I do not own or try to own anything, not FFVII or any portion of Square Enix, I am not affiliated to them in anyway shape or form so I do not try in any form to publish these characters or anything related to any of the prior, as my own.

So here is another episode of "WTF!?" thanks for reading everyone, enjoy this episode should be good … at least I had fun writing it.

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Chapter 4

Deaddude: Hey it's me; I am back again, with my co-host Red XIII.

Red XIII: Today I am proud to say that we have some couples here with us as our guests; give a warm "WTF!?" Welcome to; Cloud, Tifa, Zack, Aerith and two very special guests, Squall and Riona … Who the hell are those last two?

Squall: Main characters of Final Fantasy 8, the one right after yours.

Cloud: Right they are the guys no one gave a damn about because they weren't anywhere, unlike Zidane and the crew from FF9 they weren't the gate way into the new FFs nor were they grand enough to get the dedication that we had; they are kind of like the unloved middle child of PSOne FFs.

Squall: That seemed a little uncalled for man.

Riona: it is ok Squall he is just jealous that you actually got to have a relationship and love someone during the main canon.

Tifa: I beg your pardon? Cloud has loved me since childhood and I had a crush on him since then too.

Riona: Oh only a crush? That must hurt to hear Cloud.

Cloud: And I never said I loved you as a child and who says I do now.

Tifa: What was that? I think I heard clanking like handcuffs on a water heater?

Cloud: I love you so much it hurts sometimes!

Zack: Dude that is kind of lame, that you are whipped that much it is just ***** after all.

Deaddude: That was lude, I am glad for once for the censor.

Red XIII: And as I recall you were dragged away by you girlfriend on one episode, you seem just as whipped.

Zack: No comment!

Deaddude: Are we done? Now we have received view mail, which is odd cause I don't think I have ever once listen a P.O. box, but none the less let's take a look shall we?

"Dear "WTF!?"

During the next episode in which will be the couples episode, I believe it would be great idea to have the women wrestle, topless preferably, for the live audience that is.

Thanks,

R- I mean anonymous"

Deaddude: Well that sounds like a great idea, not. Thanks RENO! Yeah I know it was you. Let's see there are three women up here, two of which I know could kick the shit out of me. Ha another one got by you censor dudes are slipping!

Red XIII: I really think you should stop taunting them, they could mess with you a lot.

Deaddude: What the hell could they do to me? I mean I am the **** of the **** and I am best ****** with the ***** who also runs the **** *** we are owned by. Damn it you were **** Red, they are just ******** with me now. Oh guys that is ***** enough, I am sorry. I really mean it.

Cloud: It seems to have stopped.

Deaddude: Good some of those wouldn't even have made sense with curse words. Although I am sure should we get Barret or Cid on the show they will work their ass off just to keep up.

Red XIII: Are they censoring a live show?

Deaddude: I still have no idea what so ever. So shall we continue? Cloud this question is for you, how would you explain your relationship with Tifa, since before you didn't give a real answer.

Cloud (Looking nervously over at Tifa): we are in a great relationship, have been for a while now just never announced it until now, neither of us wanted to until Tifa … I mean we decided we should, she … We believe it will get those pesky fan girls off of my back.

Tifa: that is right, good Cloud! (Tifa said messing up Cloud's hair) Who was a good boy, who will get a fun treat when we get home?

Cloud: Me?

Tifa: That's right.

Cloud: No handcuffs?

Tifa: We'll see.

Deaddude: That was odd, but congrats on the relationship. How about you two?

Squall: Well you see …

Deaddude: Not you two Zack and Aerith.

Squall: oh I am sorry (Squall said looking upset)

Zack: Well we have been together a long while, considering we both were dead and alone together at all times it made sense …. Plus I love her (Zack said looking over at Aerith's glare)

Deaddude: Ok we shall stop their before it gets to vulgar.

Aerith: too vulgar? You realize the vulgar subject you are referring to were impossible while dead, we lacked the necessary …. equipment.

Deaddude, Cloud, Tifa, Squall and Riona: BUMMER!

Red XIII: I can sympathise with that, I am the last of my kind, as far as I know, so I have never once.

Everyone on stage and in the audience: DAMN! MEGA BUMMER!

Red XIII: And once again, left out. I'll go backstage for the rest of this episode.

Deaddude: Cats are back there for you buddy.

Red XIII: Really? Awesome, cya later! (Red said happily as he ran back stage.

Deaddude: Great now I am alone. (Snaps fingers; three young women run up next to me and sit on the desk in a way that doesn't block the camera's view of me.) Interns kick ass! So back to the question then.

Aerith: But yeah it was impossible then, now it is all we can do not to … we are like wild animals it is so ….

Deaddude: Yeah, this isn't on HBO we can't go there … I love you HBO … I don't own anything related to the trade mark HBO channel or affiliate programs.

Red XIII (From backstage): Stop with the mid show disclaimers.

Deaddude: Fine then when I get sued you cover the costs?

Red XIII (Still from backstage): …. Keep doing the disclaimers!

Deaddude: Thought so. So how about you two, the ones that don't belong from Final Fantasy 8 … Again I stake no claim to ownership … You ok with that one Red? (Silence) Thought so.

Squall: Well you see, it is actually an interesting story that stretched all across the game.

Deaddude: Yup played it, thought it was pretty good, you were cool too, so since we know it, get out!

Squall: But that doesn't seem fair.

Deaddude: I am sorry did I ask your opinion, my show, my story, my rules …. **** off! (Squall and Riona ran off stage, both crying)

Aerith: That was kind of mean.

Deaddude: I'll send them a muffin basket then.

Aerith: No need for sarcasm.

Deaddude: I wasn't (I snapped my fingers one of the girls sitting on my desk stood up) Follow them, give them that muffin basket … No matter what! (The intern ran off) Now, since we have time left and no one has left … that I didn't tell too I would like to intro a new portion. We call it Yuffie-Cam. (A large screen dropped down in front of the stage's back drop.)

The everyone in the building: YUFFIE!

Yuffie: That's me! (Yuffie said as she jumped onto the stage.) Now let's take a look at what I caught on tap behind the scenes just before this episode.

Aerith: I thought you said she wouldn't be on unless … Oh!

Deaddude: It isn't that bad, but none the less I still don't want to talk about it.

(The screen clicked on to show Deaddude and Red XIII sat in the parking lot.)

Deaddude: Pull! (Deaddude shouted as he launched a cat into the sky, one that Red jumped after and caught in his teeth.) Wow, good one man. I am sure glad no one saw this, we could get in real trouble but these cats have been pissing on my house for too long.

(Back on the stage)

Deaddude: Yuffie, after this episode you are fired. By the way, no cats were hurt in the making of that … except for three but it was painless …. Maybe, none the less I don't condone violence toward cats or any animals.

Yuffie: Damn … Next clip!

(The screen clicked again to show a scene of Cloud and Zack standing next to a table of food backstage.)

Zack: Handcuffs? Really?

Cloud: Yeah, and just to be mean she put my sword just out of reach.

Zack: How did she know how far you could reach?

Cloud: She stretched me to find out.

Zack: not someone you want to get on the bad side of.

Cloud: Hell no, but it wasn't all bad it turn around for the better after five hours, but then it got worse when she went out for drinks and forgot to unlock me. I was there for 48 hours! My back is killing me cause of the position.

Zack: Yeah well see this earring?

Cloud: Yeah, looks new.

Zack: It is, Aerith gave it to me when she pulled me out of the show by the ear, she didn't do it for just s short time and then that screaming was when I tried to fight back and she tightened her grip. Her nail went straight through and pieced my ear!

Cloud: Women are nuts!

Yuffie (from behind the camera): Hey! Oh shit! Later!

Cloud and Zack: Get back here!

(The clipped ended showing Yuffie running away, the camera returned to the stage.)

Deaddude: And you got caught; some ninja you are so fired, where is my hidden camera.

Yuffie (slowly backing away off stage): I broke it, when I tripped while running from those two (Yuffie ran off stage as fast as she could.

Deaddude: You are fired… again!

Tifa and Aerith: That wasn't suppose to be told to anyone … a secret!

Cloud and Zack (standing up): Excuse us.

Deaddude: Take the money from her wallet as compensation for my camera.

Cloud and Zack: Ok (Cloud and Zack said as they ran off the stage pulling out their swords and running after where Yuffie and run too.

Deaddude: So I suppose that's it for this show, see you all next week.

The two interns still sitting on my desk: Peace out!

Deaddude: Who told you interns to talk!

(The camera began to fade out)

Deaddude: No wait …. Umm …. Shit … This has been "WTF!? Thanks for watching, peace o …

By the way … I honestly don't condone hurting animals but it is funny for funnys sake. And why cats? I am allergic … Thanks for reading … Three in one day … many more tomorrow … I am still a jobless lonely nerd … Peace out!!