Loki x Reader

4: The Fear of Touch

Pairing: Loki/Reader

Chapter Number/One-shot: Chapter Three (Of Monsters and Princes)

Word Count: 2,056

Warnings: Mentions of Rape and Genophobia

Author's Notes:

So I had someone on AO3 ask me to write the next part to this series. I got a really good concept for the next part and I hope you guys like it. I warn you this has triggers of rape and Genophobia so please read with caution.

Ever since the party it seemed like Loki and (Y/N) had both been much happier. They began to spend more time together, he seemed much more amicable to the team, and she seemed to just have much more confidence around all the team. Loki had been officially accepted into the Avengers team working with group or training with them; still being more willing to push some of the team as slight revenge and teasing. They had all been much happier to see how both had grown yet there was something that still bothered her and Nat seemed to pick it up. She had waited till they were both alone to talk to her about whatever it was that seemed to affect her. She'd seen how she would tense or how her breathing would change whenever Loki went to touch her in certain ways and it was something she'd only seen a few times; but was sure she knew what had caused it after hearing what she'd been through.

The team were either on missions, training or working on the new base and her and (Y/N) were watching the tower giving them some peace and quiet for a short time. The younger woman had been sat watching the television when the spy came and sat beside her curling her legs under her to enjoy watching the show herself. "You and Loki seem to be doing well. It's been what, three months, since the party and both of you seem like you're on cloud nine. I mean Loki hasn't done half of the tricks he used to, and you, well you've come out of your shell." Nat kept her eyes on the TV as she spoke but she could feel (Y/N)'s eyes on her surprised by the way she approached her. "I couldn't help notice there was still something bothering you though. I don't think anyone else has but, if you need someone to talk to you know I'm always going to be here." Nat finally looked to her smiling brightly but she could see the conflict in the woman's eyes as the cogs seemed to turn in her mind. This was the same look she'd seen on the woman's face whenever Loki's hands began to get intimate, began to wander, whenever it seemed her comfort zone had been pushed.

"If I tell you, promise not to tell anyone, please? I don't…I can't tell him, I just can't." (Y/N)'s voice was soft and full of desperation when she spoke to the spy. With the subtle nod the worried woman seemed to tense more and her eyes wandered over to the window seeing the bright day outside. "You know about HYDRA's work, what they did to me and how they changed me. They made me into something I feared but-but they did more than that." Her hands moved to her shirt, pulling at the hem and tugging it nervously. "Before all that though, they-they did things no one should do." She began to shake staring out the window before feeling the touch on her shoulder. "It's okay (Y/N), just calm down, I-I can guess what they did. Is that why you're so nervous when he touches you?" A nod was all that was needed for Nat to realise just how hard it had been for the poor woman during those times. "You know you'll have to tell him you two need to talk about something like this. I don't know if he's noticed yet but I'm sure he will and he might feel like you've been lying if you don't tell him."

(Y/N) frowned lightly at the thought of upsetting Loki but she didn't know if she could tell him. She wanted to, so many times, but she worried that what happened to Tony would happen again; fearing losing control more than anything else. She bit her lip anxiously as her mind reeled over what could happen if she told him and she was so lost in her mind that she didn't notice when Loki came into the room. She could tell instantly that there was something wrong. There was a tension in the air that you could almost cut and he quickly looked over seeing just how nervous the woman he loved was. He rushed over to her worried about what had bothered her only to see her startled out of her mind; almost scared to see him there. "Widow, what have you done to her? She's frightened out of her mind!" Loki's voice was a mixture of fear and anger thinking the spy had been the one to upset his lover only for the smaller woman to place a hand on the prince's arm. "Loki stop. She didn't do anything, we were just talking and something came up, it's nothing to worry about." As soon as Loki's hand went to rest against (Y/N)'s leg she tensed and he finally seemed to notice that her tensing wasn't something good.

He'd thought at first it had been her leaning into his touch, that she'd wanted more of it, yet now he actually looked at her he could see the wide eyes, the way they flicked from where they touched to him, the way her breathing became more shallow. He knew she was scared, but it wasn't of him, her eyes changed subtly when she looked to him from when she looked at his hand against her leg terrified. "(Y/N), my love, what's wrong?" He slowly pulled back his hand seeing her slowly change back and he looked back at the red head behind him. "I'll just leave you two alone, I think you two need to talk about this, if you need me I'll be in my room." She quickly slipped away and Loki took her seat on the couch feeling his own body tense up with nerves about what was going on. "Love, you know you can talk to me about anything, I am not going to torment you or tease you for whatever it is that caused…that kind of reaction." He could see how scared she was just sitting there playing with her fingers on her lap; obviously scared of talking about whatever got her in this state.

"Loki I don't think I can talk about…this. It's not something I want to talk about, I'm scared I'll lose it, that you'll get hurt because of losing control. I can't have that happen again." She put her head in her hands trying to hold back the tears only to feel Loki's hand on her back; rubbing it carefully. "I know you have strength in you to control that creature just like I have strength of my own, I have my own reason to stay strong and that's you, I am sure that knowing you don't want to harm me will stop that change from happening." Hearing his soft voice helped calm her a little and his cool hand on her back seemed to bring down the fear yet she still couldn't talk. She wanted to tell him, for him to know her fear and she knew there was only one way that was going to work. She had to let him into her mind, let him see just what she had been through, it was the only way she could let him know without bringing up the pain from those memories.

"Loki, I want you to do something I'm not sure you'll want to." She bit her lip as she looked to him and sat up a little; his own eyes showing confusion and worry. "I know you can read minds, as long as whoever you're working on lets them, and I want you to do that." He was stunned to hear her words and searched her eyes for something it seemed he would never find. It had been so long since anyone had let him look into their mind and he had never expected her to let him. It was something he had always been tempted to do when he wondered what was going on in her mind however he hated the thought of invading somewhere so private. "Love, are you sure? Something like that it's, well, very intrusive and I would not want you upset from such magic. It is also very draining for those it is used on, you may sleep for days after such magic, are you really sure you would let me into your mind like that?"

She nodded slightly looking to the Asgardian prince smiling a little nervously as the prince stared at her stunned. He gently cupped her cheek, stroking his thumb across the soft skin, feeling her tense again at the gentle strokes before pressing their foreheads together. Slowly green light began to envelope the pair as they sat together as the magic slowly allowed Loki into her mind. First he felt her love for him, her complete dedication to him, then her fear seeped into his mind, the fear of his hands moving closer to intimate parts of the body, the want to be with him but the fear of sexual relations. Slowly the feelings became images, became flashes of memories and torments that seemed to wreck the prince's mind faster than he ever expected. He could feel the pain and agony, see the monsters that called themselves men taking advantage of the weakened woman. They had done things no one should ever do to anyone, they attacked her, strapped her down so she couldn't run and took their pleasure out on her. Feeling the fear and pain flood him made the prince jolt back breathless; stunned at how she had kept such pain hidden so well for so long.

They spent a few moments just catching their breaths as they stared at each other not know quite what to do with themselves. Loki hadn't lied when he said the magic was tiring, (Y/N) feeling all energy from her body sucked out from such a short amount of time, yet it seemed it had tired him out more than he had ever expected it to. After a few moments of silence Loki seemed to finally find his voice again; laced with shock and anger. "My love, I-I am so sorry I have put you through that fear again. I had not known you had been through such madness. If those men ever come near you again I promise to make them feel infinitely more pain." Seeing the anger and pain in Loki's eyes worried her and she didn't want to see Loki go back to the way he used to be. She quickly took his hand and held it tightly bringing him out of the dark thoughts that swarmed his mind. "How? Just how did you manage with such memories?" He could feel the tears in his eyes but wouldn't let them fall trying to be strong for her. "Loki, there's no need. When I escaped their facility the 'other side' took matters into its own hands. They're gone, all of them, so there's nothing more you can do other than just help me move on."

She was shaking wildly, feeling the exhaustion take over, and fell back a little in her seat staring up at the ceiling. She felt arms slowly move to pick her up, trying to avoid any sensitive areas or anywhere that he had known those monsters had touched her. He was careful to carry her up to her room, like a new bride, and gently lay her down on the bed. With a click of his fingers she had been changed into comfortable sleep-wear and began to turn away giving her chance to calm down. Her hand quickly reached out to grab his wrist not wanting to be alone and offered for him to sit on the bed with her. "Loki, stay, please? I don't want you to go." Hearing her soft voice brought a warm smile to his lips as he sat down and gently stroked her hair; soothing her into her sleep. "Don't worry my love, I will help you through this, I will always be here for you should you need me or not." This was the last thing she heard as (Y/N) fell into a dreamless sleep.