The news about Alderaan hits hours after they discover the horror themselves.
It isn't the first time Sabine has witnessed the adverse effects of a Jedi's connection to the life-Force of the universe. She's seen Ezra feel Kanan's pain via the Force and vice-versa, but what she witnesses in the cargo hold of the Ghost at the time of Alderaan's destruction is a sight that bound to haunt her nightmares for weeks to come.
She hears a pained shout from her quarters that she immediately recognizes as Ezra's, and her paint supplies are all but forgotten as she abandons her post in front of canvas to be at his side.
He's on the floor when she reaches the hold, one hand gripping his head and the other clutching at his heart. Next to him, Kanan is down on one knee, head in his hands, groaning incoherently in an attempt to deal with the pain. Sabine drops down at Ezra's side, hands trembling as she threads her fingers through his hair and rubs gentle circles across his back. "Hera!" she calls desperately in the general direction of the cockpit. Ezra's eyes are squeezed shut and he clutches tightly at her hand on his. "Shhh," she whispers as he sobs, pressing her lips to his cheek and tasting the salt from his tears. "Shhh, you're alright Ezra. You're right here. You're with me." She struggles to keep frantic worry from her soothing tones. "What's wrong, Ezra? What do you see?"
Hurried footsteps behind her indicate Hera's arrival, and the Twi'lek extends a hand to Kanan's shoulder. "Are you alright, love?" He squeezes her hand quickly.
"Fine," the blind Jedi grunts. "Help Ezra."
"Zeb!" Hera barks as the Lasat finally arrives on the scene. "Grab some ration bars for Kanan and Ezra!"
Ezra, who's quit his groaning and sobbing, trembles as he curls up on the floor in the fetal position. Hera brushes loose strands of sleek black hair from his eyes and places a comforting hand on Sabine's shoulder. "He's going to be alright," she encourages the young Mandalorian.
Sabine doesn't look away from his face to acknowledge Hera. "It's never been this bad before."
"He's never felt the sudden death of an entire planet's population before," Kanan responds grimly, still obviously feeling faint but recovered enough to weigh in on the situation. Hera moves to help him stand and walk over to the bench near the holotable to rest.
"An entire planet, love? Is that possible?"
"At this point in the war, I've stopped asking myself what's possible for the Empire. What we just experienced, though… such a massive loss of life."
Zeb rushes in with ration bars at that moment, and Hera takes one to hand to Kanan before tossing another to Sabine. The older Jedi bites into the food gratefully, feeling the strength the disturbance in the Force had sapped from him slowly return.
"Do you know where they struck?" Hera asks, although by her tone Sabine isn't sure if their pilot truly desires to hear the answer.
"Alderaan," Ezra says weakly, and Sabine gives a little gasp of relief at the sound of his voice as she presses her lips fervently to his head. "It was so… sudden. And so painful. It felt as if the Force was ripping my soul from my body."
Sabine shudders at the thought of such a feeling, a grimace forming on her face at just how far the Empire would go to win the war. "There are nearly 2 billion people on Alderaan. How could the Empire just… murder them like that?"
"To prove a point," Kanan responds resignedly. "Which is all the more reason to stop them."
Ezra sits up with the assistance of Sabine and shakes his head, still visibly shaken by the experience. "What's the point?"
"We have to stand up for those who are too afraid to find their voice," Hera explains.
"If the Rebellion weren't standing up against the Empire, maybe billions of Alderaanians would be waking up tomorrow!" Ezra argues, his voice cracking as he fights hysteria. Sabine takes his hand in hers and squeezes.
"Ezra…" She's at a loss for words, and everyone knows it.
"The work we're doing is good. People didn't have much hope before the Rebellion came around," Zeb murmurs. "I didn't think my people had much of a chance until I saw what the Rebellion could do for them."
"And what about the people of Alderaan?" Ezra asks his roommate. "What hope do they have?"
Zeb's ears droop and his shoulders slump. "I don't know what to tell ya, kid. Other than to stand tall like a warrior must."
Sabine sighs. "Look, let's… let's not talk about this now. There's a lot of hurt and anger right now and I get that, but now's not the time to analyze where we're at. Not when it stings so much."
Ezra nods in grateful agreement, and she helps him stand. When she moves to guide him towards her room instead of his own, there is no protest from the crew. Sabine takes note of Hera's somber expression, wondering just how often she'd had to watch Kanan struggle with the very moral values Ezra was struggling with now.
When the door closes behind them and they are in the safe confines of her room, Sabine turns to take Ezra's face in her hands. "What do you need?" she asks, ghosting her lips across his jawline in a tender display of support. He hooks an arm around her shoulders and pulls her close, burying his face in her vibrant hair.
"You," he mumbles into her hair in reply. "I just need you."
"I'm here," she whispers, lacing her fingers with his and tugging him gently towards her bed. "You should rest," she explains as a mild expression of surprise crosses his features in response to her action. While Sabine's anticipated the option to take their relationship to the next level in the coming future, she has no desire to do so while Ezra is so emotionally compromised.
He nods sullenly as he reclines on her mattress, keeping his fingers locked with hers as she sits down next to him. "All those people, Sabine…" he whispers, "That could've been Leia. That could've been Hera or Kanan or Zeb or you."
"It wasn't us, though," she replies, lifting their entwined hands and pressing her lips gently to his knuckles. "Get some sleep, Ezra. We can talk when you wake up, alright?"
He nods, mirroring her gesture and bringing their clasped hands to his lips before releasing his hold and closing his eyes. Sabine lets a few minutes slide by, content simply in watching his breathing slow and his troubled expression soften as he slips into the subconscious state brought about by sleep.
It's here, in this vulnerable state, that Sabine is fully aware of how much she loves him. Her eyes stray over to her desk, where the abandoned canvas sits, sparsely touched by the beginning stages of her unfinished art project. Sabine can hardly remember the initial concept of the piece, as if she'd first visualized it a lifetime ago, despite the fact that in reality it's been less than an hour.
Yet the state of Ezra's heart and the way Sabine's own aches for him strikes her with such inspiration that she practically scrambles for her paint guns, loading them up with color and carefully lining the canvas with brilliant blues and greens and oranges.
Every feeling Sabine is unable to articulate with descriptive words and craftily constructed sentences she conveys in splashes of color. For over an hour the only noises she hears are the steady breaths of her sleeping lover and the hiss of spray paint ejecting from her paint guns. She dedicates to her project a level of focus that she'd picked up during rigorous training sessions back in her days at the Imperial Academy. She grimaces as she remembers the place and the destruction her classmates and their organization had sown in the years since she'd escaped, culminating in the events of the day.
She's still putting the finishing touches on the piece when Ezra stirs, pushing himself into a sitting position and locking indigo eyes with hazel when she looks at him. She smiles and places the paint gun on the desk, moving towards him to cup his jaw in her hand. "How you feeling?" she asks.
He shrugs, reaching up to hold her hand in place against his cheek and breathing in deeply. "Lucky to be alive, considering what we've been up against for the past five years."
She nods in understanding. "No kidding," she breathes, running her thumb along his cheekbone before withdrawing her hand. Her eyes flicker back to her painting for a moment before returning to his. "Do you really think the Rebellion is making things worse?"
He sighs heavily, leaning forward toward her. "I don't know, Sabine. Sometimes it definitely feels like it."
"Ezra, I know it's tough when the Empire's coming down on us from all sides, believe me." Her voice is gentle, but firm. "But I don't have a single regret. Becoming a part of something bigger, believing in myself, saving lives, seeing the hope we bring to those the Empire oppresses, joining a family… falling in love, even. I'm a better person for it. I don't regret any of it."
He opens his mouth with a reply on his lips but shuts it again with a bow of his head. "Sabine…" he breathes finally, the rest of his sentence again trailing off as he's unable to find words.
When he looks back up at her, he sees her hand, outstretched and inviting. "Come here," she says gently, and she laces her fingers with his when he lifts his hand to meet hers and tugs him toward the painted canvas. He's slow to lift his head to meet the sight before him, but the moment he does she can feel him freeze next to her.
He sees names - hundreds of names layered over one another, tightly packed and forming the shape of a planet that was colored remarkably similar to Alderaan. At the forefront are the names of lost friends, allies, and… his parents. And tagged in aurebesh above and below the scene is a phrase that strikes Ezra to his core:
"Fight onward, so that they may live onward."
His fingers tighten around Sabine's, and she squeezed back gently. "Do you like it?" He swallows hard and nods, and she smiles at his response. "Good," she continues. "I was hoping that it – "
She's cut off by Ezra curling his fingers into the vibrant hair at the back of her head and pulling her lips suddenly and fervently to his. When they pull apart, hungry and breathless, he drops his forehead to hers. "Thank you," he whispers.
When Commander Sato contacts the Ghost with the gut-dropping news that they'd all expected, Sabine's heart swells as Ezra is the first to step forward and proudly insist that the Rebellion fight onward.