Disclaimer: Everything Outsiders and that is the last time I say it.

Thanks for all the reviews! The reviews motivated me to write the next chapter real fast and perfect

Ponyboy was sitting on the bathroom floor breathing heavily. Deep in thought, he added pressure on the bloody cloth he held to his wrists. He has been cutting himself for awhile now. A month to be exact. he didn't mid hurting himself.
He usually thought of Johnny when he cut himself. He remembered the the days they spent together after he came home from school and long weekends. When the gang didn't come over at the Curtis house and Darry & Sodapop were out working at night, they would fool around in his room and they took advantage at any chance they could find alone time. Even when Johnny once stayed for dinner at Pony's house and they secretly held hands under the table and had a minor foot war. He can even remember that special night up in Windrixville that him and Johnny had. A memory he wouldn't want to forget but at the same time erase from his mind. Ponyboy can remember everything as if all events had happen yesterday...it's still fresh in his mind. Yet, those memories can burn little holes all over his heart.
He can remember it all...

Flashback

Ponyboy was smoking a cigarette one morning. He was out back of the abandoned church of Jay Mountain which was located in Windrixville. Amazed by the view of the whole town from the mountain, he admired the vivid colors of the early sunset. Gray, violet, blue, dark blue...he hasn't seen anything more mind-blowing before. At least he thought he did. No. He has seen something more mind-blowing. He grew up with him since he was 4 years old.

"Ponyboy?" a hoarse voice called out.

Ponyboy turned around from the limited sunset to see a grinning, slightly tired boy walk up to him. Of course it was none other than Johnny Cade.

"Watching the sunset again, huh?" Johnny said in a low voice while wrapping his arm's around the 14 year old's waist.

"Yeah, I just realized that sunsets are pretty and kinda tuff and only last for 5 minutes or so...but I know your here with me forever." Ponyboy heart-fully confessed. Johnny blushed and glanced at Pony with his big black round eyes.

"Do you mean that Pone?" Johnny asked wondering.

"Of course I do Johnny. I know for sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Johnny stared at Ponyboy for awhile in silence. Suddenly grabbing Ponyboy's hand led him inside.

"Ponyboy, I wanna tell you something.." Johnny began to say.

Pony looked at Johnny frightened and un-easily. He thought Johnny was about to regret everything they've been through together. "What's wrong Johnny?"

"I wanna say the truth...ya know let my feelings out. I think...I think that I might...love you. Like really love you, a lot too. Every time I see you I want to run away because I know I would feel and act dumb around you, I start to sweat a little and all and not that I know for sure or nothin' but I guess...that's what happens when you're in love. Some moments we have together I never want them to end. I feel like if I touch you or hold you close, I just literally never want to let go of you...savvy? When I pass by in the halls in school to just say hi and stuff, I feel a rush through me, like adrenaline. I always dig layin' with you at the lot looking at the stars, or watching sunsets but I realized...it doesn't matter what you do or where you go or when you do it. It just matters who you're with. If I'm with you, then I know I'm good...that's just all I really wanted to say."

A glazed eyed Ponyboy stared at Johnny with astonishment. No one had ever said such a honest love-filled speech to him before. Not his parents, not Sodapop, especially not Darry. Right then and there Ponyboy has never felt so wanted in his life. So loved by someone he loves just the same. He could feel the waterworks coming, and there they went going down his face. Tears of pure happiness of course, all thanks to the lovely Johnny Cade.

"Johnny...I love you too. I don't want to ever lose you not even for a second." Ponyboy leaned forward and kissed Johnny with all his power passionately.

Johnny pulled Ponyboy and hugged him tightly.

"I know you don't Ponyboy I know you don't." Johnny choked out chuckling. Seems as if he were about to cry too.

"Johnny, promise me you will be with me forever. Promise me we can grow old together and love every second of each others company for the rest of our lives...promise me..." Ponyboy sobbed.

"I swear Ponyboy I will. I promise, I promise, I promise ill always stay with you. Thanks to the gang...but mostly you Ponyboy...I know what love and affection is and what it feels like."

Ponyboy wiped Johnny's tears away and chuckled a bit. For the rest of the day, they had some kisses here and there, ate candy bars and smoked, read Gone with the Wind aloud, and peacefully went soundly to sleep where the next morning Dally was going to visit them.

End of Flashback.

Ponyboy shook his head hard and violently.

Johnny is dead! He is dead and he is never coming back! He broke the promise! He said it himself.

HE WANTED TO DIE.

Ponyboy wanted to scream out 'leave me alone!' so badly he dug his nails into his arm deep and hard to resist. He always had voices in his head taunting him. Making him feel like shit. Trying to convince him that Johnny never really cared about him. He used him.

Pony was just Johnny's play toy.

Ponyboy stood up trying his very hardest to prevent himself from crying.

'Don't fucking cry...dont..he's gone now. Maybe to another, better place. Just move on...move on..' he told himself.

Once again he had the power to believe himself. He was definitely going to move on. He just didn't know how...maybe he needs some help?

Though deep down inside, no one in the universe can ever replace Johnny. After all, he was Ponyboy's first love.

Ponyboy got up from the spot he was in and washed off the blood on his arm. He rolled down his sleeve and casually walked out of the bathroom and went to get ready to go out tonight. Alone.

He sure to completely let loose tonight.

I am officially happy I wrote this! I can't believe how great the chapter came out. Well to me, hopefully you guys feel the same way; and there I finally gave you a chapter of Johnny and Ponyboy and there love for each other; just to make the story more clearer. Johnny's speech was all originality baby. I only write one sentence and I was in the zone by then lol.

secret: anytime I read an Outsiders story on this site, I just picture the story with the movie characters. I guess it's more easier or the fact that the actors are way to sexy. I guess the second part! wink
Don't worry though, I know Dally had Blonde hair and Sodapop too. I know all the differences between book and movie.

endiahna - thanks so much! Im really glad your interested in this story because I know how strong Pony and Soda's bond is, so it kinda inspired me to write this.

Anony. Lover -I love that you love the fact that I posted a story about the Brothers. They ARE so perfect together! I just love them so much! And hmm...daring? Daring how? lol.