Title: Only Good for Fools

Rating: R

For the dgmkinkmeme community on Livejournal. Prompt: how about Lavi/ girl!Kanda. kink?...girlKanda XD. pretty please?

Notes: This contains girl!Kanda, who turned out exactly the same as guy!Kanda except with girl bits. I held off posting because I wasn't sure if the inspiration to finish would happen upon me one day…and it hasn't, really, so this is all I have.

…actually, no. They had a conversation in my head (mid-sex) that was deeply cracky and disturbing. I think I'll refrain from inflicting it on everyone.

Minor edits and wording changes have been made since the posts on the meme.

--

It was almost three AM when the door to Kanda's room opened. Lavi raised his head from where he had it pillowed on a book - gaining knowledge through diffusion! - and waved. "Yuu! Welcome back! How did the mission go?"

Kanda stared, suitcase in hand. "How the fuck did you get in here?!"

"Magic." Lavi quipped, and then had to duck the suitcase thrown at his head at a high velocity. "Eep! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I made a copy of the key that one time you let me borrow it!"

Kanda's eye twitched, but the exorcist just stomped to the small closet and started taking out a change of clothes. Lavi peered up hopefully from where he was shielding his head, but all he got was, "you'd better be fucking gone by the time I'm back." before the door was slammed shut unceremoniously.

Lavi heaved a sigh and sprawled out on Kanda's bed. All he wanted was to give his girlfriend a warm welcome back from a hard mission, but it seems like Kanda wasn't in the mood. Sometimes Lavi wondered if he really had a boyfriend instead, the amount of girly tendencies that Kanda exhibited can fit in a thimble, with room left for the thumb afterward.

But, Lavi's gaze became a bit unfocused and his smile started edging toward a leer, Kanda was definitely a girl. She had all the curves, hidden as they were under chest bindings and long coats, to go with her androgynous good looks. Lavi swung both ways, but Kanda was gorgeous no matter what.

They somehow became friends when Lavi joined the Order, and just as incredibly, started 'dating'...if getting beaten up by Kanda for every verbal endearment, kiss, or grope was 'dating'. Actually, if that was the standard for 'dating', Lavi pretty much started dating Kanda the day he joined.

He counted himself incredibly lucky that they had actually progressed from punches, kicks and scratches to occasional make-out sessions. He counted it as god smiling down on him the once that they actually...went all the way, without anyone (him) losing any limbs.

Tonight he hoped to repeat the experience, and he even did some research to make sure that Kanda would have absolutely no complaints at all. Who knows? At this rate, he might even convert the cranky cross-dressing exorcist to the side of 'Long Live having Sex with your Boyfriend'.

--

"...why are you still here?" Kanda asked, closing the door behind her. Lavi grinned from the bed and held up a brush.

"C'mere." He said, waggling his eyebrows, and Kanda must've been too tired to physically throw him out because she came over with only a roll of the eyes. Lavi made himself comfortable around Kanda when she sat down, and started parting the still-damp strands of the mass of long, dark hair in preparation for brushing. Kanda fished out her own comb.

They brushed together, silence only broken occasionally by Lavi asking about the mission, about the Innocence that was retrieved, about the akuma that were exorcised. Soon he was working through the silken strands from scalp to the ends with nary a snag.

He carded through a handful, sighing. "This is nice." He murmured, dropping the hair in favor of wrapping his arms around Kanda and breathing in her scent. It seemed to be the only thing soft on Kanda.

For a moment, they sat there. Then, as usual, Kanda took the nice mood he had set up and completely destroyed it by elbowing him in the gut. "Oi. Let go, pervert."

Lavi gasped and blinked. Pervert? What did he do-- Oh. "Hey, I'm hugging my gorgeous, sexy girlfriend. Who I haven't seen in almost a month! Give a guy a break!"

Kanda rolled her eyes. "The proper word for guys who get a hard-on around a cross-dresser is a pervert."

"Kanda Yuu, you don't have a single romantic bone in your body." Lavi whined. Kanda smacked him and the red-head glared. "All right," He growled, smiling evilly. "Since you're going to be that way about it...I'll show you how perverted I really am."

Kanda gave him an incredulous look over her shoulder. "...that was the cheesiest thing I've EVER heard. You need to work on your lame-ass pickup lines." She scoffed, and squirmed when he tried to kiss her. "Stop that, I'm tired and I want to sleep."

"Sleep is for wussies," Lavi growled playfully. She skipped the pinching (painful, but girly) and went straight for a wrist-lock (painful and NOT girly) for indirectly calling her a wussy. Lavi evaded by some creative repositioning. By the time he finally managed to plant a kiss on his target, Kanda was spitting mad because she was pretty well immobilized. Kanda can hand him his ass on a plate in an out and out fight on her bad days, but if it's just friendly grappling, she lacked the mass to really deal out the amount of pain she usually wrecked. And Lavi had the added advantage of experience.

That didn't mean Lavi lingered, and that was wise because the moment he pulled away was the moment her teeth chomped together where his tongue had been. He whistled. "That was dangerous."

She grinned with fangs. "Think about that the next time you ask me to blow you." she rejoined as he cringed.

"I'll keep that in mind," he promised.

"Now, let go of me."

He shook his head. "Nope." They were pressed together like lovers, even though there were still layers of clothing in between. He leaned down and nuzzled her neck, nipping at the pale skin. Kanda squirmed some more, growling invectives at him.

Lavi juggled the whole cuddling versus restrain-Kanda-just-enough-to-prevent-being-killed positions until he managed to free a hand. Brushing aside ebony strands, he returned to his mission of making Kanda more tractable - mainly by attacking her known erogenous zones.

Kanda shuddered when he nibbled on her earlobe, trailing a warm and wet tongue around the shell before pressing a kiss against a sensitive spot on the side of her neck. "Stop it," she breathed, not sounding quite as firm as before. He sucked on the skin at the junction of neck and shoulder and she had to muffle a moan. "Seriously, st-stop it. Or I'll kick your ass."

"Lookin' forward to it," he murmured before kissing her again. This time her lips parted only after a slight hesitation, and they were both panting into the kiss by the time he pulled back. He nipped at her jaw and released her wrists, his hands falling to the buttons on her white shirt. "May I?" He asked in the most polite manner he could manage.

Kanda scoffed and went through the buttons in record speed, herself. Judging from the fact that she didn't turn and punch his face in or claw his one eye out when he reached for the ties on the chest bindings, it was his permission to go ahead. No one touched the bandages binding Kanda's chest without her consent - the fact that imminent death wasn't a good enough reason was why Kanda still didn't get along with Allen. Lavi felt bad for the beansprout - the boy was only trying to help when Kanda was almost cut in half by that Akuma, but try telling that to Kanda.

The strips of cloth came loose easily and Lavi didn't waste any time cupping the small and firm breasts they revealed. Kanda hissed and he smoothed a palm against a fist sized bruise right under the curve of her tattoo, already turning ugly yellows and purples. "Akuma?" he murmured against the skin of her neck.

There was a huff of breath, half snort and half scoff, the closest Kanda came to laughing. "Idiot civilian." she riposted. Lavi pressed her down to the bed, kissing the bruise lightly. She gasped when he murmured the same question against the healing cut across her stomach, her fingers hovering above his hair before falling to the bedsheets. "That was the level 2," she whispered.

He undid the button on her pants and helped her shimmy out of them, and if he was expecting her to be wearing the underwear he had gotten her for Valentine's day (and nearly died for it too), he would be sorely disappointed. She had on plain black boxers and was almost skinny enough in the hips to pull off the look.

Lavi kissed her bellybutton and took a hold of the waistband. Kanda frowned when she noticed his expression - his grin was wide and evil, one eye raking over her appreciatively. Belatedly she realized that they were currently violating her self-imposed rule of Not-Making-Out-On-The-Bed-After-Missions (Kanda had a lot of them, including one that dictated that she was never to have a boyfriend...but look how that turned out). She shifted immediately to kick. He pinned her hips by the simple act of resting on them, and caught her wrists before she could punch him. "Guess what I learned while you were gone?" he asked, kissing her knuckles.

"You are a disgusting sap," Kanda informed him, scowling.

"No, that's what you learned," he corrected her with a smirk. Lavi scooted up until he could kiss her, long and hard and deep, and by the time he pulled back and she could attempt to tell up from down again, his hand was already slipping into her boxers.

"Wait, Lavi-"

"Did you know?" He murmured in her ear, "That girls can have multiple orgasms?"

--

End