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Chapter 4

John Ross felt an acute sense of foreboding as he walked into the elevator leading to Pamela's apartment. It was late and the sky outside was a deep black with no stars as he watched for her floor. He had wanted to see her sooner, but circumstances wouldn't allow it, so he had waited until now. She had been home since this morning when she was discharged from the hospital. No one had been with her. She had been alone, she had signed herself out, and called the taxi that picked her up all on her own. John Ross had wanted to be with her, he had been thinking of her all day, and now as he went up to see her, he couldn't imagine what he'd find.

"Pamela!" John Ross called her name only to have it echo back at him as he walked into a dim darkness akin to the very sky outside. John Ross listened for any type of response but received none. He could swear he could hear his heart beating faster and faster as he looked for her in the darkness of the apartment. When he didn't find her, he felt his heart falter as he looked in all the same rooms again then again except one. There was one room he didn't expect to find her that was why his eyes only looked for her in the darkness. She never appeared though, the apartment was silent except for his own footsteps against the floor. That was when he saw the light. It was coming from a single door that seemed to stand apart from all the rest of the apartment, the door was closed, and he could hear nothing inside. John Ross knew what that room was meant to be and as his hand touched the door knob, he hoped he wouldn't find her in there.

That was exactly where he found her though. That room was the only light turned on in the whole apartment and as the door swung open, John Ross saw her standing there, a shaky figure in the too bright light. She seemed out of place there and watching her at first, his first instinct was to pick her up, and carry her out of there.

"Pamela" said John Ross his voice gentle hoping to get a response even as he received none his eyes on her as she merely stood there a single item of baby clothes in her hand. This was supposed to be the babies' room with two little bassinets in the corner and tiny baby clothes in the dresser against the wall. John Ross approached her then hoping at some point she would respond or at least look at him, but she didn't. Pamela remained unmoving, her eyes on the single piece of clothing in her hands as he came to stand in front of her. He saw immediately that her face was red and puffy that it was raw with tears. It made his heart clench his instinct to carry her away still there.

"Pamela?" whispered John Ross seeing her flinch at the sound of his voice her eyes looking right into his.

He wanted to see any response from her, but still none came. She looked broken beyond repair, something that tugged at the very strings of his heart, and yet as he looked into her eyes, John Ross knew she was somewhere in there still. That she would come back to him and touching her shoulders, he felt as she trembled beneath his hands. The shaking got worse until Pamela dropped the piece of clothing at his feet and looking at her face, he could tell she wanted to cry more, but she didn't have anymore tears left.

"Come on…this isn't what you need right now" said John Ross his voice soft as he put his arm around her. He used it to help guide her to the door and she came with him. Her steps were slow, her body still trembling as her hands clasped his, but she walked with him until they got to the door. As they got to the doorway that's when she looked back and a sob broke free.

"Don't honey" whispered John Ross trying to prevent her from doing so, his hands barely catching before she fell to her knees to the floor. She gripped his upper forearms as he worked to carry her out of that room her cries a chatter of chaos.

He barely had time to turn the light off and close the door as he held her to his chest. He tried to make her stand, but her body seemed content to sink to the floor. So, he held her. He let her head bury itself in his shirt completely ruining it and he gave her what she had needed since that moment in the hospital when her babies had died. He let her be vulnerable and weak. He let her mourn and cry and for once, he was the someone that was strong, so she could have her moment of weakness.

"That was supposed to be their room. I was supposed to bring them home and watch them sleep. I was supposed to protect them" screamed Pamela her fists gripping his shirt as he held her up barely keeping her from hitting the floor. As she cried in front of him on her knees, John Ross picked her up soothing her with a gentle hush. He crushed her to his chest letting her scream into it. He stayed like that with her until morning.

He cradled her in his arms all night. He held her there and let her cry as he kissed the top of her head his voice the only sound as he soothed the pain that he wished he could make go away. He did that until by some miracle, she fell asleep with the tears sticking to her face like melted drops of cellophane. When he finally found her eyes to be closed, John Ross took her then to the bedroom laying her to sleep some of her pain away.

"It's gonna be okay, honey…we're gonna get the bastards who did this, I promise you that" whispered John Ross as he laid her sleeping form in bed his lips grazing her temple as he sat by her side refusing to leave. There was a sadness in him at seeing her destroyed like this.

"You are so strong, honey, I know you'll come back from this" whispered John Ross talking to her as he sat there with her hand in his. He knew she would repair and come back stronger then ever, women like her always did, but he also knew that for now, she needed time to fall apart.

"We're gonna get these guys" whispered John Ross one last time looking at her with the promise in his eyes that he would never leave her side as she sought her revenge. He would help her find who did this. He would help her bring hell to their front door and then once they were found he would make sure she had her revenge. They would do it together as they had been for longer then anyone seemed to know and looking at her, John Ross realized that he wanted that. He wanted to spend his life taking revenge and raising hell with her, but he knew he couldn't think about that in that moment. He had to help her conquer this first. Then after that only time would tell where that would lead them.