Chapter 4
During the last couple of weeks Claire had watch Alex come and go at every hour of the day. She had watched Alex and Tess kiss, hug, laugh, watched them being together - like a couple. She hated every minute of it, her heart still ached more and more every time she saw them together and even though she had promised herself not to get attached, not to feel anything, she couldn't get past the kisses they had shared, she couldn't kill the flame inside of her. It sparked and even more now that she realised how bad she wanted him. In the process of watching her sister and Alex together she had become more distant and her and Alex barely talked. At first people, mostly Tess, had questioned both of them about it but with time it seemed like everyone, including Alex and Claire had come to terms with reality. Only Meg had a hunch but dared to speak about it.
Claire shook her head, she was tired of seeing them together, watch how he always embraced her every time he came around - She hated what they had become, she hated seeing her best mate so far away from her. She missed him, more than words could describe but the feeling of being left behind lingered to her heart and no matter what she tried it wouldn't go away. Tess's laugh echoed in her ears as Alex joked. A joke Claire didn't catch, she tried as hard as she could to tune out his voice, his presence but it was hard, especially today - It felt like every cell inside of her worked against her, all they wanted was Alex, no matter the cost. She caught his eyes across the kitchen table but she quickly looked away, afraid of what it would stir in her but he kept looking, she saw it in the corner of her eye and she instantly started to feel angry. Angry at him, at her, at Tess - The whole situation made her angry and hurt. Everything hurt.
"Do you plan on keep slacking around here?" Claire asked out of the blue. Her voice was cold and harsh. "Excuse me?" Tess asked as she placed herself at the table. Her face was a question mark and she tried to figure out what had caused Claire to attack her like that. "I have enough on my plate to be doing your work, we all have!" Claire said and felt the room go quiet. No one was talking or laughing anymore and she knew she had raised her voice more than she intended.
"Well I'm sorry that I have a life beside all the work around here - It's not my fault your true love is Drover's but I don't plan on it to be mine!" Tess stated making Claire look up from her plate. The spoken words hit Claire in a way she hadn't seen coming. She locked eyes with Alex and she could feel how the tears was pressing to get out - Drover's wasn't her true love. He was and she got a feeling he could see it by the way she looked at him. She got up in a hurry, afraid she couldn't control the tears that was about to run down her cheeks. As she closed the door to the study she breathed out in relief and let the tears fall in a heavy stream. What was she turning into? This wasn't her, she never exploded like that and she had regret it instantly but somehow she couldn't stop it and before she knew it the harsh words had crossed her lips.
"What is going on with her?!" Tess asked the others around the table, surprised to see Claire act this way. "Something's been bothering her for a while" Meg said and discreetly looked at Alex. He caught her stare and knew what she was on about and it made him out of place. This was one big mess and he was the cause of it all - if only he hadn't kissed her, sprung on her like he had.
"Well what is it?" Tess asked with eager, wanting to know what the whole deal was.
"Let me talk with her, I think I know what this is about" Alex said and excused himself from the table.
He tried knocking on the door but he didn't get an answer. He looked at the closed door for a couple of seconds, wondering what sight would meet him inside.
"Claire?" he called out with a soft voice. She was standing with her back to the door so he couldn't get a glimpse of her face, but taken how her shoulder and head moved up and down he knew she was crying. He kept walking towards her and without thinking he placed a hand on her shoulder, which made her hulking stop for a second, almost as she was surprised to have him at her side but then it started again. It ached his heart knowing he was the cause to her sadness, her grief. He never wanted this to happen, he never wanted to see her like this.
"What's wrong?" he asked but already knowing the answer. "Nothing" Claire answered trying to get her sobbing together. She pulled away from him, his touch made it harder for her to function. "I know I'm not much of a talker but you can talk to me, you know that right?"
Claire snorted and turned around "And that is exactly the problem"
"What is?" he asked. "You not being a talker…" Claire said with a bit of sarcasm in her voice. Alex knew what she was on about but it wasn't fair to put it all on him, he recalled her being quite the silence herself. "Explain Claire, please" He said ignoring her comment. "Forget it Alex, nothing good will come out of it .." Claire said and shook her head. There was no point, he was with Tess now and she had no intention of breaking them up. She might love him but she wouldn't do that to her sister. She looked up at him, seeing him stand with pleading eyes and the feeling of wanting to be with him was even stronger. She had to get out of there before she lost the last bit of control she had left.
"Why are you always doing this?" Alex asked as Claire passed him by on her way out of the room. "Do what?" she stopped just outside the study awaiting his answer. "Running when you get confronted" he asked with a strong voice turning his body to face her. "I'm not running"
"You are"
"I'm not!"
"But you are!" their tone of voice got higher and higher and Alex felt even more frustrated now. Not only did she run from problems but she was also so damn stubborn she never would admit it. Claire shook her head and her eyes turned fierce. How dared he stand in front of her and tell her she was the one running, when both of them damn well knew he up and left that night in the woods. She let out a small laugh and took a second to calm herself. "Alex don't go there" she said as calm as she could. "Go where Claire, huh? I'm not the one running" Alex answered in a hard tone of voice as he took one step closer to the door. "You are not running?" Claire snorted. "So what do you call the night of the hunt then. Guess that isn't running is it?!" Claire's voice was getting more fierce and she felt the anger rush through her entire body. "So we are back at that are we?!" Alex almost yelled. He knew what it was all about but hearing her say it pained him too much and he hated himself for leaving her that night in the woods, he had ever since - but him and Tess being together complicated things now. "Just drop it Alex" Claire said and shook her head. She was determined not to go there. "Yeah maybe I should, it seems to be what you are best at anyway - It doesn't hurt to be unsure about things once in awhile. Unless you are Claire freaking McLeod!"
Claire's eyes got big and her look even more harsh. How dared he? He was the one to run away from her and he had been the one to kiss her and then act like nothing happened. "Me?!" Claire stated
"Yeah you!"
"You kissed me, remember?! .. TWICE!" Claire yelled more than she had in awhile. Alex suddenly got quiet, he had nothing to say, no smart remark up his sleeve to throw her way - she was right. He did kiss her, twice and he had missed it ever since. Claire shook her head, he got quiet … again, it was just typical. After a couple of seconds she realised she had been yelling at the top of her lungs in the hallway, everyone else in the kitchen had been bound to hear her, hear them. Tess she thought to herself and instantly regretted blurring their kisses out to everyone a mile away. She looked at him, studied every movement in his face and a single tear started to fall down her cheek. This was too much, not only had she ruined things between her and Alex, there was no saying whether or not they could fight back from this but she had also caused a weird tension between Tess and Alex. She quickly turned around and walked with heavy feet up the stairs, she needed to get away and fast.
Alex walked into the kitchen and found Tess sitting alone at the table, he figured they others had pulled away after Claire had thrown their kisses out there. She didn't look sad, as he had expected her to do but more confused and although there was a bit of hurt in her eyes she still looked calm and at peace. He didn't say anything, what could he say? He just waited for her to say something, take the lead on where this conversation would go. "The kisses …" Tess finally said, she was still trying to figure out how to go around everything. "I'm sorry you had to find out that way but it was before me and you, sort of anyway" Alex said and studied her carefully, waited for her to throw a fit but she didn't. "Alex you're not sorry" Tess spoke after a couple of second with silence. He looked at her as he tried to understand what she was on about, he was sorry for putting her through this but he was even more sorry that he had hurt Claire in the way he had. Tess saw the confused look on her face and got up from the chair to get closer to him.
"You and I .. What we have is good, it's great but" She stopped, carefully considering her next words. It was no secret Alex and Claire had a special bond together, they always had and they probably always would and she had always had this feeling of something going on between them, some invisible force that kept luring them towards each other only to cause chaos around them but it wasn't until now, that Claire had, involuntary of course, spilled out their kisses that she final understood everything. Her and Alex could never be a real couple, maybe for a while but it wouldn't last - she saw that clearly now and she found a bit of comfort in that, knowing she hadn't been acting crazy or imagined things. "I'm not Claire, Alex" Tess finally continued. He looked confused at her, what was she trying to say? Tess smiled at him and placed a hand on his arm, feeling a bit of sadness fill her heart as she was about to say her final words but she knew it was for the best, not only for her but Alex and Claire as well. "Go make things right with her, before it's too late" she said and squeezed his arm gently before taking a step back. Alex kept trying to grasp his head around what just happened. Tess just broke off with him so he could go a be with Claire, or did he misinterpret something. "Now Alex" Tess said with a half laugh as she saw how he struggled with the bit of information she had just given him. "Go up there and get your woman"
And as Tess said her final words Alex final woke from his slumber, knowing the right thing to do. "Thank you" he said with a smile and planted a kiss on her cheek before he left the kitchen. He almost ran up the stairs with a great pace, eager to find Claire, tell her that he loved her, that he had always loved her and he wanted nothing but her. He didn't even bother to knock on the door, he walked straight in and to what seemed like a surprise to Claire, her startled look gave her away. He took a minute to watch her, unable to speak. He knew exactly what to say on his way up to her room but as she was sitting in front of him, he completely froze in place. He needed to say it right, make her understand.
"If you are back here to try and lecture me you can forget about .." Was all she got to say before Alex's movement stopped her. He was standing right in front of her now, she could almost feel his heartbeat and his breath danced around on her nose every time he breathed out. "Claire, shut up will ya?" He said with a smile and watched how Claire's face started to release the tension she had build up inside. He put his hands on her arms, forcing her to look at him, stand in front of him and listen to his next word.
"I love you McLeod, I love you so damn much" he said and waited to see how she would respond to the words he should have said weeks ago, the words he should had said instead of running away with his tail between his legs.
"I love you too" Claire heard herself say without thinking and she felt her heart start to mend itself back together only to explode in a million piece from all the happiness she felt right now. She couldn't even begin to explain how she felt inside. Alex smiled at her and pulled her in. He studied her eyes like he had a thousand times before and then he kissed her but this time he wasn't running away, never again. He had her, he finally got her - Got his Claire.