Chapter 4: I'm Not Gwen

Courtney's POV

"I can forgive it, I can't forget it

You left me here with all these scars

And you can't deny the hardest part

I'm not in your arms."

Flattery by Aly & AJ (78violet)

'Courtney, I am truly sorry. If killing myself is what it takes for you to forgive me, I will do it. I'm sorry for ever cheating on you. I'm sorry for being the reason you cry. I'm sorry for being so selfish. I'm sorry for being the reason you trashed your PDA. I'm sorry...for causing you pain. Please forgive me.'

Those words keep spinning in my head, should I believe them? Or consider them as only words with no meaning? I didn't want to look into his eyes but I couldn't help it. I wish I could just melt and fade away, but I can't. Before either of us could say anything we heard Chef turn off the television. Did he hear us? I doubt it.

"Where's the coffee I left here? Those squirrels just can't keep their paws off my food! I should make a fence big enough so none of 'em can get through. (mumbling) Those stupid blue squirrels and their desires of food..." Chef complained walking out of the house.

Now's our chance to get out of here. I turned to Duncan and he was already looking out of the closet to make sure everything was safe. Once he saw it was okay to leave, he grabbed my hand and we ran to the back door. We saw Chef drive his car away. We quietly got out of the house, closed the door, and sprinted to my car. We quickly entered my car and I started driving, slowly, so we wouldn't look suspicious.

I was out of breath due to all the running, but I couldn't help smiling. Today was actually... fun.

Duncan noticed I was smiling and asked, "Why so happy princess? You like the feeling of running away from the cops?"

"As much as I hate to admit, yes, I actually do like this feeling. It reminds me of the time we stole food from Chef's kitchen back in Total Drama Island. I just keep wanting more!"

"Welcome to the club princess. And you know what the best part is?"

"No, what?"

"The best part is... I was with you, partner."

I raised an eybrow and replied, "Back at you, partner."

"So... did you have fun Courtney?"

"Heck yes! This is the most fun I've had in like... two months!" I said with joy.

"So why end the fun? Want to go to the park?"

Hmm, going to the park didn't sound like a bad idea. It wouldn't hurt anybody right? I guess I can...

"Sure, why not," I said.

"Great," Duncan said smiling.

We finally arrived at the park. Since it was dark, there weren't many people there. The playground was empty. When I was little, I used to love to play at the swings, but I was always scared of the slides. I was so tempted to go on the swings, but it would be embarrassing acting like a child in front of Duncan.

Before I knew it, Duncan dashed to one of the swings and stood behind it. "Come on princess! You know you want to! I'll push you if you want," Duncan said holding the seat of the swing.

I sighed. Ah what the heck,what if I never go on a swing ever again. I walked over to the swing next to Duncan. "I will go on it but just don't push me, I can do it alone."

"Ok, fine," Duncan said rolling his eyes.

I hopped on the swing and started swinging back and forth. The swings are so much fun! I can be here forever! I closed my eyes to remember all the good times as a child. I didn't have a computer, but I always went to the park, just to go on the swings.

When I opened my eyes, Duncan wasn't on the swing next to me. Where is he! I slowly stopped myself from swinging. Before I stood up from the swing, I felt someone hug me from behind.

"Were you scared princess?" Duncan said laughing as he slowly let go of me.

I frowned. "No! What was that Duncan? I actually thought you left me here in the dark!"

"Chill, it was just a joke. I got bored from the swings so..."

"So you thought it would be funny to scare me?" I said putting my hands on my hips.

"Well...yeah. Hey let's go to that slide," he said pointing to the biggest, tunnel-like slide in the park.

My eyes widened as I saw the huge slide. There was no way I would go on that thing. "I'm not going on the slide Duncan. I'm... uh... scared," I said quietly hoping Duncan wouldn't hear me.

But I guess I didn't say it very quietly since he heard what I said. "You're scared? Don't worry I'll go with you. You have to get over your fear one day," Duncan said already walking to the steps that leads you to the top of the slide. "Come on, it'll be fun. I promise," he said putting his left hand in the air and the right hand on his heart. "Besides, you're a CIT remember? You can 'handle anything', right?"

I wasn't sure if I should go on the slide. It was dark outside so it will only make it even darker inside the tunnel slide. I don't think I can handle it. Come on Courtney, get yourself together! You can do this! It's now or never...Now.

"So are you coming?" Duncan asked impatiently. I simply nodded and walked beside him. I didn't want to be left alone on top of the slide.

We made it to the top. I felt dizzy just thinking of sliding down. "We'll go togetherokay princess?" Duncan whispered in my ear.

At this point I wouldn't care less about what he was planning. I was seriously scared of sliding down. If I slide down having Duncan with me, I might not be as scared as I think I would. It's worth a try. "Just... don't leave me," I said nervously.

"Wouldn't think about it," Duncan replied even though in reality, he was the one that left me. (cough *TDWT/Gwen* cough)

I sat on the top of the slide, not knowing what was coming. However, Duncan sat down behind me, putting his legs beside my thighs, tightly gripping my waist with his hands, and putting his head on my shoulder. What the heck is he thinking?! I couldn't turn my head to face him because then my lips would be touching his cheek. "What are you doing Duncan!" I said frustrated.

"I told you we were riding this together. But I'm okay if you don't want to. It is a long way down and it is very dark. I heard on the news that a tanned, 16-year-old girl with brown hair got stuck while sliding down alone in the dark," he said grinning.

"Fine...don't get too close, okay?" I said not knowing why I'm doing this. At least he wasn't that close for his lower part to be touching me if you know what I mean.

"Ready princess?" he whispered in my ear, scooting in closer to me. I slowly nodded. "Well alright then, let's go," he said leaning in closer and pushing us down the slide. I couldn't help but turn myself around, hold onto Duncan's neck, place my head against his, and close my eyes. It was the most scariest thing I had ever experienced, but somehow, I kinda liked it because I was with... him.

I wouldn't dare open my eyes. I could hear Duncan mumbling 'yes' under his breath. That ogre! This was all part of his plan!

It was about time we made it to the ground. I didn't want to let go of Duncan because I felt safe in his arms. But every start has its ending, so I let go of him only to be pulled back on his lap.

"Hey princess, did I say you can get off the slide? If you stay here, you can look at all the beautiful stars." Duncan said as he pulled me back.

I shook his hands off me and sat down next to him. He was right. The stars did look beautiful. "Tonight the sky reminds me of one of my favorite quotes," I said gazing at the sky.

"Oh really? What is it?" Duncan said curiously.

" It's 'Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.' I think it's so inspiring how someone can..." As I turned my head to face him, his lips were already so close to mine, aiming for a kiss. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't kiss him, not like this. I stood up and crossed my arms. "Duncan! What were you about to do!?" I scowled at him.

"I was following your quote. I was shooting for your lips, I miss, but at least I'm here, with you, tonight," he said softly.

"Duncan, you can't do this. You have a girlfriend that you love..."

"Love? Gwen?" Duncan said confused, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, um, yeah... you dumped me for her remember?"

I heard Duncan curse quietly. I only said the truth. He cheated on me, because he wanted her. "It's late...I...have to go home. Are you coming?" I said, sort of smiling so he wouldn't think I'm mad at him... Duncan nodded and both of us walked to my car.

As I drove I asked him, "Do you want me to take you back to your motorcycle?"

"Naw, I'll pick it up tomorrow morning. You can just drive to your house and I'll walk from there..."

"Are you sure? I can drive you there and-"

"I'm sure."

Moments Later...

We finally arrived at my house. Duncan offered to walk me to the door. He said a monkey could rob me if I walked alone, as if. We made it to my porch, and stopped.

"So, I'll see you around?" Duncan said putting his hand on the back of his neck.

"Yeah, I'll see you around," I replied smiling and opening the door. Before I entered, I said, "I had a great time Duncan, uh, bye." I closed the door before he could say anything. I can't deny it anymore, I missed him.

"My girl's in, that next room

Sometimes I wish it was you...I guess we never really moved on

...You make it hard to be faithful

With the lips of an angel."

Lips Of An Angel by Hinder

Duncan's POV

I watched her enter her house. God I missed that woman. After a long time of not seeing each other, I'm so damn glad we finally got the chance to hangout together again, like the old times. I wish it can be like this everyday - I wish she forgot about what I did to her, because I regret ever hurting her. I wish we would act as if no one else existed but us. Man I could really use a wish right now. I looked at the stars. Come on! I need a shooting star!

It's like the stars heard me. As I was looking at the stars, I saw it - the shooting star. It was the second time I've ever seen a shooting star. The first time I saw a shooting star I wished for Courtney to fall in love with me and never let me go. I saw that star when our team needed to survive in the woods as a challenge back in TDI, and the next morning Courtney was cuddling me in her sleep, that same day I said 'Morning Sunshine' to her .

I started walking to my house, still thinking about Courtney. I hope to gain her trust again someday...

Weeks Later...

Time passed. Courtney and I started hanging out together more and more each day. She became my best friend. But as the time passed, Gwen and I hardly ever talked to each other - less and less each time. It's like the closer I am to Courtney, the farther away I am to Gwen. The thing is... I honeslty don't care anymore if I'm not with Gwen because I prefer being [best friends] with Courtney. She is the only person who understands me and the only person I would risk my life for. If only I could call her my girlfriend.

Today was Courtney's birthday. Turning 17 years old, she was finally going to be a step closer into becoming an adult. I'm going to make dinner for her at my place since I can't afford taking her to a fancy restaurant.

"Alfredo fettuchini," I said reading the reciepe out loud. It will only be a miracle if this dish comes out right. As the pasta was getting ready, I got myself ready. I put on the only nice clothes I had. It was a special occasion so I figured putting my street clothes wouldn't be such a good idea. I even put some cologne on, just in case Courtney would be smellin' me.

I finally finished preparing dinner. It didn't look as bad as I thought. Courtney should be coming any minute now so I might as well prepare the table.

Before I even entered the kitchen, I heard the doorbell ring. Courtney's here. I opened the door.

"Happy birthday princess! You look stunning tonight," I said admiring her beauty [and curves].

"Thanks, and you look nice too. Are you feeling okay? I think you confused those clothes with your street clothes," Courtney replied teasing me.

"I'm feeling better than ever. Come in princess," I said as we walked to the kitchen, "But I haven't prepared the table."

"It's okay, I'll help you, Duncan."

I couldn't keep my eyes off of her the whole time. Even my mouth hurts from smiling a lot. I couldn't even eat right since she was like a magnet, it was hard to pull my eyes away.

"Mmm, this pasta is actually good Duncan, where did you buy it?"

"I didn't buy it! I... cooked...it," I said sort of blushing.

"Haha did you really? That's very surprising Duncan, but I believe you," Courtney replied.

When we finished eating I told Courtney to sit on the couch while I do something. I turned on the stereo and put on a song. I walked back to Courtney.

"Wow Duncan I really like this song! How'd you know that it was my favorite?" Courtney asked when she heard the music on.

"I didn't. It's just a song that expresses how I feel at the moment," I replied. "Do you want to slow dance with me Courtney?" I asked as I held out my hand towards her.

"Yes, of course Duncan," Courtney said as she took my hand.

We walked to the middle of the living room, not letting go of our hands. I placed my other hand on her waist as she placed her hand on my shoulder. "I'll even sing this song to you princess, as a birthday present," I joked.

"Aha I dare you to sing it to me. I wanna hear your singing voice," she laughed.

"Is that a challenge princess?"

"Yes it is Duncan. Start from the beginning though, I want to hear you sing the whole song," she said with a smirk on her face.

"Alright then. Repeat stereo!..

..If you're still up for chasing dreams, I've got a bottle, two glasses in the backseat. And alot of things to resolve, if you've got the time at all..."

"You sound wonderful Duncan," Courtney giggled.

"When don't I?" I laughed.

"Hmm you tell me," she said as she leaned her head against my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"I was thinking about telling you, I was in love, I was in love with you."

"That's my favorite line," Courtney said.

"Mine too hun. I'm in love with you," I whispered as the song ended.

She stopped dancing and looked into my eyes. I couldn't help but quickly kiss her forehead, then her cheek, and finally, her lips. Soft, strawberry-flavoured lips. Damn I feel so..happy. But to my disappointment she pulled herself away from me.

"Duncan I told you before you can't do this, you can't kiss me because that would be unfaithful to your girlfriend..I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not Gwen."

To be continued in the next chapter..

Wow Courtney ruined the moment, but she's not that mad at Duncan just to make that clear for the next chapter. This is my favourite chapter so far(: Even tho its kinda long but the next chapters wont be as long so don't worry. Oh and the song they were listening to is You by Framing Hanley ^^ Not really a slow-dance song but it's a love song I've slow danced to before ;)

* if anyone has any more ideas for future chapters please tell me, I will mention you! ;D