Haa, I updated. I love the beginnig of this chapter... I had tears in my eyes!

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.

A FATHER THAT'S NEVER PRESENT

Chapter 4
The golden key

Roy staggered to his apartment door. He had had a talk with Maes Hughes just after the incident between Hughes and Ed. And hearing about their conversation really upset him. It really did. He had been drinking for a few hours in a pub nearby and he was feeling very drunk. Because he was. It was already midnight, and if Ed had gone home he should be in now. Or otherwise he wasn't. At least the kid had a key.

Roy walked in and continued staggering to his sofa where he finally let his feel sunk as he fell on it. That was when he heard a quiet voice coming from the dark corner. There was a figure who's golden eyes glowed in the dark, definitely as sad as his were.

"You've been drinking."

It was a simple remark. But it hided a bunch of feelings in it. Roy knew it. Though Ed wasn't able to trust him, he trusted the kid almost blindly. And he knew the kid. Of course there was a lot of stuff that he didn't know, that he wasn't even able to guess. But some things were easy to see.

Ed walked to the kitchen and Roy heard him taking a glass and filling it with water. How was the kid able to just calmly take care of him when he didn't even trust him? When he didn't even want to have a father? Was it because of the guilt? The guilt for leading him in the wrong thought? Guilt for making him think that it would've worked out?

"Drink", Ed said blankly as he handed the glass over. After that he took a few steps back and just stood there stiffly.

Roy drank the water without thanking. Without any words. No insults, no praises. Just the cold silence for his part. Telling the kid how disappointed and hurt he was. Ed started shivering, but his expression didn't change. He just was there. Like a ghost. No, not like a ghost. Ghosts weren't just staring blankly.

"Right now you remind me about my real father. When he and mum had a fight he ended up drinking. Not at home, of course. But I can still remember hearing him coming home and the smell of alcohol. Luckily they didn't fight a lot. I hate the smell."

Roy didn't even look at the boy. He could sense the bitter and disappointment from his side as well. They just were there for a while. Then Ed lowered his head and fell for his knees next to the sofa.

"I'm sorry. For everything. I know that I hurt you, but I want you to understand that I didn't intend to do it. I didn't know that it was going to end up like this. I really didn't. It hurts me as well."

His voice was silent and hoarse. Roy noticed that the usual glitter in his eyes was gone. His eyes were just anguished. But it didn't help the situation. It didn't change anything.

"Why don't you say anything? Why don't you do anything? You have that look on your face… I hate that look. It's just like his when he left. You're leaving me, aren't you?"

Roy was shocked seeing the teen's eyes filling with tears. He had buried his head in his hands and Roy could hear silent sobbing. Then Ed stood up.

"As this is your home, at this time I guess you're not leaving yourself. You're planning kicking me out, aren't you?" Ed was trembling; his tears were falling on the ground. It hurt Roy to see him like that, but he couldn't bear seeing the kid anyway. The kid he had considered as a son of his own. A kid, who just couldn't feel the same way, no matter how much he had tried. He had really thought about this in the pub. Kicking Ed out. Or not actually, kicking, just telling him to leave. It seemed like Ed could read him as well.

Ed read the answer from his face. He swallowed hard, his crying increasing. Ed didn't let out any voice, like he usually did. Now he just stood there crying silently.

"I – I'll go and get my stuff."

With that Ed slowly walked in his room. Roy just lay there. His mind was empty.

So… this is how it ends. I suffered and enjoyed all that time. And this is how it ends. Both knowing that it won't work out. Knowing it just wasn't the way things were supposed to be. God, it hurts.

Roy felt a hot tear on his cheek. Since when did he cry? Since when? He hadn't cried in years. He didn't even remember the last time he had cried. He hadn't cried even when a beautiful woman that he had really fallen for had left him. So why did he cry now?

Ed didn't spend more than a few seconds in his room.

He must've seen this coming. He must've packed already.

He heard Ed walking with his bag to his front door. Then he stopped.

"Maybe it is better this way. If you really would've cared for me, you would've never let me go. You would've never stopped trying."

The words penetrated in Roy's head. He almost believed them. Almost.

Then he heard the door open.

"I'm sorry."

Then the door closed. He knew he was alone once again. He knew it was the best for both of them. Or at least he thought so.

He laid there for an half an hour. His mind was empty. No thoughts. Not any kind of. Then he stood up and walked slowly in Ed's old room.

He looked out of the window and saw the raven sky crying as well.

Then he looked at the table.

There was a golden key. Ed's key in his apartment.

"What have I done…?" he asked himself quietly and started crying harder.

The phone was ringing.

"Ughh…" Hughes muttered as he stood up.

"Who's calling at this time? Their waking Elysia up…" his wife complained silently.

"Just go back to sleep. I'll get it."

The caller is going to have one of my famous knifes in his or her throat before next night.

The phone was still ringing.

"Maes Hughes on the phone", he muttered sleepily.

"Maes… I think I just made the biggest mistake in my life."

Suddenly Hughes was completely awake. Something was wrong. Roy sounded like he'd been crying.

"Roy, what did you do?"

There was a silence.

"Where's Ed?"

The silence continued. It was like Roy was too sad to talk. But Hughes understood him even without words.

"Don't say that you kicked him out…"

"I'm sorry." Roy's voice was dumb. "I regret it. I don't know what I was doing… I had been drinking and then he just… he just was there and it felt like the right thing to do. I couldn't bear seeing him and thinking that he couldn't think about me as a father." Then Hughes heard a sob.

"He never said so."

"What?"

"He never said that he couldn't think about you as a father. He just said that he couldn't trust in anyone who he considered as a father. That means he really did care about you that way."

"I have to find him. Please… help me find him."

"I will. I'll come in there and then we'll go looking for him. OK?"

"Thank you Maes… I owe you two now…"

"You don't owe me anything. Friends help. It's their responsibility. I'll be there soon."

He ended the call.

"What have you done, Roy…"

After ten minutes Roy heard the doorbell ring. He immediately opened the door.

"You look bad. Maybe you should wash your face first."

"Maes… thanks for coming."

Thanks for always being here for me when I need you.

"Wash your face so we can start looking for him", Hughes said guiding Roy in his kitchen sink that was the closest. "It's cold and it's dark. And there can be any kind of people on the streets as well. The military dorms are closed at this time, so he can't go in there. And he didn't come in my place. I don't think he knows any other place where he could stay in Central."

Roy wailed. "Don't say he's somewhere there sitting in the rain. He hates the rain."

I threw you in the cold rain… I threw you alone in this cold world. I should be the one protecting you and here we are. Here I am. I'm such a horrible father, no wonder you can't trust the people you consider as your father's. You've had two now… both leaving you when you needed us the most.

I'm so sorry, Ed.

I'm so sorry, son.

"Ed..!"

There was no answer. It had been like this for an hour now. It was two o'clock. Roy was worrying like hell.

"Ed… Please, answer!"

"Maybe he just haven't heard us", Hughes pointed out, his hand on his friends shoulder.

"Or maybe he has, but just hadn't wanted to see me. He has all rights for that…" He sniffed. Oh god, he missed Ed so much already.

They kept walking. They went everywhere, just looking and yelling his name. Then they arrived to the train station.

There was a small boy sitting in the rain on one of the many benches, his arms curled around his feet and his face buried deep in his thigs.

"ED!" Roy yelled and ran to him.

"Stay away", Ed hissed, not even raising his head.

"Please, forgive me Ed, I didn't know what I was thinking. I'm really sorry. And I mean it", Roy pleaded. He was getting desperate.

"I don't care. Don't come near to me."

Roy stood there. He didn't dare getting closer to the boy. He could hear a warning and dangerous shade in Ed's voice. It was stronger than ever before.

"WHY DID YOU STILL DO IT, EVEN KNOWING HOW MUCH I FEARED FOR IT!? WHY DID YOU DO IT!?"

Hughes reached them, Ed's words flowing in the air. Both men were clueless what they could say that Ed would ever be able to forgive Roy.

"I'm sorry, Ed. I wasn't thinking clearly", Roy whispered.

"YOU WEREN'T THINKING CLEARLY, EH?! THEN YOU'D JUST BETTER GET TO HELL!"

Even though Roy didn't see Ed's face, he could tell that he was crying.

I've just let down the person I care about the most.

Roy walked to Ed and hugged him, Ed immediately responding with a fist. Roy managed to grab it before it hit his face. Then he grabbed the other fist that was directed towards his stomach. He saw Hughes standing still, watching. Trying to figure out if his help was needed.

Ed kicked and wriggled furiously. Holding him still in his arms wasn't an easy task.

"LET GO OF ME, YOU BASTARD, YOU BLOODY, FUCKING, COLONEL BASTARD!"

"I won't."

"AND WHY NOT!? DON'T ACT LIKE YOU CARE WHEN YOU DON'T!"

"I do care. You said that if I really would've cared for you, I would've never let you go or stopped trying. I'm not going to let go or stop trying. I'm never going to."

Ed cried in his lap. He looked so vulnerable that it hurt Roy.

And it's me who got him in that state. It's all my fault. I would've never let him go. I would've never made him leave. It's all my fault.


"I'm sorry", he said feeling tears filling his eyes as well.

Hughes smiled. Now his problem would be just getting the two of them back to home.

Happy ending for this chapter as well. Well, now Roy has let Ed down. Is it still possible to return Ed's faith in a father after his big mistake?

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