Sunday 2nd June 2013
Stayed at Maura's last night. She woke up at 5:30am, bright and bubbly and ready for a run. I pleaded exhaustion. I said no running today. I was very firm and resolute.
My legs are tired from the run.
Don't know how she does that to me.
Anyway, Maura told me that it's now been exactly a month since she gave me this diary, so I now need to read back over all of my entries so I can see if anything pops out at me.
"It's not a pop-up book, Maura," I wise-cracked, and Maura just rolled her eyes.
"No, I mean things that you commonly talk about. What are the similarities in your diary entries? Hopefully we can pinpoint a reason for the stress that has been appearing in your micro-expressions as of late."
So I've humoured her. Let me see:
Work: has been mentioned 4 times
Ma: has been mentioned 3 times
Frankie: has been mentioned 2 times
Frost: has been mentioned 3 times
Korsak: has been mentioned 4 times
Casey: has been mentioned 4 times
Maura: has been mentioned 25 times (not including the times she was writing in my diary at the beginning)
Huh.
2nd June 2013
Well, whatever. She's my best friend. Of course I'm going to talk about her a lot.
2nd June 2013
I mean, it's normal to talk about your best friend in your diary.
2nd June 2013
It IS normal... right?
2nd June 2013
Whatever. Not going to think about it. Going to call Casey.
2nd June 2013
...I think I just got dumped.
2nd June 2013
Really? I mean, REALLY? So I haven't called him in a week, he hasn't called me either! Well... he did leave a message on Wednesday, but Maura and I had dinner together and by the time I got back home it was too late to call him back. But still.
2nd June 2013
And, hello, what was the deal with him asking about Maura when I said I'd been too busy to be in contact? Yes, of course I've seen Maura, I WORK with her. What is so hard to comprehend about that?
2nd June 2013
Told Maura about Casey. I think she thinks that I'm really upset or something cause she told me she was coming straight over and hung the phone up before I could tell her that I'm really okay.
Oh well, be good to see her anyway.
2nd June 2013
Crap, just had a thought. What if she wants to psychoanalyse my diary? Wonder what she'd make of the fact that most of the time I talk about her?
Maybe I should start pretending to cry so that she's distracted and doesn't even think about it?
Crap, I wish I could cry on cue.
Monday 3rd June 2013
All good. She'd forgotten about psychoanalysing my diary. Instead, she gave me a hug when she opened the door, and asked me if I wanted to talk about what happened with Casey. I told her that I didn't want to talk about it, and she said to me that's okay, just whenever you're ready.
Kinda don't think I'll ever really want to talk about it, because I'm actually okay that he broke up with me. I KNOW. But I hardly ever saw him, and I didn't have much time free to spend with him, and he was getting kinda weird about me spending time with Maura. I kinda think he would have given me an ultimatum at some point... him or Maura.
I don't even want to think about that.
Anyway, so after I said I didn't want to talk about it, Maura decided to go for the distraction route and got all excited, telling me how delighted I'd be with what she brought over.
It was a documentary.
About bugs.
But Maura was so excited, thinking she'd done this really sweet thing for me, so even though I couldn't stop myself from going 'Really, Maura? Bugs? You thought BUGS would make me feel better?' I still put it in the DVD player and sat down to watch it, because I knew it would make Maura happy. I even pretended to be interested in it... until I fell asleep on Maura's shoulder, that is. I don't remember what happened after that, except I woke up tucked into my own bed this morning with a note by my pillow saying 'See you at work (I'll have your coffee waiting). –Maura LLBFF'
:-)
Tuesday 4th June 2013
Crap. Maura just sent a message. 'My apologies, Jane, I forgot to ask about your diary! I will come over tonight to talk to you about it.'
Should I lie?
4th June 2013
No, why would I lie? There's nothing wrong with writing about Maura.
4th June 2013
No, I will lie. What if she thinks that she's the reason I'm stressing?
4th June 2013
But that's not fair, she can't lie to me.
4th June 2013
It's not MY fault she can't lie to me though. I CAN lie. So why wouldn't I take advantage of it?
4th June 2013
Seems wrong though.
4th June 2013
Is it horribly wrong to wish for a murder right now?
Oh my God, I'm going straight to hell for wishing that.
4th June 2013
Home time. Maura will be over at my place within half an hour. Shit.
Wednesday 5th June 2013
Well, that was interesting. Last night Maura came over, and the first thing out of her mouth was about my diary. Had been obsessing the whole way home about what to do, eventually decided to carefully print out the similarities in my diary entries, just in case I... well, actually, I don't know why I did it. I WAS NOT going to show her, but I copied them out anyway. I updated them too. This is the updated list:
Work: has been mentioned 4 times
Ma: has been mentioned 3 times
Frankie: has been mentioned 2 times
Frost: has been mentioned 3 times
Korsak: has been mentioned 4 times
Casey: has been mentioned 6 times
Maura: has been mentioned 29 times (not including the times she was writing in my diary at the beginning)
Maura came in, asked about my conclusions based on my journal entries and I stared at her, opening and shutting my mouth like a goddamned fish for a couple of seconds. Eventually I pulled the list that I was ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NOT going to give to Maura... and gave it to Maura. I then felt the urge to slap myself, but quickly crossed my arms against my chest instead. Must have jerked weirdly or something though as Maura gave me a weird look before turning her gaze down to the list. Could see the exact moment she came to the bottom of the list as her mouth opened in a small 'o' shop and her eyes went wide.
"You write about me a lot then."
And I got all defensive and said "Yeah. So?"
So she said that it was perfectly understandable, that she has come to the conclusion that she herself writes more about me that any other person in her life (or persons in her life combined, which was kinda hilarious until she pointed out that it was same thing for me: work, Korsak, Frost etc equalling 22 mentions which is still far behind her 29 mentions) and rambled on about how natural it is because we're best friends that work together, etc. But then I started wondering what she writes about me.
I didn't even know she had a diary. Where the hell does she keep it?
5th June 2013
I mean, damn, I carry this thing around like a security blanket now. WHERE THE HELL IS HERS?
5th June 2013
Is it kinda weird that I'm so attached to this thing now?
5th June 2013
Hm. Wonder what she says about me in her diary?
Thursday 6th June 2013
Humph. Casually asked Maura what kind of things she writes about in her diary as I still wasn't sure I was doing this right. She told me that no matter how much I asked, she wasn't going to tell me what she writes about me.
Humph. As though that was what I was after. I mean, really.
END CHAPTER FOUR
*hands out cookies to lovely reviewers*