Grand Theft Toaster!
John shuddered and gave thanks once more that it was impossible to inject poison into someone who sprayed blood like a geyser when his skin was pierced. He also gave thanks to large spiders that drowned when a gallon of blood was sprayed down their throat and that healing potions were cheap. Truthfully he was pretty sure he had gotten ripped off on both the healing potions and the identify spells, but since he didn't need to buy any antidotes he really cleaned up in the spider infested forest anyway.
'I think I even went up a level,' John thought to himself as he limped up the stairs. 'Of course I have no idea what that means in the real world…or wherever the hell it is I'm living now.'
As John passed Makoto's door she suddenly burst out and he found himself pressed against the wall with her on him.
"Eep!" Makoto quickly climbed off him. "Sorry about that."
"No problem," John said waving it off when he heard the sound of breaking glass coming from his apartment and noticed the broken lock.
Dropping his backpack he rushed into his apartment only to see a flash of legs going out the newly broken window as a familiar voice yelled, "I'm being stolen, help!"
Rushing to the window he could just make out Sailor Uranus roof hopping away with his toaster.
Makoto's voice came from his front door. "Is everything ok?"
Joe sighed and walked past Makoto and back into the hall to retrieve his backpack. "Today…I've had one Senshi pull a Rei and set me on fire, and another has kicked in my door and broken out my window, I'm not sure why as they were both unlocked, so she could steal my toaster."
"She stole your toaster?" Makoto asked in disbelief.
"Yes, the bitch stole my toaster! The next senshi I see is getting a shovel to the face."
"Owch," Makoto muttered uneasily.
John sighed. "Ok, that's probably a bit much, after all it's only Mars and Uranus who have attacked me in one way or another. Moon is innocent and I owe Mercury and Saturn."
"What about Jupiter and Venus?" Makoto blurted out.
"Venus is cursed and Jupiter…" John trailed off thoughtfully, but really didn't feel up to flirting at the moment so he waited, hoping he guessed right about who shoved Makoto out the door to distract him, though he had no clue why Uranus stole his toaster.
"Venus is cursed?" Minako asked popping out of Makoto's place.
"Something about love and duty," John replied. "Don't ask how I know, I just know."
"And Jupiter?" Makoto asked.
John was tired from fighting giant spiders and the healing potions hadn't done anything for that, he'd been set on fire by one senshi and had another burgle his place. It was safe to say he was grumpy, out of sorts, and in no way in the mood for flirting. He had a snarky comment ready as he turned and looked into Makoto's hopeful brown eyes, when his hormones reminded him he was a teen again and nothing short of a sucking chest wound should throw him off his game. "It's probably best if I don't run into Jupiter in public," John said solemnly.
"What? Why?" Makoto asked.
"Well it's like someone designed her to hit all of my weaknesses," John replied. "Brave, beautiful, heroic and that's not even taking into account her impressive rack and dynamite legs."
Makoto began blushing as Minako listened to John sing Jupiter's praises with a grin, happy to forget her own troubles for the moment.
"Why if I ran into her I'd immediately drop to my knees and," John said before leaning in and whispering the rest in Makoto's ear.
Minako had no idea what he'd whispered but Makoto was frozen solid and so red she looked sunburned.
"Well as much as I'd like to stay and chat, I have to clean my place and get to bed."
"Not to mention get your door fixed," Minako said poking the oblivious Makoto in the side.
"Nah, I don't lock my door anyway. I hate getting locked out and odds are I'm not going to get robbed anyway. I'll fix it up a bit so it looks ok and leave it be, but I do have to cover up my window until I can get it replaced."
"Well…see you in school tomorrow," Minako said dragging Makoto into her apartment.
"What happened?" Rei demanded.
"Uranus kicked in his front door and broke out his back window," Minako said. "Which he never locks, so it was needless damage."
"And the artifact?" Ami asked.
"A toaster," Minako replied clearly unhappy with Rei calling in Uranus.
Rei whipped out her cell phone and called Haruka.
"A toaster?" Ami asked doubtfully.
"Yes, a toaster," Minako replied. "Not every artifact is going to be a weapon. I'm pretty sure they had kitchens back then too."
"That was an awful lot of power for a toaster," Ami said.
"He used it to make grilled cheese sandwiches," Makoto said, having recovered from her hormonal overload.
Rei closed her cellphone. "Haruka said it's intelligent, but it is a toaster."
"So rather than giving him the apology Luna said you owed him, you called Haruka and arranged for her to do needless damage to his place while robbing him," Makoto said bluntly.
Rei winced. "I guess I should go apologize now before I make things worse." While she'd really like to blame John for everything that had happened, she had to admit all he seemed guilty of was having a Silver Millennium toaster.
"Not unless you want to get smacked with a shovel," Makoto warned her. "After having his place burgled by the Sailor Senshi warrior of love and Justice, Sailor Uranus he's sworn if he sees either her or Mars he's going to smack them in the face with a shovel. I'm just glad he's not down on all the senshi. Give him a week to cool down and then apologize."
"He was really pissed at us all for a minute there," Minako agreed. "Then he reminded himself of the two senshi he owed and went down the list about which ones he had no right to be mad at. He'll probably get over being pissed at Rei, but I'm not sure about Haruka."
"I should apologize to him," Makoto said suddenly, taking out her henshin rod. "I'll just transform and…"
Minako plucked Makoto's henshin rod from her hand. "And take a cold shower," she said pushing her towards the bathroom.
"What was that about?" Rei asked as Makoto went to shower.
"He's got a huge weakness for Jupiter. As in fall on his knees and… worship, type," Minako explained with a smirk.
"Wouldn't you normally encourage her to take advantage of that?" Ami asked dryly.
"Nope. I'm sure I could get a guy easy as Venus, but catching them while in our civilian ID's is important, cause otherwise you'd never know if he liked you for you."
"That's surprisingly deep," Rei said.
Minako shrugged. "The reason I don't have a boyfriend isn't because I lack an understanding of how relationships work."
Ami and Rei just looked at her, the question clear in their eyes even if they weren't rude enough to ask it.
"I'm cursed," Minako admitted.
Ami was already scanning while Rei started examining her.
"I've already talked to Setsuna," Minako said shaking her head. "My powers will chip away at the curse until it breaks in roughly four to five years. Trying to break it magically could strengthen it and make it take longer."
"Oh," Ami said quietly before examining her readings with a frown. "I've got additional magical sources in John's apartment now that he's home."
"More sources?" Minako asked curiously.
"Several small ones, no idea what they are except they are neither Silver Millennium nor Dark Kingdom," Ami replied.
"He's got a talent," Minako decided. "He probably senses magic. It'd explain how he knew my curse and he ended up with the toaster."
"I'm surprised he hasn't figured out who we are then," Ami said thoughtfully.
"If he did he wouldn't say anything," Minako pointed out.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"What do I do with two months off?" John asked himself, as he covered the broken window with a sheet of plastic.
His money problems were over, thanks to the map, and he was doing fine in school and everything else. Really the only problems he had were youma and getting his toaster back. "I bet Ranma Saotome never had problems like this," he muttered before pulling out his map and reading it. "I didn't even have to make a wish, I guess it responds to my desires. Now let's see what I need to get some training from the man who trained Ranma."
A shiver went down John's back, but he couldn't figure out why, as he only remembered that Genma was easily swayed by food and had trained Ranma.
Typing by: The Last Primarch!