Chapter four: King Oberon and Queen Titania
"Careless, careless, careless." Puck scolded himself. "I've must learn to watch my back." He peeked through the leaves from his hideout above the heads of the newcomers.
"Who was that?" Artemis asked even though he knew Holly wouldn't have the answer. "It looked your size, like a fairy." Holly didn't reply, just looked on after the stranger. The sun was just coming up over the horizon and the dim light reflected off the leaves of the tall trees. They couldn't see Puck just ten feet above them.
Holly looked up at Artemis. "Whoever he was," Holly said, almost guiltily, "he's kinda cute."
"You didn't even see him." Artemis said, puzzled at why Holly would say something like that, considering that she was a LEP officer and helped with saving the world. It just wasn't like her.
Holly crossed her arms and stuck out her bottom lip like a small child. Now she really was acting weird. "I saw enough." She pouted. Up in the tree, Puck was thinking, uh, oh.
"Great." Artemis muttered. "We're in the middle of a forest in god-knows-where, some stranger just got us as jumpy as jackrabbits, and I'm stuck with a lovesick elf. Why me? What did I do to deserve this?" At the same time, Holly was staring up at the trees. "I wonder where he went. I hope he comes back."
Artemis groaned again. "This isn't like her. How do I get her back to the way she was?" They walked on for a while until they came to a gargantuan castle covered in vines and surrounded by evergreens. Around the castle was a moat occupied by countless coy fish of many different colors and sizes. They swam to and fro in the graceful way they do. Over the moat was an arched wooden bridge. Above the bridge was another arch. Woven into it were leafy vines. Small pink flowers added spots of color.
Cautiously, he and the daydreaming captain crossed the bridge and pulled open the huge, oak doors. Their footsteps echoed on the checkered, marble floors. The ceiling was so high it looked like it could fit a mountain. Hanging from it was a chandelier covered in ivy. Walking on, they came to a door guarded by poker-faced soldiers clad in chain mail shirts and helmets. They were slightly smaller than Artemis; slender and shorter than average but tough looking, like Holly. When Artemis and the LEP captain got closer the guards barred the door with their long spears.
"Name, stranger." One of the guards said, in a deep voice.
"Um…Artemis Fowl II," Artemis said, carefully choosing his words as not to anger the guards, "and Holly Short."
One guard entered through the doors. In a few minutes marched out and said, "You may enter."
He pulled open the double doors with a slight tug. The room inside was beautiful. The floor was like a mirror: he could see himself clearly through the glass. The walls were of the same material. His shoes made a tapping sound on the floor. Before him sat two people, small, but taller than Holly, and slender, like the guards. The one on the right sat a tanned female, who looked like she spent a lot of time outdoors, with long, wavy, black hair which hung gracefully down her back. She wore a long white dress that covered her feet. Around her head was a crown of daisies.
On a larger chair sat a dark-skinned man. His shoulder length dark hair was neatly combed and his beard was long, long enough to put in a neat braid, which it was. He wore a cloak of white that hung down to his ankles. He had a powerful look about him. He, too, wore a crown. "Well?" he demanded. His voice was like a big bass drum, deep and powerful. "Who the heck are you?"
"I…um," Artemis was slightly shaken by the booming voice of the short, slender man. "I'm Artemis Fowl II and this is Holly Short. Um…we would like to know where we are."
The man smiled widely then let out a hardy laugh. "You don't know?" All the genius could do was stare and wait for the man to continue. "You're in the forest of Athens! You're in the castle of King Oberon and his wife Titania! How'd you get here?"
"We…er…crashed…in a shuttle," stuttered Artemis, "her shuttle."
The king's eyes narrowed. "Shuttle?"
"Uh…yes…your majesty."
"Shuttle? Her shuttle?"
"Correct."
"A shuttle belonging to the Lower Elements Police? In Haven?"
"Yes, your majesty."
The king's face grew angry. "Don't you know what they did to me?"
"I…no, sir."
Oberon stood sharply. "Those lily-livered cowards! Those #!$ &$ !$ #$!! They just had to up and leave me and some other brave fairies to fight the humans. That &#$ Frond!"
Artemis covered his ears and Holly fallowed suit. "Those #$& #& #$#&!!" the king went on.
Titania desperately tried to get her husband to calm down. "If I hadn't been so good hearted I would have hunted them down and used that guillotine I got for my 473 birthday!" The king's face was red from frustration. "Did the Lower Elements blow up? Did they all die? Is that why you're here?"
"Uh…no, your highness." Artemis said. "We were chasing down a dangerous fugitive and we just crashed here. And we do not know anything about it. All those from the Frond Dynasty are long dead."
"And the worst of them! Ugh! I get the shivers when I think of him."
"Who?"
"Urban Manure. Known to the human world as a great playwright. He not only left us but the inhabitants of Haven, too. He renamed himself, what was it, William Shakespeare. He made us look all fancy and old-fashioned. 'Tarry, rash wanton: am I not thy lord?' Ha!"
"I…um…"
"He made fools of us. But what does it matter? What does he know?"
"Um…"
"Onto other matters. Let's sit down. Have some lunch. Have you had yours?"
"No, sir."
"Good, good. Oh, and by the way, no need to call me 'sir.' That's so old-fashioned. Just call me Oberon."
"Sure…Oberon." They sat down at a long table cloaked in a white tablecloth. The table was set with polished plates inlayed with gold. The silverware was shiny and also polished. Holly and Artemis could see their upside-down reflections in the spoons. Those, too, were inlayed with gold making them heavy and hard to hold but beautiful.
"So," Oberon began, eager to start a conversation with the newcomers, "Have you heard Snoop Dogg's latest album?"
"No. I don't follow rap very closely."
"That's too bad. His latest album is the bomb!" He started imitating a song. Holly and Artemis just looked at each other. Artemis raised an eyebrow. "You should hear it! I saw all his concerts and music videos. You know I can't go to a concert in person because I'm not exactly human but on those recorded concerts he's standing there on stage with the mike in one hand and his other hand making gestures and he's just rocking like…" Titania placed a slender hand on her husband's arm. Immediately, he stopped talking.
Sooner than later, the chefs brought out giant dishes of foods from many places. There were platters of Wonton soup with bac choy, chaw siu bao, pot stickers, and chao mien from China; lamb kurma, tantoori chicken, and curry from India; quesadillas, burritos, and tacos from Central American countries like Guatemala and Mexico; Native American dishes like carrot, potato and beef stew made by the Inuit, buffalo jerky made by Plains Indians, and corn mush with sunflower seeds made by Southwestern tribes; even modern American meals like mini burgers from White Tower and corn dogs. A very intercontinental meal. By the time they all finished they were stuffed. Then the chefs brought the dessert. Holly and Artemis groaned.
"Thank you for the wonderful meal," Holly said to the king and queen.
"You're very welcome." The king replied. Then to both of them he said, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your names."
"Captain Holly Short," Holly said, "And Artemis Fowl."
The king looked as if he was thinking then his eyes opened wide and his face became a shade lighter. "A…Artemis Fowl?"
"That's right, sir." Artemis said, raising an eyebrow. "Artemis Fowl the second."
"A…Artemis Fowl. You're the one who stole the ton of gold from the People."
"I think it's time we were going." Holly said. "Let's skedaddle, shall we?"
"Yes. Let's." Artemis said. They turned tail and walked back through the huge wooden double doors. The sound of their footsteps echoed in the huge room.