Chapter Four
It's not so much that they don't talk about it.
It's that they don't get the chance too.
They had just barely managed to pull themselves away from each other and throw on their clothes before they'd landed on Hoth.
And from there, they'd had to hit the ground running.
"Intelligence has confirmed that the First Order has narrowed down our location," General Organa had said when she had met them all in the docking bay. "We have to have the energy shield up and operational within the week if we have any chance of withstanding an attack."
"How did they find us so quickly?" Poe asked.
"Snoke," Ben hissed. "He's become obsessed." He chanced a glance back at Rey, and the worry in his eyes was a tangible thing.
From then on, they only catch fleeting glimpses of each other as they all pull long and odd hours with their respective divisions. Poe and Ben in the air with their squadrons – running maneuvers and patrolling; Finn stays with command, assisting in determining base weaknesses and possible First Order strategies as well as preparing ground troops; Rey lives and breathes engine grease and base wiring with the rest of the grunts.
It is five days since they'd landed back on Hoth, and Rey is working diligently underneath a malfunctioning X-Wing and trying desperately not to let her mind wander to what had transpired between her and Ben on the Falcon.
She fails of course, and her mind supplies her with flashes of memory – tangled limbs, gripping hands, the rough feel of his stubble against her inner thigh…
She flushes and almost drops her wrench.
They'd managed to pack quite a bit into those few short hours of alone time on the Falcon. Rey still has the bruises to prove it. She knows Ben has a few of his own that aren't likely to have faded just yet.
And though she'd very much like to get him alone long enough to give him a few more, she's rather grateful for the distraction of frantic base life at the moment. As much as she wishes they had time to be together… she's also, quite frankly, terrified of it.
Terrified that he'll want to take it back; want to pretend it didn't happen, or say it was a mistake.
Terrified that he's already regretting it.
Rey chews on her bottom lip as she tries to push that thought aside. Ben hadn't given her any indication that he had any intention of falling back into those old habits. In fact, Rey could honestly say that, in the few moments that she had seen him, he hadn't tried to pull away or avoid her. Quite the opposite really.
Rey fights back a grin as she remembers the last time she'd seen him. He'd been amongst his squadron as the base had gathered around for daily huddle before breaking off to their assigned duties for the day.
She was across from him in the large circle they had formed around General Ackbar, and he'd caught her eyes as he took a sip of caf from the steaming cup in his hand. She'd smiled shyly at him and waved a small greeting.
His mouth had turned up in a slanted smirk and then he'd winked at her.
It was a small gesture, but it had Rey humming to herself and fighting a ridiculous grin for the rest of the day.
The things he does to me. Rey sighs to herself as she resumes her work. He's turning me into a loon.
"Hey Rey," Max Noto's voice calls from above, breaking Rey from her reverie. "Do you have a minute?"
She slides out from below the X-Wing, "Max!" She greets and smiles kindly at the man, "What can I do for you?"
"Well, not so much for me, but Captain Canberra…" he trails off and grins.
Rey groans. Captain Canberra is one of the chief engineers for the Resistance – absolutely brilliant and quite frankly the most absent minded person Rey has ever come across. She has lost count of the times she has had to come and finish or fix one of his rewires. "What has he done now?"
Max chuckles and they fall into an easy rhythm together as he walks with her across base.
Rey likes Max. Despite their history, he's always been sweet to her. He has that kind of easy charm that makes him nearly impossible to be uncomfortable around. And, honestly, one of the most truly wicked senses of humor she has ever come across.
Rey's cheeks hurt from laughing so hard when he leaves her with Captain Canberra, who, apparently, has forgotten which wires, if crossed, would blow up the shield generator. She lets out a long suffering sighs and gently reminds him.
It's later that night and Rey is tired and ready to collapse in her bed. The door to her quarters swooshes closed behind her as she starts to unzip her coveralls.
"I saw you with Noto," Ben's deep voice startles her.
She turns to see him leaning casually against the wall to her left, tucked just enough in the shadows of the dimly lit room to appear somewhat menacing, "Force, Ben!" She breaths, her hand on her heart as she tries to compose herself, "You scared me!"
He pushes himself off the wall and slowly walks over to her. "I saw you with Noto," he repeats.
Rey's mouth goes a little dry at the possessive tone in his voice, "I'm not sure what you mean."
He's close enough now that she can see the hunger in his eyes and she vaguely wonders if she is dreaming. "You were laughing with him."
"He's a funny guy," she says, barely registering that she has started to back up from him until her back is suddenly flush against the wall.
His big arms press against the wall on either side of her, caging her in as he leans forward. The sleeves of his flight suit are rolled up enough that she can see the flex of the corded muscles in his forearms.
She's not very tired anymore.
"I didn't like it," he grinds out. His eyes are practically black as they scan her face.
"We were just talking, Ben," she breathes.
"I didn't like it," he repeats.
She's about to respond when he closes the space between them and claims her mouth with his, effectively shutting down any salty retort she may have had in mind.
Instead she's moaning into him as her hands snake up around his neck and into his hair. Her fingers wrap around black tendrils and she pulls, forcing his head back and exposing his neck to her. She kisses his jaw before nipping her way down to his pulse point.
He groans as deft fingers find the zipper of her coveralls, ripping it down. He pushes it off her shoulders and down her hips.
It's Hoth, so she's still got four layers for him to get through, but he makes it happen in record time.
She manages to free him from his flight suit and thermals, and, before long, they only have each other to keep themselves warm.
And he's so damn warm.
He finds her lips again, pressing her hard against the wall. She lifts one leg to catch around his hip, pulling him in closer.
He growls into her mouth as he hoists her up. She clings to his shoulders as he lowers her down onto him.
They both groan and swear as he slowly sheaths himself fully into her.
He doesn't move right away, taking a moment to nip at her clavicle and shoulder. "This is all I've thought about. You're all I've thought about," he breathes against her.
She shudders and takes one hand from his shoulder to entwine in his hair, pressing him closer to her, "Me too, Ben."
And then he's moving, rolling his hips and pressing up in to her languidly.
Her head rolls back against the wall and he uses the opportunity to kiss fresh bruises onto her breasts.
He keeps the pace as he frees one hand to press the flat of his thumb against her sensitive nub. She digs her fingernails into his shoulder and gasps out his name.
His hips pick up speed and he bites a moan into her shoulder.
"You don't know what you're doing to me, baby," he whispers into her neck and it makes her groan and clench around him. They both hiss at the feeling.
He's driving into her in earnest now, her back scrapping up and down the wall in time with his thrusts, and babbling about how good she feels, how right she feels.
Her eyes roll back in her head and she is close. So close.
"You're mine, Rey," he snarls out, his hips snapping into her with bruising force. "You're mine."
She cries out as her climax hits her with unexpected intensity – white heat washing over her as she claws at his back, clenching around the hard length of him.
His pace is brutal now, punishing, as he growls into her neck.
She's still in the throes of her own orgasm when he finds his. His hands gripping bruises onto her hips as he spills into her with hard thrusts and her name on his lips.
They are slow to separate, panting heavily and clinging to each other with equal possessiveness.
He kisses her softly before finally pulling away and setting her down on wobbly legs.
He smiles down at her as he tucks a stray wisp back behind her ear. He grabs her hand and starts to pull her toward the 'fresher.
"What are we doing?" She asks with a shaky voice as she watches him hit the buttons on the wall for the shower.
"Showering, clearly," he says as the water spurts on. "You're gorgeous, but you kind of smell like Tauntaun."
She frowns as she lets him pulls her under the water with him, "That's not what I meant."
He tilts his shaggy head back to let the water run through it as he considers her. "You mean us, I venture?"
She puffs out an annoyed breath and he chuckles.
"Well, kid, the way I see it," he says as he pumps soap into his hands and starts lathering it up, "You're an inevitability for me. You're gravity. I tried to fight it and failed spectacularly. So, from here on out, it's up to you. Take whatever you want from me. I'm yours."
He says it all very nonchalantly and Rey wonders how he can be so collected while he up-ends her world once again.
It takes her a few minutes to process what he's said, but then she's smiling widely up at him as she watches him wash his hair.
It's nearly three years into their easy friendship when, in a shower on Hoth, Rey and Ben finally become Rey & Ben.
For one glorious month, fate deals Rey the kindest hand it has ever seen fit. It flies by in a wave of soft kisses, warm laughs, and the strongest sense of belonging she has probably ever felt.
Sex in every nook and cranny on base doesn't hurt either. The cold doesn't even bother her anymore. As far as she is concerned, Hoth is her favorite planet.
"There isn't a lot of room in here to try this," she laughs as she straddles his lap in his X-Wing.
"Do or do not," he bites at her neck, "there is no try."
She snorts, but then he's bucking up into her and she's moaning as she rolls her hips.
Everyone on base knows. There is no hiding the way the air sets on fire whenever they are in the same room together. Rey relishes a little in the looks she gets from some of the women on base. It's nice to finally be on the receiving end of someone's jealousy regarding Ben.
He reads to her from old texts at night sometimes. Wraps her up against him and lulls her to sleep with the sound of his deep voice and stories of Jedi passed.
Finn and Poe are delighted, naturally. Though Poe slightly more so.
"Perfect timing!" Poe grins as he holds a hand out to Finn. "Pony up."
"You couldn't have held out for three more weeks?" Finn grumbles as he passes several credits to the pilot over breakfast.
Ben barks out a laugh. She's sitting on his lap and grinning right along with him.
It's all so perfect, like something out of someone else's life.
She supposes that should have been the first clue that it couldn't possibly last forever.
It is one month and one week into their relationship when Hoth comes under attack.
She's hard at work fixing an old R4 unit when the attack siren blares to life followed immediately by the thundering sound of laser cannon fire. The entire base seems to quake.
She jumps up and races toward base command, her heart in her throat. Ben's squadron was on patrol right now. Ben was on patrol right now. Ben. Her pulse thunders in her ears as she runs past several scrambling Resistance pilots making their way to the hangar for their fighters to join in the airstrike.
"Battle stations!" A voice bellows from seemingly everywhere.
She tries to reach out in the Force for his presence, but hits a strange shimmering wall – like something is shielding him from her. Something strong.
Panic is flooding her veins as she rounds the corner into the command center.
General Organa is beside one of the monitors throwing orders out left and right to various Commanders when Rey runs up to her.
"General," she gasps, "Ben's out there, but I can't feel him. Something's blocking me."
The General nods, "I've felt it too."
"General," Lieutenant Connix calls over the din. "Captain Solo's X-Wing is no longer visible on radar."
Rey doesn't wait for Leia's response before she's racing toward the docking bay where the Falcon is.
"Chewie!" She calls over her comlink, "Get in the Falcon and start her up! Ben's out there!"
An acknowledging roar sounds off that Rey swears she could hear even without the com.
She's in the captain's chair a heartbeat later and taking off out of the hangar even faster.
They're immediately greeted with laser fire that shakes the ship. Thankfully Chewie already has the shields up and the few modifications Rey has made seem to be holding up well.
"Hold on!" She calls out as she dodges in and out of the firefight.
First Order ships are absolutely everywhere and Rey realizes with a nauseating flip of her stomach that they are woefully outnumbered.
She blast through a clearing of ships, relying partially on her own skill, but more on the instinct the Force grants her to navigate through the disarray – she can feel it humming around her, pulsing through her with every heartbeat, every breath. Her fear is making her strong and any other time this fact might concern her, but right now, all she can focus on is finding Ben.
Chewie roars and points to a black dot against the blazing white in the distance.
Rey knows instinctively that it's Ben's fighter.
As they fly closer, Rey lets out a thankful breath as she realizes that it hasn't crashed or been shot down. It's parked, but she doesn't see Ben inside.
Chewie yodels and points again to a cave opening nearby. There is a red glow emitting from within, and Rey knows intuitively that Ben is inside.
She quickly lands the Falcon and her and Chewie race down the ramp toward the cave. She ignites her saber and Chewie holds his bowcaster at the ready.
It's freezing, and, in her haste, Rey didn't grab her warm outer layer, but that doesn't matter right now. None of that matters right now.
Only Ben matters.
She only slows down when she enters the cave. She can hear voices from deeper within. She stops. "Wait here, Chewie," she says, "cover the entrance."
Chewie grumbles an agreement, though she can tell he doesn't like it.
She continues forward, the blue of her lightsaber reflecting off the white walls of the cave. The red glow still burns from within.
"You've grown weak, Kylo," she hears a woman's voice say. It's modulated, like she's wearing a mask.
"That's not my name anymore, Shara." It's Ben. Rey nearly cries out in relief. Instead, she flattens herself against one of the walls of the cave and deactivates her saber to prevent the glow from giving away her position as she continues to inch forward.
"It's the name of your true self, you've only just forgotten," the woman snarls.
"Is that what Snoke told you? Did he tell you to come here and remind me?"
She can see them now. Ben is in the middle of a small clearing in the cave with his red saber ignited. There are six black figures surrounding him and she knows immediately that they are the Knight of Ren.
"Always so narcissistic, Ren," one of the other figures clips at him. "What makes you think we're here for you?"
Rey realizes two things. One: that she is very clearly walking into a trap, and two: that it doesn't matter because she has to get Ben out of there.
So, she does the dumb thing and ignites her lightsaber, twirling it as she steps out from the shadows. "I suppose I am to assume you are here for me then?"
The room is quiet for a moment. She at least has the benefit of catching them all apparently off guard.
He doesn't turn to face her, but she can see Ben's shoulders tense up. "Rey," he warns, "get out of here; I can take care of them."
"Taught your pet how to cloak herself pretty effectively, Kylo," Shara says. "I'm impressed."
"Honestly, I don't even know when I'm doing it," Rey says. She's taking a page from the Han Solo playbook and seeing how much she can just talk her way out of. "Guess I don't know my own strength."
What are you doing? Ben's voice hisses in her head.
Improvising. She quips back.
"You're very young," Shara says, sizing Rey up. "Pretty, I suppose. In a kind of desert rat way."
"Jealous are we?" Rey smirks. "See that, Ben? I think this one likes you."
It's probably the exact wrong thing to say, because, in the next instant, Rey is Force pushed and flying backward, smacking hard into the cave wall. "Oomph!"
"Rey!" Ben calls out, but he doesn't take his eyes off the Knights. "Shara, if you hurt her-"
"-You'll what, Kylo? You're weak."
Ben snarls, "You know full and well what I am capable of, Shara Ren! You would do well not to forget who exactly you are talking too."
"You're pathetic!"
Whatever response Ben had planned against the woman is cut short when he rather unceremoniously flies thought the air to land in a rolling heap at Rey's feet near the mouth of the cave. She used the momentary distraction afforded to her by their banter to focus the Force and pull him towards her, as well as to simultaneously cause a-
"-Cave it!" One of the Knight calls as rocks begins to descend upon them
Rey grabs Ben's arm and pulls him up, "Come on, flyboy! Move it!"
They race out of the cave, and for one glorious second, Rey thinks it's actually going to be that easy.
But then the blinding white of Hoth hits them, as does the realization that they are completely surrounded by First Order troops.
Chewie roars, several Stormtroopers have guns trained on him. His bowcaster lies at his feet and his arms are bound. Rey can see the singes on his fur that indicate he has been shot.
"Surrender," a mechanical voice orders them.
Ben twirls his lightsaber, "And if we don't?"
"Our orders are to bring the girl in alive. Nothing was said about you, Kylo Ren."
Ben smirks, "Death it is then."
Rey's mind is racing a hundred miles a minute. Ben, you have to run.
What? He sounds incredulous even inside her head.
"They want me," she whispers to him. "And they want me alive."
And?
She turns to face him. His endless eyes are searching hers and she wishes nothing more than for them to have more time. So, let's see if they can catch me.
His eyes widen at her implication. "Rey-"
She touches his cheek and smiles sadly up at him, her eyes glistening. I'll see you again soon.
He grabs her hand and places a small kiss to her wrist.
She can hear the Knights of Ren beginning to emerge from the rock pile inside the cave and she knows she has to move quickly. Times up.
His eyes are still searching hers and their intensity is burning into her, "I love you."
It's the first time he's ever said it. He has such shit timing.
She smiles as a tear streaks down her face, "I know."
Several things happen simultaneously.
One: Resistance ground troops show up, led by Finn, and start firing.
Two: the Knights of Ren emerge from the cave and start racing toward her and Ben, weapons drawn.
Three: Chewie roars and breaks his bonds, taking another blaster shot to his arm as he picks up his bowcaster and starts firing– seemingly unaffected by his wounds.
Four: Rey uses ever single scrap of power in her body to gather Ben in the Force and push him as hard as she can toward Finn.
The moment she sees him roll safely behind Resistance lines, she takes off with a flash.
The Falcon is too far.
But Ben's X-Wing isn't.
"Get her!" She hears Shara calling from behind her. "She's the only thing that matters!"
Rey jumps and climbs into the cockpit. They've started firing at her, but they are too late.
"R2, buddy, I really hope you're ready for this!" She flicks a couple of switches and the X-Wing hums to life.
The blue droid beeps at her.
"I like your confidence. I was born ready too."
She fires several shots at approaching Stormtroopers from the wingtip lasers as she keys in the final flight sequence.
The engine screams as she takes off.
She knows without looking that all First Order ships are regrouping and preparing to follow her.
It's sort of terrifying to realize that she was their only mission. That this battle, in all its enormity, was nothing more than a giant kidnapping operation. She wishes she understood why the hell she was suddenly so damn important.
"Ben!" Poe's voice is very quiet and she realizes it's because she hasn't put Ben's helmet on yet. She quickly throws in on. It's too big, but she can hear Poe clearly now, "Ben! Come in!"
"It's Rey, Poe."
"Rey? What are you doing? The whole First Order is following you!"
"Tell me something I don't know."
"It makes them easier targets!" She can almost hear the smile in his voice and from her periphery she can see his squadron coming in in attack formation.
"Keep them off me long enough for me to get away, would you?"
"Ten four!"
She can't see it clearly, but the fight behind her looks ferocious. She tries not to think about all the Resistance pilots who are sacrificing themselves for her without even realizing it as several explosions go off behind her.
She's not entirely sure how she manages to make a clean getaway. She's fairly certain she hasn't, but it is seven hours later and she hasn't seen another First Order ship since she left Hoth.
R2 beeps at her.
"I don't know, R2. I think we've lost them. I'm cautiously optimistic."
The droid hums before beeping again.
"I'm not sure yet. I have to ditch this ship first, but I am open to suggestions."
Beep-boop.
"Tatooine?" Rey pauses a moment as she thinks it over. She doesn't want to lead the First Order to Luke, but at the same time, she could really use his guidance. "All right, R2. Set course for Tatooine."
R2 hums happily as he obeys.
Rey sits back and tries to get comfortable in her seat as she prepares herself for several more hours of flight.
She hasn't fully formed a plan yet. She just knows she has to outrun Snoke, and she hopes that by doing so, by leaving, the Resistance will have time enough to regroup and maybe come up with some kind of plan of their own to take down the First Order once and for all.
She also knows with burning certainty, for the sake of everyone she cares about and loves, that it is high past time she found out exactly who the hell she is.
Her thoughts drift toward Ben and she can't help but reach out to him through the Force. It's distant, but she can feel his warmth and knows he's okay. She knows he can feel her too.
I'll see you again soon. She'd promised him.
She can only cross her fingers and pray that Luke can give her some kind of answer or at least point her in the right direction.
Help me, Luke Skywalker. You're my only hope.