DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the events or characters from the film Thor, nor MARVEL'S The Avengers – I am just borrowing them for play.
WARNINGS: This pairing will contain Dom/sub elements, simply due to the nature of their respective roles and also because of the perspectives I perceive as present in the relationship. Though unsure about the extent of Mature Content this fic might delve to include, the elements aforementioned above include:
petting, hand-feeding, irrational possessiveness, public displays of ownership, and subservience
These chapters are excerpts from my series Compare and Contrast the Following – they cannot be read without the context provided there.
Despite Circumstances
-~S~-
This excerpt is from Enlightening Nuances, Chapter Sixteen: Assemble. An extension of Clint's thoughts on himself, the Scepter's control, and Loki.
-~S~-
Chapter Four: Confessions
"You don't understand, I-" he started before interrupting his words with laboured panting. "Have you ever had someone take your brain and play?" he wondered in halting explanation as she paused. "Pull you out, and stuff something else in?"
One of Clint's blinks slowed before he resolutely affixed his gaze onto the screen, not permitting his eyes to close under the influx of emotional thoughts consequent from the echo of his words.
He craned his head to stare up at her beseechingly. "Do you know what it's like to be unmade?"
She turned to him, responding, "You know that I do."
He knew that she did; his partner could empathize on a level that many others couldn't, but he still couldn't help feeling as though this was a unique incident that no one, save him, could fully understand.
It's different – of course it is. Manipulation is one thing, I've been steered towards decisions by the strings others have had on me too – but this? This is forcing you to act with the firm belief that you want to, and to not be sure afterwards if you really did or not. This was changing a part of me with that Scepter, dogging Loki's steps, and developing something that I'm starting to think is Stockholm syndrome.
How can I not sympathize with Him, though? Even Fury was able to convince the Council of using Him as a consultant after watching the events that led Him to His actions, nevermind the team's response to seeing it all and hearing Thor's accounts of what He went through before – what happened to His children.
And it may seem to them that I should be less likely to move towards working with Him after the whole invasion, but I was working with Him then. And I could feel His core, His mind linked to mine. They can't comprehend what I felt when connected to Him. They don't fully understand yet what it means that these gods are immortal – have lived to see civilizations rise and fall, and will be here long after our grandchildren's children are nothing more than bones buried in the ground. They can't understand the amount of experience and intelligence and power that I'd felt in Him.
I still can't grasp it. And the sensation is fading the longer I distance myself from Him and His magic, he admitted to himself with his hands clenched into fists on top of his thighs.
"Being undone helps you to find definition, doesn't it?" Loki commented idly, his chin propped on his knuckles.
It was a simply voiced sentiment, one that was sobering to all of the occupants of the room. Their pasts forged their characters; the events they have persevered through have proved their strengths.
Clint might muse on what his life might've been like if his parents hadn't died when he was young, if the Swordsman hadn't left him for dead, if him and Barney had stayed in touch – but then who would he be? Would he be able to recognize himself, be able to be proud of all that he'd accomplished? Would he have even met Natasha, or would she have been killed by an agent of SHIELD when she'd caught their attention?
He has never been able to look on his past with regret, because it was his. And that had to be true of all that had happened during the invasion too. Surfacing out of the Scepter's control had forced him to question who he really was, had forced him to dismiss all delusions he had held about himself. At his core, he simply follows the orders of others – always has. He needs a purpose to drive him. Nothing so upstanding as a code he set for himself or a belief in something – he just defends and fights for someone.
Barney. Jacques. Phil. Fury. Natasha.
And Loki.
He continued to breathe heavily as he hung his head and cast his eyes to the floor, shifting his gaze as his eyebrows furrowed. He questioned in confusion, "Why am I back?" turning to face her, "How'd you get him out?"
Suddenly thrust out of the azure that had stained his point of view, Clint had easily adhered to the belief that all of his actions were out of his control. With all the time that he'd had to reflect though, and the explanation Loki had given as to how the scepter worked to manipulate, he knew that that had been him.
Under different circumstances, if I'd thought to become a freelance killer instead of taking SHIELD up on their offer, I would've had no qualms about working for a newly arrived alien (in appearance) bent on mass genocide and world takeover. It'd have been just a job.
My employ now is only an illusion of taking the moral high ground. If SHIELD had sent me to Germany to break into a secure facility and appropriate some iridium, or to lead a squad into an enemy's headquarters and take down everyone, would I even question the orders? I don't ask for reasoning, if they're threatening innocents or the integrity of humanity – I'm given a mission, say 'yes, sir', and move out.
The Scepter, or Gem or whatever, may have forced the situation, but in the end how's Loki different from anyone else I've followed? His past shaped Him into who He is today – and He may not've earned my loyalty through exposure and familiarity, but does that mean He's undeserving of it?
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I realized that I've been inserting these excerpts every four chapters, and now that I've noticed the pattern my OCD won't let me stop...
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