Chapter Four: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Once the initial shock crumbled away, pain flashed in his eyes. He opened his mouth then closed it. His lips didn't dare form the words we both knew he was thinking.

I took a seat on my bed, cross-legged and stared out the French doors that opened to the balcony. The sky darkened and stars glittered in the sky, the crescent moon's shimmering light cast shadows on the black balcony railing. I didn't tear my eyes away; I didn't want to see his expression.

"You hurt me…" I murmured softly, twirling my blue tresses.

"What?"

I winced at the lack of care in his voice, how it was void of any emotion...he never used to sound like that, even before we started dating...

"Yuki…what does your name mean?" I asked one evening we were together. It was summer time; we both lied out on a plaid blanket, beneath the stars, at the Sohma summer home. I'd told him viewing the night sky from the beach brought on a different atmosphere, he told me to prove it.

His hand was intertwined with my own, draped over my stomach as I rested my head on his chest; his heartbeat better than music, like a rapid drumbeat in my ear. Every time he spoke, his voice rumbled in his chest.

"That's quite the random inquiry…I believe it means snow…"

I recall grinning like an idiot as I mulled over the meaning. Thinking it didn't fit him, he was so warm and kind even though he did act like a Grandma at times…

"That's silly," a laugh escaped me as I trained my eyes on the full moon above us, the glow illuminating the ocean, the tides crashing against the shoreline and retreating…

"What name fits me then?" His chest rumbled, my heart soaring at the familiar vibrations. Yuki was here…he wouldn't leave me…

"If the name weren't taken, I would say Haru. His name means sun. That's what you are Yuki...warm, like the sun."

But now I realize how wrong I was. The name fit him perfectly. He was cold, dark, and all that followed him was bitterness and disappointment. Regret…sorrow.

I turned to him sharply, my eyes narrowed, "…nothing. I think you should go…"

A look of confusion appeared, and fleeted just as quickly as he rose to his feet. Yuki scooped up his stuff and made his way out the door. A part of me wanted to stop him from leaving, to ask him to stay…but I wasn't about to beg and plead with someone who just stopped caring…He claimed he was protecting me, but he was the one that hurt me…he ignored me.

Just as he was about to leave, he looked back over his shoulder, a smile ghosting his lips. "I'll see you tomorrow Kurumi." Then he was gone.

XxX

The next morning I was seated at the table, my legs propped up on the empty chair beside me, and chugging a glass of milk when my Dad came running down the stairs, straightening his red satin tie.

He peered at me over his glasses, "Hey Rumi Roo," he whistled as he searched the cabinet for a coffee filter, filling it with the dark coffee grounds. On automatic, I rolled my eyes at the name he gave me when I was three. He thought it would be a cute idea to combine my name with a kangaroo because of his stint in Australia at the time.

"Hey Dad…where's Mom?"

He settled in at the table, a silver mug in hand, his eyes avoiding mine. "She left for school early to work on her lesson plan."

That was weird. In the five years Mom has been a teacher, she's never once gone to work early. Yesterday things seemed pretty frosty between them, but I just wrote it off as some marital spat…I guess they were still upset about whatever it was.

"Well," I slipped my backpack on. "I'd love to stay and chat…but I am just so excited to learn."

Dad scoffed as he slurped from his cup, "Sure Rumi Roo…have fun."

XxX

It was during lunch time when I decided to station myself in the girl's bathroom, locking myself in a stall. I wasn't ready to face Yuki after yesterday; I didn't want to put up with Tohru's bubbliness or Kyo's scrutiny. I wanted a moment to myself…that and I didn't feel like eating.

I dropped my bag to the tiles of the handicap stall, sat on top of it, and pulled my knees up to my chest, my head resting against the wall. Only thirty minutes…then I'd leave. Just a few more periods left…

The bathroom door thudded open, voices filled the room and I hoped no one looked down and saw me.

"Yuki so wants me," a familiar nasally voice sounded from directly outside my stall. I almost gagged at her swooning.

"Please, he doesn't date anyone. Besides…all the Sohma boys are hot, why just stop with him?" Another voice chimed in.

"That's where you're wrong, he has dated someone. But she is such a skank."

My eyes slid shut in aggravation. Why couldn't they talk crap about me somewhere else?

"I wonder where the prince found her. She was probably just a pity date, being a future prostitute and all," the irritating girl broke in with a laugh.

"Who says she's not one now?"

The laughter still rang in my ears after they left. My head pulsing, their snide remarks staying with me even when the bell rang. I decided to stay put, cutting my next class. No one would put it past me if I didn't show up, it was expected …who would care?

XxX

I began walking home; earbuds tucked into my ears, Sober Serenade by Flyleaf blasting on high volume, my eyes closed as I pretended this day never happened. That I hadn't heard those girls…that Mom and Dad weren't fighting.

Out of nowhere someone slammed into me, knocking me over, everything spilling out of my bag, causing me to fall to my hands and knees.

"Ow," I cried as my palms stung from the impact.

"Maybe you should watch where you're going…" I recognized that voice. Akito.

But when I turned to confirm that, no one was there…

XxX

Later that evening I was bored out of my skull, my feet kicked up against the wall, my round pillow shoved beneath my head. I didn't have homework because I skipped the last half of school, so now I had nothing to kill the time.

Just as I was considering my options, the door knob turned and Mom stepped in, leaving it ajar. She was wringing her hands nervously, her eyes slightly watery.

"Hey sweetie, got a minute?"

I sat upright, propping myself against the wall as she took a seat in my desk chair. "Yeah…what's up?"

She raked a hand through her through her hair, smiling slightly, her smile not reaching her eyes. "Um, what would you say if…your Dad and I spent some time apart…?"

What?

"We believe it's best to give each other some space. I'll be staying at Grandma's for a bit..." I reached beneath my bed for my energy drink, popping the tab, and taking a sip. Whenever something bad happened, I either turned to sugar, cigs, or a guy. It was a knee jerk reaction now. Routine…

Mom reached over and patted my hand lightly, "You okay with this? You can stay with me if you like."

My own grin was artificial, just like her perceptions of me. "Um, maybe…yeah…"

Mom breathed a sigh of relief, her shoulders relaxing. "Great. My bag's packed; we just have to work out the living arrangements. I'm sure it's only temporary. Thank you for being so mature about this."

I nodded, hoping she'd take the hint and end the conversation. "I still love your Father; we just need some time alone. I'm heading over now; will you be joining us for dinner?"

My stomach lurched, "No thanks…I have some school work to finish up. I should be there soon."

Mom's face fell slightly, but she quickly recovered with a laugh although I knew it was forced. "Okay. See you tonight, or tomorrow if you get in late," she leaned over, embracing me before standing.

"Bye Mom...love you."

"Love you too," she echoed before shutting the door behind her.

I drew the can to my lips once more; chugging it and wishing I were knocking back vodka instead.

After losing a family member, families fell into one of two categories; they either grew closer or drew apart. The shred of innocent hope I had left was that my family would stay together…but now I don't know what to think. My parents might be splitting up. What does someone do in these situations?

People would probably turn to a friend in times like this…as for me…

I set the empty aluminum can down on my nightstand and picked up my phone instead. My hands dialed the number I knew by heart.

I was not staying here…not now.

XxX

"Hey Haru, thanks for letting me crash here," I managed a small smile as he showed me to my room.

"No problem," he turned his dark grey eyes toward me. "Want to talk about it?"

"I'm not good with that sort of thing. But thanks."

He nodded in understanding, setting my leather valise onto the floor. "I already ate but I might be able to pull something together for you."

I laughed as I flopped down onto the futon. "Honey, the last time you made instant ramen you almost burned the house down." He folded his arms across his chest in a huff, a teasing smile tugging at his lips.

"I may not be a good cook but I'm good at other things."

I bit my lip, "Like what?"

He smirked at me playfully, "Use your imagination."

XxX

We decided to channel surf until we came across a halfway decent movie. It was a black and white Japanese film. You could see the strings and everything but at least it was kind of funny…

A bowl of mostly burnt popcorn – Haru's doing – was wedged between us, separate glasses of Dr Pepper resting on the chestnut coffee table.

I sat up, and scooted over; closer to him, "Did you fix things with Rin?"

His smile dropped, his eyes darkening, "No…she doesn't want me."

I reached for his hands, placing them on my waist. "Well I'm not sure if it's any consolation but…I do."

His eyes shifted to that chilling black as he pulled me against him. I tilted my head up so that I could look at him. "Show me," Black Haru growled.

I smirked, wanting so badly to meet that challenge. "Only if you're gentle…"

His lips collided with my own roughly, his arms snaking around my waist.

Doing this never fixed any of my problems…but it distracted me from them long enough.

XxX

It was eleven. Black Haru faded and White Haru resumed dominance, blinking at me in confusion. We didn't hookup - much to my disdain - we only fooled around before he returned back to normal; well, dazed and confused rather.

"Kurumi…what are we doing?" His hand had been shoved under my shirt in the moment; his own lied discarded on the floor…somewhere.

He yanked his hand back as if I burned him and scrambled off of me. I straightened my blouse and sat up. "I thought I could solve both of our problems…weren't you enjoying it?" I despised how my voice cracked, how small I sounded...

His eyebrows furrowed in surprise and what I took for pity. I hated pity.

"Kurumi, you're not still doing that are you? I thought we agreed that you would stop."

Haru made me promise I would quit being promiscuous if not for my sake, for his. I did stop…for a while. But then I remembered how much life sucked and how empty it was. Before I knew it I was back to square one, relapsing and not caring to get better.

But I didn't say this. Instead I said, "What? It's just harmless fun. I don't force anyone to do anything." He sighed and sank down beside me, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"At least tell me why you do it. And don't say you're doing it just because you're bored…you didn't start this until after you and Yuki broke up." He was asking too many questions...none of them of which I was willing to answer.

I glowered at him, "What are you? My therapist?"

He craned his head to look at me, "No. But I care about you. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I already did," I snapped back. I wanted to scream. It was so annoying with everyone always assuming things about me. No one understood…they didn't get anything.

He gaped at me, "What do you mean?"

I picked up my bag, and started for the door, "I think I'll go…"

He reached out, latching onto my wrist, "Kurumi, wait-" I jerked away from him.

"Don't touch me right now…I…I need to be alone for a little bit. I'm fine," I slid my wrist out of his grip and raced down the hallway and out the front door before he could stop me.

XxX

I slumped down on the wooden park bench, setting my bag down between my feet. The cold had set in, snow falling gradually. My teeth chattered as I attempted to rub warmth back into my arms, staring up at the dark sky. I didn't know what I could do or where I could go at this time of night. Mom invited me to stay with her but I don't deserve it…I don't deserve anything good.

I draw my knees to my chest, resting my chin atop them and staring out into the darkness. I was alone…just how I'd always been…

The cold air could be felt through my coat and the chill ripped through my bones, the layers of clothing rendered useless. I closed my eyes, flakes of snow landing on the tips of my eyelashes as the wind rages. Sounds of sirens and cars fill my ears while I try to shut it out, to forget everything and lose myself in the darkness. I wished it would swallow me up and hide all my flaws, every last thing that was so wrong with me.

They were right about me...I was nothing but a whore. I don't blame Yuki for leaving.

I swiped at the wetness on my cheeks – assuming it was snow – instead wiping away tears I didn't know I cried. Why…was I crying? I brought all this upon myself. I was so pathetic…weak…

I sniffled, curling into myself wishing so badly that I could disappear. After what seems like hours passed, someone stops in front of me. I froze, hoping that it wasn't some kind of pedophile or rapist standing there. I couldn't bring myself to look though, I couldn't…

"Kurumi, what are you doing out here? A blizzard might be on the way." That voice…if I knew better I'd think it were Yuki talking to me. But that couldn't be…

Slowly I lifted my head, half wondering if I was hallucinating, and…it was him?

Even in the dead of night, I recognized the unique semblance. Yuki was trembling from the cold air; a grey and purple scarf had been draped around his neck, his hands covered in black gloves, donning a long black coat with grey buttons and snow boots, and his cheeks were flushed from the low temperatures.

"What…what are you doing out here?" I stuttered, my teeth relentlessly chattering.

He smiled softly, "I was covering my plants to protect them from the frost…would you like to go to Shigure's? It's late…" He extended his palm, his eyes promising that it was a genuine offer, his warm smile beckoning me to take it. Who tends a garden at this hour?

I eyed him warily, not really wanting to but having nowhere else to go…with a sigh I took his hand, my small hand covered by his own; he pulls me to my feet. He takes my bag in his other hand as we begin making our way to Shigure's.

XxX

Entering Shigure's was like stepping into a sauna in comparison to being out in the snow; we were swept under a veil of warmth and I couldn't help but wish it would melt the ice around my heart.

I hadn't realized how exhausted I was until now. My eye lids felt like lead, as I removed my docs and placed them by the door.

I was about ready to conk out on the couch when Haru rushed over, relief flooding his tense features. He pulled me into a crushing hug that I only allowed because of how warm he was.

"Kurumi, where were you?" He held me at arm's length, his eyes examining me to see if I were hurt.

"I was gonna go after you myself but decided to go to Shigure's. Hatori drove me so I wouldn't get lost. Yuki offered to look for you..."

What?

I glanced over my shoulder to see the flustered rat removing his coat.

"He told me he had to take care of the 'secret base.'"

Haru snorted, "That's what he said...?"

Yuki cleared his throat, "Maybe you should focus your energy on helping her get settled in Haru," he said with a pointed glare.

"But I don't live here...you do. I just wanted to see if she was okay. She ran away after we kissed...or at least, I think we did."

Yuki's eyes widened, openly gaping at me in shock.

"Kurumi, is this true?"

Before I had time to answer, Tohru bustled over and wrapped her scrawny arms around me.

"Oh I'm so glad you're alright! We were so worried! Oh, where are my manners? Would you like hot chocolate? Or tea? Maybe you don't want anything-"

"Hot chocolate would be fine," I interrupted as I shrugged out of my own coat, my eyes darting between an irritated Yuki and a bored looking Haru. "Do you have marshmallows?"

XxX

Akito sifts through a stack of Polaroid's; her lips lift as she examines the glossy photographs. A job well done, she can't help but laugh at how successful it had been…one showcased the car, rolled over and irreparably damaged. The next was of a battered and murdered Makoto; his face no longer recognizable, bloodied.

Her calloused hand draws the photograph up, and kisses the photo; an undeserved victory...she'd fooled everyone into thinking some drunk buffoon had been behind it.

"Arranging that boy's death was my best idea yet…that girl needed to learn not to touch what belongs to me…"

This chapter wasn't my best but I believe the next will be better. Another crazy reveal will happen :D

Kuramasgirl19769: Hmm...I wonder :p Well, I think Kurumi might need to chill from that kind of thing. But, who knows?

The High Queen Of Angst: Good :D I love Kyo but it was fun to write that scene haha Puhlease, thank you for always reviewing :)

SweetLiars: Yup! She's just struggling a lot right now and she's trying to make herself happy, just in the wrong ways. Nah, I loved that story ^.^ I actually like Yuki for her too :D

See ya'll next time. Peace! :3