Chapter Notes: Apologies for the late posting. This chapter is where things start to change compared to the old version.

Three months. Ninety-seven days. That's how long Spike's been gone for.

So much has happened during that time. Not long after my trip to the desert, Xander and Anya announced that they were engaged. They held a ceremony with just us in order to avoid Xander's rowdy family…and some spoil-sport demon who Anya hurt in the past, who showed up anyway to try and ruin the big day. But we stopped him, and since then things have been fine between the happy couple.

I got a job at the Magic Box. Mostly working as security, but also bringing in anything I find on patrol – be it unusual charms and jewellery, vampire dust or demon guts – and Anya pays me depending on how valuable it is.

Sometimes – like today – I get the day off to do some house cleaning or to spend time with Dawn. Today she's out, so cleaning it is. She's been dealing better since Spike's death, but I can tell that she still misses him.

I reach into the coat closet to fetch the broom, but instead I pull out the large plastic coat…cover…thing – so I can't remember the name of it, sue me – that Dad used to use for his business suites, long since forgotten in the middle of our parents' messy divorce. It doesn't smell of Dad anymore, which is a good thing considering what it's now protecting from the outside world.

I open it up to reveal Spike's duster, put there by Dawn the morning after she slept in it. I lean forwards and take in a good whiff.

It still smells. Of smoke from his cigarettes – a packet of which is still in one of the pockets, along with his lighter. Of blood, both his own and the stuff he consumed from the butchers. Of the bleach he used to die his hair – and how he was able to do that without a mirror, I'll never know.

It smells like…Spike.

When did I start to miss the smell of him?

When did I start missing his smart-ass quips, his insults aimed at me and my friends, the annoying way he popped up on my patrols and tried to help, the look of anger he used to give me which somehow turned into one of longing and love…?

When did I start to miss Spike?

I know the answer. When I realized that I relied on him more than I knew I did. Whenever I was having a bad day I both beat down on him and talked to him about my problems. He never judged, apart from a couple of half-assed insults which were more helpful points of brutal honesty rather than statements said to actually hurt me. When I needed him to watch Dawn and help Mom, he did it without argument. He did a lot of things without needing to be asked, and even though I tried to ignore what he did, I appreciated them.

He even showed me what my supposed boyfriend was doing behind my back, knowing full well that it would hurt me but that I needed to know anyway, because it was wrong and I couldn't stay in blissful ignorance no matter how much I wanted to.

I took him for granted. I never realized how much Spike made me laugh sometimes; that even though he was annoying and a general pain in the ass, he always lightened the mood. He made things fun. The past few years would've been boring without him hanging around. Probably a lot less dangerous too, but fun always comes with a bit of danger.

Most importantly, Spike tried. He tried to help me, sometimes succeeding and sometimes not. He tried to get my attention too many times to count, attempting to prove that he's changed and that he's genuinely trying to help. But I ignored him, because all he ever was to me was my annoying arch enemy who could no longer try and kill me, but would if he ever got the chance. Soulless demons could never change, and that was that.

Now I see that he did change – but now he's gone, and it's too late for me to do anything about it.

Part of me realizes that had he not died, I would never have made these realizations. The weight of his selfless sacrifice is what began to convince me of all this in the first place; what got me thinking. No sacrifice, no realizations.

But I would give anything to have him back, if only for a few minutes, to tell him how sorry I am for the way I treated him.

I don't deserve to have someone die for me; the same someone who I was a total bitch to. I kicked him to the curb so many times, and for him to put up with all that, and to then die in my place even though it was the last thing I deserved… I mean, I slept with the guy. I used him, and pretty much told him that to his face, saying it meant nothing to me and that it won't happen again.

And yet he still kept his promise. He still went up there and sacrificed his unlife to save mine. To save Dawn. To save the world.

And my brain is really getting repetitive now. But I guess that's because it hasn't fully sunk in yet; that Spike's really gone and that he's not coming back. Part of me is still expecting him to walk through the door a little worse for wear, or to pop up on my next patrol like an annoying whack-a-mole, or appear out of my basement…

I don't realize that I'm starting to cry until I spot the tears falling onto the duster still in my hands.

Spike's gone. He left. Not purposely, but he still left. All the men in my life – all the men I care about, whether I realize it or not at the time – leave me. And it always seems to happen more often than not as a result of me sleeping with them. Angel, Parker, Riley… Angel was gone the morning after and so was his soul, and while Parker was sort of there, he was pretty much done with me after he got what he wanted. It took a little longer for Riley to start leaving, but I still vividly remember that night when I woke up to find the other side of my bed empty and Spike standing in the middle of my room…

Spike. Gone. I slept with him, and now he's gone. But he's not like the others; he died saving the world, thus saving me. It was either him, me, Dawn or the world. And in his eyes, the other three weren't an option.

Would it have been different if that had been Angel up there? Would he have metaphorically thrown Dawn under the bus so he could still have a chance to be with me one day? And Riley doesn't even have the blood drinking option, which doesn't make me feel any better.

I screw my eyes shut when I realize that had it been either one of them up there, Dawn probably wouldn't have lived to see the sunrise.

That doesn't take away the hurt; the knowledge that Spike's gone, and he died as love's bitch. Doing what he does for love even though he knows that no one loves him back. Dawn does; it's undeniable that she loves him like the big brother she never had.

I sigh, wipe away the tears, and put the duster back where it belongs.

I'm cleaning the bathroom when Dawn arrives home. "Buffy, I'm back!"

"I'm up here!" I call down to her. I open the bottom cupboard and pull out the empty toilet rolls Dawn's been shoving in there. Why can't she put them in the bin like a reasonable person instead of leaving them around for me to clear up? A voice in my head which sounds suspiciously like Mom's tells me that I was the same when I was her age, but I ignore it.

Speaking of Mom… I pull out a box of her old pregnancy tests from last year, when she missed some periods and thought she might be pregnant despite her lack of love life at the time. Part of me had been frightened that some demon spawn had found its way inside her, but luckily it had just been one of the side effects from her surgery.

I shove the box into the bin as Dawn walks in. "Willow wants to know what take-out we're having tonight, so she and Tara can stop and pick some up on the way home."

Willow and Tara, sharing the house with us. I would ask them to help with the housework, but the last time I did it was worse than Mary Poppins and Bedknobs and Broomsticks combined. A reference I would never have been able to make had Giles not sat me down and forced me to watch both movies. Stupid uptight British guy.

"We're not having take-out tonight," I tell her. "I'm gonna cook instead."

I turn in time to see her eyes widen. "Is it the apocalypse and you just haven't told me?"

"Ha, ha."

"Maybe I should give Willow and Tara a heads up; tell them to stay clear of the house for a few hours…"

"Dawn!" I throw one of the empty toilet rolls at her head, which she quickly ducks to avoid. "I need to learn how to do these things, and how am I gonna learn if I don't try?"

She sighs. "Why can't you just let Willow and Tara do all the cooking? Giles can do a better job than you!"

For some reason that hurts, and before I know it there are tears in my eyes. "But…but I need to learn how…because Mom's not here to do it, and if everyone else leaves and it's just you and me, then I won't be able to take care of you, and you'll be taken away…"

"Buffy?" Dawn crosses the bathroom and takes a seat on the floor next to me. "Buffy, I was only kidding."

"I know." I wipe my eyes, deducing that I really, really need to stop over-working myself. I keep getting emotional whenever I do. "But I really wanna do this. I need to."

She shrugs. "Fine with me. But if no one turns up tonight, you know why."

I throw another empty roll at her as she runs laughing from the room.

I'm standing by my bed, and on the other side is Spike. He's helping me make it. Isn't that usually Faith's job?

"Where's Faith?" I ask.

Spike looks up and I gasp when I notice that he's wearing his demon face. "Locked up, remember? It's not her time to be let out yet."

"She usually makes the bed with me."

"Not this time," he says. "Two Slayers don't make an angel."

Suddenly a baby starts crying somewhere close by, and I look towards the open door. "Dawn?"

"Bit too old to be her." I turn back to Spike and find him lying on the bed, which instead of clean, is now blood-stained. The blood is coming from the back of Spike's head, and his hand is covered in it, too. I also notice him holding something small with wires sticking out: the chip. "There. All fixed."

"Will the farm be enough for you?"

"Not about that, is it." His demon face disappears and he nods towards the open door and the crying baby. "Best go see what the Littler Bit wants."

I leave the room and follow the crying. It's coming from Mom's old room, but on the door I find the name 'EMMA' hanging on it, written in carefully crafted wooden letters. I step instead, and instead of finding Willow and Tara's magic stuff, clothes and Mom's bed, I find the entire room re-decorated in green and blue with a crib set up against the far wall. Inside it I see the waving arms of a baby, still crying.

I walk over to her – must be a 'her', judging by the name on the door – and lean over the crib.

She's beautiful.

When she sees me she stops crying, gurgles and smiles up at me. I smile back before I lean in and pick her up. "Where did you come from?"

Suddenly the scene around us changes, and I'm standing at the bottom of Glory's tower. There's a storm brewing, and the baby starts to cry again.

Lightning flashes. Thunder claps. The night sky turns an electric blue as a portal opens up high above me. I hold the baby close, protecting her from the worst of it, as I squint in order to see what's happening. The wind picks up and blows my hair in my face.

Then something falls out of the portal and hits the ground below with a hard thud.

I try to focus on the figure, but he's too far away. I can tell it's a 'he', though. He struggles to pull himself up just as the portal closes above him, but its sheer power is too much for the tower, and it begins to sway under the strain of being so close.

And then it begins to fall – right on top of the mysterious figure.

I open my mouth to warn him but no voice comes out, almost like it's been stolen once more by the Gentlemen. Even the baby is now silent. I can only watch in horror as the tower collapses right on top of him, burying him under piles of heavy rubble. No man could survive that.

Unless he's not a man at all.

I jolt awake and sit upright, taking in deep and heavy breaths.

"Work?" I ask. "There's work to be done?" I stare at Giles and then at the rest of my friends, all gathered in the living room of my house. I guess something must have happened. Maybe that's what my Slayer dream was trying to tell me?

"Yes," says Giles with a nod. "Tara brought it to my attention early this morning."

Tara continues, "I sensed a large shift in the dimensional planes. It almost felt like someone pushed something through into this dimension from another."

"You can sense that?" Anya looks depressed. "I used to be able to sense that. Stupid breakable power centre."

"Something trying to be pushed through…" I trail off when I think the worst. "Could it be Glory somehow returning?"

"I very highly doubt that," says Giles. "Glory has been destroyed for good." He looks away, and I don't ask how he knows. I already know the answer.

"Could it have something to do with her?" asks Xander. "One of her siblings, maybe? It would make sense since the tower's collapsed."

"What?" I suddenly give him my full attention.

"Glory's tower collapsed this morning, early hours," Xander replies. "No one was hurt. But coincidence? I think not, my dear Watson."

"First of all, that is not how the reference goes. Secondly, I do agree that the connection is unsettling," says Giles.

I don't hear what he says next, because I'm thinking back to my dream and how it must mean something. But what? Is what I saw how it actually happened last night? Or is it some kind of metaphor like my Slayer dreams always seem to be? And if it actually happened, who's the mystery man who fell out of the portal? The stories of Glory we found did say that she had brothers, but somehow I don't think Mystery Man is one of them. Nothing about him screamed 'God'.

Then who could it be?

I'm about to open my mouth and inform everyone of the dream when suddenly, out of nowhere, I feel vomit rushing up my throat, bursting to get out. Using my Slayer speed I rush out of the room and up the stairs, reaching the bathroom in time to throw up the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

Ew. Gross.

"Buffy?" I look behind me to see Dawn. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah," I say, getting up. "Probably from the chicken we ate yesterday."

She screws her face from the smell as I flush the chain. "Yuck. But if it was the chicken, why are you the only one throwing up? We're all fine, and shouldn't it, you know, be the other way around with us getting sick instead of you? Or doesn't Slayer healing work that way?"

"I had flu once, remember." Upset stomach pills. I'm pretty sure we have some in the top cupboard…

I open the door and dozens of tampons come spilling out. OK, how did I miss cleaning this cupboard before? Oh yeah; I was gonna do it yesterday but didn't get round to it because we were all suffering the consequences of my bad cooking.

I bend down and begin to pick everything up.

"You know, Mom usually waits until we're running low before she buys more stuff," says Dawn. She's just watching me, not making a move to help. Oh no, it's not like I need any help, Dawn. I only just threw up, after all…

"I haven't bought any in a while," I tell her. Seriously, why do we have so many?

Dawn gives me a questioning look. "Really? But I've been using them. When was the last time you did?"

I go to reply…but my mouth hangs open when I realize that I don't remember. I can't remember when I last used a tampon.

I can't even remember when I had my last period.

No, wait. I do. It was…before Glory forced us on the run. And that was three months ago.

Three months ago.

I've skipped months before; one month at a time. It usually happens when I'm under a lot of stress because of schoolwork or a brewing apocalypse, but that's only one month. Mom told me that it happens sometimes. If I miss a month then I shouldn't panic, because it's usually down to stress or some minor health reason.

But three months? That can only mean one thing.

"Dawn, I need a minute." I don't wait for her to reply before I push her out of the bathroom, ignoring her protests. Once the door is locked I hurry over to the bin and pull out the box of pregnancy tests I disposed of the day before last.

Stick out. Pee. Wait.

I leave it in the sink and pace, telling myself that this can't be happening. Dawn eventually stops knocking and demanding that I let her in, leaving me in peace to think about this. There has to be some other reason why I haven't had a period in three months. Some kind of illness, right? Because if it isn't, then…

Spike was the last guy I slept with. And I slept with him three months ago.

But vampires can't have children. Angel and Giles made that very clear; vampires are dead re-animated bodies and don't even hold the capability to be able to create a child, especially with a human.

When it's ready, I close my eyes and pick up the stick. I take in a deep breath before opening them again.

Positive.

I drop the stick in the sink. It must be a fluke. It has to be.

Stick out. Pee. Wait.

Positive.

Stick out. Pee. Wait.

Positive.

Stick out. Pee. Wait.

Positive.

I use them all, and they all tell me the same thing: Positive.

I'm pregnant.

And the father is…

Before I know it I'm on the bathroom floor, staring at the tiles. Tears well up in my eyes as the implications set in. Somehow, by some miracle, Spike didn't leave me with nothing.

He left me a gift.

I don't hear the banging at the door, and I ignore my friends as they pick the lock and swarm in, crowding me, asking me if I'm OK, seeing the tests and realizing the same thing I have…

My life's just got way more complicated.