Hating This Feeling

A/N: Here is chapter four of iHate Jeff!

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.

Freddie's POV

I'm going to go crazy. I hate this Jeff guy. I hate every single thing about him. From his 'perfect blue eyes' to his stupid earring.

Sam can't continue to go out with him. I won't let her...

Hold on Freddie. Calm down. This isn't as bad as it seems.

The girl that your head over heels in love with is just dating some strange dude who's afraid of bloody movies.

This is bad.

Sam is mine and nobody else's. This is killing me. I hate this feeling; burning in my throat, making my stomach lurch. It isn't fair.

Why did I have to fall in love with Sam, of all people?

The one who does whatever she wants, when she wants, strange, adventurous, daring things. Bossing around anybody she feels like bossing around. Yelling at random people, eating whatever won't eat her first... I'm officially out of my mind.

Carly Shay is hugging me, and all I'm thinking about is Sam.

Oh yeah, I just told her I wasn't in love with her anymore.

Does this whole love thing come with short term memory loss as a side effect?

Carly pulls away and smiles at me. It makes me feel good. I really like just being Carly's friend. When I think about it, I was being very unfair to her, asking her out all the time. All along, she just wanted us to be good friends.

We go up to the studio together.

Through the glass doors, I can see Sam, holding Jeff's hand. They're staring at the ceiling and Sam's pointing. They both laugh.

Carly and I go in.

"That's where we hung the bra who told ghost stories," She was saying.

"And here-" She said, holding up her blue remote."Is my remote. You know with all the sound effects and stuff."

He stared around in awe.

"This place is awesome!"

He's now roaming our studio, examining various old props and random junk.

I wince when he runs a finger over my tech equipment.

That Jerk.

We give Jeff a quick tour of the studio, then Sam demands that I choose a movie. As I look through Carly's DVDs, she continuously nudges me whispering, "Bloody and gory!"

The girl is sick. I have no idea why I'm so crazy about her.

She looks surprised when I choose The Undead Ninja V.S. The Mummy King. I once heard Sam talking to Carly about how awesome it is. Which obviously means it will be totally disgusting. But I choose it just to see Sam smile... We-ell that and I want to see Jeff's reaction to it. Maybe Sam will see what a wimp he is and decide to go out with me.

Fat chance.

"Wow dork! Finally you choose a movie that isn't about princess's and talking animals."

"What? I've never chosen a movie about princess's or talking animals, Sam!"

Why does she always have to insult me for no good reason?

"Would you two cut it out? Let's just go watch the movie already. God!" Carly rolls her eyes.

Sam smirks and pushes past me, skipping down the stairs. I can't help but watch her curls bounce up and down to her rhythmic skipping. It's strange. One second Sam Puckett is evil, and the next, she is like an innocent child. I must have been staring for too long, because when I look up, Carly and Jeff are both gone too.

Why, oh why am I cursed with these affections for Sam?

I take the stairs two at a time. When I reach the living room, Sam is already sitting beside Jeff. She's vibrating up and down in excitement as Carly slips the DVD into the player. Sam sits up and looks around, spotting me. "What took you so long, dork?"

I shrug.

She patted the other spot beside her.

"Sit next to me," She orders.

At that moment, Carly turns off the lights. So Sam couldn't see me blushing, thankfully.

I felt my stomach jump. Could there be hope?

Then I feel silly, remembering...

She has a boyfriend.

I sigh and plop down beside her. Our knee's are barely touching.

Sam doesn't notice, she's staring at the screen, watching the opening previews, still bouncing, but softer.

I have the sudden urge to take her hand and bounce with her.

But I don't. I stare straight ahead at the screen.

The movie is as gross as I thought it would be. I mean, how can you watch this stuff?

At one particularly nasty part, I slowly turn and look at Jeff.

He looks a little green.

I smirk and face the screen again.

It's especially funny when the main character's head explodes and blood gushes everywhere.

Sam bursts into a fit of giggles. Jeff is staring at her in shock.

But I'm unfazed by it. I'm used to Sam's sickening behavior.

This Jeff guy really isn't right for her. I know completely nothing about him. She probably doesn't either.

Wait Freddie, don't jump to conclusions.

I let out a deep sigh.

Sam looks at me.

"What up, nub?" she says quietly.

I just shrug.

"I'm gonna go-uh- help Spencer out in the kitchen."

She looks me over, as if confirming it. Then raises her eyebrow.

"Kay, whatever."

I silently get up and make my way to the kitchen. I have to tell somebody about this.

When I go into the kitchen I see two plates piled high with taco shells and a giant bowl of sauce-less spaghetti.

Spencer is at the stove stirring a pot of pasta sauce. He turns around and sees me.

"Hey, Freddo."

I glance at him before sitting on a stool at the counter.

"Hey Spence."

I must have looked pretty bothered, because he quickly wiped his hands on his cooking apron and sat beside me.

"What's troubling you?"

I sighed.

"I have a girl problem."

He smiled knowingly.

"Tell the master all about it."

I stare at the ceiling, lost in thought.

I don't want to be too obvious, so I carefully phrase what I'm about to say.

"There's this girl at school who I like. And uh, we're pretty good friends, but I don't think she likes me the way I like her. You get me?" I look at him to make sure we're on the same page. Cause you know how Spencer can be.

But he nods.

"Go on."

"I don't know if she likes me back, and I don't want to ruin this whole thing that we have. So I never plan on telling her. But this whole thing is eating me alive. What should I do?"

He grinned.

"We're not talking about my little sister here, are we?"

I shook my head.

"No, I'm over Carly. It's a lot less tiring to just be her friend you know?"

He smiled uncertainly.

"Alrighty. Then I think you should tell her. I mean, what have you got to lose? Well there is your friendship-"

Gee, thanks...

"Spence, I can't tell her. That's out of the question."

I was unsurprised to find him staring at the wall ahead dreamily.

"Spencer?"

He blinks at me.

"Huh? Oh, I was just remembering my second crush. Her name was Penelope Wellington. She was great. She loved zebra skin and the color pink..."

"Hey , uh- Spence? Could we stay on subject here, please?"

"Yeah, sorry. "

"I was saying that I definitely could not tell her my feelings. "

He frowns.

"That's crazy talk, Freddie. You'll never ever know if you were meant to be if you don't give this thing a try. My advice is to tell her. A great load will be lifted and even if she never wants to talk to you again, what's done is done."

"No way in the universe am I going to tell Sam that I'm in love with her! If she finds out-"

"Whoa, wait. This is Sam we're talking about, here?"

I can feel the blood rushing to my face. I swear my heart stops beating.

I don't know what came over me.

"W-Wait. I-I didn't just say that."

A knowing smile is slowly spreading across Spencer's face.

"I knew it."

Oh my God.

"Hold on Spencer, I didn't mean-"

"This is awesome! Oh wow, I knew it since day one. You love Sam! Yesss!"

My hands are trembling. I place them on the counter to steady myself.

Spencer is doing a little jig in the middle of the kitchen.

I keep my head down in shame.

Good going, Freddie.

Sam's right. You're a real idiot.

I cover my face with my hands. I can't believe what I just said out loud. I'm so stupid.

The kitchen door opens and someone comes in. I don't raise my head to see. Right now I really don't care.

"What's going on in here? Why'd you leave, Freddie?"

Carly.

I look up slowly.

She looks puzzled.

"Why are you all red?"

Spencer saves the day.

"Oh, we were just having some man talk," he replies, patting my shoulder.

Carly shrugs.

"Oh. Well Sam wanted a snack. What do we have?"

As Carly and Spencer dug through the cabinets for food, I slipped out without them noticing. I guess I could just watch the end of this stupid movie, eat a taco, and go home. I can't stand one more minute of that stupid Jeff guy-

Then I see it.

Sam and Jeff. Snuggled together on the couch. Staring deep into each others eyes. Their heads getting closer together.

Noses almost touching.

I can't take it.

I clear my throat.

They both look up.

Sam looks surprised. Jeff looks slightly annoyed.

"Um, I'm gonna go. Could you-uh- tell Carly I'll see her tomorrow?"

Before Sam can say a word, I'm out the door and across the hall. I shift through my pockets for my apartment key. My vision blurring by the second. I unlock the door and run inside, into my room. Quietly, so that my mom won't hear. I gently shut the door and lock it. I slide my back against it. My hands on my face. I can already feel the tears in between my fingers.

I hate this feeling more than I've ever hated any feeling before. I hated it way more than any kind of possible physical injury.

This was far more painful. I move to my bed and lay my head on my pillow. Crying harder than I ever have in my life.

Of all the mental and physical harm that Sam Puckett has ever done to me in my lifetime. This was by far, the worst. She's hurt me in a way that could damage my soul permanently.

She tore my heart open and ripped it up into millions of little pieces that night without even realizing it.

A/N: Aw, sad Freddie! :( Reviews make me happy!