Inside, the host quickly lead us to our table. Thank God this is one of the few restaurants that still had a smoking section, as soon as we sat down, I began searching my purse for my pack of cigarettes, hoping to calm my nerves. Finding it, I quickly snatched one out and lit it.
"That's really a disgusting habit ya know? It'll kill you one day" Edward said wrinkling his nose in half real and half pretend disgust.
"Sure, sure, I know, but we all gotta die from something right? Might as well be from something I enjoy." I smiled after repeating the speech for the millionth time. I hate when people nag about my smoking!!
He just rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you came, I really was getting nervous, when you were late." He smiled and with that smile, I lost all train of thought. "WHOA, what the hell was that?!" I thought in my head trying to regain myself!
"I'm glad too" I smiled, being far more honest about that then I had intended to be.
"So Bella, tell me your story."
"My story, hmm, well there are a lot of chapters to my story, which would you like to hear?"
He smiled my crooked grin, ran his hand through his already messy yet beautiful hair. "Well, how about we start with the basics. Where you're from, how you ended up here, what do you do? How old are you? And is there a man I should be expecting to show up here wanting to kill me cause I'm dining with his gorgeous girlfriend?"
"Well, I'm originally from Washington state, a small town that no one has ever heard of named Forks . My brother is in the army, he got stationed at Fort Campbell, and so after my ex fiancé and I split up and I finished college, I moved here to Clarksville to be his roommate, he's my best friend." I stuttered for a minute realized just how much I missed Billy since he had PCSed to GA and then deployed. "I work for Bank of America, in the accounting office, I hate it. I also do some personal accounting on the side, and I'm considering leaving the bank and just doing that full time. A boyfriend…hmm…yeah well I'm pretty positive you don't have to worry about anyone caring enough to show up here." My voice broke a little on the last part, and I was beyond relieved when the waiter showed up with our food, saving me from my pathetic break down in front of Edward.
I smiled at the waiter, thanked him, and then began picking at my food a little, trying to distract my mind from Jake.
He broke the silence. "Washington state, hmm that's a bit of a weather change from almost constant rain to the heat and humidity of the Tennessee summers."
"Yeah, well after Seth and I split up, I figured I could use some sunshine in my life." I laughed.
"Seth, hmm so is that who won't be caring enough to show up tonight?"
"No, that was a long time ago." I answered quickly, praying he wouldn't pry any farther.
"Hmm…well then wh…" He began, but I interrupted before he could continue.
"I believe it's your turn. Start with the basics."
"Oh…ok. Well, I'm from Maryland, outside of Baltimore. Obviously I joined the army and that's how I got stuck here in hillbilly hell." He practically spat, obviously hating life in TN. "And no, I don't have a girlfriend."
"That's hard to believe." Crap, did I just say that out loud?! Please don't ask me to explain, it's one thing for me to be unexplainably tore up and attracted to this man, a whole different thing to admit it to him.
He swallowed the bite of fajita he had just taken, and then looked at me confused. "What is?"
Crap! "The whole no girlfriend thing" I replied wanting to kick myself!
He smiled wildly and tilted his head slightly. "And why is that hard for you to believe Bella?"
Crap Crap!! "Oh umm well I just" beautiful I'm freaking stuttering…CRAP! Finally I pulled it together enough to finish "I mean, you're an attractive enough guy, you seem smart, funny, it's just surprising, that's all" I was pretty sure I pulled casual off. Yeah right…I'm an idiot, I laughed to myself.
He lifted and eyebrow and chuckled lightly. "Shy, remember?"
"Oh, right."
"Plus, I'm not the typical army tool running around the club in my AE button down and khaki pants, toting the latest Nickleback CD."
"I hate Nickleback" I spat automatically. God I hate that band!
"Do you?" He chuckled and then continued. "I don't sleep with random women, I don't pick up women at bars, I spend most of my time in the tattoo shop, not a great place to meet women, plus I like smart women who actually have something to say, you'd be amazed how hard that is to find, and so, I am girlfriendless. Now, are you positive you don't have a boyfriend?"
Damnit, he wasn't going to just let this drop. I took a deep breath. "No, according to his updated face book status, I definitely do not have a boyfriend." I laughed cynically to myself.
"His face book status?" He asked confused.
"Oh yeah," I laughed bitterly "That's how he broke up with me, well that and leaving the country without even telling me he was leaving. Unusual, but effective." I rolled my eyes.
"Sounds like a GREAT guy." He said heavy on the sarcasm.
As mad as I was at Jake for everything he had done, hearing someone else speak badly of him really annoyed me.
"Jake's a great guy really. He was a great boyfriend, probably the love of my life. Our situation was just really complicated, but he loved me, I guess he just couldn't take it… or take me anymore." I said defensively but my voice cracked on the last part.
"What could be so complicated that you would leave the person you love??" He asked doubtfully.
The more this went on, the angrier I got. Who was he to talk down on my Jake. "Lots of things, I wasn't a good girlfriend." I snapped back.
"Bella, I've only spent this little bit of time with you, and already I KNOW you're an amazing woman, and I'd be totally shocked to hear anything that could make me think otherwise, so please…shock me."
I rolled my eyes. "You don't know me at all Edward."
"Ok, fine, then please tell me what could make you so horrible?"
"There's a long list, so here pick your favorite reason. Maybe it's because I'm slightly emotionally retarded. I'm closed up, I don't let people in, and I constantly push everyone away. I'm moody. I have a horrible temper. I had breast cancer and was sick…I mean REALLY sick, a lot, I still am sometimes. I pick things apart, I find fault in a relationship even when there isn't any. I pick arguments, just to see how far I can push people, to see how much they can take before they pack up and go. He was perfect and I was horrible." I quickly looked down, trying my damnedest not to cry.
There was awkward silence. I finally pulled my eyes up to gauge his reaction to my honesty. His eyes were cold, and he had his fists balled tightly on the table. I couldn't figure out how to read his expression.
Finally, he spoke. "He is a coward Bella."
"You don't even know him!!" I shouted, louder than I had intended.
"I don't need to know him."
I was just about argue back at him when the waiter showed up again, this time with our check. He looked at us cautiously. I snapped out of my anger and looked around, apparently everyone in the place had noticed our little squabble and were looking at us, trying not to be obvious. I blushed heavily and turned away.
Edward grabbed the check swiftly. "Shall we?" He motioned to the cash out counter.
"You don't have to buy my dinner Edward." I said calmly, ashamed at how I had spoken to him.
"Indeed, you're right, but I want to." He smiled and took my hand to help me out of the booth.
He paid the cashier, left a tip for our waiter and then walked me to my car.
"Ya know, it's still early and Friday night. We could go get a drink if you wanted?" He suggested as he reached for my car door.
We had talked way too much about Jake tonight, and I could feel the tear in my heart tugging at me. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be sobbing, and there was no need for him to witness that.
"I'm sorry Edward, I'm really tired, I think I should just go home and get some sleep. Maybe another time though?" I smiled up at him.
"I definitely hope so. Maybe I could at least have your number?" He asked hopefully, smiling my grin.
"Of course." Even now, on the verge of letting my emotions overflow, and have my heart shatter right there in front of him, that grin make my pulse pick up. I couldn't make any sense of it. "931-555-7086"
"Excellent." he punched the numbers into his phone still grinning. "I'll talk to you soon. Sleep well Bella." He said as he closed my door and turned to walk away.
I started my car quickly and headed home, tears were already spilling out, and I knew it wouldn't be long before all the emotion had completely paralyzed me. I'd concentrated very hard on not thinking about Jake since he left, and when I did slip up, it was with angry thoughts about how he had hurt me. But tonight, defending him like I had, it forced me to remember how amazing he really was. It brought up all the times we spent just laughing together, all of our pointless conversations, and inside jokes that made sense to no one but us. I remembered how he held me when my dad died. I remembered how he stayed with me in the hospital when I had my surgery, how he never left. How he took care of me when I was sick, and how strong he was for me when I couldn't be. How he took my anger when he didn't deserve it. God I missed him. I missed his smell, his touch, the way his hand felt on the small of my back when he guided me into a room, but most of all, I just missed my best friend. How free and unguarded I felt with him, he came closer to anyone ever had to really being let in. I messed our relationship up. I pushed him away.
By the time I reached my driveway I could barely see through the tears. When I finally stopped the car, I just sat there with my arms wrapped around my chest, trying in vein to hold myself together. After a few minutes, the tears began to slow slightly, so I half pulled myself together and ran inside to somewhat took care of Hendrix before throwing myself into bed. I wanted nothing more than for sleep to numb me, and take all of this away. It was a good night, for once, darkness came quickly, and I drifted to sleep.