Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.
Note: The story will now be divided into two versions. Although it is recommended that you read both versions, you can of course stick with the version of your choice.
BEGIN VER 1
Raito was sleeping restlessly. The sheets were tangled around his legs, and he had long ago thrown his pillow to the floor. He shook his head and grit his teeth as he lapsed back into the same memory that had been plaguing him all night.
Raito sat next to Ryuuzaki before their lit monitors, his left hand held immobile by Ryuuzaki's right. He checked over the collected data on Higuchi for the fourth time, having nearly memorized it all. The rest of the investigation team was spread throughout the building, each with a hard copy of the same document. Ryuuzaki had insisted that they all become "familiar" with Higuchi's traits before they made a move. Just one more brick added to the wall of excuses, oh wait, "precautions" Ryuuzaki had steadily been constructing. No one else seemed to see this obstructive wall, and Raito was frustrated by it.
Ryuuzaki's fingers were laced with his, the detective's fingertips drumming over Raito's knuckles in a peculiar manner – as if tapping keys on a piano. Raito was tempted to ask if Ryuuzaki knew how to play the instrument, but assumed the only reason Ryuuzaki was currently engaged in the action was because he was thinking deeply, so rather than interrupt, he'd wait to ask later.
With one page to go, Raito's concentration was broken by Ryuuzaki gagging to his left. He quickly glanced over as Ryuuzaki choked again. The sugar-addict was staring at his left hand in confusion, blood staining his fingertips and white sleeve. Raito panicked, tearing his hand from Ryuuzaki's to stand. Ryuuzaki gasped, bloodied hand forgotten as he reached frantically with his other for Raito's again.
Raito ignored him for the moment, searching the desk for a blade of some sort; irrationally thinking Ryuuzaki had intentionally hurt himself. He was scared beyond words at the thought. "What have you done?" he asked harshly, throwing papers out of his way in his search. Quickly deciding the weapon was of no concern compared to Ryuuzaki's immediate health, Raito spun around to Ryuuzaki to assess the damage. When he caught sight of the boy's trembling lips, marked red just as his fingers, he quickly understood and sighed in relief – Ryuuzaki wasn't trying to kill himself; he was apparently trying to eat his hand. He sat down heavily, taking Ryuuzaki's now-hesitant right hand into his, handcuffs clinking against each other. He smiled at Ryuuzaki, heart still pounding. "You scared the hell out of me."
The brunette growled angrily as he woke again. He was sick of hearing himself in the memory, and even sicker of the terrified feeling he kept reliving at the sight of Ryuuzaki's blood. Raito hoped he'd fall asleep before he had time to freeze-frame the image in his mind again.
He tried to find a more comfortable position, and grew frustrated when he couldn't move at all. Drowsily, he tried to slip out of the sheets. He pouted after his effort produced nothing. He blinked a few times in the darkened room before he tried moving again. With the glow of the moon to light his problem, Raito saw not a blanket keeping him in place, but Ryuuzaki. Raito's chest constricted at the sight of his lover. He stilled to stare at the boy. Ryuuzaki's arms were wrapped tightly around Raito's back, and the sleeping boy's leg was thrown over the brunette's hip.
"Ryuuzaki," Raito whispered contently. He'd rather have this than face the previous day's horror again.
The raven-haired boy's head was ducked neatly beneath Raito's chin, and he was mumbling quietly. Raito strained to hear the whispered words.
"Please…stay… Raito, stay…"
Raito sighed. This was the third consecutive night. He glanced at the clock to his left; the blaring digital green read 3:08. Ryuuzaki had probably just fallen asleep, and Raito's nightmares would have kept the boy up even later. He closed his eyes and held a kiss to Ryuuzaki's head while he ran his fingers through the dark hair. He felt Ryuuzaki slowly relax under his touch, and he continued to sooth him. Ryuuzaki's mutterings trailed off, and Raito sat up just far enough to pull the detective's arms out from behind him.
Finally free from the boy's tight hold, Raito's back rested comfortably against the forgiving mattress. He brought Ryuuzaki's pale arms to his face and frowned. The white bandages on Ryuuzaki's left hand were bright in the moonlit room. Raito carefully straightened the soft wrappings before beginning to massage Ryuuzaki's arms as fairly as he could, concentrating delicately on the angry red mark left by the boy's handcuff. His lover whimpered quietly as feeling returned, and Raito kissed the wrist he was working on, quieting him. When Raito was done, he set Ryuuzaki's arms near their sides. He slid his hand down Ryuuzaki's bare form to rest on his hip, and placed his other hand behind his love's neck, massaging just below his ears to trail down to his shoulders before starting over. His fingertips brushed against the handcuff key perched above Ryuuzaki's ear, and for the fifth time since Ryuuzaki bound them, Raito ignored its hiding spot.
"I'm not leaving, Ryuuzaki," Raito whispered gently, fixing the sheets over them.
They had gathered all the information they needed to finally catch Kira, the esteemed Kyosuke Higuchi. The discovery was a little disturbing, but Higuchi definitely looked the part. Oddly enough, it seemed Ryuuzaki regretted uncovering Kira's identity. The rest of the investigation team was ecstatic, and wanted to hurry along with the arrest. However, Ryuuzaki had planted unnecessary fears in their heads, and progress had slowed again. Everyone was watching their step, and double guessing themselves, which made the fairly unorganized team a complete disaster. Without Ryuuzaki actively leading, there wasn't much to be done, and Raito didn't believe it was up to him to take on the eccentric boy's role.
With Ryuuzaki sleeping peacefully, Raito allowed himself to relax again. He was hoping consciousness would easily fade away, so he groaned irritably when he felt Ryuuzaki trying to wriggle his arms underneath him again. "Ryuuzaki," Ryuuzaki froze, "don't."
Ryuuzaki laid completely still, breath uneven. He fought the urge to continue, as his desire to please Raito was stronger.
"Are you awake?"
Ryuuzaki nodded.
"Ryuuzaki," Raito rubbed circles up and down Ryuuzaki's back with the heel of his palm, hoping to ease the tense muscles, "why do you think I'm going to leave you?" He had wanted to ask the first time he heard Ryuuzaki's sleepy request, but had refrained, afraid to embarrass the boy. But this was the third night Ryuuzaki asked, and as it was an unconscious plea, it could only be a deep concern Ryuuzaki had.
Ryuuzaki didn't reply.
Raito desperately wanted the answer, but felt ordering a response was a bad way to get it. So he waited. After a lengthy silence, he asked, "Kitten?" He relaxed when he felt Ryuuzaki's lips curve upwards against his chest. He continued, "I'm not going to leave you. I never will. I promise."
"Promise?" came the sleepy whisper.
"Promise."
Ryuuzaki tilted his head to look at the brunette, making use of what little light the moon offered. He lifted his uninjured hand, hooked his pinky, and waited.
Laughing, Raito linked pinkies with Ryuuzaki to seal the promise. He propped himself up on his elbow, careful of Ryuuzaki's position, and gave him a tender kiss. When he pulled back, he smiled, "I love you."
"I love you."
"I'll never leave."
The reassuring words had the opposite affect Raito wanted. Ryuuzaki's eyes dulled for a moment, barely reflecting the moon's light, before closing. Ryuuzaki released Raito's hand and made to get away, paused, shifted again to move away, and finally turned back, wrapping his arms tightly around Raito. He took in a shaky breath before he murmured, "Please…"
Raito looked at him in concern. "Nothing could take me from you." He kissed him again, lowering them back to the mattress. Ryuuzaki was kind enough to remove his arms from Raito's back, but still clung to him once they were settled. Still determined, he said, "What has you so worried?"
Ryuuzaki closed his eyes and tucked his head beneath Raito's again. "If… Well, when… There's…." He paused and tried to organize his thoughts. He bit his lip. He didn't want to admit there was a ninety plus percent chance that things were going to go wrong when they finally captured Higuchi. He didn't want to accuse Raito of being Kira, or being Kira in the past, knowing how much it hurt the brunette. He didn't want to bring any of it up, but Raito was concerned, and Ryuuzaki hoped to destroy the issue if it was the cause of the brunette's nightmares.
The detective sighed. He didn't want this responsibility anymore. Everyone was counting on him, and he was letting them down by impeding progress. For the majority of his life, people moved only on his command. It was tiring to take so many people into consideration, predict movements of suspects, and modify theories as new information was found, all while mapping out possible courses of any given case. He wanted to pass the problem onto someone else, but that wasn't fair – he was the one to tackle the Kira case, so he had to see it though. If he could give control to Raito, he would, but Raito couldn't see the entire problem, so that was pointless. Lost on where to begin, or what to say, Ryuuzaki started to bring his left hand up to his mouth while he thought.
Sensing Ryuuzaki's distress, Raito waited until the detective predictably brought his hand to his mouth. He grasped it before it reached its destination and brought it to his lips instead. He kissed Ryuuzaki's palm lovingly, his other arm draped across Ryuuzaki's back. Words only seemed to trouble Ryuuzaki recently, so Raito didn't say anything. He strategically listed possible explanations for Ryuuzaki's worry, returning to the same conclusion: Raito is Kira. Or as Raito believed was closer to the truth, Raito could become Kira. "Are you afraid," he began quietly, "that I'll become Kira, once we stop Higuchi?"
Ryuuzaki tried to pull his hand free. Raito held firm, bringing it back to his lips to kiss along the bandaged fingers. He refused to let Ryuuzaki teeth at it any more; yesterday was the first, and last, time he bit his fingertips bloody. The image tried to surface again and Raito shut his eyes tightly. He wouldn't let Ryuuzaki destroy himself over a worry such as this, and he made the promise with his entire soul as he once again kissed each wrapped digit. "Well?" he asked softly, after all Ryuuzaki had offered was silence.
"Yes," he choked. "If Kira's power truly can be passed on…o-or…or regained…" He tried again to free his hand. "If you leave, and Kira takes your place… I don't… You… I can't…"
Raito's heart skipped painfully at the scared, lost-child tone Ryuuzaki's voice held. He opened his eyes and struggled to keep Ryuuzaki's hand in his as the boy tried to free it with more effort.
"Please," Ryuuzaki breathed.
Raito let go of Ryuuzaki's hand for an instant to flip them over so that he was propped up over the pale boy. He smiled softly at Ryuuzaki before taking his hand in his again. He leaned down to kiss him, tucking the blankets against Ryuuzaki's side. Raito gently threaded his fingers though Ryuuzaki's hair, and kissed small trails along his neck and shoulders. He kept Ryuuzaki's wounded hand in his, squeezing gently when the pale boy cuddled against him. Afraid of saying the wrong thing, Raito remained silent.
Raito was still very new to everything Ryuuzaki was asking out of this relationship, but he could understand that Ryuuzaki definitely liked to feel protected and enjoyed giving up control. Raito found that interesting, as Ryuuzaki seemed to have a natural gift for directing people; why would he want to get rid of it so often?
Ryuuzaki relaxed under the brunette's warm care. He began panting lightly as Raito's kisses centered more on his sensitive neck. "Raito…" Ryuuzaki gave a needy whine and pulled the brunette to him. He thrust and moaned at the contact against his arousal.
Raito smiled gently and shifted off Ryuuzaki to reach between them for the boy's length. He pumped Ryuuzaki slowly to feel him writhe, pressing closer to kiss his neck again. He teased the head of Ryuuzaki's cock, smiling when he felt the boy moan quietly. He hummed back, kissing him gently.
"Nightstand…"
"What?" Raito pulled back to blink at Ryuuzaki.
Ryuuzaki opened his eyes. He smiled at the brunette's confused expression. "The nightstand. There's a bottle of oil…"
Raito blushed and nodded, leaving the warm boy to reach the nightstand. He returned with his prize, rolling his eyes as he watched Ryuuzaki fighting back laughter. "What?" he asked in embarrassment.
"Cute," Ryuuzaki replied simply, sitting up to kiss Raito. He stretched to kiss his flushed cheeks, smiling. He brought their cuffed hands together and unlocked the chain, dropping the collected metal to the floor.
He paused at the meaningful action, looking to their bare wrists for a second. He kissed Ryuuzaki's wrist sweetly before he pressed his lips to Ryuuzaki's again, guiding him back to the mattress. When the boy ran his hands through Raito's hair, the brunette gently took the injured hand he'd forgotten.
Although he was becoming a little more accustomed to giving commands, Raito never demanded anything of his lover unless it was for his love's sake. He loosened the bandages slightly and whispered, "Keep this above your head."
Ryuuzaki nodded and left his hand where Raito placed it. He flexed his fingers, playing with the loose wraps. He watched the brunette uncap the small bottle and grinned as another blush slowly bloomed over the boy's cheeks. Ryuuzaki spread his legs, giving into the temptation to stroke himself. "Raito…"
Glancing away from the bottle, Raito smiled at Ryuuzaki. He slipped a pillow under Ryuuzaki and slicked his fingers with the oil before slicking Ryuuzaki's opening. He bowed over Ryuuzaki and kissed him. "Tell me if it hurts." Ryuuzaki nodded his understanding and Raito poured more oil into his hand before slipping a finger in.
Ryuuzaki withdrew his hand to focus on the new sensation alone. He let Raito take his idle hand, smiling when the brunette placed it near his bandaged one. He mewled as Raito took him into his mouth unexpectedly.
Raito worked his tongue over the wriggling boy's length, smiling as he continued to pull noises from him. He hummed lightly as he slipped in another digit.
Ryuuzaki gasped and fisted the sheets near his head, whimpering after another set of vibrations faded. He moaned as Raito found his prostate. "Raito…" he groaned again, burying his face against his right arm.
Raito gave the boy's arousal a long lick as he pulled back. He set to stroking the sensitive bundle, watching the boy's face for any discomfort while cautiously slipping in a third finger. "Ok?"
Ryuuzaki pushed back against the brunette, moaning quietly. He panted warmly against his arm, licking dazedly as his own skin.
Raito smiled and leaned down to steal a kiss from the boy. "Good?" He wrapped his hand around the boy's cock and pumped firmly.
"So good," Ryuuzaki slurred in agreement. He thrust into Raito's hand, quickly offering his neck as Raito began to teeth at it lightly.
Raito moved down the boy's chest, pausing to kiss over Ryuuzaki's rapidly beating heart. He lapped tenderly at a nipple, content with the sugar-addict's long moan.
"Wait. Raito, stop."
Raito stopped immediately, glancing to Ryuuzaki in concern. "Are you ok? What's wrong?" He stretched over the boy when he didn't receive a reply. "Ryuuzaki?"
Opening lust-darkened eyes, Ryuuzaki gazed at the brunette. He inhaled through parted lips before he breathlessly said, "I'm close."
Raito relaxed. He smiled, and returned to his same pace, spreading his fingers rhythmically inside the boy. He kissed him briefly. "Come for me," he whispered.
Ryuuzaki shivered, breathless as he came into the boy's hand. He whimpered and bit his lip, arching further into the brunette's ceaseless ministrations.
The brunette continued to stroke Ryuuzaki steadily, intent on milking him completely. He gradually slowed his movements within the boy's passage, watching Ryuuzaki fall limply to the bed, sheets finally free from his hands.
Ryuuzaki panted between whimpers. His mind started to clear during the relief in pleasure, but it quickly began to fog over again as the brunette started to clean him.
Raito laved the spent boy with his tongue, attentive to his sensitive length. He poured more oil into his hand and slipped his fingers back into Ryuuzaki. He eased up whenever the boy would moan weakly, turning his attention then to himself; oiling his length liberally. Panting, he glanced to Ryuuzaki to find him nuzzling the sheets lethargically, a strip of medical cloth between his teeth. Raito laughed, distracted by the pleasure he was causing himself. "Don't eat that." He pulled Ryuuzaki's hand away from his mouth, freeing the cloth. He kissed the wrappings softly, smiling when Ryuuzaki moved to replace his hand with his lips. Raito began teasing the boy's inner walls again, swallowing the detective's moans. He drew his hand back to himself to tip the bottle again, coating his fingers as they slid out, then moving to again slick his length.
"Please…"
"Hm?" Raito closed his eyes, relaxing as Ryuuzaki ran his fingers through his hair. He moaned quietly, kissing along Ryuuzaki's chest as he stroked himself.
"Please," he repeated breathily. "Too much…"
Raito moved to pull away and Ryuuzaki grabbed him, brushing their arousals together. Raito moaned deeply.
"More, Raito."
"Which is it," Raito moaned, thrusting against him again. He bit his lip to stop himself from repeating the action. "What do you mean?"
Ryuuzaki pulled Raito's hand out of him, shivering. He turned to lie on his hips before sitting up on his hands and knees. He positioned the brunette and pulled him forward and in.
Raito gasped. Moaning, he gripped the boy's hips and drove forward smoothly. He lost his breath as the tight heat encased him. His head snapped up as he heard Ryuuzaki scream and he cursed himself.
Ryuuzaki cried out as pleasure surged through him. He tried to catch his breath, moving back against Raito for more even as his body trembled from the first thrust.
"Ryuuzaki," Raito panted, stilling his hips. "I'm sorry." He stretched forward to kiss his shoulder lightly. "I'm so sorry, Ryuuzaki."
Moaning, Ryuuzaki turned his head and kissed Raito warmly. "What…?" He licked his lips, licking Raito's in the process. He moved against him again, whimpering. "Please…"
"Did I hurt you?"
He whined when Raito refused to move. He focused on the brunette again and after Raito repeated the concerned question, he shook his head. "You were thorough." His head dipped forward and he moved back against him again, moaning. "Please." he pressed his lips to Raito's, moaning into his mouth when Raito rolled his hips to rub against his prostate.
Relieved, Raito kept a rhythm of small rolls with his hips as a continued apology, stretching to ease the kiss for the pale boy. He reached for Ryuuzaki's injured hand, afraid of further loosening the strips.
Mumbling apologies, Ryuuzaki stopped working his hand into the sheets, relaxing it under the brunette's warm palm. He gasped when Raito pulled out to easily thrust back in.
Groans spilled from Raito's lips. He moved urgently within Ryuuzaki, trembling as his orgasm rushed closer. He reached for the bottle of oil again, losing his rhythm for a second as he focused on uncapping it. He dripped the remaining amount down Ryuuzaki's length. He shuddered and planted his hand securely over the boy's wrapped one again, mumbling, "Ryuuzaki…"
Ryuuzaki reached to fist himself, unsure if that's what the brunette wanted. He was far too gone to mind either way. He groaned, spreading the oil along his cock, lasting only a few strong strokes before he came again. He cried out, arching against the brunette.
Raito moaned, looping his free arm under Ryuuzaki to keep him from falling. His lips parted soundlessly and he tensed as he emptied into Ryuuzaki's mercilessly tight channel. He held their position for a moment, listening to the tiny noises Ryuuzaki was making while the boy recovered. He finally slipped free and eased them back to the mattress, shaking as pleasurable tremors traveled his body.
Ryuuzaki moved to his side, pulling Raito to him tightly, still fuzzy with pleasure. He bumped his forehead against Raito's and couldn't find the strength to move away. "Stay…"
Smiling, Raito tilted his chin upward to kiss Ryuuzaki.
Ryuuzaki smiled back. He lightly dragged his fingers in vertical lines down Raito's sides, knowing he liked the sensation.
Raito responded with a quiet, appreciative hum. He then reached up and brushed Ryuuzaki's bangs away from his eyes. He kissed him again, and whispered against his lips, "Love you."
Ryuuzaki closed the gap again, tentatively licking at the brunette's lips. He pressed closer when he was allowed entrance, drowning in Raito.
Raito risked whispering, "I won't let Kira get you. I'm stronger than him."
Ryuuzaki tightened his hold on the brunette as his acknowledgement. His concerns slowly bled away and he lost himself to sleep, listening as his love continued to whisper promises.
BANG BANG
Ryuuzaki woke with a start; clutching at Raito hard enough to leave bruises. He was still in the same position he fell asleep, and he pulled the brunette closer.
"Raito? I haven't seen you forever! Let's eat!" came Misa's muffled voice from the other side of the door.
Raito pulled himself away from Ryuuzaki, attempting to get more air into his constricted lungs. Ryuuzaki turned away from the sharp sunlight as Raito moved, but wouldn't ease his panicky hold. Raito spoke reassuringly to his lover, and held him close, sighing when he was allowed a small reprieve. He could only imagine what the loud knocking had sounded like to the stressed boy - probably gunshots.
"Raito?" Misa sounded angry now. "I know you're in there!"
"Sorry, Misa. Yes, let's eat." Raito quickly added, "I want to shower first."
"Okay," she said sweetly before he heard her skip off.
If his rushed breathing was anything to go by, Ryuuzaki was still shaken. Raito hugged him tightly, "Shh, you're okay. We're okay."
Ryuuzaki nodded against Raito's chest, but didn't relax much.
Raito frowned at Ryuuzaki. He moved to kiss Ryuuzaki and didn't stop until the boy melted against him. Raito pressed his lips at random on Ryuuzaki's skin, occasionally stealing a kiss from the boy. He pulled him closer, so that their chests were flush against each other. His breathing set the pace, and Ryuuzaki's gradually slowed to match it.
Ryuuzaki gave a small hum after they broke apart for the third time. Raito's thin fingers were at his neck again, massaging. The content detective was finding it hard to stay awake. He tried to breathe in more deeply to supply oxygen to his hazy mind, and realized a little too late that the deep breaths were only aiding in relaxing him.
Raito brushed his lips against Ryuuzaki's a fourth time and he smiled at how drowsily the other responded. He moved to give Ryuuzaki space but was immediately held in place. Ryuuzaki's bandages felt foreign against his bare side, and Raito asked, "Does it still hurt?"
Ryuuzaki opened his eyes and blinked sleepily, confused by the question. When Raito placed a hand over his bandaged one, he focused on the injury he'd been ignoring and noted that it still stung. However, he could endure the sensation, and wondered which answer he should give. Raito insisted that he always be honest with him, no mater what. So after a moment, he nodded in the affirmative.
Upon receiving the answer, Raito brought their hands to their faces. Ryuuzaki watched as Raito removed the white strips carefully, his expression hard to read. When his injury was finally visible, Raito's expression was clearly sadness.
Ryuuzaki glanced away from Raito to look at his hand and wasn't surprised by the sight. His fingers were dyed red in several of the deeper lacerations, but Ryuuzaki had done far worse to himself in the past; nervous thoughts and too much caffeine never worked in his favor. He wanted to tell the brunette that, but figured it would only make matters worse. Yesterday, when Raito had asked what he'd done to himself, the words were cold, and on some level, Ryuuzaki couldn't help but feel he had failed his lover. He hadn't meant to, really. The thought of Raito hating him scared him more than the thought of Raito being Kira.
"We should clean this up again. We'll leave the bandages off, though." Ryuuzaki heard Raito mutter. The words were quiet enough to leave him wondering whether the brunette was talking to him, or thinking aloud.
"C'mon, let's wash up before meeting with Misa."
Ryuuzaki buried himself further into Raito and the blankets.
"Enough time's gone by for one of us to have already showered…if we were still showering alone," Raito said, minding Ryuuzaki's hand as the detective nuzzled him. "If we wait beyond the second assumed showering time, Misa will be back."
Ryuuzaki didn't move.
Raito fell silent. A few seconds later, Ryuuzaki kissed Raito's collarbone lightly, as if begging forgiveness. Raito smiled and stretched over the edge of the bed, sure to keep Ryuuzaki balanced. He grabbed the handcuffs and bound himself again before looping Ryuuzaki's wrist in the second cuff. They both gasped quietly as the cool metal fell between their chests.
Ryuuzaki kissed Raito's collarbone again.
Smiling, he mussed Ryuuzaki's hair playfully. "C'mon," he said after kissing Ryuuzaki's temple. "Up." He brushed the detective's extended hand when he reached to pull the covers off them.
"But…"
"No, c'mon." Raito bit his lip. "I plan to tell her today. I've already waited too long to tell her. Get up."
Pouting, Ryuuzaki slid to his feet.
Raito slipped his arms around Ryuuzaki's waist from behind and guided him toward the dresser. "All we ever do is sleep."
"That's not all we do…" Ryuuzaki said silkily. He crossed his arms over Raito's. "Besides, I like sleep."
Raito felt himself flush. "Yeah, now you do," he said, smiling. "All our fun times, as you've dubbed them," Ryuuzaki glanced over his shoulder and grinned, Raito continued, "seem to have kicked your system back into a normal routine. You must be making up for all those missed hours of sleep. And I thought I was bad."
"Oh?" Ryuuzaki slid in the brunette's hold to face him; Raito's arms were crossed comfortably over the small of his back.
"Yeah, I'd forgo sleep to study. I did it so often that I'd slip into dazes." Raito tried to ignore Ryuuzaki's concerned look. "Walking in a hall one second, then suddenly in a class, or in the middle of a conversation I didn't know I was having." Raito gave a small smile, "Pretending to know what I'd already contributed to a conversation never failed to panic me. Anyway, people would accuse me of being arrogant for my vacant looks, but I think I was actually sleeping." Ryuuzaki was worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, so to ease him, Raito said, "It must have been something like the look you get when someone says cake. The kind of look that makes you want to slap someone."
Ryuuzaki laughed and stuck his tongue out.
"Mature."
"I try."
"Anyway, c'mon."
"No, Raito-kun…" Ryuuzaki whined. "Let's prevent more of those dazes of yours and just go back to bed."
"Ryuuzaki," Raito said sternly. Ryuuzaki opened his mouth and Raito cut him off, "Remember your place, pet."
Blushing, Ryuuzaki nodded and quieted.
Raito smirked. "Good kitty." He leaned forward and kissed Ryuuzaki lightly. He gathered Ryuuzaki's softest shirt and favorite pair of jeans and boxer shorts. He pressed the items against his lover's chest and grabbed random clothing for himself. He planted his hand in the middle of Ryuuzaki's back and pushed the resisting boy to the shower.
Misa sat across the table, beaming brightly at Raito. She had wanted to sit next to the brunette, but Raito had insisted that, with Ryuuzaki next to him, it would be a tight fit.
Ryuuzaki was sitting with his legs drawn up, bare left hand on his knee obediently, as Raito had ordered. He was finding it increasingly difficult to keep it there. He wasn't close enough to Raito to be touching, and he felt deprived. Suffocating. He glared at the gap between them, which seemed to be growing ever larger. 'Empty. But close. So close. So close, but not touching…' The gap continued to spread. If only Raito would fill it. Maybe he could slip closer to the brunette without gaining much attention… Raito had told him that until Misa knew of their relationship, they couldn't openly do anything that would upset her. He eyed the space warily. Maybe if he moved very slowly he could close the distance. He shook his head – disobeying Raito would be another failure. Determined to forget the gap and its temptation, he grabbed his can of soda tightly enough to make small dimples in the aluminum. He took a long drink, focusing on nothing but the taste.
"So, Misa," Raito began. He smiled slightly. 'This isn't going to go well. What do I say?'
"Raito, you're looking wonderful. I haven't seen you for awhile." Looking to Ryuuzaki, she smiled and said, "You, too, Ryuuzaki."
Nodding, Ryuuzaki smiled.
There was an awkward silence.
The gap was alarmingly wide now. Ryuuzaki tried to ignore it, but it mocked him in his peripheral sight. 'Kenophobia,' his mind supplied without effort. Amused, he thought, 'Really? It would explain a lot, actually.' He sighed. 'Just one more to add to the growing list.' He placed his hand squarely in the open space, hoping it would change things. It didn't. Instead, the action confirmed that, indeed, it was a gap. It made him feel alone at his end of the bench. He pulled his hand away from the smooth surface and grabbed his soda to take another drink. 'Please, please, I don't want to be alone.' A tremor in his hand caused the liquid to slosh audibly in the can he was holding. He set down the annoying, noisy can and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from blurting out the information Misa had yet to hear. Raito had said it was his responsibility to tell her, and Ryuuzaki wasn't going to take away that purpose from him, but the gap. 'Gods, if he'd only hurry, I wouldn't be alone.' Ryuuzaki wanted so badly to grab Raito's hand. 'Hurry, hurry, hurry,' he begged, as he brought his soda to his lips again, taking another sip. Why wouldn't Raito hurry and say it? Hurry. Ryuuzaki felt dizzy. He focused on the sensation and decided his breathing was causing it. Maybe he really was suffocating. He set down the can and tried to change the pattern of his inhales, but was quickly distracted by the unusual heat in the room. 'The cooling system really should be running. If it remains off, the computers will overheat,' Ryuuzaki thought as an expectant Raito pushed the plate of untouched food closer to the anxious detective. Ryuuzaki stared at it for a moment. The thought of eating made him feel sick, and he grimaced. He pulled his gaze away from the table and the gap, and stubbornly stared across the room. Maybe Raito wouldn't be disappointed if he ate something later.
"Misa, there's something I need to say."
"Anything, Raito."
'Hurry, hurry, hurry…'
"Well…"
"Yes?"
'Stupid gap, stupid bench, stupid food, stupid…'
"About us, Misa," Raito said, clearly enough that the girl knew he was not involving Ryuuzaki. Misa nodded excitedly, and asked yes, again. Raito drew a deep breath. "The truth is, I don't really think there is an us…"
"Of course there is, silly! Is it because we haven't been doing things together lately?"
"It's not that, Misa."
She paused, confusion written across her face. She slowly continued, "Still, I can cancel plans with Aiko…"
"No, I'd rather you had fun. It's not a matter of time spent together, Misa." Raito cursed mentally. 'I'm not getting anywhere!'
"Oh. But we should be together all the time, Raito. And I'm not the only one who needs to try, you know! I've only made plans with her because you were avoiding me!"
Raito blushed at Misa's accusation. Rather than say he hadn't been avoiding her, he said, "Misa, this is a difficult case." He sank under the weight of the tired excuse borrowed from Ryuuzaki.
"Which is exactly why you should take more breaks, Raito."
"That's not possible."
"It has to be, Raito. You'll make yourself sick if you don't rest."
"Once the case is solved, I'll rest. Misa, people are being murdered."
There was a long pause, in which Raito ran his fingers through his hair dejectedly. People really were still being murdered. Why wouldn't Ryuuzaki let them continue?
Misa shyly broke the silence, playing with her hair as she asked, "But, Raito, isn't the case already solved? Everyone else says so."
Raito looked up. "Who? Matsuda and the others? We're close. Really close. There are just a few more steps."
"Well, if there's only a few more steps, you can rest. No more murders will happen," she smiled victoriously.
He replied flatly, "You can't guarantee that. This method of killing is unpredictable and quick."
"Just one break," she insisted.
'This conversation is going the wrong way, and fast,' Raito thought dismally. 'If it keeps up, I'll be obligated to another date with Misa…' He sighed after failing to produce a transition that would loop them back to the starting topic. He considered blurting, 'Misa, I don't love you and you deserve better than me!' but assumed that would be countered by her calling him 'silly' again. 'What a mess.'
"Raito, you could take a break today. Ryuuzaki wouldn't mind another date. Right, Ryuuzaki?"
Raito watched Misa as she looked over to Ryuuzaki for confirmation. The brunette was still fumbling with ways to start over when she leaned toward the silent detective and asked, "Ryuuzaki?" with such concern that Raito glanced over immediately.
Ryuuzaki sat motionless, save for his shallow panting. His eyes were wide, and he looked to be caught in the gaze of a poisonous snake. He didn't respond to either Misa's or Raito's calls.
"Ryuuzaki," Raito tried for the third time. He reached for him, and even before his hand met the boy's shoulder, he could tell Ryuuzaki was trembling. "Ryuuzaki?"
As Raito touched him, sound flooded back to Ryuuzaki. His eyes focused again on the wall he had been staring at, and he questioned why it was his subject of interest.
"Ryuuzaki?" Raito slid closer, eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he felt the heat Ryuuzaki was radiating. 'But he's shivering. Is he ill?' Raito brushed the detective's hair away from his forehead to check for fever. "Are you ok?"
Ryuuzaki's eyes slid shut at the welcomed contact. He slumped against the brunette, slurring, "Sorry…"
"What's wrong? Ryuuzaki, do you feel ill?" Raito moved close enough that their hips were touching.
With the gap finally gone, Ryuuzaki felt he could breathe again.
"Hey," Raito said quietly when Ryuuzaki peeked up at him. "What's wrong?"
"Stay."
Raito blinked. His expression softened and he nodded. Raito wrapped his arms securely around Ryuuzaki, rested his chin against the boy's head, and closed his eyes. Although he looked calm, his mind was whirring. 'What's going on? Was that a panic attack? This is serious, really serious. This behavior has to stop.' He opened his eyes and reached for Ryuuzaki's injured hand. Cradling it softly, he wondered, 'Why has Ryuuzaki become this? Am I at fault?' He shut his eyes again and tightened his hold on his love's hand; Ryuuzaki squeezed back. 'I'll have to find a way to bring him back to himself. He wants so desperately to be shielded from everything, but I can't let him disappear. It's possible he feels there's too much noise inside his own head. I've felt that way before; I'm sure it's worse for him. That could easily be the reason why he doesn't want to be in control anymore. Still, I can't let him put his life on pause.' He kissed Ryuuzaki's hand and speculated, 'Did you panic because we weren't touching?' He nuzzled Ryuuzaki in silence, and felt the boy sigh. 'This is probably the first time in a week that he wasn't holding my hand.' Just as Raito was thinking it was necessary that they not hold hands this time, he cringed inwardly as he remembered the exact reason why.
"Raito?"
Both boys tensed, and Raito bit his lip. He didn't regret seeing to Ryuuzaki's distress, but he didn't want to go about telling Misa of their relationship this way.
The brunette sat up. That's as far as Ryuuzaki allowed him to move, however. He looked to Misa, but couldn't say anything.
Seeing the two still embraced intimately, Misa questioned softly, "What is this?" She continued to stare. 'Raito's rarely held me like that. And he's never kissed my hand, like the gentleman I know he is.'
Ryuuzaki had closed his eyes the moment Raito held him, and he refused to open them now – he had failed Raito, again. He shook his head in disappointment in himself, and only felt worse when Raito hugged him tighter.
Her boyfriend's silence was beginning to scare her. "Raito, are you with Ryuuzaki?"
"I… Misa, our relationship isn't real."
"Yours and his?" she asked, looking at Ryuuzaki.
Raito felt Ryuuzaki's posture dip, and he placed his hand atop his love's head protectively, bringing the boy's ear to his chest. "No, Misa, yours and mine."
Raito's steady heartbeat shocked Ryuuzaki. The calm rhythm captured his attention, and he held onto it firmly.
In a gentle tone, Raito started, "Misa, I've already told you…"
"What? No you haven't! You've never said anything about him!"
Raito flinched at the truth of her words. "I…I've said before that there's nothing between us, though."
"T-there is…"
Raito didn't reply.
"So…you cheat on me to prove it?"
"I…" Raito made a small noise as he shut his mouth. 'D-did I?'
Misa was taken aback by Raito's reaction. Shouldn't he be mad for being caught? She stared at his troubled expression and couldn't find the anger to stay mad at him for long, especially when he wasn't being angry back. "Raito, I love you," Misa said quietly.
'I don't have feelings for her. Did I really cheat? Does it count, when I feel nothing for her? Of course it does! It does because she felt for me. Damn it. Why did I wait so long to tell her?'
Believing Raito's silence to be positive, Misa smiled softly. "You know I love you, right?" She snuck a glance at Ryuuzaki, who remained unresponsive. "You belong with me."
Raito slowly shook his head. "No. I don't, Misa."
The increased pace of Raito's heartbeat bothered Ryuuzaki. He nervously began popping his shoulder, worried now that Raito was worried.
"Please think of what you're doing, Raito."
"There's not much to consider, Misa. I'm sorry. I don't feel anything for you…"
"Raito…"
"Misa," he said, apologetically.
"Raito, I'll always love you." She looked away, bowing her head slightly. "I can wait for you."
"No, Misa. You deserve better than me. I've wronged you."
Misa mumbled about visiting Aiko. She kept her head lowered, quickly leaving the table.
Raito sat starting at the space Misa had previously occupied rather than watch the girl leave. He cupped his hand over Ryuuzaki's shoulder wordlessly
The thin boy stopped the annoying action immediately. He sat quietly in the long silence that followed.
Ryuuzaki's twisted sitting position couldn't be comfortable, and Raito straightened the detective out of it. Ryuuzaki looked to him quickly, eyes wide. Raito slipped his hand into the other's, reassuring Ryuuzaki he wasn't being sent away. Ryuuzaki flashed him a relieved look. Neither said anything for a moment.
Ryuuzaki fidgeted next to the brunette. Things had gone bad. 'Failure,' he sulked. He wanted to console Raito, but felt that it would be improper, considering it was his fault Misa found out before Raito had planned.
Raito sighed. He slouched in his seat and pulled the fidgeting boy to him, pillowing Ryuuzaki's head in his lap. Ryuuzaki met Raito's eyes only for a moment before shutting them guiltily. Both kept to their thoughts. After awhile, the brunette rested his left hand lazily on Ryuuzaki's chest, and used his other to smooth back the detective's hair. He tilted his head and gazed at the ceiling blankly.
"Raito?" Ryuuzaki poked Raito's chest.
Raito hummed in question.
"I apologize."
He looked to him and gave a small smile, "It's alright." Raito glanced to the empty seat across from him. "Well, no it's not. What I mean is, it's not your fault." He pressed a finger to Ryuuzaki's lips before the boy could protest.
Ryuuzaki brushed Raito's hand away in irritation, but before he could argue his point, Raito lightly wrote the word 'cake' against his neck. Ryuuzaki cursed himself aloud the second he pictured the treat.
Raito laughed softly as he continued to feather his fingers across Ryuuzaki's neck. Rather than slap the boy like Raito had teased earlier, he kissed the palm of Ryuuzaki's healing hand and made him slap himself.
Ryuuzaki growled, reflecting the brunette's smile. He sat up and Raito shifted along with him. They settled with Ryuuzaki's back propped up against the brunette, a slice of toast held before his lips.
As Ryuuzaki ate the offered food, Raito kissed his jaw. He rested his chin on Ryuuzaki's shoulder and closed his eyes. Ryuuzaki finished and Raito supplied more silently. When he was sure Ryuuzaki was going to continue, Raito stopped paying attention and stared moodily at the open air in front of them. Thoughts twisted in his mind and he struggled to organize them. He took his three major problems and simplified them as much as possible: Kira's loose, Ryuuzaki's broken, Misa's hurt. 'Ok…so… I can fix this…'
Ryuuzaki listened to Raito's disheartened noises as he ate. He grabbed a new can of soda, opened it with his right hand as he lifted his left to Raito's ear. He tugged lightly and squeaked when Raito turned his head enough to nip his exposed arm. He presented the fresh soda to him. Raito wrapped his fingers over the sugar junkie's and tipped the can, drinking nearly half before pulling the cool metal from his lips. Ryuuzaki finished what Raito left, running his fingers through the brunette's hair.
Raito squeezed the boy affectionately, slipping his hands under the loose shirt to press against his ribs. He was glad the boy was filling out; the first time he'd seen the boy's protruding ribs, he had been too sad to do anything other than hug him tightly. He sighed silently and rubbed his thumbs lazily over Ryuuzaki's smooth skin. He mumbled into his neck, "Eat a little more, Ryuuzaki." He waited until the boy obeyed before closing his eyes. Raito's sleepless night and the stress of his talk with Misa caught up with him as Ryuuzaki casually combed his hair. The solutions for his three demanding problems started to run together as he relaxed against Ryuuzaki.
"Raito-kun," Ryuuzaki whispered. "Let's go to bed."
"It's early."
"You're tired," he stated.
"We need to work, Ryuuzaki…"
"We will."
Raito shook his head. "Now. We need to get Higuchi."
"Tomorrow."
Raito paused tiredly. After a moment he asked, "We'll have him in jail?"
"Tomorrow, Higuchi will be imprisoned," Ryuuzaki said confidently.
Raito didn't respond. As much as he'd like to sleep, he wasn't sure if Ryuuzaki could keep his promise. They really should work on finding more ways to get to Higuchi; how was Ryuuzaki going to just pull everything together? Unless he already had a plan… That wouldn't be surprising. Irritating, but not surprising. Still, Raito couldn't feel secure after being contaminated with the doubts all the others had been whispering. It would be better to get Higuchi as soon as possible – hopefully Ryuuzaki's destructive behavior would change, and then they could sort out the problems with Misa. How is Ryuuzaki going to get Higuchi again? Raito growled into Ryuuzaki's shoulder, unable to stop his circular thought process.
Ryuuzaki slipped free from Raito's hold. He turned and helped the brunette to his feet before leading him wordlessly back to the bedroom. Once there, he pulled back the covers on the unused bed. He glanced to Raito; the boy's eyes were already half closed. He reached for him and began to undress him once Raito stepped within reach. He quickly undressed himself and slipped between the sheets to join the brunette.
Tucking the down comforter against the boy, Ryuuzaki kissed his forehead. He ran his fingers through Raito's hair, smiling when the brunette pulled him closer sleepily.
"Everything will be ok, Raito-kun."
END VER 1