Until Death

It's been an agonizing couple of weeks since Damon broke the sire bond; I've tried my best to stay strong so I can be useful in helping find Silas so we can bring him back. I don't even care about the cure, I just want Damon.

I've been a little on the anti-social side, the only time I've interacted with anyone is when we talk about digging up Silas and finishing Jeremy's hunters mark. Bonnie and Caroline have been trying to get me to open up but honestly I really don't want to talk to either of them. I spend my days at my house with Jeremy, Bonnie and Professor Shane, sometimes Stefan and Caroline join us, but Stefan especially has been keeping his distance from me and although part of me feels bad and guilty, because he has lost Damon too, I can't help but blame him.

He pressured Damon to break the bond, he forced him into this.

Or at least that's what I keep trying to tell myself, because at night when I sneak into the Salvatore Boarding house and stay in Damon's room, clutching onto his sheets that smell less like him and more like me as the days go on. Part of me wonders if Damon did this to get away from me, because he couldn't stand to have me sired to him for much longer.

This is the only time I let myself cry, when I'm alone in the sanctuary of Damon's room, reliving memories of our short time together, trying to forget that he's really not here anymore.

I use my vamp speed to make my way back to my house and when I walk through the door I frown confused when I see it's a full house.

"What's going on?" I ask hesitantly and close the door behind me and approaching them.

"I saw Damon." Jeremy breaks the tense silence and the relief takes over my body.

This is good, right?

I was so worried when Jeremy said that he hadn't seen Damon's ghost since he died, Bonnie even tried a spell but she wasn't strong enough. Part of me was scared that the reason Jeremy hadn't seen Damon's ghost was because he didn't want to be seen. Jeremy said that he can only see ghosts when they are thinking about the place they are at or the people present and since I've been with my brother almost every day, I felt sick at the thought that Damon hadn't once thought about me in his afterlife, whatever that may be.

"Is he here now?" I ask hopefully and even though I know I wouldn't be able to see him anyway, I look around frantically, praying that he is here and that I can talk to him, even if it has to be through my brother.

"No," Jeremy shakes his head and I don't miss the nervous look he shares with Shane.

"Jer?" Now I'm worried. "What's wrong? Is he ok?"

"It's an unusual situation," Shane speaks up for my brother and I my frown deepens.

"What do you mean unusual? He's ok? You're going to be able to bring him back, right?!" My voice raises and panic sets in. "Tell me you can bring him back!"

"Elena, calm down." Bonnie walks over to me and rests her hands on my arms "As far as we know, nothing has changed in our plan to resurrect him, it's ok." She reassures me with a soothing tone and I feel my body relax slightly but I still know that something is not right.

"Jeremy?" I ask again in desperation because I need to know what is going on.

"I only saw him once, Elena, and when I did I could see him but I couldn't hear him." He explains and then a look of guilt crosses his face. "I managed to get in contact with Ric, and he said that he spoke to Damon once and that his time in the other side has been different."

"What do you mean different?" I ask anxiously. The thought of Damon suffering breaks my already broken heart and I cannot stand to live on like this for much longer if I know that not only has he died because of me, but he's suffering for me too.

"In the other side, Alaric, can see us, he can hear us, all of us. When he saw Damon, they were at The Grill-"

"What?" Caroline interrupts him "You mean all this time that's where he's been? Typical Damon behavior, even in death."

It takes all of my strength to not speed across the room and snap her neck and Jeremy glances at me cautiously before continuing.

"That's where I saw him the other day-"

Now I'm the one cutting him off. "The other day?!" I ask in disbelief "You saw him days ago and you're only telling me now?!" and I watch as my brother looks down at his feet guiltily.

"We wanted to know what was different about Damon before telling you, in case it was nothing and we didn't want to make you more upset than you already are." Stefan speaks up for the first time since I arrived.

I decide to stay silent; I just need to know now.

Jeremy thankfully takes this as a sign to continue. "Ok, so Alaric saw Damon, and he said that Damon told him that he had no sense of time, he thought he'd been dead for a couple of days when really it had been weeks. He also said that Damon couldn't see anyone else, and it was lunch time and you know how busy it gets. Add this information to the fact that I could only see Damon and not hear him, I knew something wasn't right."

"I did some research," Shane continues for Jeremy. "And we think the reason why things are so different for Damon is because he was killed by a hunter." He explains. "There's a theory that he can only communicate with the undead who he has deep feelings for, friendship or otherwise, which is probably why Alaric is the only ghost he has been able to speak too. I mean I imagine a place like Mystic Falls is crawling with ghosts, it must be an effect of it being Jeremy who killed him."

"Ok? And what does that mean?" I ask nervously, trying to block out the part of my brain that is pointing out that Damon is all alone right now.

"Unfortunately we haven't gotten that far yet," Shane looks at me sympathetically. "But Jeremy has come up with a plan to get in contact with Damon."

Now I feel hopeful and I look at my brother who takes a step towards me. "Alaric doesn't know much about this undead after life thing, but he says he knows someone who might and we think if we can find her, she can act as a medium between us and Damon and maybe give us some answers about what is happening."

"Who?"

He glances at Bonnie for a second before looking back at me. "Rose."

I freeze. "Rose?"

"She was close to Damon, he will trust her. He can't come to us or communicate properly with Jeremy, but Rose can. And if Shane's theory about Damon only being able to communicate with ghosts who he cares for then hopefully that will include Rose." Stefan explains.

I don't know how I feel exactly about Damon's ex fling, who he also happened to actually care about, being with him in this afterlife while I'm stuck here on my own, desperate to be reunited with him. "Do it." I say after a few seconds of silence. Teenage jealousy can bite my ass; I need to know he is ok.

"Unfortunately it's not that simple, she needs to be thinking of us to appear. And well, since Damon was the only one who could bring her the last time, it may take a while. Alaric is trying to find her, but even if he does we don't know how long it will be for Damon to reappear again." My brother explains and I sigh and fall to the couch and put my head in my hands.

This is such a mess.

I sit in Damon's stool at The Grill and compel the barman to give me another glass of whiskey. I look around the crowded restaurant, wondering if Damon is here right now, hoping that he is, even if he can't see me and I can't see him, the idea of us being in the same place right now gives me a feeling of comfort.

"You've been here all day, Elena," Matt approaches me, a tub full of dirty plates under his arm. "People are starting to notice."

I frown and look down at my glass before downing the rest and turning to face him. "I'm sorry, in a town full of vampires and werewolves, the morons around here only notice a girl sitting at a bar? No wonder the supernatural death rate is so high if that's all they can be aware of." I roll my eyes bitterly and I hear Matt sigh before taking a seat beside me.

"Jeremy told me this is where he saw Damon." He says softly. "Do you think he's here now?"

"I don't know," I mumble "Maybe."

"He's probably helping himself to the bar," Matt chuckles amused "There's no one to stop him now." I cringe slightly at his words and I feel Matt tense when he realizes what he's said "Sorry Elena, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know," I reply and turn to face him and force a smile "It's ok. It's just weird, you know? Pretty much ever since we met, Damon has always been here for me and now, he's just…not." I grip onto my glass tightly "All those times I've took him for granted, leaning on him when I needed someone but never really thanking him for it, I'm a horrible person."

"No you're not." Matt replies firmly and places his hand on my arm. "You're young, Elena, we make mistakes and sometimes it's hard to see what is right in front of us."

"I just wish he was still here so I could tell him how much I love him, and that I'm sorry for all the times I've hurt him and took him for granted! I miss him so much, Matt."

Tears are falling from my eyes before I can even stop myself and Matt stands up and wraps his arms around me tightly in a strong embrace.

"He knows, Elena." He whispers into my ear. "He's smart, too smart for his own good if you ask me, but smart none the less."

"Then why did he do it?" I pull away and wipe my eyes with my sleeve. "If he knew that then why did he get Jeremy to kill him? I told him the sire bond didn't affect my feelings, if he believed me then he would still be here."

"I don't think that's why he did it, Elena." He says seriously. "He respects you, he knows how important making your own decisions and choices are too you, the sire bond, whether you both could help it or not, affected that part of you. How could he, or you for that matter, ever really know for sure what was happening between you both with that hanging over your heads? It's not fair, but nothing that happens in this town is fair." He smiles at me sadly before leaning forward and pressing a comforting kiss on my forehead. "I gotta go, my boss is giving me evils but promise me you'll stay strong?"

I sniffle a little but nod my head and give him a genuine smile. "Thank you Matt, you always know how to make me feel better."

He shrugs and takes a step back "That's what I'm here for."

I'm sat in The Grill for the fourth day running and order yet another tumbler of whiskey, I stare down at it and twirl it in my hands, wondering how long it's going to really take to find Silas and resurrect Damon.

Jeremy hasn't even killed anymore vampires since before the lake house all Shane wants to do is discuss different theories.

I'm through with discussions, I just want Damon back.

I sigh and place the glass on the bar and look around the almost empty grill. It's only just opened so there are not many people about but the staff. In some sort of form of a way to apologizing, Caroline and Stefan compelled everyone who works here (with the exception of Matt) to giving me anything I ask for and to not question why I've been spending every hour of every day here during opening times. Apparently, this is a way to avoid suspicion.

I couldn't really give a crap.

I pick up the glass and down it, slamming it back against the bar in frustration when I feel a hand on my back.

I know who it is immediately so don't even bother to turn around. Jeremy has been joining me for a couple of hours a day, as an attempt to see if Damon is here but so far we have been unsuccessful and him joining me now is just leaving me more and more disappointed each day.

At least when Jeremy isn't here I have hope that Damon is sat beside me, wanting to see me and speak to me as much as I want to with him.

"Elena," he grips onto my shoulder tightly and I turn around on my stool confused, wondering why he hasn't come to sit beside me like he always does.

"What Jer?" I ask tiredly and I watch as he smiles softly at me, his eyes slightly wide as he glances to his right.

"He's here."

Sorry to leave it there folks! Hope you liked it! Reviews are more than welcome and really do help me continue on with this story!

Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter, it does mean a lot :)

Until next time!