A/N: Okay this was a hard one for me to write y'all. I had surgery last Friday so most of this was in a medication induced haze. But here we are. I have another chapter to put up right after this, I might hold off until morning so I have a chance to proof read a bit more as we're starting to pick up pace.

Chapter 4

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

Creep, Haley Reinhart Cover

Another 2 weeks had passed before any progress had been made in their plan. Cassia was starting to emerge from her room more often, thanks to Loki's magic button in their shared rooms that allowed him access to annoy whenever he so pleased. Their encounters were either comfortable silence or constant bickering. His arrogance annoyed her. She didn't expect empathy or any sort of human emotion from the god. She may be immortal herself, but she couldn't remember a time where she wasn't surrounded by humans. She felt lucky to have them to help shape her. Even though she was winding up as an intergalactic child bride to a murderous prince. How cheesy.

The group didn't bring up her eventual nuptials nor did she really want to discuss it. For now, she wanted to ignore it, as much as she could while her room was attached to a scheming prince. Cassia refused to spar with him yet. He had yet to mention her feeding sessions but she knew it would be an opportunity for Loki to get the layout of her abilities, which Cassia was not comfortable with revealing until she was ready. She meant what she said when she could sense that he wanted to own her. She wasn't sure for what. It was likely he thought he could use her as a weapon just as much as Fury was convinced they could use him as one. This was going to be an uncomfortable game of tug of war and she could only hope the Avengers would tug her over to their side harder than the prince.

The beeping of the timer on her phone shook her from her thoughts. Cassia had to dive into different things that would give her the smallest levels of satisfaction since she was turning down her other 'meals'. Tonight's distraction was chicken breast cooked in a Marsala wine pan sauce with mushroom, garlic mashed potatoes and buttered purple asparagus. The earthiness of the dish entered her senses and sent a short buzz through her energy as she slowly inhaled.

Most of the team were out on various missions or were otherwise out living their lives. While she was given her freedom, she rarely left the compound. There was nothing out there for her anymore. Nothing good anyway. Sometimes Natasha would drag her out and the pair would pretend to be interested in everyday "girl" things. Brunch, nails, shopping. While the conversation was always nice, there would always be the sense that their thoughts were obviously somewhere else and not entirely on the trip at hand.

So tonight she cooked. Cassia fixed herself a plate in the open floor all-steel kitchen, which could have functioned as a high school cafeteria before rounding the corner and hitting the dinner bell Clint had installed. With the largely empty compound, if anyone was wandering around the halls, they could usually hear the bell and would soon come running.

She was pretty sure Steve was still out. He had been taking up the most mundane tasks recently as if he was avoiding her. That was fine by her. Better to not let him get the wrong idea or to let things go too far. Cassia took a deep breath and realized the compound was deserted yet again. She was starved for conversation at this point. Against her better judgment, she piled food onto a second plate and headed back to her room.

When the doors opened, she was unsurprised to find the magical barrier between the two rooms opened and the raven-haired man leaning back on his bed with his nose buried in a book. That's usually how she found him, though he didn't have anything else to do so it made sense. Cassia took her plate and placed it on her bed before setting the tray on the floor and gingerly toed it past the barrier.

Loki barely looked up, though he did shoot her a raised brow. "You grow bold." He noted.

"I haven't seen you eat in 2 weeks. I'd like my husband to fill out his tux." She said flippantly before setting herself back into bed and grabbing her own plate.

Loki leaned over, sniffing the air in a movement that was almost as cautious as Cassia felt moving the tray to him in the first place. "You'll find," he said before slowly picking his own meal up from the ground and placing it on his desk. "I have no issue filling things out." A sly smile graced his lips and Cassia avoided eye contact. He poked at his chicken a few times with a critical eye. Possibly trying to sense for poison or something he would otherwise regret putting into his stomach. Cassia glanced up in time to watch him eat a bite. He attempted to appear impassive, though the spark in his eye and the slight exhale he gave as he chewed gave his approval for him.

"What are you reading today?" She had never asked what he had read. Likely anything he could get his hands on. He always seemed to be studying and she had a feeling if he had access to a pen and paper he would be taking down notes as well.

"I'd like to learn more of the Gods of this realm" Loki stated matter-of-factly, never raising himself from his plate. Cassia placed her fork down and looked at him for a beat until he sighed and relented.

"The books I have found on your lineage written by mortals have been full of poetry and romanticism. I requested texts from Asgard. These were written by people who have met these Gods during their exploration here. It seems as if they were every bit as dramatic as your stories portrayed them to be." He took another bite.

Cassia had done very little reading on the subject herself. It was so hard to decipher what would be truth and what would be an over exaggeration. The basis of what she knew is she was the product of an affair. "Yep. Mama Venus was engaged to someone else when she hooked up with Papa Mars and had the first of my siblings."

Loki paused at his meal for a moment and leaned back in his chair, almost as if he was chewing on her words instead of his meal. "I'm curious if your parents would be appalled to see your full immersion with these mortals." She wasn't sure if he meant that as a genuine question or if he intended the sting that accompanied it.

"They continued to reproduce after a curse of tragedy was placed on all their offspring, so I would say it's unlikely they care." She quipped as if his question did not leave a bad taste in her mouth.

"I am well versed in poor family affairs." She knew he was referring to Odin and his lineage. At this point, it was well known that he was the adopted son of the King of Asgard. Yet another poetic tale for the Roman mythology. Two gods with daddy issues forced into a political marriage. She could only see this ending in fire and ash.

She wasn't sure if the god in front of her had the ability to feel awkward or if that was another human emotion she had the pleasure of acquiring. Natasha explained how important it was that she would have to straddle the line between professional and a genuine relationship in order to be able to gain some control over Loki. He would never freely give information regarding Thanos or extend his help for someone he did not know or trust. Cassia wasn't convinced she would ever gain his trust but they might find some sort of common ground of familiarity.

"You know my history. I feel at a disadvantage here."

"Don't play stupid, child." A look of disgust flickered across his sharp features. "I am sure SHIELD left you with plenty of reading materials regarding my history. As much as you would like to think that I am just a pawn in their game, somehow we have both become pawns. Very much expendable." Loki tossed in a chuckle before continuing, "Which is quite embarrassing when you consider our considerable advantage in power over the humans." He pushed his empty plate away from him before crossing his leg and facing her, his jade eyes boring into her own. "And I know nothing regarding your background. I know your history. Your background is very much an enigma."

Cassia breathed unsteadily as her vision began to blur and the familiar rose tint eclipsed her sight. The energy tingled as it was wont to do when memories started to fall in.

Screaming. Battle. Smoke. She could smell the flesh rotting around her as she tore the throat out of a young man, no older than 20.

Her eyes fluttered as she trapped air into her lungs, willing herself to pay attention.

The warmth of his lifeblood dripping down her arm.

"Very interesting," Loki said slowly. Her energy was starting to wake and tingled against her skin for release. It purred at the sound of his voice. Cassia opened her eyes to see his elbows on his knees, studying her as if she were one of his books. She pushed down the electric tingle before clearing her throat in hopes that the man would not notice what transpired, though she feared she opened herself up to him witnessing one of her weaknesses. The visions came and go as they pleased, she had very little control over them. Cassia noticed that if she stayed properly fed then they stayed at bay with a little more ease. She hadn't been able to decipher if these were true memories because they never cleared more than certain sensations. But she did have 7 confirmed deaths and that was enough to tell her she was dangerous.

"I have committed my own sins. You'll find no judgment here. What matters is what you do with your future."

Another look of disgust crept across his face, still leaned in to get a close look at the goddess before him. "You live as long as I have and these mortals will seem nothing more than buzzing pests, barely worth the energy it takes to swat a fly. Even my darling brother feels this way to an extent. He is a warrior and has spilled so much blood over the centuries one could bathe in it." There was that feeling he could read her previous thoughts again. "I will do what it takes to protect myself and you, once bonded, when Thanos arrives. Nothing more and nothing less. And it would behoove you to remember this during our long, happy lives with each other."

Loki stood and took his tray before sliding it back into her room. He stood at his full height, towering over Cassia. He looked down at her before adding quietly, "Thank you for the meal. It was not unpleasant." And with that, the barrier once again sealed and she was staring at her white walls once again. Cassia stiffened her resolve to find that god damned button and soon. She was sick of Loki having the last word. She kicked and punched at the air in a lightly frustrated motion before scooping the trays back up and headed back into the kitchen.

That's where Natasha found her moments later. Cassia was standing in front of the sink, nearly scrubbing holes through the plates and muttering something about 'stupid gods' and 'posh accents'.

"Dinner?" The red head at least tried to sound a little upbeat.

"Help yourself," Cassia grunted back.

"Looks delicious. This isn't a social call, unfortunately." She rounded the other side of the sinks which held a stainless steel bar and barstools. "It looks like Thanos is on the hunt for something called infinity stones. That's what we're assuming Loki promised him in exchange for the earth."

Cassia took a moment thinking back to what of value Loki could still have or what he had access to. "The Tesseract."

"That's what we believe. There are six in total. When brought together he could have the power to tear entire universes apart." She was stoic as she relayed the information. Cassia was sure that Natasha chose to remain emotionless on most occasions for the sake of her friend. She'd be lying to herself if she said it didn't help in this particular sense. Cass didn't know who exactly Thanos was, but the way some of her friends shuddered when speaking about him – he sounded like a pretty bad guy. Plus, he was trying to tear worlds apart. So that kind of made him suck too.

"Director Fury gave orders to get started on everything. Thor traveled back to Asgard to relay the information. By now I'm sure Fury is updating Loki to prepare to go live to give a speech tomorrow."

She continued to explain that Pepper Potts was going to take over PR for the entire ordeal. Her years of dealing with Stark's public relations nightmares made her perfect for the job. Tomorrow Cassia would be introduced as the newest Avenger and blushing bride of the new and improved Prince of Asgard. Apparently, in the last two weeks, Loki had already been working out the magic necessary to help glamor the entire world into being distracted from New York. Though it seemed as if that likely could have been done easily enough. The terrible tragedy led to 24-hour news cycles and social media posts and inactivism, changing of profile pictures. 'Pray for New York'. Names of the victims. Chatting about aliens. Until the entire thing was so oversaturated it only took another slight tragedy before everyone's attention shifted and New York never happened.

"So I guess this is really it, huh?" Cass stood before Natasha not as a god but as a girl. One who had never had a chance to grow or learn who or what she was before she was sold to someone by an entity who somehow wound up owning her. I signed up for this. I offered myself as penance. Didn't I? She had to stop letting Loki's comments about her being a pawn seep into her head. She wasn't so naïve that she didn't believe that SHIELD was absolutely using her to their advantage but her friends wanted to protect her. Friends who had since been missing.

Natasha's eyes softened. Cass remembered during their conversations the agent giving her some detail of her upbringing. She had given her body many times for the sake of another agency. She knew better than to ask if Cassia was ready or if she was sure. The answer was going to be no, but she was going to follow through anyway. Because that's what good agents do to clear their ledgers. They do what needs to be done. Captain America gets to make the rounds of public service announcements and military appearances. Thor gets fanfare and those who still worship him. Stark has a PR team and press conferences, adoring fans, conventions. Natasha and Cassia get to sell off pieces of themselves to the highest bidder. It was their burden to carry.

Cassia entered back into her room and was almost surprised to find the wall closed. She paused at it and tentatively placed the palm of her hand against the cold concrete, almost expecting the gold shimmer of the barrier to show itself. The privacy was a small mercy as she wasn't ready to face Loki just yet. After tomorrow they would officially be betrothed. Which would lead to a short engagement and then…

She gently fingered the strings on her guitar and looked once again to the wall to see if the familiar shimmer and accompanying man etched with a permanent scowl would appear. Nothing. Abandoning her music she decided to change into her pajamas and let her thoughts take her off to a fitful sleep.