. "Now that's taking it to extremes. No one is suggesting that I take you back to Dire."
"Dire?" Starscream's voice was strained, the response too quick.
The psychologist eyed him curiously. The seeker's hands had gripped compulsively, his optics widened, his shoulder tilted back towards the door in a tell-tale wanting for escape: all signs of a sudden elevation of stress. "Have… have you visited my establishment before?" he asked carefully.
"I…" Starscream immediately relaxed, his fingers going slack. The action was measured, forced, fully advertising his ability to deceive. "No. I've only heard of it." The words were smooth, and the tenseness was gone, but that wasn't enough.
Why does he feel the need to lie to me? For it would be obvious to any psychologist that the air commander was lying. Asylink could tell from the darker shade of Crow's optics that the assistant had reached the same conclusion. "Well, then… I'm sure that the sooner we get started, the sooner I can clear your name. And… the sooner you can be put at ease."
Starscream glared at the Neutral and hissed, "Who says I need to be put at ease? It's dear Lord Megatron who wants to be sure… how much is he offering you to lock me up?"
Asylink laughed warmly, but was shaken by how quick Starscream's mind had jumped to that conclusion. He wasn't and wouldn't accept any bribes. He never had. Well, not where a patient was concerned at least. He mentally made a note to bring up this area of mistrust in the future. He felt that it likely had a great deal to do with Starscream's condition. Considering the sort of stories the media had perpetuated about the two, Megatron might have everything to do with it. "I would never have someone taken to Dire unless I had recordable proof that they could no longer live without endangering themselves and others. And I am also a Neutral, and therefore have nothing to gain from your tyr−, from Megatron."
Starscream sneered. "That's alright. You can call him tyrant. I refer to him as much worse. Honestly, the term is comparably innocent."
Asylink looked bemused. "Sorry, but I do like my body in its current shape. And I'm not fond of being shot at so…" he paused. "By the way, please take note of that last part."
"Don't worry. Soundwave had all my weapons confiscated. Unless I intend to beat you to death with that chair, you can shoot me yourself before I do any damage." Starscream's voice had become light and airy, almost genial. He walked forward dropped into the chair in question, arms folded, and looking expectant.
Note to self: bolt chairs to floor. "Well I suppose that is my signal to get started. Crow, if you would be so kind?" Crow seemed to tumble in on himself, and a moment later had transformed into a black and grey laptop, which Asylink scooped up and carried to a desk that had been erected in the corner. "Crow is my database. He contains all the information I have collected in Dire and abroad. You don't have to worry about an information leak. Crow's systems are well protected, and he's a mute. I'm the only one that understands his method of communication. I assure you that our sessions will remain confidential. Between the three of us, I'm sure we can diagnose your condition in record time, giving me the freedom to go back home, and you the time to carry on with your scheming."
Starscream nodded slowly. "Sounds nice… but let's get one thing straight?"
Asylink looked up from Crow's screen and felt his systems go momentarily numb at the iciness in Starscream's voice and features. Sometimes being able to read people was a drag. He couldn't understand how Soundwave could put up with it on the level that he did. "Sure thing. What?"
Starscream held Asylink's gaze, his facial expression blank. "If I don't want to talk about something, the subject drops. Got it?"
The psychologist's smile faltered. "Yes…of course."