I can't believe him. I actually can't. I know he can't cope, but he said he would try, he said he would try for me. He said he loves me, but at the same time, he doesn't want anything to do with me. I just keep running, keep running Lux, perhaps something will happen. Just maybe something good will come out of this. Maybe. Something needs to change my life. I cannot be living like this. I deserve better. I deserve better than having Bug, I don't deserve him. I don't deserve the life I got. Why did I get this life? What did I do to deserve this? I hate it. Sunnyvale, Bug, the lot.

I dont know where I'm going, I don't recognise where I am. It hurts, im not scared; I can never be scared. I've been scared far too many times in my life for me to be scared now! I've done this before, the last time bug flipped. Sucks that I don't have a phone really, the joys of living in Sunnyvale. Sometimes I do wish that I was a normal kid growing up with a normal family having brothers and sisters... But at the same time, without my experiences, the different crappy foster care, I wouldn't be the person I am today, but do I like this self is another question that I really just cannot answer.

I get to a place, it's open, and it's a bar. It looks all right, somewhere for people like me to go to to be honest. It's surprising because its still daylight. Me and Tasha, it's great you know, we get served, have a good night getting other men buy for us. Thats what I need, a drink. I go 's only one other person inside the bar, and the other, obvious bar owner. Looks like a young man, longish hair, yet too old for me. Hes like twice my age. The person he's chatting too in all honesty, is a bit worse for ware, making me nervous as I walk into the bar and sit at one of the stalls.

'Hey, can I get you something?' the owner asks me, but I ignore him as I'm taking in by the other person, a woman, talking.

'Baze, you have a absolutely no idea, no idea at all...' she mumbles to herself, drinking vodka and coke. I don't like seeing women drink this early in the day, but I was going to myself, so I guess I can't talk. She keeps mumbling but I can't really hear what she's saying, its more like she's talking to herself. That guy, Baze, he can't hear either.

I look back at the owner, for some weird reason he has a name tag on, someone is obviously trying to look professional. What a weird name: Baze. Perhaps its his nickname, if so, not very professional. 'who is she?' I accidentally say out loud, oops. I should be ordering a drink, not wondering who people are.

'oh thats Cate Cassidy, you know, from the show...'

'Morning Madness, love it!' I cut him. Why is Cate acting like this? Yeah, I know she's pretty negative on the show and such, but it's like I know her, she tells her life story on the show. Why don't I know? Can I help her? It's not like there is anything wrong, is there? I hear more mumbling from Cate...

'I love her so much. I miss her so much. My baby, OUR baby Baze! I don't even know where she is! She's sixteen soon, in a couple of days. And it hurts. Ryan talking about teenage pregnancies on the show just brought back everything. At least I got to name her. Did you know that? I got to name her. It'll be so easy when she's eighteen, because I didn't pick an obvious name. I could never do that because she's mine. Lux Cassidy her name...'

And that's when I work out why Catherine was slept with a C, to be honest I thought it was a spelling mistake. I go white. Here I am randomly, with my parents, and they dont even know who I am. On top of that, my biological dads name is Baze? What is wrong with this world?