The floorboards creaked as I heard pacing around my room, I opened my eyes to see Derek, mindlessly walking. Turning over to my side, the clock read three thirty.

"Derek, what's wrong?" I whispered, my voice hoarse. I sat up a bit, running my hand through the mess of my hair.

"Just go back to sleep Mer, it's nothing," he replied, continuing to walk.

"It's kind of hard when you're obviously stressed out about something," I replied with unintended attitude. "Sorry, I'm just cranky, are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" The circles under his eyes were dark, he definitely had not slept at all tonight.

"It's just," he stopped pacing, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Addison called."

"Oh?" I asked, then yawned accordingly.

"Amelia, she's," he started, "not well."

"What do you mean by not well?" I leaned forward, rubbing my arm against his cold skin.

"She quit her job a couple of days ago," he stated, staring into space.

"Why would she do that?" I asked.

"She's been sleeping with some guy, they've been getting high together, taking pills, Addie said she's tried to talk her out of it, but she's well," he began, "apparently in the worst state she's ever been in."

"Oh Derek, I'm sorry, do you need to fly out there to see her?" I asked, now fully awake. In these moments I'm thankful that I'm a surgeon, used to being woken up on a whim like this.

"Addison said they are staging an intervention tomorrow, she wanted to let me know to see if I wanted to come, I said no."

"Are you sure?"

"There is too much going on here, I can't leave you here right now, besides, I don't think she'd listen to me anyways."

"Don't stop yourself from seeing your sister because of me, whatever is going on here will still be going on when you get back," I said, "it'll be eight more long months of this." I sighed, laying back on the bed.

"Is it really that bad?" he asked, laying down next to me.

"Physically, I'm used to throwing up from my consistent hangovers in college," I replied, "emotionally I'm still trying to sort all my feelings out of whatever knot they're in. But, we're talking about you, not me. This is important, she's your sister."

"I told Addison no, and if the intervention doesn't work, then maybe I'll go out there and see if I can help," he explained, locking his hand in mine. "And you are more important to me, then whatever Amelia is going through."

"Since when did you go all mushy gushy on me?" I asked, smiling.

"Since when do you say mushy gushy?" he retorted, kissing my arm.

"Shut up, I think I'm growing," I said, "emotionally. Growing emotionally, we're not even going to talk about my growing waistline."

"Don't even go there, you're beautiful," he complimented me, kissing my stomach, "I don't think you could be more beautiful if you tried."

"Good god. All this love is beginning to gross me out." I said sarcastically.

"Better get used to it," he replied, kissing my lips, "there's a lot more where that came from."

It was a routine colonoscopy, a surgery I could do with my eyes closed, I took it to increase my good outcomes. The guy was in his fifties, heavier then average,on the shorter side, and very sweet. He had a grizzled beard and big eyes, he loved to laugh and he brought in pictures of his kids, in case he'd never see them again. I told him that nothing would happen to him in surgery, that he'd be out with flying colors, but he insisted on hanging up the pictures of his three kids.He told me that 'you never know what happens these days, I just want to make sure no matter where my last steps were ,they were with me.' I smiled back, on the inside I was slowly crumbling to pieces, as they appeared in my mind again. She, with her dough brown eyes and soft skin, and he,with his bouncy curls and infectious smile,what were they to think?

"How'd the surgery go?" Alex asked me as I put my lab coat in my locker.

"Fine, no one ever dies in a colonoscopy." I said, smiling, "how was your surgery?"

"Chick made it through, thank god, I don't need another bad outcome," he replied, getting his tooth brush out of his locker.

"Yeah I know it's like-," I started, then doubled over. I felt a shocking pain in my stomach, I couldn't even stand.

"Mer, Mer are you okay?" Alex asked, instantly worried.

"I-I-I," trying to talk, I saw the blood spreading down my legs and immediately knew what was happening, and all I wanted to know, was why.

"Oh god, oh god!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face as I began choking up sobs, "No, no, no, no, no."

"Wha-at?" Derek rolled over, opening his eyes to see my hysterical fit. "Mer what happened?"

"No, no, no, no," I was shouting, now gagging, out of control of my own body. Derek knew what was to come, swiftly arising from his sleep to quickly pick me up and run me down the hall, to avoid barf in the bed. Although I missed the toilet, vomit was sprawled all over the tiled floor, getting on Derek's feet.

I continued to cry, as Derek looked at me, my disoriented messy self, and sighed to himself.

"What happened?" he asked me quietly, rubbing the vomit off of my face with his arm.

"I lost it, I lost it," I continued to wail, "It happened again, I knew it would happen again, I knew it."

"Oh Meredith," Derek lamented, "you need to stop thinking that the worst is going to happen."

"When does the worst ever not happen?" I retaliated, beginning to gain back some sense of my surroundings, "every single thing in my life has gone wrong, and I don't know how I'm going to keep going on. I can't keep moving forward when everything stays paused, I just can't."

"We're gonna get through this," he reassured, kissing my forehead.

I looked up at him, into his dazed eyes, "But what if we don't?"