PERFECT FIFTH
The time ticks by, and Leonard starts to believe Elaine when she whispers that "those two idiots will never get it together". It's been long enough. Still, he does see some hints of progress here and there.
Sheldon's spot now has a dear companion, the middle seat that is marked Penny's as clearly as if her name was painted on it. Every night, they're there, so close, but then Penny goes back to whatever dumb boy-of-the-week she has and Sheldon goes back to his comic books and Leonard just wants to scream at both of them. Maybe knock their heads together, too, and hope they happen to kiss.
"Why are you getting so worked up about this?" Elaine asks on one particularly lazy afternoon. She twirls her hair with one finger, and he feels a stupid lovesick grin slipping over his lips.
Leonard tries to clear his head to answer her question. "I don't know, just...well, to be honest, I want somebody to take Sheldon off my hands."
She looks at him over her reading glasses. "What, you want them to move in together?"
He almost chokes at the thought. "No," he says hurriedly, "but I want to know that if, well...if ever I left for a-any reason, he'd be okay. You know?"
"That's kind of sweet," she replies, smiling at him a little. He winks, feeling suddenly confident, and she rolls her eyes at him.
Yeah, she's pretty much perfect.
Sheldon contemplates his dilemma as he stares at the cramped writing that covers his whiteboard. It is indecipherable to anybody but him, he made sure of that, but that is a small comfort.
The fact is completely unavoidable, and his conclusion rests soundly on his precise logic. Still, he cannot fathom what action he should take.
Knock knock knock. "Shelllll-don!" a voice sings out. The singing is, unfortunately, quite literal. He sighs, but he can feel his lips curl up into a definite smile. It's a Broadway day. Fridays usually are.
He waits for her to complete the sequence before opening the door. "Hello, Penny."
"Sheldon, hey," she says breathlessly, looking up at him. Dazzling. "I realized that I forgot to tell you! I'm having a party. Do you want to come?"
Sheldon considers this prospect. "What kind of party?"
"You know, a costume party. You can, uh, cosplay, you know. Or whatever you want." Penny shrugs carelessly and pretends that she isn't trying to read the thoughts hidden in those eyes (that are absolutely to die for).
Sheldon blinks deliberately and shifts his weight. She wishes she didn't notice these little things. "What will you be dressed as?" he asks, in a somewhat guarded tone.
She swallows. "I don't know. I was thinking maybe Catwoman, but...do you think I can pull it off?"
Penny has given up pretending. She knows that this little game with him has escalated, and her original attraction was definitely not a lie. He's got his quirks, all right, and more than once he's made her want to rip out her own intestines and strangle him with them, but underneath all that is a man who can make her feel really warm and fuzzy. And she hasn't felt like that—all fluffy feelings and not just lust—in a long time.
She loves the feeling of his eyes slipping over her, surveying her. He purses his lips. "If you are inquiring if you would possess the same physical appeal that Catwoman traditionally does, yes, I believe that would be no obstacle. Still, I worry about the necessary materials. Cosplay halfway done is simply absurd."
"Well," she says slowly, as if thinking about it. "You could help me. If you want."
He nods wordlessly, eyes focusing on something only he can see. "I believe that it would be socially unacceptable for me to attend your function without the permission of the rest of the group."
Penny smiles. "They're invited, too."
She really has given up on pretending that Sheldon's quiet smile doesn't give her a dozen different kinds of butterflies.
Leonard almost spits out his coffee when he wanders into the living room on a Sunday morning to find Sheldon surrounded by plans, sketches, and phone numbers. These things should really stop surprising him, and he scolds himself for the reaction. "Whatcha doing?" he asks casually.
His "batcrap insane" roommate barely looks up. "Finalizing the costume data. I believe that I have found a suitable vendor who shares my ideals of true adherence to the source material."
"What costume are you going to wear?" Leonard sets his coffee down and takes the chair, which is about the only place not covered by papers. "And why didn't you use the whiteboard?"
"It was full," Sheldon says shortly. "These plans are not for my costume, but for Penny's."
He tries not to smile as he says, "Oh, okay. What's her costume?"
"Catwoman. It was her suggestion, and as you well know, I fully encourage anybody who wishes to take part in cosplay, as long as it is entirely correct. Which it will be." He finishes cutting out a rectangle of text and begins to neatly stack the remainder of the papers.
"Uh-huh, so what are you gonna be?" Leonard doesn't bother hiding his smile now.
"Batman," he answers without a thought.
Leonard looks down sneakily as he says, "You know, that's a very popular costume for couples nowadays. They really like the sexy dynamic there."
"Yes, I know," Sheldon replies, placing the stack on the table and piling up his supplies. "I found it quite an appropriate way to express my interest."
This time, Leonard does more than choke on his coffee. It's a full on spit take.
"What?" he manages to sputter, wiping the hot liquid off his chin with one hand. Sheldon sends him a disapproving glare.
"I found it an appropriate way to express my interest," he repeats in his faux patient tone. "Is that really so remarkable?"
Leonard's mind is racing. Hold on a major second, he thinks. Since when is Sheldon so candid about his feelings? Since when does Sheldon have feelings? "Uh, catch me up, buddy."
Sheldon gives a heavy sigh and turns to face Leonard completely. "I noticed physiological and emotional disturbances ever since Penny's advent. Therefore, I conducted tests on my person and deduced that I was experiencing romantic feelings toward her. You may have noticed that I am no expert in the subject, having never engaged in such activities, and I would have continued in that steadfast manner. My plans were foiled, however. She is irresistible, Leonard," he says more quietly, almost whining. "It proved quite impossible."
He thinks back to her, all pretty blonde hair and bright green eyes and perfect figure. Any man would kill for such a prize. "Yeah, she is pretty gorgeous."
Sheldon scoffs. "Gorgeous? Honestly, Leonard, I was hardly referring to her physical features, attractive though they may be. Those I can easily resist. Harder to forget: the bright expression in her eyes when she discusses something about which she is passionate, her headstrong and determined nature, how easily she reads me, her power to make everything seem better. One might liken her unto the sun, and say that she brightens—if one were waxing overly poetic, of course. As I was saying, I am now doing my utmost to express my interest, as social norms dictate. Any questions?"
Leonard shakes his head mutely.
This was gonna be one helluva party.
It was a pretty decent party, when all was said and done. Howard nearly got kicked out for his insufferable use of cat-related puns. Raj shivered in a corner. Sheldon followed Penny like a puppy dog, and she didn't really seem to mind. Leonard...well, he just watched, and maybe he might have sneaked out after a few drinks to take advantage of a little private time with Elaine.
Time passes uneventfully. Sheldon is not concerned by Penny's lack of obvious requital; the slow pace suits him just dandy. That is not to say that he isn't pleased when she bursts into his apartment and begs to stay for awhile.
"It's just this girl I know from Omaha and she's such a slut and she's hogging all my stuff and making a mess and just...I can't do it, I can't, I give up!"
He offers her a smile and her seat on the couch.
"Thanks, Sheldon." Penny plops down and slips off her shoes. Sheldon resists the urge to scold her. "You're such a good friend."
As she says this, she watches his eyes carefully. Her radar had been going off a lot lately, but from what the guys had said, Sheldon wasn't interested in people of any kind, men or women. Still, she knew that he was at least attracted to her, and if there was one thing Penny knew, it was how to distinguish like and like-like.
He swallows. "You're welcome."
No hints of any kind. He seems perfectly satisfied with his position as friend. She sighs inwardly and makes herself comfortable. She's gonna be here for awhile.
Howard and Raj come over, and as seems inevitable, Howard falls into the trap of the "Whore of Omaha" (as Sheldon humorously refers to her). Penny seems to enjoy this remark, and he reminds himself to make attempts at humor on a more frequent basis.
Like she has before, in events of sickness or injury, she fills in the empty spot on their Halo team. Sheldon admits privately that she does, as usual, "totally smoke" him.
When she makes the horrible discovery of Wolowitz and the Whore's tryst, Sheldon is quick to offer her room on the couch, provided she follows basic safety regulations—romance has not blinded him entirely to his priorities. He sleeps soundly, and hopes she does the same. It is the morning that proves troublesome.
Her head is resting on his spot, the quadruple-zero, the only place from which he can watch Doctor Who. Sheldon sighs gently and grabs a pillow. He carefully lifts up her head from its position to a cushion on his lap. She doesn't so much as snore.
Penny wakes up to a peculiar sense of warmth, and she's more than a little happy to find her head on (a pillow on) Sheldon's lap. She smiles, feeling the buzz of a good night's rest. "Good morning."
"Good morning," he replies, and the smile they share is at least as bright as sunshine.
When Howard's little sexcapades disturb the natural order of Chinese Food Night, Leonard expects Sheldon to throw a tantrum and refuse to proceed. Instead, he purses his lips and goes next door.
Knock knock knock. "Penny."
Knock knock knock. "Penny."
Knock knock knock. "Penny."
She opens the door, looking bedraggled and fed up. His eyes glance over her appearance, but he does not mention it. "Please accompany us to Chinese Food Night. We are in need of a fourth member of our party."
Penny looks back over her shoulder hesitantly and leans in closer. Sheldon does the same, with a confidential air. "On what terms?" she asks.
"We will order egg rolls, but you are not permitted to attempt to ingest them using your chopsticks," he tells her seriously.
"Very well," she says, matching his tone.
From inside the apartment, Leonard grins. Maybe progress isn't so impossible for them after all. Now, if only he could convince Elaine to take that next step with him and move in...
End Notes: I really have to stop making all my stories end up about Leonard. He just so naturally gravitates to the role of narrator if I use him at all. The interval referenced in this is "major second". The soundtrack for this story should be up within a few days.