"I want to melt you with pleasure," whispered the eager waitress. Billy found himself seated at a booth inside the Blue Bunny diner. He was dressed up to the nines, in a black bow tie, shirt, suit and snakeskin boots. 'Move Closer' by Phyllis Nelson was playing on the jukebox. He liked that song.
By his side was a briefcase full of dollar bills. A sultry Russian waitress was talking to him. He didn't know whether she was threatening him or flirting with him. He felt uneasy.
"So Sugar, what deserts do you have?" asked Billy.
"Death by Chocolate
Peanut Butter Bombshells
Sexual Liberation Sundaes
Caramel Sutra
Pop my Cherry
Die Hard Tonight
Coconut Cream Pie
Strawberry Fields Forever
Shut the Fudge Up
Pistachio Passion
Waitress sprayed with Whipped Cream
Or
One Hot Slice of Crazy, Sir."
"Listen Lady, why don't you help me decide?" said Billy. 'That apron barely covers her tushy,' he thought as she settled down beside him.
The waitress exhaled. 'What a jerk' she thought, reading his mind.
Billy's dark eyes looked at her. This was a very bad idea. 'How did I get here? This joint is a confectionary hell–hole.'
The overwhelming stink of sugar and candy was making him feel sick to his stomach. He looked at the table, his hamburger was still on its plate. Confused, he wondered why he hadn't eaten it. It was a big burger stuffed full of gherkin slices. There was a gigantic sense of wrongness about this burger. For one thing, it was all bloody and raw. Yuck. Secondly it was swelling up with every passing second, and pulsing with a squelching noise. Oh God, it was still alive!
Shook up, Billy felt a dark energy surrounding him. That burger was evil and it was out to get him. He knew that if he touched that burger he would die. The burger bun lifted its seedy lid. "Eat me, you New York Pussy," it said.
Billy regretted ever setting foot in this diner. The clock on the wall ticked backwards. And as for the waitress, she was laughing, a cigarette dangling from her black lips. 'Wasn't that just plain unhygienic?' he thought. 'Should I complain?'
Suddenly a cartoon speech bubble appeared above her head. 'Leave this building if you want to save your soul.'
Damn! Now condiments were jumping up and down on the tablecloth. A candle flickered. Billy looked down. He was now wearing a NASA space suit. What the fuck? Bowie's song Starman started up on the jukebox.
All of a sudden the burger slid out from its bun with a juicy plop. It was rolling towards him like a demonic wagon wheel. It left a bloody trail all over him. Then it tried to enter his helmet to force feed him its bloody mush. Billy screamed inside his space suit. The burger laughed demonically. The waitress waved a magic wand at the burger. It turned into a giant cotton candy cloud and whispered "It's time to wake up."