LOVE

2008

Pepper sighed deeply again, her wonderful electric blue dress with no back was making her feel cold again. It was strange because until that moment she had felt way too hot, too much heat between her body and his… She sighed deeply. It had been a long time since Tony left for the drinks. Where the hell could he be? She glanced at her wristwatch. Half an hour. The lights of the Los Angeles landscape blinked on the horizon as she stroked her arms with both hands trying to warm herself up. It was getting colder by the minute. She waited a little longer and finally surrendered to the evidence. Surely Tony would have met some aspiring model or actress at the party. Or any other woman who had a taste for scandal and wasn't his personal assistant, who he had to face every morning whether or not something happened between them. And it was better for everyone that nothing had happened, obviously.

How could she have been so stupid? How had she dared to believe him when he came up to her, saying all those things about how she looked and smelled great and all that nonsense? How had she exposed herself so much, to the point of trying to kiss him? She! But how had she lost so much control of herself? Pepper shivered slightly, not because of the cold night breeze, but due to the mere thought about how vulnerable and exposed she had felt at that moment and how little she liked feeling like that.

Pepper had always felt so proud of being very capable of keeping her feelings for Tony at bay. But those three entire months he was missing... She felt so desperate at the mere thought of not seeing him again. He didn't need to know about the amount of crying involved… That made her realize she cared way too deeply for her boss. It wasn't just friendship or lust.

Tonight she had completely lost her cool in front of him. Tony wasn't a fool, he would have noticed something, and just thinking about the amount of flirty jokes and incorrect behaviour she would have to endure from tomorrow morning, made her seriously reconsider giving up her job. He for sure wouldn't forget that easily. Maybe right now he was trying to impress some brainless bimbo at the party, but when the umpteenth temporary distraction had left his mind, she would become the center of his subtle flirtations and sexy advances again. And she wasn't ready to give him what he wanted. Now less than ever. With what face would she look at him every day after satisfying their mutual lust? With deep feelings in the middle she would get hurt. He only wanted sex but she wanted so much more. It would never work between them. All that night had been a big mistake, and she didn't even know what to do now, how to fix things. She had crossed the professional line. What a mess.

Surely tomorrow I'll have to take out the trash, like every morning… Pepper thought regretfully. Who will she be this time, blonde, brunette, tall, thin? She didn't want to admit that it bothered her. She just wanted to go back to being totally indifferent to Tony's love life. But you can't rule in your own heart and force it not to feel.

This was all your fault. Damnit Tony. Why did you act so weird with me tonight? Why did you ask me to dance? Why did you seemed so smitten with me, like you cared?

Enough she thought. Come to your senses and go home, Virginia. He's not going to come back. He didn't even have the decency to bring you that drink, the bastard. Awful thoughts of selfhate took over Pepper as she crossed the crowded dance floor, as she said goodbye to the shareholders, co-workers, acquaintances... As she walked through the open doors of the Los Ángeles Disney Hall, as she returned to her apartment in a cab, alone.

She couldn't help that feeling. That burning jab in her insides. She felt jealous. Jealous of the woman who was in Tony's arms right now, because that night should have been her. Even if it had been wrong, although she would have regretted it later in the morning.

It should have been her.

But all these thoughts didn't matter the next morning. When she arrived at the Malibu Mansion with a thousand prepared explanations of why it would be best for her to give up her job. But, contrary to her assumptions, that morning there was no trash to take out. Only Tony, alone in his workshop, wrapped in some kind of metal suit full of bullet holes. Bullet holes! What the hell? And everything else didn't matter anymore, because Tony was crazy and reckless, but resigning her job was not an option anymore and she had to help him. Because he is all she has.

And she had to admit that she was totally in love with him.

Tony's gaze had been fixed on the back of his personal assistant as she stepped out of his sight, aiming to accomplish, almost against her will, the mission he had just given her. He leaned back against the chair, and as he tried to put his mind in order, he stopped paying attention to the armor. Potts, his little Potts. He was not sure he wanted to see her in such a dangerous situation, but his conscience did not allow him to look the other way while his company was still murdering people on the other side of the world with total impunity and zero responsability. And he could only trust her.

Pepper.

When all this shit was over they would try to clarify what had happened last night between them, or what could have happened, at that charity party. He liked how it sounded "You're all I have too, you know" Tony rejoiced in mentally savoring the eight words that had re-activated that kind of pleasant sensation inside him. It was warm and made his stomach churn. He was not sure what it was, or maybe he was, but he was not prepared to admit it. He had wanted to kiss her so much. She was jawdroppingly sweet in that amazing blue dress, her beautiful wavy red hair, the sparkle in those wonderful blue eyes... He remembered how he had suggested they took some air in the roof because he had so much trouble even breathing. The ballroom was crowded with people but the real reason for dragging her outside was not the people around them, the reason was her intoxicating presence. Tony was slightly confused because he had wanted other women before, many women. He'd had almost all of them. Some went away. But even when that rare circumstance had occurred, he had never felt so vulnerable and so nervous. As paralyzed as when Pepper Potts leaned towards him on that rooftop to kiss him.

He just couldn't believe it even now. Maybe he had been a big jerk in the past, but this time he felt like he should not have taken advantage of the situation. He was dying to kiss her senseless for all he was worth. But she had just told him that their dance had been hardly appropiate, that it was strange. That she didn't want their co-workers to think they had something going on because of his playboy reputation. And if she was so worried about that and what people might think... He had wanted her there. His desire for her almost maddening but he would never hurt Pepper, ever. Under no circumstance. She was too important. She mattered to him. That was something that was completely crystal clear. And taking that step would have been...

Weird? No, it would have been amazing, the best time of his life. He thought angrily to himself. Shit, Stark! What the hell were you thinking?

But that woman, that wonderful woman, left him paralyzed like a statue. He had never known and was sure that he would never know anyone else who had that power over him. It was not just friendship, it was not just desire, it was the irrefutable proof that he had a heart. And he wasn't willing to admit that word, the one that came to mind at that moment. Not even to his subconscious because… What if she didn't feel the same way for him?

Maybe it would be for the best. Because he didn't deserve her. Now that was the truth. Pepper didn't deserve to suffer. And he was not sure he could make her happy... He had always been a mess. But maybe now he could... He'd changed… Maybe... He let the possibility dance inside his head for a few more seconds. He would never allow her to go away from him, and with time, perhaps he would be able to make himself worthy of her love. Then try to woo her and finally someday end marrying her. Give Pepper his mother's engagement ring. She's the only one who will ever deserve it.

Now he was a new man and would try to be better to others and better for her. Because she was also one of the reasons for Iron Man's existence, that best expression of himself. Even if she never knew. A half-crooked smile crept over his mouth as he focused his attention back on the armor and made a couple more adjustments, here and there. Then he sighed hard.

He was sure he'd never gather enough courage to tell her.

To tell Pepper he had just realized that he is hopelessly in love with her.

"Cause I can't help falling in love with YOU" Elvis Presley