Hello again!
Things speed up in this chapter, and things will never be the same again.
I know there's no word about the Law, or the kiss. Be patient.
Am repeatedly overwhelmed at the follows and favourites rushing in.
Ofcourse, I have a soft spot for the reviews. A word, a line, a smile. I love it!
She cursed and threw her parchment across the common room. She'd been trying to contact the Australian Embassy for weeks, and all she was getting were polite replies stating in no uncertain words that she was too young for them to take seriously. Meaning they were just plain unhelpful. She stormed out of the tower in a huff. It was after curfew and pitch-dark as she entered the library.
Lighting a lamp, she got some books on Australia and plopped herself in the middle of them.
"St. Junette's, St. Junette's", she muttered, searching for the name on the maps spread out in front of her.
There was a creak of the door, and in a trice she blew out the lamp, and hid herself, leaning closely into the shelves.
She saw a dark shadow at the door, holding an unlit wand. She drew her wand too, quietly.
The shadow spoke, "Is anybody in there?", and she let out an "Oh!" of relief, saying out loud, "It's me, Remus." and she leaned over and lit the lamp again.
He drew closer and she saw the dark circles under his eyes. He took in her eyes too, permanently red these days from sorrow and exhaustion.
"What are you upto? This is starting to get old. Do you ever sleep?", he asked, sounding exhausted too.
"I-I was upset."
"Is this about Ron? Somehow, I don't think so.", he said softly, gesturing towards the maps.
"No,", she said, and then started to explain about her parents.
He listened to her talk, not interrupting.
"So you..modified your parents' memories?", he said, sounding stupefied. "And now you're trying to find them? Do you think it's possible?"
She said, "I'm trying to. Sometimes I feel so helpless. And scared. What if- what if I did it wrong? Permanently erased their memories of their only daughter. I'd be the worst child that ever lived." And she burst into tears. He took her hand and drew her closer. She clung to him and cried on his shoulder. Remus smoothed her hair, trying to console her. "It'll be okay. You'll find them. You will... just give it some time." Both of them were thinking if the other really believed what he was saying, but tried to take comfort in that moment.
Finally, after a long time, she stepped back, very embarassed. "Sorry, Remus. I just lost it. Haven't spoken to anybody at all about it." He said questioningly, "Harry?" And she answered, "Harry and Ron...wouldn't understand. They think I'm some kind of genius. I can find anything I want by researching in the library. They can't help in any way, so they don't understand."
Remus said, "I'm sure Harry'll understand. Try talking to him. Sometimes just talking helps."
Then he added, bitterly, "'Sometimes, it just doesn't."
Hermione said in a soft voice, "Tonks?"
"She's got all the paperwork sorted. It'll be final tomorrow."
Suddenly Hermione gripped his arm tightly. He looked up at her, startled, and was met with her fierce expression.
"Why aren't you fighting for her, Remus?"
He looked pained, and beckoned her to sit. Settling beside her, he said, "It's been coming on, for months. Somehow, she didn't expect the stigma that came with marrying a werewolf. Oh, she knew, that I was a werewolf. Even accepted it in a weird way. But she'd always seen me inside of the Order's shadow. Outside that, the way everybody sneered at her, looked down on her, pitied her...got to her."
Hermione looked beyond shocked. He continued, "She grew silent for months. I knew what I was wrong, but she wouldn't talk. She shut me out. I grew angry, then sad. The...the fight with Harry didn't help. I needed to escape, but how could I ever tell my best friend's son that? That my family had abandoned me? Because of what I am?" He looked sickened, and his voice broke.
Hermione drew her chair closer to him, and out her arm around his shoulder. "We didn't know. We're sorry...I'm sorry." He took harsh deep breaths.
"And the day of the final fight...that day Tonks returned to me. She told me she was willing to try, to live with me, for Teddy's sake. Her hair...was pale blue- a sign she was making a difficult decision."
Hermione looked surprised. She remembered how they'd been close together, fingers almost linked, as they lay side by side on the grass, apparently dead.
"I was so happy." His voice sounded far-off, immersed in the memory. "And then...the curse. It was an ancient magic that Nott knew nothing of. He thought the curse would just stop my heart. But the magic went deeper than that."
Hermione listened, absorbed in the pain and resignation in his voice.
"It was meant to wreak havoc in my heart and the heart of my wedded wife. When the curse hit me, it stunned us both for a moment. Then, at the same time, we felt an upsurge of love. Our heart welled with hope for each other, and we seemed to fight with renewed energy. I reached out to take her hand, and when I touched her fingers, we both fell."
Hermione looked stricken. She remembered Lupin's very words one evening long ago in Sirius' house. 'Magic you never dreamed of...' '...don't know what you're up against'
After a moment, he continued. "We don't know how we lived through the heart-attack. We weren't supposed to. But in the weeks that followed, we pieced together the truth. The curse is two-fold. It weakens our hearts the longer we stay together. And the longer we stay together, the stronger the curse gets, including the urge to be with each other."
He laughed bitterly again."Does that make sense?"
"But then why did she leave?", Hermione wondered softly.
"The curse was the final excuse she needed. The bouts of unconditional love the magic gave, coupled with the resentment she felt toward me deep down...she hated it all."
Hermione took his hand again. "Why didn't you tell us? Any of us. You've gone through all this...going through it...We would have helped."
"How could I?" His voice rose high, "The shame, Hermione, oh the shame!" And he started to cry.
Hermione looked stricken, seeing this brave man break down. She bent closer to him, looking in his eyes. "We would NEVER be ashamed of you, Remus. Not me, not Harry, not Teddy and..." And she froze mid-sentence, for apparently this was the wrong thing to say, as a tear fell from his eye.
Remus Lupin, crying! She rose from her chair, her heart aching, and pulled his head to her chest. "Remus, no...You're brave and kind and sweet. Your condition is nothing to be ashamed of." She murmured consolation for a long time, and he cried silently.
Finally he drew back. "Thank you for listening, Hermione. It means so much to me."
Her heart ached for him again. Even in the moonlight, his hair fell over his red eyes in a way she found surprisingly familiar, and she realised how handsome he really was. And she wondered how Tonks had ever found the heart to leave him.
He stood up to leave, still holding her hand. She gave it a slight squeeze, saying, "You should talk to Harry, too."
He just looked at her thoughtfully, then left the library.
Hermione pondered about this unusual relationship of hers with Lupin. Okay, not relationship, it wasn't even like they were friends or anything. Just...a connection. They didn't know all that much of each other, but they'd comforted each other when facing their own problems and feeling down. She remembered, going slightly red, how Remus had stroked her hair as she cried into his shoulder about her parents. Then she blushed harder, remembering how she'd hugged Remus when he'd been upset.
At that time, it hadn't struck her as inappropriate, or embarrassing, but now...She shook her head, trying to shake out the images, and Harry looked at her curiously. "You okay, Hermione? You seem flushed." She muttered, "Nothing."
Finishing up their breakfast, they headed to Defence. She hadn't faced Lupin, in class or otherwise, after that night in the library.
Really, she chided herself silently. 'That night in the library?' I sound like we were...doing something. Put this out of your head, Hermione. You're embarassed because you cried to your Professor. But remember, he's probably equally embarassed right now.
The thought comforted her a little, and she focused on the Defense class.
He watched her carefully during the first class after the emotional breakdown he had in the library. He'd thought she might be embarassed, to have her Professor confess his marital troubles to her, or cry into her shoulder. But when he'd finally called upon her to answer a question she had given him a small, friendly smile and proceeded to answer the question. That smile had warmed his heart. He knew that she'd never tell Harry, though he knew she thought he should. And he knew she'd meant every word when she'd said how none of them would be ashamed of him.
We broke some barriers that night. What we did bordered on inappropriate, he mused. But then, fighting the war together the way we all did was bound to blur some boundaries. And mark new ones, he considered, thinking of the divorce papers he's signed that the previous day. Then, trying to push it out of his mind, he nodded and smiled as Hermione finished answering his question.
He said, "Five points to Gryffindor", and vaguely, in the back of his mind, he wondered if her answer had been correct.
He hadn't heard a word.
Ooooh, even though this was kind of a sad chapter, I liked writing it. Did you like the sneak peek into their perspectives on the library incident?