I wasn't sleeping well and had taken to slipping out of the tent at night, sitting by the embers of the dying fire to think in peace and quiet. One night, I tossed and turned for almost two hours before finally giving up. "Screw it," I whispered to myself. I yanked on the comfortable sweatshirt Maggie had given me – Georgia nights were cool, even as summer stretched into September. I slipped out of the tent, away from Rick's soft snores and Carl's occasional whimpers, and made my way over to where the fire had burned brightly earlier that night. I sat down and stared into the embers. I had only been there for a few minutes when I heard a branch crack behind me; in seconds, I was on my feet with my machete drawn.
"Shouldn't be out here alone," a gruff voice said, and I squinted into the darkness to see Daryl approaching. "It's dangerous." I slid my machete back into its sheath, sighing in relief and plopping back down onto the ground. I pulled my feet up under me for warmth and hugged myself.
"I'm alright," I said evenly, pushing dirt back and forth with the toe of my boot. Daryl said nothing, but sat down across from me on the other side of the fire. We were both silent for some time before he spoke again. He was sharpening what looked like another homemade arrow, and didn't take his eyes off of his work.
"You gonna stick around?"
"Yup," I replied. I poked a stick into the embers of the fire, watching the tip slowly begin to glow orange. "How long have you been with the group?"
"Since the beginning," Daryl replied in a low voice. Now it was his turn to poke a stick in the fire, dislodging a crumble of embers and making them smoke. "Me and Merle, we met up with 'em right outside Atlanta." He dropped the stick and continued to sharpen his arrow, not meeting my eyes.
"Who's Merle?" I asked curiously. Lori had continued to fill me in over the past few days about everything that had happened; the quarry and the attack that killed Andrea's sister, more detail about the CDC, and their time on the road. She hadn't mentioned a Merle.
"My brother." Daryl's voice was rough and he hesitated. "He's not with the group anymore." His voice had a tone of finality in it, and I knew not to press him further. He seemed like an extremely private person, always keeping his distance from the group and not talking much when he did come around. I said nothing, just nodded and continued to stare into the embers. Silence overcame us again and after another twenty minutes or so, I felt my eyes slipping shut.
"I'm going back to bed," I mumbled. "Night." Daryl didn't reply, but I could feel his eyes on me as I carefully made my way back to the tent, slipping inside and dropping onto my sleeping bag.
The next morning, I was determined to go scouting with the group. As tired as I still was, I was going stir-crazy in the camp, especially watching Andrea tramp off into the woods with the rest of them. Lori tried to argue with me but I ultimately shut her down, reminding her that I was an adult. I yanked on my boots and wound my long hair into a knot, following Rick over to where had spread the map out on the hood of a battered old truck. "Andrea and T-dog, you take this grid," he said, sweeping his hand over a detailed system he had drawn out on the map. "Shane and I will take this one."
"I'm coming," I announced, leaning my elbows on the truck and squinting up at Rick in the early morning sunlight. It was already hot, and I felt a bead of sweat drip down the nape of my neck.
Rick looked uncomfortable, palming the back of his neck. "Did Lori ok this?" he asked me in his slow Southern drawl. I could feel everyone's gazes on me, including his.
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "I'm not a kid anymore, Rick. I want to help. You can either send me out with someone or I'll just go by myself." I stared at him stoutly, fingering the machete hanging off of my belt.
"You're still stubborn as ever," Rick replied wryly, shaking his head in return. "Glad to see that even with the end of the world some things never change." Andrea and T-dog both laughed, and Shane grinned at me, a long piece of grass clenched between his teeth. "You'll go with Daryl then." I felt a surge of relied. I has been a little apprehensive that he'd send me out with Shane.
It wasn't that Shane wasn't a nice person. He was; after all, it was him who had caught me when I fainted on the highway. But something about him rubbed me the wrong way. I felt like he was constantly staring at Lori and for a brief moment, had wondered if something had happened between them before quickly dismissing the thought. I just felt like something was off about him, and tried to avoid being alone with him at all costs.
"I work faster on my own," Daryl said disagreeably, drawing me out of my thoughts and back into the present. I eyed him; his face was one of discontent as he eyed me back. "I don't need nobody slowing me down."
"We'll see who slows who down by the end of the day," I replied flatly, not breaking eye contact with him. He quirked an eyebrow at me and Shane guffawed, cocking his shotgun and stepping away from the group.
"Alright, ya'll, we gonna find this little girl or what?" We all nodded and set off across the field. The sun was quickly rising higher in the sky and I knew we'd have to make good time to cover our grids thoroughly. Rick handed me a revolver surreptitiously and I quickly tucked it into my pocket, glancing at him as we trudged through the tall grass.
"We're not supposed to carry on Hershel's land, but I don't want to send you out there unarmed. Just don't go firing it unless you have to," he said warningly. I nodded at him and then picked up the pace to keep up with Daryl, who was striding out into the woods.
We walked in silence for a while, Daryl's eyes glued to the ground. Dale had told me that Daryl was an incredible tracker, and I didn't want to break his concentration so I kept my mouth shut and my eyes up, scanning the woods for walkers. "I don't see nothin'," Daryl said after about an hour, throwing his hands up in frustration. "The trail's clean gone." I chewed my lip, glancing around us.
"What's that?" I asked suddenly, peering through the leaves and down a rocky hill towards the riverbank. I could see a scrap of red bobbing in a puddle. Daryl swung around, crossbow aimed, and saw the red as well. He immediately loped towards the edge of the hill and began to make his way down it. I followed and he surprised me by offering me a grimy hand as we picked our way down a particularly treacherous part of the slope. Once I was on solid ground, he jerked his hand away, obviously uncomfortable with contact. He made his way over to the puddle and picked up what turned out to be a doll.
"This is Sophia's," he mumbled, staring at it intensely. "She's gotta be around here somewhere." He took off and I cursed under my breath as I tried to keep up with his pace, pushing through the dense underbrush. We had to have gone almost two miles when he stopped, putting a hand up silently. I almost slammed into the back of him but caught myself just in time. He turned to me, his blue eyes burning in his face, and put a finger to his lips. I nodded and a crash behind me made me whirl.
A walker was standing less than two feet from me, his stench rising off of him. I fought down a gag and in seconds had cleaved off half of his head with my machete. Daryl whistled, his crossbow raised and ready to fire. "Jesus, Rick wasn't kidding, you're quick," he remarked as he shouldered his crossbow. "Let's keep moving." I swiped my machete clean in a pile of leaves and sheathed it again, setting off behind him.
When we returned to camp, it was almost dark out and Lori was pacing around the camp; I could see her from the edge of the field. I jogged over to her and hugged her. "I'm fine, see?" I said, showing her that I was unharmed. "Is dinner ready? I'm starving." I glanced at Daryl, who was handing Carol the ten or so squirrels he had bagged over the course of the day.
"Were you with Daryl all day?" She asked in a low voice. She put an arm around my shoulders and led me over to the washtub, where I quickly washed my hands and splashed water on my face. The sun was almost set and the sky was a pretty corally pink; I stopped to admire it as I stood and dried my face.
"Yeah," I said simply. "So?" I shook my hair out of its knot, the curls bouncing down my back, and went into the tent to change my sweaty shirt.
"Well, are you alright? I can't believe Rick sent you out with him." She sat down on her air mattress, staring at me and shaking her head. I made a face at her as I yanked off my filthy tank top, tossing it into the laundry pile.
"What's wrong with Daryl? He seems fine. Doesn't talk much, but whatever." I pulled on a clean long-sleeved shirt that had been rolled up at the bottom of my backpack and kicked off my boots to change my socks before pulling them back on.
"I don't know, I don't know how I feel about him," Lori said worriedly, pushing her hair off of her face. "I don't want you going out with him again." She sat back on the air mattress, worry creasing her face.
"Stop," I said firmly. "Daryl is perfectly fine. Don't you think it's time to stop being a snob with the end of the world and all? Besides, he owes me, I put down a walker in the woods today and saved both our asses." Lori went pale and I sighed, sitting down next to her and patting her arm comfortingly. "Come on, Lori."
"Who are you?" she asked quietly as she turned to me and studied my face. "This is not the same Addison I knew." Confusion clouded her hazel eyes.
I went still, shifting my own eyes to the opposite wall of the tent. "Things have changed. I've changed. I had to." I stood abruptly. I felt guilty blowing Lori off, but the last thing I wanted to talk about were the experiences that had forced me to become the person I was now – tougher, stronger, and a little bit colder. I stomped over to the fire, where Carol handed me two plates full of food.
"Run this over to Daryl, will you?" she said absentmindedly, turning sizzling meat in an iron skillet. I tromped over to where Daryl was sitting in a camping chair, gazing out over the field at the last vestiges of the setting sun. He too had changed into a clean shirt and washed his face and hands, giving him a much more civilized appearance.
"Here," I said, handing him the plate. He grunted his thanks and instead of returning to the group, I sat down next to him on the ground. He stood, motioning for me to sit in the chair. "I'm good," I replied. "Stretch my legs out." I leaned back on the grass as if to prove my point. I could see Lori staring at me from her spot near the fire and dropped my eyes to my plate.
"I think your sister's worried about you," Daryl said, swallowing and sweeping a hand across his mouth. I didn't reply, just took a bite of squirrel and shrugged. "She's real happy you're back, you know."
"I am too," I said evenly. We both lapsed back into quiet before Daryl spoke again, to my surprise.
"You coming out scouting again tomorrow?" he asked. I grinned at him, nodding. "Good," he said gruffly. "I could use your help. You're pretty damn good with that machete." With that, he stood and walked over to the fire, dropping his plate into the washtub and then disappearing into the darkness. I watched him go, studying his form as he faded from sight.
A little while later, Lori came over with a guilty look on her face. "I'm sorry," she said, dropping down beside me. We both lay back on the grass almost in unison, staring up at the clear sky filled with bright stars. "I shouldn't have said that about Daryl. He's had all of our backs more than once. He's a good man."
"I think so too," I replied simply.
"And I'm sorry about what I said about you. I know you're different, we all are. I just can't stand to think about what made you have to change." I sucked in my breath sharply, and Lori turned her face to me. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
I was silent. "It's ok," I finally said. "I'm safe now, right? And I have my family again." Lori squeezed my hand and suddenly a sheriff's hat sailed through the air, landing on my stomach. I sat up to see Carl darting towards us and jumped to my feet, scuffling easily with him as Lori looked on with a smile.