Dear Readers,

Here I am again. And not by choice. Now, I will quickly answer your questions, as I have 'D's and detentions to hand out to Potter and his pathetic sidekicks.-Severus Snape

Dear Professor Snape,

I have three questions to ask you. I hope that you will not take house points off me for being impertinent.

Firstly, how the heck to you make your cloak and robes billow like that? I find it so freakin' cool!

Secondly, there are rumors flying around the school that you are a vampire. Are they true?

Thirdly, how do you celebrate Christmas? I mean, with you tending to be a recluse and all that...

Yours sincerely,

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

If I track you down, I will take 200 points off you and give you detention with me everyday until when you graduate from Hogwarts for being impertinent You have been warned.

1. I wear cloaks that are 5 sizes too big for me. I find that it adds considerably to my mysterious air.

2. I did not realize that the Hogwarts students think that I am a vampire. Perhaps it has something to do with my dressing habits?

3. I do not celebrate Christmas at all. I find it far too cheery an occasion for my liking.

Yours sincerely,

Professor Snape

Dear Snape,

What would you do if you found out that Harry Potter was your son? I mean, I just wondered...

Yours sincerely,

Potterrocks

Dear Potterrocks,

That was the worst pen name you could think up of! Change your damn pen name ASAP. Or else...

If you want to know what I would do to slimy Potter, read the last column on what I did to Rowe. Repeat a 100 times. When he finally dies, I will grate him into extremely fine pieces and use them to bake myself a cake. For, 'the taste of victory', but literally.

Yours sincerely,

Professor Snape

Dear Professor,

If you had to choose, which one of the Marauders would you hate most? And, if you had no choice, which one of the Marauders would you want as your friend?

Yours sincerely,

Extremely Anonymous

Dear Extremely, ( Not that you deserve the Dear)

Thirty points from your house for being an irritating tick! However, I would hate James Potter the most. He very nearly drove me to insanity when I was a Hogwarts student. Sirius Black comes as an extremely close second.

If I had to choose which one I wanted as my friend... it would be Peter Pettigrew. He is such a whiny and wimpy person, it is easy to bully that moron.

Yours insincerely,

Professor Snape

Dear Professor Snape,

Do the Death Eaters have any hobbies? I mean, other than torturing and all that...

Yours sincerely,

Curious Slytherin

Dear Curious,

Yes, the Death Eaters do have some weird hobbies. Bellatrix runs around Riddle Mansion screaming while in her pink pyjamas. Personally, I am inclined to think that Azkaban's Dementors still have an effect on dear Bellatrix. ( And Bellatrix, if you read this, serves you right on doubting my loyalty to the Dark Lord!)

Lucius has opened a sweet shop named,' Lucius's Luscious Sweets!' Yes, I know the name sounds pretty weird. But anyway, if you ever encounter his sweet shop, DO NOT buy anything. St. Mungo's has encountered a dramatic spike in children in the emergency ward ever since he opened the sweet shop.

Crabbe and Goyle do not have any hobbies at all, seeing that their intelligence matches a troll.

The Dark Lord keeps an extensive collection of fluffy bunny slippers. And he catalogues them every other day.

So, you see, Death Eaters have an extensive range of hobbies, some of them downright weird. Hope you enjoyed it!

Yours sincerely,

Professor Snape

Dear Professor,

Are you an Animagus? And what Animagus would you like to be if you had the choice?

Yours sincerely,

A Confuzzled Hufflepuff

Dear Confuzzled,

No, I am not an Animagus. Who was the moronic jerk who told you that?

But if I had the choice... I would be a tiger, as they are swift, ruthless, and savage-which complements with my character perfectly.

Yours sincerely,

Professor Snape

PS. Why do people find it so difficult to spell 'Snape'? It is only a five-letter word! After this warning, anyone who sends in a letter without,'Snape' will find themselves hanging by their ankles on the dungeon wall. I mean it.