She wasn't always cruel. And maybe that was the worst of it. Hating someone was easy, if they never offered any compassion, or at least a reason for their cruelty. Malice is easy to return with malice.
Raven could be doting, if her mood was especially high. She could be thoughtful and genuine. Her intelligence and profound empathy allowed her to ease his greatest pains. When she wasn't the one inflicting them herself.
Perhaps that was the greatest torture of all. The flashes of love between the bleeding.
"You picked a good movie, Gar." Raven remarked in a low whisper. They were watching a comedy on Netflix. In truth, Beast Boy barely paid attention to it. Having still been shaken from her threat just the previous night. He knew he still loved her, but how far did love run? Should it withstand the threat of a ruined life? A potential prison sentence? How could he leave her if he wanted to?
Even worse, despite all of it, he wasn't sure he did want to leave at all.
"Thanks, Rae..." He consciously made an effort to use her pet name. This seemed to satisfy her, as her slender hands trace his shoulders. He sat on the ground just in front of her. She was seated on the couch. Wordlessly, she massaged his shoulders as she sometimes used to do. Before the abuse had become more regular. He hoped maybe it was a sign of things to come. As if, just possibly, the mistreatment was a spell of bad weather. And the clouds were finally dispersing.
"Relax, honey..." She offered soothingly. Even with the lingering fear of the previous night, even against the haunting image of her threatening him, even behind the aches in his wrists, that was all it took. He did relax, resigning himself to her wandering hands. He propped his head back, just between her thighs on the couch cushion.
The sound of the TV faded into a monotone haze while her hands roamed his chest. It was like going into a trance, and she was astonishingly good at it. The slightest electrical prickles. Her hands emitted a low, pleasing energy. Arousing his flesh. Teasing it with light stabs of pain.
"So full of pain, Gar..." His goddess sang from above. "I'm here to make you all better..."
Her legs were draped over his shoulders, and he took full advantage of that. Running his hands along her smooth, pale calves. They'd hand an understanding for quite some time now that Beast Boy admired Raven's legs. And she'd grown comfortable with him worshipping them.
Raven craned her upper body, positioning herself just above Beast Boy's head. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel her face inches from his. And the light tickling of her hair against his cheeks.
She could feel him tense. Even before her "punishments" began, he'd often get intimidated by her. Sometimes too fearful to embrace or kiss her. This was nothing unusual.
"Shhh... You're okay, baby."
He couldn't fight the smile. "You don't call me "baby" often..."
"Maybe I'll do it more often, baby..." She chuckled quietly. Her breath was warm and intoxicating against his skin. Mixed with her scent. He was constantly asking her what she washed with. Other scents she'd wear. Perfumes. It was always changing. Not that she spent exorbitant amounts of money on vanity items.
"Can things stay this way?" He blurted out the question without thinking. Because he knew if he lingered on it, he'd never build the courage to ask. It had to be directly from the heart. In this moment of vulnerability, he might reach her.
Eyes still closed, he felt her hands tense up, as if taken aback. Her fingers trembled just a moment on his chest, then slackened.
"Gar... I'm sorry."
"Then can't we just move past it? Can it be over now?"
"How could I ever be forgiven?" Her voice shook with each word.
"I could forgive all of it... All of it, Raven. If you'd just say you won't do it anymore."
"I'm so sorry, Garfield." A hot cut on his cheek. He didn't need to open his eyes to know she was crying. And despite everything she'd done to him up until this point, he was still the one who felt guilty.