Chapter Four: First Goodbye

Sam and Jessica had been together for almost a year when she started asking questions about his family. At first, Sam was able to get by with the excuse that they travelled a lot. Then that they didn't get along. He had said repeatedly that he didn't want to talk about it, but Jess kept pushing, kept asking about the father and brother that she had never met. Finally, Sam had had enough. He wasn't the time to usually lash out, but the sensitive subject of his family being brought up had frayed his nerves and done a disappearing act on his patience.

"I said I don't want to talk about it, Jess!"

She recoiled slightly at the snap in his words, but started in again almost right away.

"Why not, Sam? What's so bad about them? Or is it me? Is that why you wont introduce me?"

Sam groaned and rolled his eyes. "It's not like that."

"Then what is it?"

"It's…they're…I just don't want you around them!" he burst out, frustrated that he couldn't explain, couldn't reveal his past to her, but he wouldn't put her in danger like that. And…he didn't want her to think less of him.

"Sam, if you won't even introduce me to your family…" Jess started but then changed her mind. "I love you, Sam, but this is ridiculous."

"What?" he asked, confused by her change in tone.

"I think…we should take a break." Jess's whisper was sad, but firm.

"Jess," Sam said desperately. "Why?"

"Because I don't know what I am to you!" she shouted at him suddenly. "And honestly, I know nothing about your past."

"Jess…"

"Goodbye, Sam." And then she had left, turned and strode out of the apartment. Sam didn't move. He was in shock,

What had just happened? Somehow, even here, hunting had just ruined his life again. He stared down at his hands. They were scored with various scars that he had gotten over the years of hunting monsters. Maybe Dean had been right. Once you were in, you were in. There was no way out. Dean. Sam raised his head and looked around for his phone. He could call Dean. He was sure that his brother would talk to him. Maybe even let him come back for a while. It was obvious that there was nothing for him here. But what if there was a chance that Jess would come back? Sam decided to wait a day, and then he would call Dean.

His dreams that night were full of dark streets lit by old yellow streetlamps, slamming doors, and the bounce of a duffle bag against his back. And over it all, there was a whisper on loop:

"There's no way out. There's no way out. There's no way out."

Sam sat straight up in bed, panting. He hadn't dreamed about the night he left his family for a few years. It was always painful. Looking around, he saw that there was a person lying next to him in his bed. Jess's blond hair spilled across her pillow and she was curled in a tight little ball. But her eyes were open and she was watching him with a mixture of love, hurt and concern in her eyes. She sat up and looked at him.

"Sam…"

"You came back."

"Shh, let me say this. If I can't meet your family, that's okay. You're trying to protect me from something, I know. It feels like there's a door between us that only you can open. I just wish you'd open up to me a little more."

"Jess, it's not that i don't want to, because I do. I just...it wasn't encouraged when I was growing up. I was taught that I should keep my emotions under wraps."

Jess leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to his cheek. "And look at that. You've just opened the door a little."

Sam smiled and pulled her in for a proper kiss, only pulled back to search her eyes when he asked, "You'll stay?"

"I'll stay."