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Chapter Four

"Jenny and I are pregnant again," Ryan said.

Kate should have automatically smiled at the other detective's words. She should be happy that her friend was going to be a father again. But instead hearing those words come out of his mouth send her into a panic.

Just last night she and Castle had agreed to start trying to have a baby. If she got pregnant in the next couple of weeks, it would only look like they were copying Kevin and Jenny. That didn't sit well with her.

She looked over to Castle to see if he was feeling the same way. He had a huge smile spread across his face. He was genuinely happy for them.

"Congrats!" she said joining in on all the hugs going around.

What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she be happy for her friend?

"That's great!" Castle said.

Kate had been so caught up in her own feelings, she hadn't taken notice of Ryan's face. Esposito was the first one to see the worry lines on his forehead. "That is great, right?" he asked.

"Yeah. Yeah. It's wonderful," Ryan said. Beckett was now fully paying attention to the conversation. "But it's also another mouth to feed. Another body to cloth. And don't even get me started on college tuition. The only way I'm going to make enough money for all of us is if I get a promotion."

"Kevin, can't you just for one second celebrate before you start stressing about money again?"

Their conversation was cut short when Kevin got an alert that their victims parents, who had been out of the country when their son was shot and killed, were on their way upstairs.

"Beckett, do you -?" Ryan asked.

She interrupted his question. "You and Espo talk to the parents. Castle and I are going to go talk to his co-workers and see if they can give us any more leads."

This took them all by surprise. Usually she didn't have a problem questioning people in the precinct or talking to love ones, but they could all sense she was in a rush to get out of there.

"Beckett, what's going on?" Castle asked once they had gotten on the road.

Money wasn't an issue for them, but she did find herself relating to something Detective Ryan had said struck a nerve. "I'm just thinking about what Kevin said about promotions," she said.

"Money? You're worried about money? Kate, you don't have to w-."

"I'm not worried about money. I'm worried about me," she said. She realized how selfish it sounded when the words came out of her mouth. "Is this what I want my life to be like? Is this it?"

"You're not satisfied being my wife? I know we don't have the most extravagant life, but Kate, I think we have a pretty amazing life."

He thought she meant she didn't like her life with him. It was simply miscommunication, but she hated that she had made him think so. "Rick, I love our life together," she said.

"So, what is it?"

"Me. Professionally. Being a detective."

"You don't want to be a detective anymore?"

"I want more. I want to make a bigger difference."

"Whatever you decide, I will back your play."

"We just agreed to start trying to get pregnant, Rick," she said. She felt guilty changing their plans. It's not like she didn't want a baby. She wanted a family with her husband. The problem was that she wanted it all. The husband. The family. The career.

"So we'll wait a little," he said.

"What about Ryan's baby? You looked really happy that they were expecting a baby? Are you sure you are not bummed about our babies not growing up together?" Kate asked.

"Actually...," he started saying. They had arrived to the building where their victim had worked. "I got to thinking about it. This is better."

"Why?" she asked.

"What if we have a girl?"

"So?"

"What if Jenny and Ryan have a boy?"

"I'm not following," she said. Actually she knew exactly where he was going. She had seen the way he had acted when Alexis started dating. She would never admit this to him, but overprotective father was the second hottest look on him after overprotective husband. She wanted to see that look on him again.

"They would grow up together. Maybe they'd fall in love. Then when they become hormonal teenagers, he'll get her pregnant. I'll have to kill him. Ryan will be mad at me. I'll go to jail. You won't have a husband anymore. Life is better if we just wait," he said.

She found it adorable; the way his mind ran a hundred miles per minute.

She wasn't sure he really felt like this. He had been so excited about the thought of them having a baby. She was the one that was always changing her mind about things. He stayed steady. He still wanted a baby, but he was willing to give her everything she wanted before.

She looked at him and fell in love with him all over again. There was no better fit for her in the world than Richard Castle. He was patient and understanding in a way she still couldn't understand.

"I'll walk you down, dad," Kate said.

Martha and her father had come over for one of their family dinners. Since Rick and she had stayed late at work, Alexis had been the one to put the meal together. She had done a good job of keeping the entire family together.

"I think I'll be headed out too," Martha said. She turned to her granddaughter. "Alexis, this meal was spectacular."

"Thanks, Grams. I''ll clean up here," Alexis said.

"Want me to join you, Kate?" Castle asked. He wasn't sure if he should go with his wife downstairs or help his daughter clean.

"It's okay, I've got it."

She didn't know why she volunteered to walk Martha and her father downstairs. She had never done it before. They had always said their goodbyes at the door and that had been it. At least, that's how it had been with Martha, who had lived there most of the time she knew her. Her father's appearance at their family dinners was rare. She felt that maybe a proper goodbye would make him feel more welcome next time.

Martha linked her arm with her daughter-in-law. Her father was standing right next to them as the walked down the hall and took the elevator. This was perfect, she thought to herself. She had a good relationship with her family.

"Can you thank Alexis for reminding me about the family dinner?" Jim asked his daughter.

"Alexis called you?" Kate asked. She didn't even know they had each other's numbers.

"She did," Jim said nodding. He smiled at the memory. "She told me I had to come over tonight. That it's been too long since the whole family has gotten together."

"She convinced you to leave work for dinner?" Martha asked knowing how much of a workaholic Jim was.

"She's quite persuasive. She said it would be a great dinner," Jim said.

Kate wondered what Alexis had meant by that.

"And it was," Martha said.

"It sure was."

They were in the lobby of their building now. "I'll see you guys soon?" Kate asked.

"Of course, darling."

"Sure, Katie."

Just as she was saying goodbye to her family, she noticed Joel coming into the lobby. She waited until they were gone and out of site before approaching him. "You know Alexis's father is upstairs if you were planning on going up there."

He hadn't see her until then. "Detective Beckett," Joel said.

"It's Kate," she said. She crossed her arms across her chest. "Did you and Alexis decide to tell her father. Is that why you are here?"

"Actually, I'm not here to see Alexis."

"If you are cheating on Alexis with someone who lives in the same building as her, I will give her my gun so she can shoot you," Kate said. She wished she could take it back; wished she didn't have that maternal instinct to want to protect the youngest Castle from all heartbreak.

"I'm not cheating on Alexis. I would never cheat on her."

Beckett believed him. He didn't seem like the kind of guy that would cheat. Still, she wanted to know why he was currently standing in their lobby. "Why are you here?"

"She really didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I've lived in this building for the past two years. It's another one of the reasons she and I bonded. We would ride home from class together," Joel said.

"You live here?" Kate asked.

"I honestly thought Alexis had told you," Joel said.

"What about you? Are you okay with being Alexis's secret?"

"It's kind of hot," he said. A goofy smile on his face until he saw Kate's eyes narrowed at him. "Alexis has her reasons for keeping our relationship a secret. I'm okay as long as she's okay."

His dedication and loyalty to his relationship reminded her of her husbands. "Alexis is lucky to have you."

"We're lucky to have each other."

TBC