July 1992

"Richard! Richard get back here now! Richard!"

Tina, Johnny's nurse and Richard's nanny yelled trying to chase the toddler around the townhouse. The two year old giggled, looking at first glance as a beautiful child. His dirty blond hair folded over in flops, his blue eyes twinkling, and his full cheeks turning upward as he laughed and blew a raspberry at her before running full speed down the hallway. Grabbing onto the end table, he flung his hand out knocking over an antique crystal glass vase Silvia had owned for more than forty years. The vase toppled over, shattering into a million pieces like ice. Tina yelled, jumping back praying that Richard wouldn't get cut. Instead he ran through the glass dressed in a green velvet jumper his tiny little sneakers crushing the glass as he kept going. Hustling down the stairs at lighting speed, he kept giggling as Linda chased him, not knowing to him this was a game. A game that was ten times more fun when he person chasing got more scared, and yelled louder.

"RICHARD PLEASE STOP!"

Just then the toddler ran into the dinning room where Audrey sat by the unlit fireplace. With constant therapy sessions, she still hadn't fully snapped out of it. Most of the time she felt as if she was sleepwalking. Her mother had been furious, constantly telling her that she was acting selfish. That she was throwing her entire life away keeping up this lie. That it was nonsense, that her little boy was growing up fast and since this would be her only child she needed to stop this once and for all and wake up. Wake up... The words echoed in her head. Her father had come to see her several times, trying to get her to talk, to see that he wanted to teach her the business, and take the next step in her life. He kept bringing it all back to John, claiming that this loss had hit her hard, but not only was she his daughter, she was a mother, and a Horne. Still, those words fell on deaf ears. She felt like an empty shell, watching from afar as the result of her assault grew, turning out exactly as she knew he would. She felt zero connection, and hated to admit that she was actually frightened of him. The baby giggled before running straight towards her, leaping up into her lap, and crawling up, wrapping his arms around her.

"Mamma, mamma! Tina bad witch! Bad!"

He blew another raspberry in Tina's direction as she marched over huffing, hands on her hips.

"Enough is enough young man! Your mother is trying to rest!"

Richard growled his teeth in Tina's direction before breaking up completely in giggles before turning and nuzzling Audrey's neck. His smooth baby skin against hers. Audrey hated to admit it, but her son loved her. He often cried out for her in his nursery, always raced to her just as soon as he began mastering walking whenever her mother brought her home from an appointment. What always killed her was the fact she felt nothing. Absolutely nothing for him. His first words was

"Mamma."

He always wanted her, and reached for her struggling in his highchair as Tina fed him with Johnny rocking back and forth beside him. At night now that he learned how to crawl out of his crib he would bang on her locked bedroom doors, crying for her. When Silvia would bring him over to her, she hated to hold him. Any milestone that had happened in these past two years meant nothing to her. Instead she stuck to her story that her baby was a result of rape, and that nobody believed her. Her mother was growing inpatient with her, and due to Richard's latest behavior, blamed Audrey for not being there for him. Richard rested his head against Audrey's breasts before Silvia walked down the stairs.

"Tina, Johnny is trying to take a nap! What is my vase doing in pieces all over the upstairs hall?!"

Tina turned, instantly putting her hands together.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Horne but..."

Richard leaned up kissing Audrey's cheek as she stared forward, giggling. Feeling sick to her stomach, Audrey stood up, scooping Richard in her arms. This was the first time since he was an infant that she had actually held up on her own. Instantly Silvia turned stunned as did Linda.

"I'm putting him down for a nap..."

She said still feeling in a daze. Carrying Richard, he buried his face against her shoulder, loving the attention before she slowly passed them starting for the stairs. As she slowly climbed them, Richard's face crumpled as he stick his tongue out at Silvia and Tina. Upstairs, Audrey couldn't believe it, but as she laid Richard in his crib, she saw he actually went willingly. She changed him into his PJs, cleaned him up, and even lovingly brushed back those light wavy curls. Laying him down, she spun the mobile that sat above him with stars and moons. Spinning it, she listened to the tiny tune it played and stared down at her angelic looking baby. He shifted his weight, looking up at her before his eyelids closed and those long beautiful lashes laid down against his full cheeks. Staring down, she sighed before she gripped the railing of the crib. Earlier in her room, after she had been brought back from another useless appointment she went into her room while Richard was being given a bath by Tina.

She opened up her dresser, shifted the clothes aside and looked at the photograph. It had been taken at The Great Northern, at the mayor's brother's wedding. Agent Cooper had danced with her and it seemed like a dream. Pete had been snapping photos and caught the two of them together. He had mailed this photo before everything happened. Her mother didn't know about it, but she had hidden it away. She knew the monster who had raped her, impregnated her, and left her alone hadn't been Cooper. No, her Agent Cooper was somewhere, trapped...and now she was faced with a choice. She could do what Annie Blackburn had done, or she could stop this right in it's tracks. Staring at the photograph, she didn't feel any emotion. That was good. She knew emotions would get in her way. Deeply sighing she took the long kitchen knife that she had stolen months ago and held it up. Slowly she tucked the photograph away before making her way back to the nursery. It was beginning to rain outside, thunder faintly sounding in the distance. Walking in, she saw they had left the window open. The light blue curtains were slowly blowing in and out.

Grasping onto the knife, she made her way towards the crib, and stared down. Her baby, her child, her son laid sleeping peacefully. Staring down, she took deep breaths before raising the blade above him. It would just take one plunge. One plunge and this would be over. She would stop it. It hadn't been Cooper who did this, she knew it. The blade glittering against the dim light of the room, thunder sounded again as silent tears rolled down her face. She held onto the knife before she remembered Richard nuzzling against her, wrapping his tiny arms around her neck and kissing her cheek. Her face crumpling, she threw back the knife in horror, completely disgusted with herself. Bringing her hand up to her mouth, she cried out unable to do it. She knew she was too weak. Turning away from her baby, she walked on unsteady legs, flinging open the door and ignoring Tina who was in the process of trying to sweep up the broken glass from down the hall. Instantly Tina raised her head, and stared at her puzzled.

"Audrey?"

Walking in a trace, Audrey reached the top landing of the stairs before snapping her eyes shut. With one single breath, she threw herself down the stairs. Tina watched in horror, screaming as Audrey's body like a fragile China doll tumbled down the steps, hitting every single one before falling hard against the wooden floor. Silvia who was reading the paper at the table down below saw her only daughter fling herself down, she sat back in horror.

Audrey's body laid still as a small puddle of blood began to form beneath her. Seconds later both women screamed, waking Richard in his nursery above.

Present.

Both were parked behind the Moon Lite Motel, right off the freeway. They took cash, and Richard wrote them as a married couple using the last name Anderson. Before going in, both parked underneath an old tree, as Richard used a napkin from his glovebox and squirted hand sanitizer from Linda's purse to clean the mask of the portable oxygen tank. Linda watched, touched seeing him scrub the inside of it as best as he could. Once he was finished he twisted the top nozzle, and she gently placed the mask over her nose and mouth and took deep breaths as a gentle hissing was heard. Wrinkling her nose, she fogged up the mask a bit before lowering it.

"Smells a little like cigarettes..."

Richard frowned, reaching to take it from her.

"Here let me clean it more..."

Linda shook her head, putting the mask back over her nose and mouth, taking slow and steady breaths.

"No, it's actually nice. Just give me a second."

Richard stared down at her, watching her closely and with love as he gently rubbed the back of her neck.

"Take your time, deep breaths baby. dee[ breaths."

Nearly ten minutes later Linda insisted that she was fine. She wanted to save whatever was left of the tank and twisted it off. Richard instantly seemed to relax, looking relived as he cupped her face and studied it closely. She looked better. A touch of color had returned to her cheeks, and she didn't seem to pale. Helping her out, he grabbed the old blanket from the backseat of his car, and walked them to their room. Number 8. Once they were inside, Richard looked around. It was like any other cheap motel in the middle of nowhere. A full sized bed, two nightstands and a lamp. A TV, a desk and chair. He saw the door to the bathroom, and closet. Draping the blanket down on the bed, he motioned to it.

"Lay down and try and get some sleep."

"Afraid I might lay on hooker sheets mister."

Richard cracked a smile, something that was becoming rarer and rarer, something only she could make happen. Walking up to her, he gently lifted her chin with his finger, making her look at him. Their eyes locked before Linda sighed.

"We have to talk about what we're going to do. I need to call my aunt. I left my phone back home and she'll be worried."

Richard frowned.

"Later, you need sleep."

"First we have to talk about what we're going to do. If it was an accident, and that woman did beat herself up...I can talk to the sheriff, we can make them understand."

"I was high when I was driving, even though if they run any lab work it wouldn't mean squat I was still high. It was an accident, but I was speeding...I killed a kid Linda. It may have been an accident, something I wish I could take back...but nevertheless I still killed him. He's dead."

Linda sighed looking up at him.

"You're using again."

"I made a connection in town."

Instantly Linda raised an eyebrow. She knew that shady fella Shelly had been seeing was known for drug trafficking, and had been seen talking to Richard a few times when he picked her up. She was ready to ask questions but knew Richard would just talk her in circles.

"But you're using?"

"I snorted a line yeah, I'll admit that. But I was going to help run some shipments up North to make extra money...for you."

"I never asked you..."

"For your heart..."

Linda rolled her eyes stepping back.

"Richard I told you...it's not that easy! You can't just buy a heart."

"Why?! People on the black market fucking buy organs all the time for people who don't even need them. Those fucking idiot doctors don't know what they are saying! You're twenty-fucking-five years old. What doctor sends a girl your age to die?! No, I was going to make extra money and meet with this connection we're heading to. He said he can take a look at you and almost guarantee a fucking heart. A brand new strong beating heart Linda. Do you know what that means? We can start our life's together. No more talk about hospitals, or dying, or death. We can get married...start a family, be together. Remember? It's just us..."

He reached forward lacing his thin hands into hers.

"I fucked up...I know I did. I was going to talk to the cops but that bitch went mental. She's always wanted me. She went nuts. She slammed her face against the counter, there was blood everywhere. When I went to leave she even slammed her front door wide open and broke the glass. I had to run, I didn't know what to do..."

"But we could tell them..."

"Bullshit Linda. I've been hauled in at least ten times. With my history and record, they would lock me up and throw away the key. We would never see each other again and you would die in some shitty hospital or that depressing ass house of yours. I did something horrible and it will haunt me for the rest of my life...but why fuck our life's up anymore? I can take care of you Linda...I mean it."

Linda sighed, looking off to the side inside the dim lit motel room.

"But..."

Richard made her look at him, gently turning her face with his hand.

"Please. We can go somewhere and start over where nobody knows us...I love you."

Linda stared at him, uneasy and uncertain.

"I can call my aunt. I won't tell her where I am, I won't mention you but I'll tell her I'm safe. She'll know enough. Now listen to me. I can't be saved Richard. I know you don't wanna hear it but I'm sick...and I'm going to die. If you wanna run that's fine. I'll stay by your side...but when I go...leave. Just please think about it...and know if you touch any drug again I'm leaving, even if it kills me."

Richard sighed nodding, bringing her in close and pressing his forehead against hers.

"I love you..."

Linda nodded, holding back tears.

"I promise I'm going to fix things. Just you wait."

Closing her eyes, Linda wasn't too sure. Slowly, Richard reached down, lifting up her T-shirt, slipping his hand against her hip, then sliding out across her stomach before finding the waistband of her shorts. Gently, he reached down, slipping between her two thighs before finding her warmth, and hooking his fingers up, entering her. Instantly Linda stiffened against him, biting her lip. Richard loved seeing her like this, completely in his control. Grinning, he teased his lips over hers before pushing her backwards against the bed. The mattress creaked underneath them before Richard laid his weight down on her. Staring down, he suddenly looked worried.

"Are you...okay?"

Linda licked her lips and nodded, slowly reached up and finding the zipper to his jeans. Hovering over her, he knew if he didn't act soon he would blow his load right here and now. Franticly he pulled up her T-shirt, yanking down her bra and cupping her pale full breasts. Smiling he covered her mouth with so much hunger and passion, she gasped. His free hand undid his jeans, before pushing them down with her help. She reached up, working his boxers down his skinny hips before Richard reached down, ready to rip the crotch of her shorts completely away. Staring up, she pressed one finger against his lips, making him slow down before pushing her shorts down herself. In seconds, both were naked from the waist down. Richard's hands continued to cup and mash her breasts down, as Linda laid back, reaching up and pulling his hair lightly moaning. Feeling his erection against her thigh, she panted and slowly spread her legs.

"Do you have a condom?"

She asked before Richard ignored her completely and reached down, taking hold of her hips, and lifting her up. Yelping in surprise, she giggled as he slammed her back down on the mattress, and slid down between her legs entering her. Instantly Linda grasped onto his thin arched shoulders and let a small cry escape the back of her throat. Grinning, he bucked his hips down, before Linda completely became his. Closing her eyes, she arched her back and allowed him to completely take over. Finding a quick thrum, he propped himself up and began roughly thrusting into her. The mattress creaked beneath them, as Richard gritted his teeth, not being able to explain this sudden burst of passion. Usually when he had sex with Linda he was gentle and careful. Tonight he found he couldn't be deep enough in her, or taste her to his liking. Breathing heavy, he pumped down once, twice, before seeing she was close. Enjoying this, he paused, drawing himself nearly all the way out before Linda tossed her head from side to side, squirming. Plunging himself back deeply inside of her, he wrapped his arms tightly around her before finding her hand. Forcing his own between her laced fingers, he squeezed it tight as both climaxed strongly together. After a minute or so, there was silence. Coming to his senses, Richard seemed almost to snap out of it. Blinking, he looked down and suddenly his face became pale.

"Oh my God did I hurt you?"

Linda, who was completely in a sex haze smiled up at him, for once her face looking flushed.

"I'm fine, just give me a second or we'll have to use the rest of the tank..."

She laughed, shaking her head. Still concerned, he pulled out of her, and laid beside him.

"You need your pills?"

Linda turned, seeing his worried expression and smiled, reaching and brushing back his hair.

"I'm fine, just lay with me okay?"

Richard stared at her in wonder before he reached and gathered her up in his arms. Drawing her close, he kissed the top of her head and laid there as she drifted asleep. Listening to her gentle breathing he knew if anything happen to her, he would lose whatever was left of his mind.

That night...

"No, I'm okay. No...I can't say. I love you. Tell Becky, Bobby, and Shelly I love them too...No, I can't...No...and thank you Norma...no...I will...I'm sorry...and Norma...be happy okay? I love you..."

Before her aunt could say anything else she hung up and turned. She was still wearing her shorts but Richard's baggy brown coat now. Turning, she saw Richard smoking a cigarette against his car. They had both slept for over eight hours, and when they woke up showered together and went out to and all night diner to eat. For the first time in awhile Linda acutely felt good, better in fact. Now she wondered if this would be the last time she would ever speak with her aunt. The woman who had raised her. She hated to leave things like this, but she sensed her time wasn't long despite what Richard said. Whatever time she did have left, she intended on making sure Richard wouldn't fall into this dark abyss of madness she knew was bubbling to the surface...ready to explode.