Never
thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I
couldn't make you see it
- Blind by Lifehouse
Remus' POV
What is happening to the world? What is happening? I'm irritable, Sirius has gone all weird on us and James is still lusting after Lily. It's like some sort of cheesy soap opera, minus the peroxide blonde hair dye and adding a couple of wands.
It's October 29th. Two days before the Halloween feast and the night of the full moon. Uber great. With all of my friends in psychological misfortunes and myself as a werewolf? Exciting stuff. Not. I've worked it out though. I worked out my troubles.
Ava's great. No, seriously, she is. Pretty, funny and intelligent. It's like a match made in heaven. But, well... She's not Maisy. I know no one thinks much of Maisy but I always did. Especially after second year with that Mandrake incident, I just, fell for her. Yeah I've kept it under wraps and yeah I didn't tell her but that's not the point. I know now. I missed my chance. Sirius is in love with her.
So, he hasn't said it out loud. Or brought it up. But I know. I think Lily knows aswell. She's been eyeing him like a hawk. And Sirius, he looks at Maisy like a queen. He tutors her, he eats with her, he partners with her; he's seriously whipped! But, why isn't he doing anything about it? I just don't understand him. She obviously adores him, but like a friend. Anything like commitment and she runs a mile. It's all such a mess. Such a mess.
So, I've decided to do the best thing. Operation: Sirius loves Maisy. It's original, I know, I take all the credit for the name, but this has gone too far. I'm sick of him moping around at night when he's not in her company, sick of him looking straight through us when he's obviously thinking about being somewhere else. Getting this out in the open will be the best thing.
So, it begins today. I'll watch, animate a plan, and then jump them both throughout the day, get some answers. If I ever find them without each other... But Sirius has Quidditch practice today, so that's my chance to talk to Maisy. We haven't spoken in a while anyway. I know I sound major stalkerish, but it's for the best!
It's breakfast right now, and Ava's chattering to me about something but I'm watching Maisy and Sirius. They're laughing together, and she's touching his arm while she laughs. Interesting. Remind myself to note this down in Transfiguration!...
"Remus? Are you even listening to me?" Ava huffs, impatiently.
"Of course I am!" I said, guiltily.
"So what did I just say?" she says, crossing her arms. Lea giggles across from us. Nice, Lea. I know I'm in deep shit okay.
"Okay, I wasn't listening," I say, sipping my pumpkin juice quietly.
"You never listen anymore! What is wrong with you?" she shouts, shaking her head and storming from the hall. Smooth, Remus, smooooth.
I shrug my shoulders when James turns around. He laughs,
"Oh, Moony, you have such a lot to learn about women," he says, putting his arm around Lily's shoulders. She pushes him off easily, ignoring his smirk and second attempt. That girl needs a statue of her somewhere, she's a saint.
"Ah, frick." Maisy says, when a piece of buttered toast slides off her plate and lands, butter down on her school skirt. Sirius picks up a napkin and starts rubbing it off. Urm... Awkward?
Everyone looks at him, even Maisy looks a bit freaked out.
"What? It was worth a shot!" he said easily, dropping the napkin and handing it back to a giggling Maisy. She'd been so happy lately. It was amazing the transformation that had taken place in two months.
"So, ready for the test?" Lily asked Maisy, smiling.
"Yes! I've never felt more ready for Minnie's rath!" she laughed. We all laughed with her.
"Don't let her hear you calling her that mind, you'll end up in detention with me and James tomorrow night!" Sirius said.
"Pfft, it's fine. I'll be teacher's pet by the end of this! You know I got Os in my last 2 Transfiguration papers?" she said, beaming.
"Seriously?" I asked, I hadn't realised how well she was doing. His tutoring had really paid off.
"Excuse me? I'm Sirius!" Sirius added, pouting like a child. We all laughed at his common joke. It never failed to impress.
"C'mon then you crazy kids, let's get to Transfiguration." James beckoned. Lily jumped up and tripped over the bench. James caught her easily in his arms and she looked up at him, her cheeks burning red. INTERESTING! I would be an awesome private investigator you know... She then got up and brushed down her clothes, coughing and walking away from the table. Ooh err, Lily Evans! Something you'd like to share?
"Any news from Peter yet?" James asked me quietly when we were walking the corridors.
"Not a peep, last I heard he was in Romania." I said, biting my lip. "He'll be fine. A round the world trip with the family is an awesome experience!"
"Yeah, but... It just seems odd, ya know?" James said, doubtfully.
"Yeah..." I said, watching Sirius grab Maisy's hand next to him as they walked. They laughed then dropped their hands as the tall blonde boy has walked past. Ah, Jason. Here's me thinking nobody liked Maisy and here she is with at least 3 boys lusting after her. Terrible...
Transfiguration was noisy today as Professor McGonagall took students out of the classroom to test them on animal transfiguration. Maisy passed easily and ran back into the room hugging Sirius, who congratulated her multiple times. She was bright and bubbly throughout the whole lesson. Sirius looked happy and at ease. They looked like a couple. A perfect couple. James, from next to me, nudged me.
"What are you doing, Remus?" he asked, quizzing me. I must have looked guilty, because he raised his eyebrows.
"Don't get mad." I said.
"Ugh, mate, don't be stupid. I know exactly what you're doing." He sighed.
"You do?" I said. Shit. That can't be good?
"You like Lily, right?" he said, his mouth kind of half smiling in pity.
"Urm..." What the hell?
"It's okay you know. Crushes are easy to get over."
"James. I do not fancy Lily." I said, pointedly. Ugh, idiot.
"Oh, well, who do you like then? Cos it most certainly isn't Ava." James said, looking slightly happier.
"I have this thing for Maisy." I said, plainly.
He looked slightly angry now. "Doesn't everyone."
"What do you mean?" I said.
"Well, Jason is literally in love with her, and he's meant to be going out with Lea. Have you seen the way he looks at her? Seriously, it's shocking how he's using Lea."
"Yeah..."
"And Sirius. Well. I dunno what's going on with him. He and Maisy are so close, but it's nice. She needs a friend like him." He smiled, drawing a large heart around the initials 'L.E' on his homework.
"A-a friend?" I stammered. Was James really that naive?
"Yeah. Lily's happy she's got a friend in him. He'll keep her out of harm's way. You know Sirius – very dedicated to his friends."
"Yeah, friends." I repeated.
"But, this thing with Maisy. Just a crush yeah?" James said, punching my arm lightly.
"Just a crush. Promise," I said. And it's true. Just a crush. She's just something nice to look at when Ava's talking about herself.
"Good stuff. Maisy should get a boyfriend though, she's a really pretty girl." James said, smiling at Sirius from across the room.
"What about Sirius?" I asked, kind of freaked out that James was really this narrow-minded.
"Maisy and Sirius?" James said, mouth open.
"Duh?" Oh my Allah, he didn't know.
"Sirius and Maisy?!" he whispered.
"Yes. Don't you see it?" I emphasised, rolling my eyes over towards them.
"Oh my God. Oh my God! You're so right. Oh my God." James said smiling broadly.
"You look ecstatic. Did you pee your pants?" I asked.
"That would be so cool! I mean, I know they're really good mates but I DIDN'T SEE IT. REMUS, I'm such an idiot! Look at them. The chemistry. They're like a puzzle that's been fixed together at long last! My little Siri, all grown up. Awwwwwwwh! Wait til we tell him our realisation..." he said, starting to get up.
"No!" I shouted.
Lots of heads turned around to stare at us, me with my hand on James arm, and James with his face in a kind of 'o' shape.
"Gotcha, cap'n!" he winked. "You're gunna leave them to it?"
"He might not even like her."
"True. She's not really, relationship material. We don't want our little Padfoot getting hurt. That would rip him up."
"Yes, so, it's a secret, yes?" I said, spitting into my hand.
"Only the secretest!" he said, spitting into his hand. We joined hands and then wiped them in our robes. Disgusting, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
"What secret?" said an ivory skinned red-head, turning around in our seat and flashing her brightest smile at James.
"I... I..." James stammered.
"James. No." I looked at him.
"But it's Lily!" James begged. Lily smiled at me, her eyes pleading.
"Urgh, okay. But if she even BREATHES a word of this to Maisy, then there will be consequences." I said, shaking my head. This could only end badly.
James looked up at Lily, turned his head to the side and flirtatiously said, "Well..."
*
Lunchtime! Operation: Sirius loves Maisy is in full swing. I now have 2 more recruits, and we're in full mode.
"Urm, James.. Could you do me a favour?" said Sirius, sweetly.
"Anything, ol' Paddy, ol' pal!" James smiled.
"Stop. Staring. At. Me."
"I didn't realise I was, oh snappy one." James smiled. Lily looked at Maisy intently. 'What?' Maisy mouthed at her. 'Nothing' Lily signalled by waving across her neck.
"What's going on," said Sirius, catching Lily signalling.
"Nothing!" all 3 of us private eyes said quickly, returning to our steak pie.
"Mhmm, sure." Maisy laughed, picking at her macaroni and cheese. Sirius whispered something in her ear and she smiled, picking up a large amount of pasta and putting it in her mouth, widening her eyes at him.
"Okay, you've made your point. But like I said, you'll waste away otherwise." Sirius digged, nudging her in the ribs.
I'd been too busy watching this end of the table that I didn't notice Ava sit down and start shouting, again.
"What's wrong with you Remus?" she said quietly.
"Nothing. I'm just looking out for some friends."
"For Maisy, more like."
"Excuse me?" How did she know.
"I see how you watch her, I'm not stupid Remus." She said sighing sadly.
"Oh." What else was I meant to say?
"I think we should take a break," she said, tears falling silently.
"But.."
"Maisy needs us right now, and I'm not prepared to act so angry around her all the time."
"What do you mean she needs friends right now?!" I asked. I couldn't help it. I wanted to know.
"Remus. Leave it." She added dangerously.
The rest of the table had turned around at this last spat from Ava. Lily and Maisy got up from the table and walked out of the hall with Ava, all hand in hand. I felt guilty, sure, but not guilty enough to care.
"Nicely done Remus," said Sirius.
"It's fine." I said.
"Yeah, okay. We'll meet you in the common room at 5ish, after Quidditch practice. We gotta train before beating those Ravenclaw prats tomorrow." Sirius said, glaring over at the angel faced boy on the Ravenclaw table.
"Okay gents, love you and leave you. Have fun," I said, getting up and walking out of the hall. I could speak to Maisy easily. Lily would be in Divination. The boys were at Quidditch. The common room would be empty. Perfect!
After about an hour waiting in the Common Room, Maisy appeared with some homework and placed it on the spindly table by the window. She pushed her hair behind her ears and picked up a sugar quill, sucking it for a while before starting to write. Every so often she looked up, stuck, and watched the clock above the fireplace. Waiting for 5 o' clock, I'm sure.
"Need help there?" I said, looking up from my book at her.
"Urm... Yeah. Actually. I'm totally stuck." She bit her lip, looking back down at the constellation map on the table.
I got up and took the chair next to her. "That's Jupiter, not Saturn. And Mercury is the one nearest the Sun, not Mars."
"I know that, I'm in such a pickle. Sirius usually helps me with all this." She said, looking back down.
"So, you and Sirius..." I said, subtly. I'm goooood!
"Yeah?" she asked, looking up at me like I was insane or something.
"You like him, huh?" I pressed. Her face masked horror.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about..." she said, busying herself with the ink in her ink pot.
"You won't admit it then?" oh God, just hope she doesn't cry or something.
"I have nothing to admit!" she said, her face going bright red.
"Well, the embarrassment on your face says otherwise," I smiled.
"Whatever."
"I think he likes you. A lot." I stated, simply.
"No, we're friends. Good friends." She stammered out, her voice thick with emotion.
"Why won't you see it? Why won't you open your eyes? It's like you're blind!" I said. Woops,
probably too far.
"Remus, I think you should go." She said, her eyes brimming.
"No, I think you should listen. Listen to me!" I said when she turned away. "He obviously likes you a lot, please ... Don't hurt him. Please. He'll be shattered."
"It's nothing to do with me! We're friends Remus." She said, tears being to slide.
"It's everything to do with you! He's crazy about you! Please, Maisy. Do the right thing?"
"What? Let him down gently so he won't get attached to sad old me? I can't manage without him. He knows me. He keeps me sa-a-ne." She said, starting to cry properly.
I looked at her. I felt guilty. Beyond guilty. I didn't mean to push her. I just wondered. Needed her to understand the pain of all of this.
"MAISY?" Sirius shouted from the doorway, getting across the common room in 4 long strides. He cradled her in his arms and walked her over to the sofa, pulling her to him and rubbing her back soothingly. "It's okay, Maisy. It's okay." I heard.
James looked at me in shock. What had I done? I don't know, I don't know.
It seemed like an hour, easily. Sirius was sat, soothing Maisy, Lily came and sat next to me on an armchair when she'd heard and James was stood behind Sirius and Maisy, watching intently. This was bad. Would I ever be forgiven for this?
Slowly, Sirius lifted Maisy off of him and beckoned Lily forward. Lily got up and took Sirius' place, wrapping her arms around Maisy, kissing her head maternally. What had I done? Sirius got up and walked over to me, pausing before he reached me and looking away. "We'll talk later," he said, with venom, walking out of Gryffindor Tower, slamming the portraiture door behind him. James paused and smiled at Lily, "Sirius won't be back tonight. Detention remember? Make sure you take care of her."
With one last fleeting look at me, he followed Sirius out of the Tower. Ugh. To make matters worse, Ava had just walked in. I escaped up the stairs ("Remus?") and into the seventh year boy's dormitory, falling onto my bed heavily. I pulled open my bedside cabinet drawer and pulled out a large vial of violet potion. I pulled out the bung, letting the air escape, and downed it in one. Hopefully I wouldn't be bad tonight. Please, not tonight.
I left the dormitory and walked into the quietest Common Room ever. Maisy was still asleep on Lily, and Lily was dozing on her. Dedication. It was amazing, the relationship they had. More like sisters. Sirius looked up when I entered, James pulled him back down into his seat. I started,
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset her!"
"SSSH! For Christ sake Remus. Just don't okay?" he said, not even meeting my eyes. The Marauders had NEVER fallen out before. Not badly. Not like this. Not the way Sirius was looking at me.
"I'm sorry." I said again.
"You shouldn't be apologising to me, Remus."
"Remus, leave it. Let's just go." James said, getting up and gently touching Lily's head as he left. She raised her hand and briefly swept over his hand before sighing and returning to sleep. James smiled, even Sirius winked at him. This would be an interesting night.
*
Getting to the Whomping Willow, transforming, keeping away from the school, returning to the Shrieking Shack and waiting for dawn is always a blur for me. I lose myself in my werewolf senses. But I had the best of friends who looked out for me and Hogwarts. Tonight had been particularly bad, I noticed, as I started to regain consciousness, listening to James and Sirius talking. I feigned still being asleep and listened intently.
"In the window, James! She saw!"
"No, no she didn't. She would think it was like, I dunno..."
"Like what, James? A stray dog? STRANGLING A WEREWOLF?"
"Sirius, mate, c'mon."
"No! She knows. She saw. She's had thoughts about this before. Every full moon she notices. Maisy's not stupid. She doesn't sleep. She doesn't eat. I can't do anything else for her but protect her. And Remus was in school grounds tonight. That's not protecting her."
"She's inside, James."
"I know. I know. I just can't quit the feeling that she's unsafe all the time. Like I need to be there to cover her in cotton wall, wait for her to break down. She's so fragile." He heaved a sigh.
"Sirius, you love her, don't you?"
There was a silence. A silence to end all silences. Until,
"Yes. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Sorry? Mate! What for? I'm so happy for you."
"She's Lily's best friend."
"But you're perfect for each other. You think I care, as long as you're happy, Lily's happy and Maisy's happy, nothing else should matter, Padfoot. You daft old git."
"I can't tell her."
"Yes you can."
"You don't understand..."
"Then help me understand, Sirius."
"She... She's so broken. Everything she's ever loved has gone. She depends on Lily, she depends on me, she depends on you and Remus and Ava and ..."
"And what? She needs you. That much is obvious."
"What if I can't do it?"
"What do you mean?"
"What if I can't save her."
"Save her? From what?"
"Herself."
The two shifted uncomfortably. James was the first to speak,
"Ultimately, telling someone you love them shouldn't earn you anything more than respect."
"I know. But she's different than other girls. She has low self esteem, she feels inadequate, she..."
"She's Maisy. She's your Maisy, Sirius. No one will understand her like you do."
"I'm not going to tell her."
Sigh. "I think, you're doing the wrong thing. This will eat you up inside, mate."
"I don't care. I'm not going to scare her and see her go through anymore pain, okay?"
"I get it! Just, don't get hurt over this."
"I'm trying, but it's like I'm falling."
"You're not falling."
"I am, I'm falling for her. I'm falling. Every time I see her, I fall even further. Until at one point, I'm gunna hit the ground with a thud when I say those three little words."
"Mate, you're so deep."
"I know. I'm love sick mate. It's what it does to you."
"You're a mess, Sirius."
"But I'm happy being like this."
"As long as you're happy, it doesn't matter about us." James laughed.
"Thanks mate. You're not my best mate for nothing you know?"
"I know, I'm fricking brilliant, eh?"
"Only the best, James."
"I love you Siri."
"Love you too James. Now, urgh.. Can we stop the gay chat now? I think Remus may be coming 'round soon."
"OH, good idea. I better stop hugging you then." They both laughed and I sat up, rubbing my eyes coherently.
They both looked at me, Sirius looked at me,
"No harm done." He said, smiling.
"You mean it?" I said, smiling. He was forgiving me.
"Marauders and brothers 'til the end, Remus." He said, shrugging his shoulders.
"I..."
"Don't say anything. It's better like this." James said, getting up and grabbing his Invisibility Cloak. "Now get your asses under here, it's nearly five-thirty."
*
We crept into the Common Room like mice, expecting to make it into bed before anyone heard or got up. It usually worked, and nobody suspected a thing. Except tonight. Tonight was different. I walked in, dishevelled and tired, expecting to race up to bed, when I saw a ghost white figure sat on the sofa.
She was wearing pyjama shorts and an oversize t-shirt and was staring into the distinguished fire as if she was searching for something. In the light of the new day, I could make out tears criss-crossing down from her eyes. They looked sore and empty. Sirius rushes over from behind me.
"Maisy? MAISY?" he asks her. She continues to watch the ash in the grate. Continues to stare openly, more tears leaking from her eyes.
James comes up behind me and sighs, sadly. I watch the pair on the sofa. Sirius sat in front of her, kneeling on the floor, shaking her shoulders.
"Maisy. Maisy?" he's still shaking her. She breaks her trance and looks at him. Her shoulders heave a couple of times before her whole body dissolves into an unthinkable mess. Sirius watches her, pain etched into his face. He keeps his hands on her shoulders and makes her look at him, whispering to her, pleading with her.
She looks down and hands him a crumpled piece of yellowed parchment. Her body begins heaving great sobs, the sound like an unimaginable force falling and ripping out your heart. James gulped and I just stared, dumbfounded. Sirius read the note and looked up at Maisy. She had her head in her hands and her hair fell over her face. He pushed it back with his hands and wiped the tears with his thumb. He watched her intently, just centimetres from her face, until even his eyes began to well-up indefinitely. Maisy shook her head and fell into his embrace. I heard Sirius tell her repeatedly,
"We'll get through this. You and me. And Lily, and James and Remus. We're here for you, sweet.
We're here. I'll always be here."
This made her sob harder, until the pain became too much for me and James. I stepped forward and took the note from Sirius' hands. He cradled her into him, stroking her hair and nuzzling into the top of her head. Scared, I opened the note. I dropped it. James stood back and picked up the note, his hand on my shoulder,
Maisy Heart
Gryffindor Tower
Maisy, I don't know how to explain the sorrow that pains me to write this. But, you have to know. Your mother passed away this evening, after those months of pain, she's finally left us. Don't be sad, Maisy. You know she would have wanted it this way. She loved you with all her heart, don't forget that. Things will only get better. Like the blossom that fades in the winter, it always returns in the spring, a new life. I love you, Maisy.
Dad x
James looked up at the Sirius, who was still gripping Maisy intently, looking as if his vice would never let go. I looked at James and we noticed the pain in each other's eyes, heard the thoughts in each other's minds. What would we do now?