3.
L loved his sister in a way that wasn't exactly love, no - he didn't think he was capable of that much attachment even if he wanted to - but close to it, at least.
Just a smidge off the mark, very close to what love must feel like, but not quite because L had always been a bit strange, you see. A bit...darker than the rest even at a young age and not quite right for this world.
He would like to think that maybe if he was a bit more normal. A bit less dysfunctional than who he was now then maybe well-
-maybe, if he ever could truly love, wholly and with everything he had, then Em would be it.
She's the only family he had left. All L had in a world faced with people that demanded his genius and expected him to fit their mold of who they think he should be. People who seemed to give way too much, drowning him in riches and indulging his whims perhaps more than should be advisable - when in actuality, they yield far too little as they failed on giving him what he truly needs.
Em was-
Em was a breath of fresh air.
(If the breath was akin to a slap, the air was a chair, and the direction of the breath was his face.)
She was the one person he genuinely liked the presence of - the only one who could see through him and understand eerily who he was and accept every single bit of his personality.
She made him into a better man. Into a better person, even.
Without his sister, L would probably be trudging on through life, solving case after case in an attempt to be worth something - in an attempt to go through the motions, not unlike a beloved pet hamster as it ran on and on its wheel.
L, whenever he was feeling particularly poetic, would say that Em was his muse. His foil. And everything in between.
However, despite it all-
L couldn't deny that Em was irritating in a way only a few people could be. Or should be.
She had a talent for it. A penchant for getting into other people's skin easily and even L, her uncute older brother as she fondly called him, wasn't exempt to her "tough love".
Watari, his ever-loyal benefactor, was especially susceptible to it.
(And it was anything, but loving, when it came to the old man.)
It was subtle.
After all, Em knew better than to bite the hand that fed her so blatantly, but-
Every action, every word was executed with exceptional passive-aggressiveness that it would make masters in the art weep in envy.
Not that Watari noticed, since he, even from before, was always blind to Em's potential and capabilities - thought he was indulging L still as he persisted to insist in making Em his successor. He always did think of her as a bright, obnoxious brat with nothing going on for her but her skill in languages, history, and the arts.
Pretty, but ultimately useless in whatever plans he may have.
Watari couldn't be more wrong than he already was.
(L, whenever he could admit it to himself, knew that his younger sister surpassed him just a bit. Only a little, not by much really, but the difference was considerable if one would put it into perspective.)
L would remember times when Em would throw an inscrutable look there. A derisive word here. Or perhaps a gesture that saddles the line of propriety just so, but not enough to merit a scolding-
His personal favorite was that particular phase she had when she was younger and oddly in awe of the world - where she would learn as many languages and dialects as she could, teach L the bare basics and proceed to talk in front of Watari crudely with the language of her choice. She changed it up weekly - instinctively knowing when the man started to get an inkling about the mechanics of the language and how it worked - faking a giggle for good measure and looking at Watari in that irritating way of hers. The one that said she was making fun of him gleefully, but since he wasn't actually sure what she was saying, he couldn't do anything about it.
Watari never failed to get so delightfully flustered during those months. Red-faced and sweating as he tried to get ahold of himself - so uncharacteristic of the loving grandfather or butler or whatever he would like to portray himself as, in the orphanage he ruled with an iron fist.
There was a reason the top kids in the orphanage stuck to her like a burr all these years and it wasn't because they think she was an enemy like Watari would think.
They loved her - Matt, Mello, Near and-
-Beyond, the so-called heirs to his title.
They were enamored, helplessly beguiled by his younger sister that they couldn't help but resent her for it.
She was-
She was their light, L would describe if he was feeling particularly perverse. As ironic as it was - as much as Em was the reason they were nothing more than pawns pushed slowly but surely into a corner by the orphanage's crushing expectations, Em, or A, as they called her in the place that housed them since their parent's death - was another reason to get up another day. The little things she did - the small, but substantial acts of defiance she showed got them going just a bit more in a place ran by benign cruelty filled with twisted little things that stood apart from the rest.
Even if she was the reason they were being crushed until they were more broken than they were before, they still held on - unwilling to let go even as their fingers bleed from all the edges that came with the package.
So when Em was the one who pried those fingers out herself - preoccupied as she was in things he couldn't quite understand, it shattered them in a way that wasn't quite obvious - but left them marred with scars that wouldn't quite heal right.
Beyond, more so than the rest.
Beyond Birthday knew Em - understood Em in a way that L had never really been able to. He saw parts of Em that L had never really been able to comprehend and well-
(L may or may not be the one who pushed Em to leave for Japan in the first place - under the guise of an odd, indulgent older brother that just wanted to make his sister happy - once he got fed up with that fact. He pushed for it, despite Watari's protests and Em's hesitance, just so he could satisfy the petty feeling in his chest - callous and uncaring of what the others may feel. Mello and Matt had each other while Near always had been self-sufficient. They could survive even without her. Beyond, on the other hand - Beyond was the one that would get hit by Em leaving the most and L couldn't deny that crushing the tattered pieces of Beyond's self was gratifying.)
(When Em finally left for Japan, L was the only one who knew where she was.)
(Not that it lasted, of course. Mello and Matt eventually found out her number - they weren't his backup heirs if they weren't at least that good - but L hid it long enough that Beyond-)
Beyond Birthday went M.I.A. sometime after a year or two when Em left.
(Beyond didn't know, and that's what matters.)
L was selfishly satisfied, illogically appeased at the thought of him leaving because well-
(Beyond was a broken mirror of who he was. A poor substitute that seemed eager to fill L's place on Em's side. A fraud. A poor mimicry of who he was yet, despite this, he was succeeding - with every moment L spent on his cases.)
L was many things, but generous wasn't one of them.
(And the thing was-)
(Em knew or, at least, had an inkling as to what L did. Why he did it. And, without a doubt, accepted the underlying reasons for the action to begin with even without fully understanding the situation, because that was the kind of person that she was. She knew that L knew-)
(Yet-)
(Still, without fail, she would ask every other week whenever she had the time-)
("How's BB?" Em would hum.)
(L would feign disinterest, then reply drily. "I wouldn't know, Em. I'm not exactly babysitting your minions now, am I?")
(Then Em would laugh, ask about his work and, would recite the lines the other thought they wanted to hear.)
(That went on and on, not unlike a broken record on replay, - until-)
("Why is BB here, L?" Em asked curiously.)
(L flinched, his fingers tightening around the phone involuntarily.)
("What?" He asked sharply. "He's in Japan?")
(L could almost see Em smile. "Yeah." She paused. "Shouldn't he be? He told me you sent him.")
("Right." L said flatly.)
(When they said their lines and exchanged their goodbyes, L took a deep breath - clenching his fists as he did so.)
(And threw his phone at the wall - the sound ringing hollowly in the small room, as the object broke into pieces.)
...
..
.
(At L's side, holding on to the cake the young man requested earlier, Watari-)
(Watari quietly smiled, satisfied.)
Author's Note: To the one who asked about Kakashi's POV, please understand that I'm experimenting with different writing styles as of the moment, so, no. Kakashi's POV wouldn't be coming anytime soon. I'll do that as an interlude, though to switch things up a bit.
Review? Ko-fi? I, uh, I suck at updates but, I'm still trying?